Chapter Two

Tara watched Buffy on patrol that night. Like a well-oiled machine Buffy staked vampires left and right, with more speed and agility then before her death. Gone were the smart remarks in between staking that Buffy had grown famous for; gone was the girl talk and laughter that Buffy loved doing between demon fights. This all made Tara very sad, she was coming to the conclusion that a dire mistake had been made when they brought Buffy back, one that they possibly couldn't repair.

Spike came out from behind a tree towards them. "Did the slayer tell you she came back wrong?" He said in a bitter tone hoping it would get some sort of emotion out of Buffy.

"What?" Tara questioned uncertainly.

"Watch this," he punched the slayer and made no sign of his chip activating. "Red witch screwed her up!" He shouted in true anger. He too was glad to see Buffy home but it hurt him to see the shell of the slayer he'd once loved.

Tara stood looking at the two of them. Buffy just stood there looking off into the night as Spike ranted. Tara was certain now they'd made a big mistake; no doubts were left in her mind. As she looked at Buffy the tears began to flow, then it happened.

Buffy looked at Tara's face and saw the tears falling. She jumped on Spike with a fury of punches and kicks. "You make her cry again vampire and I swear I will stake you!" Her voice rose in such an angered tone that it chilled Spike to the bone. Somehow he knew she would do it and that intrigued him as to why she was reacting so strongly.

"I'm out of here slayer," he said then sauntered off into the darkness letting a plan to bring back the slayer form in his mind.

"Tara?" Buffy spoke softly and placed her hand on the witches arm. "Do you think I came back wrong?" There was such a pleading look in Buffy's eyes that Tara could barely stand to look at her. Buffy was desperate for some sort of answer and Tara wasn't sure she had the answer.

"No Buffy, it has to be just a glitch of some kind," Tara said with a notable stammer on each word she spoke. "B-B-Buffy w-w-w-where d-d-d-d-did Willow take you from?" It was a question Tara had to know the answer to.

"Heaven," Buffy said softly. She hadn't planned to tell them but it felt right telling Tara. "I feel like I'm living in hell Tara. I don't feel anything, no love, hurt, life, there is just emptiness inside of here." Buffy said and sadly looked away from the trembling woman.

Tara took in all that Buffy was saying and hoped that Buffy would let her help her. Tara felt that was the least she could do for partaking in bringing her back and she hoped her help would eradicate some of the guilt that was overwhelming Tara. "I'm so sorry Buffy," she says continuing her stammer.

"It's not your fault Tara," Buffy said quietly. "I just wish I could find something that would make me feel again." She pulled Tara into a tight hug trying to calm the woman who was obviously guilt-stricken over what they had done. "Lets go home," she says turning them towards Revello drive.

- - - - - -

Tara sat quietly in the bedroom thinking as Willow slept. She couldn't believe they'd made such a huge mistake. They had selfishly brought Buffy back and justified it by making themselves believe she was in some form of hell dimension. Tara chastised herself mentally. 'You should have known Tara that a person as good and noble as Buffy Summers would not be trapped in hell.'

Willow rolled over and put her arms around her girlfriend. She opened her eyes a little and kissed Tara's smooth skin. Then her eyes popped open all the way. "Tara, have you been crying?" She leaned up on one elbow.

"It's nothing Willow. I just feel so bad for Buffy and wish I knew how to help her." Tara assured her girlfriend making a mental note to have a magic discussion soon. "It's all right," she kissed Willow gently. How she loved the woman who was now snuggled next to her. "I love you Willow."

"I love you too Tara." Willow said and kissed her passionately.

Tara knew Willow loved her but also knew she may have a hard road ahead of her when she confronted her about the magic. She wasn't going to do that tonight though. She needed comfort and to be held so she could relax at this moment.

- - - - - - - -

The next evening the gang had gathered for dinner at Buffy's house. "So when do we tell them?" Anya prodded Xander.

"An please," Xander chastised.

"Well if you want to get married don't you think your friends should know?" Anya blurted out receiving stares from everyone.

"That's great!" Willow beamed with delight. "I can get an engagement party going like real quick."

"I'm sure you can with that mojo of yours." Xander added in a frustrated tone. He too had seen the changes in his friend and didn't like them much.

"Xander there is no harm in a little magic to help spruce up what would be a dull event." Willow said in an assuring tone.

"Willow you are using magic to spruce up your entire life and those around you. That is wrong," Tara said softly. She didn't plan to have this particular conversation just now in front of everyone but felt it was time to say something. The opportunity had presented itself for Tara to give a little insight on her feelings on the subject and so she took it.

