oh! OH! Over time, I started to understand.
I would have to give up my life for Jesse to live again and for these three ghosts to get what they want.
I would have to die!
I turned again to look at Jesse, who at first just looked confused like I was. Then a second later, I saw understanding slap him in the face.Only twice as hard, it seemed, as it slapped me.
He knew what Jacob was saying the cost was and looked extremely panicked, than angered.
I'm sure I looked alot calmer than I felt. I didn't want to let on how panicked I really was.
Jesse hates to see me upset, so at the first sign of me being so, he would reject Jacob emediatly. He wouldn't even consider what Jacob was saying.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't anyway. Consider me dieing, I mean.
I was proven correct.
"You want Susannah to," he started to demand, only to be cut off again. But it was me this time who stoped his sentance by placing a hand on his mouth.
I needed to get Jacob out of the room before Jesse exploded.
Not literally, of course, but Jesse was clearly not someone you would consider peaceful at the moment.
"Could you give Jesse and I some time alone please? We need to talk," I asked- more demanded- Jacob in my calmest voice.
It was hard to be calm when you were trying to contain a very angered ghost, but I did my best.
It worked, until Jesse reached up and pulled my hand off his mouth.
"You can not seriously," he started saying to Jacob. But with a quick signal of my hand motioning for Jacob to leave he dematerialized, stopping Jesse who was mid-section of his ranting.
As soon as he was gone I let out a small breath I didn't know I was holding and stretched out on the bed.
"Susannah, do not even think about it," Jesse demanded while leaning down and blocking my vision with his face.
"Mabey that's the problem, Jesse. You haven't even though about it," I said in what I hoped was my coposed voice.
I thought mabey if I was responding to the situation in a calm manner that Jesse would catch on and relax a little.
"I do not need to think about it," he practically spat.
He walked away from the bed and started pacing.
'So much for catching the calmness' I thought.
"Well, we don't know how important you saving them could be. If this- other shifter, they called it- exorcise these three ghosts, who says that it wont exorcise more? He could keep going until the whole after-life world is in chaos, which will, before long, come to the living world and keep moving! You have to at least think about it," I demanded, starting to get irritated.
"No! I will not let you die for me! We will just have to find someone else to do it," he replied stubbornly.
"Who!" I practically yelled, now standing up off the bed.
I walked over and placed my hands on his shoulders to stop his pacing. I stared at him, meeting his intense gaze."Who would be willing? And did you ever think that it might not be just for you? Imagine all the lives and after-lives we could be saving!"
I love Jesse, but he can be so stubborn!
It was a good thing mom and Andy were away for there anniversary and the boys were all at a football party or else they would've herd a lot of loud talking coming from my room.
Fine, yelling.
But from there point of view it would be just me arguing and yelling with myself. They wouldn't hear the other side of the argument being held.
Which just leads to them thinking I'm crazy.
The truth was, I had not really thought the whole thing through yet either. Jacob gave us very little detail of who or what we were fighting against.
Not that he had the opportunity or anything with Jesse getting into protective mode so quickly and not letting Jacob completely finish what he was going to say. I not sure he even got very far into the begging of what he was saying an-
"But what about your life, querida," Jesse asked, interrupting my train of thoughts. "What about you?"
"What about me?" I asked, droping my hands and turning away.
I knew I was making it sound like I didn't give a second thought to what was going to happen to my life.
About dying, I mean.
In reality though, I was scared.
Who wouldn't be afraid about giving there life away and never knowing what could of happened if they hadn't died? What things they would miss out on? Weddings, funerals, births, and really just living in general.
That's why all ghosts in there after-life are so shocked when they realize their dead. They don't want to think about not being there with there family and friends and not expireancing everything with them.
It hurts too much.
So me pretending like I didn't care if I died or not was inaccurate to what I was really feeling.
I already did not believe it wasn't a big deal. And when I turned back around to see Jesses reaction, the look his was giving me told me he didn't think it was not a big deal, either.
There were so many emotions flashing in that look that it was hard to choose which one he was feeling the most of. There was sadness, anger, envy, adore, frustration, disbelief and mosy likely even more unreadable emotions, that were all in thatsingle look.
"Susannah," Jesse began in a much calmer voice while slowly moving down to sit me on the bed next to him, "you have so much to live for. You could do anything you wanted in this world. You could, andmost likelywill, save the lives and after-lives of thousands of people. You have friends and family that love you. I love you, querida. How could you say 'what about my life'? Susannah, you have so much life."
He said this with so much passion that it almost made me feel bad about my choice to sound like my life wasn't something to worry about.
Almost.
And this was the first time that Jesse said he loved me aloud, so I knew how much him getting me to see the value in my life ment to him.
But I loved him too, which is why I have to try to do the same thing for him. Get him to want to live, that is.
"I love you too, Jesse" I said, deciding that I would talk to him about my opinion tomorrow. I had enough arguing for one night and I hated fighting with Jesse.
He smiled and pulled me into a kiss that seemed more urgent than usual. Like he was trying to thank me for something.
I guess the thought of me dying for him made him realize how much he was afraid of loosing me.
He's not going to feel any better when I pull up the conversation again tomorrow.
And its not going to be what he wants to hear.
I knew that this was far from over.
A/N
Well, here is chapter two redone! I didn't like this chapter very much, but I hope you did! Thanks so much for reading! Your reviews are so great! They incourage me to write more.
Thanks to:
nikki007
Jeese's Querida
MerakSardonyx
And aspecial thanks to Unangelichalo for her help!
love,
Amber