Super Metal Sonic: Hasbro owns the rights to Beast wars

Rattrap: And J.R.R. Tolkien owns Lord of the rings.

Beast wars' Lord of the Rings (humour version)

Chapter 2: The story begins

We see a young Predacon by the name of Waspinator Baggins reclining against a tree in the Bire, taking in all of nature's beauty. Occasionally he would shift to wasp mode and tries to sting a few of the passing birds or deers, but for the most part he quietly sat and thought. Presently he hears a horse and carriage coming down the path a few feet away from him. Excited, Waspinator got up and ran to the edge of the path, where a gorilla bot wearing a grey robe and pointy hat was riding the carriage towards the house known as The End.
"Primal late" Waspinator said to the robot. The gorilla bot lifts his head to look at Waspinator, revealing that he is the powerful wizard Primal the Grey.
"A wizard is never late, Waspinator Baggins, nor is he early" Primal said to Waspinator, "He arrives precisely when he means to, which is when someone is needed to sacrifice themselves in a blaze of pyrotechnics" after a brief moment of silence the two bots burst out laughing and Waspinator leapt onto the cart.

Some minutes later, Primal and Waspinator had ridden into the heart of the Bire, where the resident Minicons welcomed/threw rotten fruit respectively at the wizard, who gave Waspinator a quizzical look.
"After Primal took Rook on that adventure zzome years back, a few Miniconzz declared Primal a "Disturber of the Peace" Waspinator told Primal, who was taking pot shots at the flying fruit and then replied, "Oh and what does that mean?" Waspinator then answered "Not much, just that everyone can legally pelt Primal with rotten fruit..." Primal swore as he narrowly avoids getting hit on the head by a sheep that was thrown at him, "...or livestock" Waspinator finished saying. Eventually, the duo reached The End, where Waspinator's gardener and best friend Terrorsuar Gamgee greeted them. The two Predacons leave to prepare for the party as Primal knocks on Rook's door.
"Primal good to see you again" Rook said as he let Primal into his house, "So" Primal said, "Looking forward to the party?"

"I sure am I've got a great surprise for everyone"

"It's not going to be like your last surprise is it? I still got tapioca pudding in my ears from it"

A few hours later we see Waspinator, walking amongst the other Minicons as the party rages on, sitting next to Terrorsaur. Following his friend's gaze, the wasp sees a female Maximal by the name of Airazor sitting at the next table, "Terrorsaur gonna ask Bird-bot to dance?" Waspinator asked, Terrorsaur then replied, "I don't know, what if she laughs?" A small distance away, we see Nightscream Meriadoc and Cheetor Took fiddling with a rocket of sorts.
"Are you sure about this?" Nightscream asked Cheetor, who replied, "Of course, when have any of my plans ever gone wrong?"

"Three hours ago, remember? The plan involving Leader-one, a roll of flypaper and half a ton of bear grease? Now there's a scene that will be in my nightmares for weeks"

"Okay, I admit that plan was somewhat ill-judged. But THIS one is pure gold! Honest!"

"So what is the plan?"

"We fire this..." Cheetor reads the label on the rocket, "..."Surface to Surface Missile" that Primal brought with him and liven this party up a bit"

"Sounds good to me!"

Cheetor pushes a button marked "Activate". The missile shoots into the sky before crashing right in the middle of the party. The resulting explosion sends Minicons flying everywhere. Cut back to Cheetor and Nightscream, both of whom look a bit spooked.

"..."Nightscream said as Cheetor says, "That...might not have been a fancy firework" Nightscream then said "I bet we'll get blamed for this" a voice behind them then said "You're not wrong". The two Maximals turned around to see a seriously mad and singed Primal glaring at them.
"Eep"

An hour later Rook stepped up on to a stage, faced the audience and said, "Now that things have quieted down a bit..." cut to Primal, Cheetor and Nightscream. The wizard has both Maximals in an extremely complicated and painful submission move.
"Apologize, damn you!" Primal said, tightening his grip while Nightscream said, "No!" Cheetor then added "A thousand times no!" Back with Rook, "...now as you I'm all about telling the truth, So I have no problem telling you that I emptied all your bank accounts and I'm leaving to live it up in the G1 land of Lotsofcash" there was a load yell of "What?" while Rook quickly puts on the Ring and disappears

Rook arrives at The End and enters were he is immediately pick up by Primal, "How did you get here?" Rook ask, Primal then answered, "I flew here and you left the back door open"

"What do you want?"

"I want to talk to you about that ring of yours"

"What ring?"

"Oh for the love of mustard, that slagging ring that your fonding in a increasingly disturbing way"

"Oh that ring" Rook said as he allows Primal the tiniest glimpse of the Ring.

"Yes, that ring. Where, precisely, did you find it?"

