Zes

When Minerva arrived home, mere minutes later, the first- and main- thing she noticed was a letter, yellowish, addressed to her in a clear, dark blue handwriting which she vaguely recognized, lying right where it had been delivered, on her kitchen table. The late afternoon sunlight lightly touched the material of the envelope and suddenly, despite the cosy surroundings which she knew so very well, Minerva could not ignore the feeling of slight distress which had suddenly popped up low in her stomach.

"And what is this, I wonder?" the young Auror muttered out loud before, with a slight, inexplicable feeling of fear, taking a closer look at the envelope. As the letter she took out of it happened to bear the crest of Hogwarts in the upper right corner, a slight sigh of relief left Minerva's thin lips- a sigh immediately balanced by her next, sharp, intake of breath.

"Professor Dippet- you can't do this to me- you simply can't."

Leaning her black-haired, now ruffled head on her arms in an uncharacteristically emotional gesture, Minerva bit her lips- hard. Only as a small stream of blood ran down her chin and she tasted its salt on her lips did she look up again.

What lay in front of her, she knew, was her dream. Her dream of years within the reach of her hands- all she had to do was grasp it… and yet at the same time she knew very well that exactly that she could not, never, do. She could never accept Armando Dippet's offer- for that would mean giving Albus up, and had she not said mere minutes earlier that exactly that she would never do?

"Professor, I'm sorry, but you must see that- I can't. Not possibly- not ever."

It was with a trembling hand that she took up the quill always lying atop of her desk- and it was with nothing less than shaking fingers that she started writing a polite, yet definitely negative reply.

"Dear Professor Dippet,

I am very honoured by your offering me the position of Transfiguration Teacher at Hogwarts, but alas I feel I must decline. My personal feelings about the matter of Professor Dumbledore's illness do not permit me to accept your offer, no matter how much I have always wished for a position as a Hogwarts teacher.

I will be honest with you, Professor- I love Professor Dumbledore. I have been in love with him since before that blasted war started, and he was in love with me, too. And though he does not even remember me anymore now, I have the feeling I need to stay close to him. I am sorry.

Very sincerely,

Minerva Caitríona McGonagall"

A new envelope and a little burgundy wax closed the letter away from prying eyes- and already Minerva felt hot tears dripping down her cheeks. It was all so unfair- so damn, damn unfair. She had never loved or been loved before- not ever had she strayed from her right, clear path of efficiency, or seriousness- she had never looked for love and thus never missed it, but somehow there had, always, been a deep loneliness inside of her- a loneliness which she had always considered just a part of that personality, until he had come.

Though in a way, Minerva had always stayed the loner she used to be, he had shown her, guided her into, another way of life. It had lasted such a very short time, but it had been there, and she had, finally, felt accepted, felt loved.

With a sigh, Minerva covered her eyes with hands, shaking her head in the process.

Deep down, she knew that the chances that she'd ever get Albus, her Albus, back were slim. Deep down, she realized that he, her Albus, would have wanted her to move on- and yet just as deep down, she knew that she would never be able to do such a thing.

One cannot control one's emotions, Minerva realized at that very moment- just as well as she realized that accepting that fact had always been her greatest weakness.

This time, though, she would accept it. She couldn't alter, she couldn't lessen what she felt for Albus Dumbledore- and perhaps she never would.

It was with another sigh that she attached her letter to Dippet to the leg of her owl- and as she watched the small, grey spot against the darkening sky grow smaller, a faint, bitter smile played around the corners of her mouth.

"Bring my letter to Dippet, Morag- and make it clear to him that I love Albus Dumbledore. And this will never change."