Chapter Three
Conclusion to the beginning

It had been more then a month since Lily and James had revealed their feelings for each other. They had not spoken, had not even locked eyes. Lily forced herself to spend every moment thinking about something other then James Potter. She spend most of her time doing school work, and when she ran out of work she would clean. She had cleaned out her drawers, her trunk, made everyone else's beds everyday and even scrubbed the walls and floors a few times. She had managed to occupy her thoughts with anything other then James during the days, but every night she lay awake with nothing to think about but him. Some nights she would cry herself to sleep. Some nights she did not sleep at all. Every night she would think about that kiss.

James sat in the common room, watching Lily hurriedly work through the piles of extra homework she had made for herself, wishing he could take it as well as she had. He had spent the last few weeks moping. His friends were sick of his constant depression and spent most of their time trying to cheer him up. Despite their persistent efforts, he could not be cheered up. Not even Quidditch could lift his spirit. The season had just started and as captain, his team was relying on him for motivation. Instead he flew around slowly, not paying any attention to the training he was meant to be controlling. He remembered when flying used to give him such a high, but since that kiss, nothing could ever feel the same, nothing could compare to the feeling, no thrill was as thrilling, no excitement was as exciting, no delight was delightful. Nothing was as stimulating. He felt empty, hollow inside his heart, but his mind was full of thoughts of Lily. He felt dizzy, and not the good dizzy that he used to feel when he saw Lily, but a confused, weak dizzy that could not be stopped. He could not avoid her any longer. He was addicted to the drug of Lily.

He stared across the common room at her, trying to catch her eye. After so much time spent forcing herself not to look at him it was hard for her. She felt his gaze burn strong and slowly looked up at him. He desperately looked around the room and then stood up. He jerked his head for Lily to follow him and then left the room. A few minutes later she packed up her books and exited the common room after him. She closed the portrait after her and he reached out and took her hand. Without a word, he led her to an empty room and closed the door behind them.

"I can't do it." He said quietly, looking down at his feet. "I thought I was strong enough, but I'm not. I don't know what to do. I want to be with you, but I know we can't. I love you too much to put you through all that."

"But without you, I might as well be dead." Lily's eyes had filled up with tears and they were now running down her cheeks like saline rivers of sadness.

James took her into his arms and held her comfortingly. "Where do we go from here?"

"Even if we're together, we can never be together. We can never…" Lily let a sob escape her. "We can never tell anyone." She pulled away from James. "We can never tell anyone. No one." She wiped her tears away. "No one can know. We have to act like everything's normal when we're with other people. You can't tell Sirius or the others and I won't tell my friends. We can't tell our families. No one. Do you understand?"

"Yeah, but…I don't know if it will work like that? Can we pull it off? And if we can, what's going to happen? We just see each other in private for the next two years and then never see each other again?" James asked gently.

"Does it matter? We'll just take it as it comes, and we'll do it together. We can't just not be together. We have to try. Please?"

"I really want to be with you Lily, but I'm going to have to think about this logically and rationally. I need to be sure that it's the best way." James said. He then turned and walked towards the door. He reached for the handle and paused. He turned and walked back to Lily. "Okay, I've thought about it." He then kissed her.

It was this kiss that started the forbidden relationship of Lily and James. For the rest of the year they met only in secret, telling no one and acting like normal when other people were around.