"NO! You can't have it! It's mine! My Queeeeeeeeeen..." said Rook suddenly. Primal had a look on his face as if wondering where he could find a straight jacket for Rook, "My Queen?" he then said "I've heard others use that phrase before, but..." "Ohhhh, I see your game now" Rook snapped suddenly, "You're trying to distract me and take the ring for yourself! Well, it won't work you crook!" "ROOK BAGGINS!" Primal Roared angrily. Focus on Rook as he backs away from Primal, a look of utter terror on his face. Cut back to Primal, who had morphed into his truly terrifying Transmetal form (The terror of the Michael Jackson look alike) "I'M NOT TRYING TO ROB YOU..." Primal transforms back to his normal self, "...I'm trying to help you. The robbing comes later"

"Primal, I'm sorry" Rook says as he hugs Primal, "Well, I'm off!" Rook then quickly packs up a few belongings and heads for the door. A cough from Primal stops him.
"Rook" Primal said as he face the Minicon, "You still have the ring" Rook drops the Ring and is about to leave when Primal coughs again "I left the ring" Rook quickly said and Primal replied "The ring. Yes the ring. Now how about giving me back my wallet?" Rook, after some 'gentle persuasion' from the wizard, gives Primal back his wallet and heads off towards Lotsofcash. Primal stared after him for a moment before examining the Ring on the floor. As his fingers touch it, we and the wizard see a large tongue surrounded by flame. Primal looks perturbed.

Some time later Primal is sitting in front of the fire in The End, smoking his pipe. As he sits there pondering his last words with Rook, Waspinator enters the house and says "Rook, Where are..." Waspinator enters the room where Primal is, his face falls, "Rook iz gone, izn't Rook?" This startles Primal back to awareness. He turns around and smiles at Waspinator, "I'm afraid so. But on a brighter note, he's left you The End and all that is within it" A shrill lunatic cackling can be heard coming somewhere. Waspinator looks spooked as Primal puts the Ring in an envelope and seals it some wax. He hands it to Waspinator and then makes for the door.
"Where's Primal going?" Waspinator asked, Primal answered "Nowhere special, just to an ancient archive to see if that ring is actually the harbringer of a terrible and evil doom"
"Oh. OK!"

Cut now to Goredor, where Inferno is being tortured by the Nine Ringwraiths. After much yelling and trashing about, the ant-bot screams out four words, "BIRE! BAGGINS! BOB SKIR!"
"Okay, so the Ring is in the Bire with some bot named Baggins but who's this 'Bob Skir' guy?" one of the Ringwraiths asked his leader, Rampage, Who simply said, "Who cares? Kill them all I say". The Ringwraiths ride out of Goredor. Meanwhile, Primal has arrived at the archive and is being shown to the documents he needs by Thundercracker, the keeper of the archive, and his assistant, Bob Skir.

"We don't get many wizards around these parts, you know" Thundercracker said to Primal as they walk down the stair they were on, Primal then said "Yes, yes, as you've told me nine times already. Just show me the documents!" Thundercracker leads Primal to a large chamber stacked to the rafters with old documents. Primal boggles at the sight.

"THIS is the documentation of the last War?!?" he said to Thundercracker who said, "Hmm? Oh no, this is only the appendix. Over there are the actual papers on the last War" Primal follows Thundercracker's finger to a line of seventeen vaults. Vault No. 1 is marked with the words 'The last War: Books 1-1,000,000. Primal stares at the vaults in mute horror.

Ten hours later, and ravaged by an overabundance of coffee, Primal stared at Book 2,000,022 with manic eyes under the worried gaze of Thundercracker.
"This is ridiculous!" Primal yelled, throwing a number of scrolls in to the air, "Where the hell is Bluestreak's account of the One Ring? Why are all these books filled with grooming routines of Primus' pet dogs?!? ARRRRGH!" "Wait...did you say that you're looking for documents on Bluestreak and that Ring of his?" Thundercracker piped up,

"Yes. Why?"

"Well, shucks! All ya had to do was use the DVD player in the corner", Bob Skir then said

"...What?" Primal said, his eyes bugging out

"Yep, everything you wanted to know about Bluestreak and the One Ring all on one handy, time saving disc"

"Why...didn't...you...tell...me...this...before?!?" Primal said, his left eye twitching like mad, Thundercracker noticing this quickly ran off as fast as he could while his assistant said, "Well, y'all looked so determined with yer pointy hat and long flowing robes that I...say, what're y'all gonna do with that table?"

Minutes later, and with the battered form of Bob Skir lying peacefully on the ground behind him, Primal activated the DVD player and watched as a picture of Bluestreak filled the TV screen. The former King of Iacon turns ,smiles at the camera and says, "Hi there! If you're watching this special Collector's Edition DVD, then you're obviously wondering if your ring is in fact the One Ring of Evil and Doom" Bluestreak gets up and walks over to a roaring fireplace. Standing on the other side of the fireplace is Skywarp, who's grinning cheesily at the camera, "To find out the truth, simply use this test. First take your ring..." a ring magically appears in Skywarp's hand, "...and chuck it into the nearest fire" Skywarp does so "After a second or two, pull the ring out of the fire – remember to use tongs, now – and check the ring for any mysterious G1ish writing" Skywarp pulls the ring out of the fire and shows it to the camera. It's a melted mess, but there is nothing on it.
"Now remember: if the ring is clear, then there's nothing to fear! If writing there be, better you than me!" Bluestreak said and Skywarpadded, "And that's a guarantee!" The duo give the thumbs up sign as the words "Warning – not an actual guarantee" flash on the bottom of the screen. The TV switches off.
"Well...that's just Prime" Primal said as he gets up to leave.

Cut now to a road not far from where we just left to see Bob Skir walking down the road saying, "Geez, what was that bot's problem?" Suddenly Rampage rides towards Bob Skir on horseback, drawing his sword with obvious intent.

"Oh bloody he..."

SLICE!

To be continued...

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