Twice Forsaken
By Kochan
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Suppressed by all my childhood fears.
And if you have to leave,
I wish that you would just leave.
Cause your presence still lingers here,
and it won't leave me alone.'
I sit up upon the bed, the white sheet drawn up to my chest. The material is damp beside my fingers, darkened from my tears...tears that shouldn't be there, tears I'm powerless to stop. I'm cold, shivering from the uninvited wind through the window. But nothing's as cold as your demeanour as you pull your clothing on, don your equipment, strap on your sword as if I was invisible to you.
You knew me best during a younger time. A time when we faced the challenges of the Shinobi world together. A time when I looked to you with pride and longing, the beginnings of a childhood crush that I kept cocooned within me for years. And then it blossomed; not into a beautiful butterfly of love, but a poisonous moth deadly to all those who dared touch it. A fool I was to embrace it so, holding the treachery so dear, so close to my bosom.
I damn you for refusing to look at me! I damn your infinite Shinobi arrogance. And I damn my own pride for stopping me in calling out to you, begging you to stay and salvage the remnants of what we have left between us.
Go then! I cry in silence, my gaze surely burning a patch into the stained sheet before me. I shake with anticipation of your leaving, knowing the void growing larger within me will instead be filled with infinite guilt, rotting me from the inside.
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind.
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice has chased away all the sanity in me.'
I know now that I never wanted for this. I never wished for such a priceless relationship to spiral downwards to destruction. We always spoke of your life and your future. Then we'd speak of mine after. And I fell in love with blissful thoughts of the life that I yearned for above all else; the life and future we would lead together…the one that we never spoke about.
But now, the relationship I've always worshipped has become but a cruel stab of reality in my heart. We're left with even our friendship being but an echo of the past.
Once, your face appeared in my fairest of dreams. Now, I shiver in fear, having no doubt I shall see it in my nightmares. Your voice that was haven and protection till then stabbed the harsh dagger of truth into me when you uttered those words, 'We can't see each other like this any longer.' It was your eyes that twisted the blade. Your gaze…stripped of sympathetic lies…brimming with brutal sincerity to show you meant every word. There was no mistake in your regret and I can only wish I could have torn out your throat and clawed out your eyes if it meant being able to render those words unlistened, that look unseen.
this pain is just too real,
there's just too much that time cannot erase.'
You whisper my name, "I'm sorry it had to end like this." You say as I turn my head away.
"Just go." I hiss another breath over the desert of my mouth, biting back lines of hatred hinged on my tongue.
You heed me, and I see your back a last time before you vanish out the window seeking refuge in the cold dark of the night. I cry my anguish into the unsympathetic sanctuary of the damp sheet before me.
There's no return for those like us. We're now just two people wishing they'd never crossed the line, unable to look at each other in the same way, ever again. All that's left for me is to mourn the relationship that once was.
Author's Notes:
Was listening to Tori Amos whilst writing this, the angst might or might not show Nevertheless, this is a once off. NO sequel!! That's how it was meant to be. If it's not too clear as to who the chars were, that's also how it was meant to be. The female should be easy to work out. The male was deliberately made ambiguous and you could put one of two people in his place. Feel free to leave a review if you like and hope you hard a good read! Thanks for your time!
Happy Birthday Tiger Eyes (2) !!!!