Authors' notes:
Chels- This is purely insane and it came from a practical joke Iya played on me. If you don't like offensive language and parings then run away…Now, I turn you over to Iya- GyumaohxSanzo is a joke, honestly. We don't expect any of you to take the pairing seriously…But we do expect you to open up your mind, so if you think you'll get easily offended or squicked, click the back button now. If not, then super…! Enjoy the story!
Disclaimer: Neither of us owns Saiyuki, Kazuya Minekura does.
One way or another, Gyumaoh had been revived and he began his conquest to rule over Tougenkyo, oppress the humans and get coupons for free haircuts.
He also spent his free time smothering his girlfriend/soon-to-be-wife, Gyokumen Koushu, with lovely trinkets he acquired during his exploits—particularly exquisite disembodied heads and other various human body parts.
However, after sometime of the same routine, the demon king began to suspect some sort of change in Gyokumen Koushu. She had become more distant from him and he wondered why. Was it because she didn't like his most recent haircut?
…After he got some fabulous new highlights in his hair. He certainly was a terrorizing demon overlord, but he needed to look good as well!
At the Barbershop
"Butch," Gyumaoh's rough voice echoed discordantly, "my girlfriend's been acting odd lately. She hasn't been speaking to me as much, and last night she didn't even sleep in the same room as me." The barber quirked a brow as he combed through the messy tousled pile Gyumaoh called hair. "What's up? I'd figure she'd pay even more attention to me since we're getting married and all. Maybe I've been terrorizing the masses too much. What should I do, Butch?"
"Gyumaoh, honey, your girlfriend probably just wants to see the sweeter side to you, why don't you, like, get her a fab gift? She will so like…love it!"
The demon king was silent for a while as he thought about it.
"Hey, Butch, what do girls like?"
"Honey, she'll love whatever you get her."
"What if I got her a potato?"
"Uh, I don't think so…Hun, think flowers." Butch said, applying intimidating and petrifying blonde highlights onto a tuft of ebony hair.
"Flowers…? How about these…?" Gyumaoh rummaged through his pockets and retrieved a withered, gray looking plant in his palm. Butch grimaced.
"Darling, that's wormwood. I'm talking about pretty flowers like roses. Every girl likes roses." The barber sighed dreamily.
"And where does one acquire these so-called roses?'" Gyumaoh asked, looking rather curiously as Butch continued to color the demon overlord's hair.
Giggling, Butch answered, "At a flower shop or you could pick them from the forest, honey. Haven't you ever bought her any?"
Gyumaoh averted his eyes, "Uhh…actually…I've gotten her human limbs in the past."
"Well of course she's ignoring you, darling." Butch sighed, coloring a tuft of Gyumaoh's hair pink, "But one you get her the roses, I'm sure she'll love you a lot more, hon."
So after Butch had finished coloring the demon overlord's hair in an array of pretty colors, Gyumaoh went off into town to terrorize some poor sap into giving him some roses.
At Houtou Castle
"Honey, I'm home!" Gyumaoh called out to his girlfriend/soon-to-be-wife as he slammed the castle doors open triumphantly. He pushed back his hair with rainbow highlights and fixed his bouquet of lovely red roses which was wrapped in the finest human liver.
But no one made a reply. It was kind of strange though, she usually would greet him, but where was she now?
Suddenly, he heard faint moaning coming from the end of the hall. Perplexed, Gyumaoh, tried to follow the sound. "Gyokumen, honey, are you here?" the demon overlord called out, as he stomped through the castle halls. He probably could've asked one of his subordinates, but they were always too scared of him. They'd end up fainting before they could get just one answer out. But then he could never ask his son as well. That boy was downright crossed at him. Not to mention the fact that he was going to marry the woman who betrayed him and lied to him about reviving his old wife Rasetsu-nyo. For some reason; however, Gyumaoh felt a little lacking with Rasetsu-nyo. She was too kind a person for Gyumaoh, because he liked his women bitchy. Why else get Gyokumen Koushu in the first place?
Finally, he came to the door of the room where the noises seemed to be protruding from and definitely one was his girlfriend, but who was the other? Damn, Gyumaoh hated suspense.
Without knocking, Gyumaoh swung open the door.
And what he saw made him crestfallen and one way or another, scarred for life.
"Oh, Master Gyumaoh, I didn't notice you on your way in!" Nii cackled as he held his bunny up to wave at the demon overlord.
Gyumaoh's jaw dropped and his roses fell to the ground. There in bed, he saw his girlfriend was with that loony bunny scientist whose name still escaped Gyumaoh's mind. Both were as bare as newborn babies. That could only have meant one thing.
