Disclaimer: I do not in anyway own Saiyuki. If I did, I would have kept Braden Hunt as the voice actor for Hakkai. But since I'm not…
Author's Notes: Please, do not be offended. Cho Hakkai is my favorite character, so I do not mean any harm by this. This piece of humor is dedicated to my close friends Reshonda and Seanna who love to tease me mercilessly by assuring me that Hakkai is gay while I defiantly deny it. So… blame this on them!
Summary: Hakkai announces his engagement to Yaone, which comes to a shock to all of his friends for a very humorous reason… In which everybody assumes Hakkai is gay and he adamantly denies it. Poor Hakkai.
But Aren't You Gay?
"So, you and Yaone are getting married?" Goku repeated. "Wow."
"Wow? Does that come as a shock?" Hakkai asked, rather curious.
"Sort of," Goku admitted. "It's just… wow." He sank further into the plush chair of Hakkai's study.
"What is so shocking about it, Goku?" He was worried. Something had definitely stunned the young monkey into speechlessness, which was a very extreme rarity. "Do you not like Yaone?"
After the defeat of Gyuuma Ou, the Sanzo party had come to a certain agreement with Kougaiji and his gang. That agreement had allowed odd friendships to form between the two groups, such as Gojyo getting his brother back. His own friendship with Yaone, however, had grown into something more with very little effort at all. Now Goku was sitting in his study looking absolutely shell-shocked at the news.
"No, no!" Goku said, quickly. "Yaone's cool. It's just… wow."
"Goku, please, just spit it out."
"Well, honestly, Hakkai, I thought…" He paused a moment, as if unsure to continue.
"Yes?"
"Well… I thought you were, uh, gay."
"WHAT?"
"Sorry! Sorry…" Goku said, bracingly. Hakkai never yelled. Never. And it was quite scary when he did yell. Goku gave the raven-haired man what he hoped was an appeasing and innocent smile. "I get it now, though. You're straight. You're in love with Yaone. You're getting married. I get it." There was a pause. "Do you have any new Mangas, Hakkai?"
Hakkai shakily pointed to the shelf behind him, and Goku bounded off.
X x X
Later that day, after having calmed down from the misunderstanding from the morning, Hakkai found himself enjoying a nice cup of sake with Gojyo at the local bar. The latter of the two was scoping out possible poker challengers or bedmates to entertain him later that night. Seeing nobody even remotely interesting, he turned back to his demon friend.
"The two of you set a date yet?"
It took a moment for Hakkai to figure out what Gojyo was talking about. He then smiled and shook his head. "No, not yet. We'll probably discuss that soon, though."
Gojyo gave a small laugh. "Marriage. Better you than me."
Hakkai smiled slightly at that. "I'm sure you will get married one day, even if it out of responsibility," Gojyo made a face, "or during a drunken venture."
"You show very little faith in me, Hakkai. You wound me."
He grinned down into his sake. "No, my friend, I simply know you too well."
The red-haired kappa drained his cup before chuckling. "You know, I actually never thought you were going to get married, actually?"
"And why is that, Gojyo?"
"You never seemed like the marrying type."
"Really? I suppose I never did outwardly search for love, but—"
"No," Gojyo said, shaking his head. "That wasn't why I thought that, but I suppose it did help."
"Then why?"
He shrugged and said simply, "Because I thought you were gay."
"WHAT? WHY?"
Gojyo seemed unfazed by his shouting. "It explained a lot, is all. Obviously, you're not. But back then, I had no doubt."
"I can't believe this," Hakkai said, slowly. He threw back his head and drained the last of his sake.
"So, 'Kai," said the red-headed half-demon, "have you thought about who your best man is going to be." He threw a grin at the green-eyed yokai, obviously thinking he knew exactly who it should be.
Hakkai swallowed. "I think I need another drink."
x X x
After several more drinks, Hakkai was able to blissfully forget the conversation between him and Gojyo before he headed home for the evening. He found Sanzo in his study, having let himself in through a lock picking technique (So Sanzo-like of him, Hakkai thought). He offered him a cup of tea, ignoring the fact that he had broken into his home, but he denied the offer.
"I am here to offer you congratulations only. The monkey just told me."
"I see," Hakkai said, smiling. "Thank you."
Sanzo stood from the chair he had been occupying. "I must admit, however, that you have shocked me."
He watched as the monk walked to the study door. "Why is that, Sanzo?"
He turned back to him. "I always assumed you were gay." Then he was gone.
Hakkai sunk down into his chair. He wondered whether it was better to hang yourself with rope or cord.
X x X
Yaone was smiling happily as she picked up odd messes here and there as was habit. Kougaiji, Lirin, and Dokugakuji were all watching her from the sofa. They had not spoken a word since she had told them of the engagement, but she was walking too far up on cloud nine to care.
"So…" Dokugakuji finally tried. "Cho Hakkai?"
"Yes," Yaone said, unable to wipe the silly grin off her face.
"That's a shock," Kougaiji said.
"Why is that?" said Yaone, absentmindedly humming to herself.
"Well, I always thought…"
"Yeah, me too…"
This got Yaone's full attention. She looked at the two male demons that were looking slightly sheepish. "Thought what?"
"Isn't he gay?" Lirin blurted out.
The laughter of the purple-haired demon could be heard for miles and miles.
x X x
Somewhere in the middle of an Asian forest, a group of rogue demons were gathering. They all stood in a circle, plotting and speaking or terrible things. At last, a green-skinned one spoke up.
"One of the Sanzo party is getting married."
"Terrific! A weakness in their ranks! Which one?" cried a gray-haired demon.
"The green-eyed one."
There was a great deal of murmuring that traveled throughout the circle at this news. Finally, a pink-eyed demon spoke up loudly.
"Are you sure? I thought he was gay!"
The End