Chapter Two
Walking away

Approximately one year earlier…

James Potter walked out of Transfiguration with a grin on his face. Professor McGonagall was not stupid, she had a brilliant future at Hogwarts, but that was the future and even after three years of James Potter, she could not handle him. She had spent the last twenty minutes trying to convince him to behave for just one lesson and stop distracting the other students, but although her desperate attempt was very persuasive, James had decided not to take her up on the offer.

He was very proud that it was still only the first week back at school and he had already managed to frustrate every single one of his teachers. He now made his way back up to the Gryffindor Tower, but was distracted by the only person that could possibly ruin the natural high that he had, Lily Evans.

"Potter, I need to talk to you." She said angrily.

"Well I'm free Saturday night, and we don't even have to talk…" James responded with a grin.

"You disgust me." Lily yelled defensively.

"Sometimes I disgust me too; maybe we can disgust me together on our date tomorrow." James held back his laughter as Lily's eyes flashed fire brighter then her blazing red hair.

"We're having a discussion RIGHT NOW" Lily growled.

"Good observation Lil, we ARE having a discussion. We just discussed disgust and I believe we are about to discuss my leaving as I am getting bored." James started to walk past her but she grabbed his arm and dragged the scrawny boy effortlessly into an empty classroom nearby.

"Sit." She told James, pointing to a chair at the front of the classroom. James sat on a table at the back of the classroom. Lily rolled her eyes and followed him to the back and sat on a table opposite him.

"Can we make this quick Lil, I have better things to do, unless you plan to make this situation better then the one I am planning, if you get what I mean." James winked.

"THIS! This is what I need to talk to you about. You're constantly acting immaturely and suggesting ridiculous ideas concerning you and me. At first it was an offer of a date every now and then and that was irritating enough, but now it has spiraled into this ludicrous obsession of yours. You would be such a nice guy if you weren't always making these stupid jokes. They're not funny. And I don't know why you victimize me. I cannot talk to you, I can't even walk past you without some sort of sexual allusion being thrown my way."

"Don't worry Lil, you're not the only one experiencing sexual illusions about the two of us." James said as she took a breath.

"That's what I'm talking about James, that complete disrespect you have for me. You don't even listen to what I am actually saying, you just hear what you want to hear, and what you want to hear is disgusting." Lily stood up and turned away from him.

"We're discussing disgust again?"

Lily spun back around and scowled furiously. "Can you take this seriously? Please? For just once in your life can you not turn something into a clever little joke? Can you just have one mature conversation? Can you just once in your life respect someone enough to listen to…"

"Shut up." James snapped, cutting her off, "I can't handle this from you too Lily. Everyone's hassling me, 'just once, James, do this once, one time'. Doesn't anyone think I'm capable of doing something more then once? Don't you think that if someone treated me with respect, like an equal I would probably listen to them? I can handle it from teachers, I can handle it from my parents, but I can't sit here and take it from you too. I just can't." James stood up and started pacing up and down the row of desks. "It kills me inside whenever you talk to me like I'm dirt, like scum. These jokes, these allusions, they're my way of dealing with shit, my way of denying these feelings that I don't understand and can't act on." He stopped pacing and looked her in the eyes. "I'm in love with a muggle born, Lily. Ever since I was old enough to realise it, I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, but since I can't do that I have to deal with it in my own way. Sorry if that irritates you, but it's the only way I know."

Lily had been speechless since the word 'love'. She stared back at James, trying hard to continue breathing.

"I'm sorry Lily. I know that this obviously disgusts you, but you had to know, I guess. We couldn't go another year with these petty arguments. I couldn't hold this all inside without going crazy, but if you want, I can just stay away from you, avoid you. I can probably change classes or something… What? You didn't notice? Let me tell you something about guys; We haven't changed... or at least I haven't. Just like a five year old punches the girl he likes and runs away, I piss you off. My words are my weapon. That's why I talk so much." He pulled off his glasses and rubbed his right eye, trying to keep the pain he was feeling inside. "Don't worry about it Lil, we can just forget this ever happened."

Lily suddenly got her mind back and ran from the classroom into the deserted corridor. James rushed after her. When he caught up to her he grabbed her arm and spun her around to face him. He held her shoulders as he talked to her.

"Talk to me Lily, say something. You can't just run away, it's called shelving and it's not good. You need to at least tell me how you feel, what you think. I just revealed this huge secret and all you can do is run? Is that all I'm worth? I know you're not happy about all this, you obviously hate me, but don't I deserve a little bit more than desertion? Aren't I worthy of the same respect you demand from me? Just say something, anything! I need to know that you understand, Lily, that you comprehend what I'm saying and…"

Lily acted quickly. Cutting off his words, she had taken one step towards him and kissed him. Throwing her arms around his neck, she found a cure for her speechlessness. He closed his eyes and got lost in the moment, all his thoughts melting away with the blazing passion he had seen in her eyes in the second before she had kissed him. She suddenly pulled away.

"How dare you! How dare you be so perfect! You're so quick and clever. You have this magnetism... a genuine, laid back personality. I see you with your friends, in the library during exams, on the Quidditch field... You're dedicated and loyal. You have no idea how many nights I have spent wishing upon stars, wishing that I was yours, that you were mine. I've spent too many hours, too many days trying to convince myself to hate you…I can't. Now you tell me you love me? How dare you?" Lily cried heatedly, looking anywhere but James eyes, his deep brown eyes, the windows to his beautifully perfect soul.

"How dare me? How dare YOU! How dare you kiss me? How dare you give me a taste of your perfect flavor when I can never have it again, when I can never be with you? You have made it so much harder for me to walk away." James couldn't hold back anymore and as much as it killed him, a tear leaked from his eye and rolled gently down his cheek.

Lily reached up and wiped the tear away gently. "Then don't walk away."

"It's not that easy Lily. I'm a Potter. With full wizard blood comes full wizard blooded parents, dickheads. If I was to be with you, ... I could never be with you. Your parents wouldn't accept me and my parents would freak out,I'd be exiled.We could never be, and the knowledge of that kills me. I love you as much as my parents hate you and nothing is ever going to change. I wish I could change the world for you, but it's a fucking stubborn world."

Another tear rolled down his cheek. Lily reached up to wipe it away again, but James stepped back and wiped it away himself. "I'm sorry Lily; let's just forget this ever happened."

And with that, he walked away.