And the demon king felt sickened, for one reason because Gyokumen Koushu slept with another man and second of all, Nii did not look the least bit pleasant. He had a forest of chest hair sprouting out and well, Gyumaoh didn't even want to think about it.
"Oh, Gyumaoh darling, you're back." Gyokumen Koushu muttered apathetically as she looked at her long red nails. She wrapped her robes over her pale body to conceal herself.
The woman didn't even care that he was there! The nerve! He shook slightly, his lips quivering as he tried to form a retort.
"Ah, Master Gyumaoh, I was just telling Lady Gyokumen Koushu about her skin. It's beautiful and so white, don't you agree?" Nii said amiably as he roughly tossed his clothes on. Gyumaoh was silent. It was all happening too fast…
"…RAAARGH!
"You lousy, conniving bitch, I thought I gave you everything you—" Gyumaoh stopped mid-sentence. He felt his hands trembling. Right now he wanted nothing more than to bash both their heads in, but by his better judgment, he slammed a nearby vase into the wall instead.
Both Gyokumen Koushu and Nii could only stare at the demon overlord as he ran out of the room and out of their view, leaving many a broken item in his wake.
Gyumaoh ran across Tougenkyo, stepping on houses and kicking little villages into nothingness. Everything left in his wake was turned into ruin and rubble.
"RAAAAAAAWR!" he growled, beating his chest as lightning flashed across the sky behind him.
Meanwhile, the Sanzo-ikkou banters…
"I still can't believe you lost the fucking Maten sutra, you stupid, sad excuse for a monk!"
"Shut up or I'll drill this bullet into your head."
"After all these years and you goddamn misplace the sutra in the men's bathroom of all places!"
"Shut the hell up. I had a stomach problem."
"You're lucky that no one used it as an ass wipe!"
"…And I suppose I'm lucky that that bastard Gyumaoh is revived!"
"Maa, maa…Stop it, you two." Hakkai intervened as Sanzo prepared to shoot a metal slug into Goyjo's skull. He gently nudged the gun's nozzle away from the red-haired man's head, "Remember the task at hand. We should go over to Tenjiku and annihilate Gyumaoh before he starts wrecking havoc in the east."
"…And we should get something to eat, too! Man, I'm hungry!" Goku said nonchalantly.
"Is food the only thing on your mind, retard?" Gojyo retorted, roughly rubbing Goku's head.
The boy grimaced, "But I'm gonna die! I need food…"
A vein popped in Sanzo's head. "I have to get back the sutra, you idiot, why don't you go eat Gojyo's brains? He has no use for them anyway!"
"Well, at least I didn't leave it in the men's room!" The half-breed growled, making an unprintable hand gesture at the monk.
"I'll kill you."
"Cut it out, you two. We have a long way to go. We might be able to arrive at Tenjiku by a week or so." Hakkai said, "For now, let's all get some sleep."
Lights clicked off, and the small inn's room became black save for the moonlight filtering through the windows.
"Shit, my stomach hurts."
At Tenjiku, the demon overlord Gyumaoh was causing a rampage.
He uprooted trees and smashed mountains, growling loud enough to wake the dead.
Everyone was terrified of his awesome wrath. Nothing could stop him.
Then one day, he was drained of his energy.
His fist, which was more than ready to smash a small cluster of children, abruptly fell limply to his side. The children simultaneously breathed out sighs of relief…Then Gyumaoh slumped down to the ground, lethargic and weary.
The children were squished anyway.
And it was then that the demon overlord lost most of his already depleted sanity, so forgetting everything, he did the one thing no one would expect – he cried…
He covered his face with his massive hands and then he wailed and sobbed so much that a river formed at his feet. After a few minutes that river flowed over to the nearest town, flooding it and drowning many.
Suddenly, he heard a low monotonous voice.
"Stop crying over your girlfriend, you lousy bitch."
Gyumaoh stopped and dropped his hands, looking over to his side to see none other than the short-tempered, foulmouthed, blonde monk, Genjyo Sanzo.
As to why he was there was beyond Gyumaoh, but there was sudden electricity in the air as the two stared into each others eyes.
Iya-Cliffhanger! Ohohohoho, yes we're evil. Okay, so it wasn't really a cliffhanger, to be honest. Chels and I were stumped. OX Bet we left you craving for more, huh? Well, review so we may continue and grace you with our beautiful story's next installment! Yay!
Chels-Yes, so you'll all just have to wait for the next installment!