"Tara I have come a long way with magic and need to practice. I did this all for you if you will remember." Tara's eyes glazed over with anger as Willow spoke.

"That was so not a good move Willow." Anya chimed in as she motioned to Tara's angered face.

"What you did for me was special Willow and I will thank you for it for the rest of my life. How dare you throw it up at me though to try and get me to feel guilty so I will keep my mouth shut!" Tara's voice was raising more than she had anticipated. "You used magic to help me, now you're playing with it as though it is a new toy and it is helping nobody. You're getting in to deep Willow, it is changing you." Tara pushed herself back from the table to leave the room.

As Tara stood up, she looked the group of friends over, her stomach began to clinch up and her chest tightened. She recalled the evening and conversation at breakfast in which Dawn showed her disgust for the entire situation and indeed Tara felt that same wave of disgust wash over her as Dawn surely had. What was happening to her Willow, did she even know the woman she'd fallen so deeply in love with? Was that love enough anymore? Was the bond they shared ever really enough or just some illusion of Tara's?

"Tara," Willow stood, as did Buffy. "I used magic to bring you back, now I'm using magic to have a little fun and to learn how to use it. Are you jealous because you can't do these things?"

Tara's face dropped significantly upon hearing Willow's words. She was hurt by them deeply but knew this was just a ploy of Willow's as she tried to spin a web of guilt and submission from Tara. "I'm not jealous in the least Willow. I'm scared for you," Tara looked at her lover with sad eyes. "You get cranky when you don't do a spell; don't you think I don't notice? It is as if you are addicted to the magic and plus thinking you are the only one who can do this and do that. Let me tell you something, you will run across someone who can do what you have done plus more and will get yourself into a heap of trouble. I am scared of that and that I'm losing you to magic!" Tara's voice was firm but breaking as she tried to fight off the crying that always came with the tears that began to trickle down her cheeks.

"Tara, don't make me choose!" Willow bellowed angrily. Anger exploded from the redhead so much that, without thinking, she sent the dishes flying to the floor.

"You see Willow, you lost control and I think you need to sit down and think about this." Tara turned to leave but Willow grabbed her arm garnering shocked looks from the others.

Tara dropped her head and cried all the more as Willow so violently grabbed her arm. She had changed so much and all because of magic. Tara once believed Willow would never do anything to harm her but now she didn't know what to believe.

Buffy moved quickly jerking Willow away from Tara. "Don't ever do that again Willow. Look at yourself, you are not the Will I knew and if bringing me back caused you to turn like this I wish you would have left me in that grave because I do not like what I'm seeing."

"Will we all love you," Xander said hoping to not make his life-long friend feel as though she were being ganged up on. "You and Tara have a special thing, don't let the magic ruin it." He stood up followed by Anya.

"Could you two stay here?" Buffy asked as she pointed towards the door that Tara had just exited.

"Uh, sure," Xander said not wanting to but hoping he could help his friend relax and see that she was going to lose Tara if she didn't cool it with the magic.

"Tara?" Buffy called as she went out the back door. "Tara, it will be all right." She strode next to the blonde who was walking around the back yard aimlessly.

"It's ok Buffy; you have your own stuff to deal with. I'll be ok." Tara tried to put up a strong front but the slayer knew better.

"Tara," Buffy said softly as she placed a hand on Tara's arm. "You're helping me now let me help you. I want to help you, I feel like I have a purpose when I'm-" a strange look briefly crossed Buffy's features. "Uh, anyway just let me help you ok?"

Tara half smiled at the slayer realizing this was, in some strange way, bringing Buffy back to them. "Can't argue with a slayer," she replied as Buffy hugged her with a mixture of adoration for Tara and sadness for what was going on playing on her face.

"That's right," Buffy smiled as she looked into Tara's sad blue eyes. 'Such pretty eyes, so real and loving.' "Tara, you are a wonderful person and I have to believe Will still has enough sanity inside her to see that." 'Willow doesn't even deserve you Tara, not now anyway.' "We have to believe she will stop the magic for you Tara." Buffy didn't believe a word she was speaking to Tara but was grasping at anything that might make Tara feel better. She did feel Willow didn't deserve Tara but was certain that Willow would not stop the magic for the most kindhearted woman Buffy had ever met besides her mother.

"T-T-That's just it Buffy," Tara spoke as the tears fell and Buffy gently wiped them from her face. "She has to stop for herself, not me. It won't work if she can't see what is happening to her enough to change for herself and that pains me because I'm afraid she's not going to see it in time."

"No matter what happens Tara," Buffy said as she kept her gaze on the woman and never saw who came out the back door. "You have friends, family; we're your family now."

"Um, Tara," Dawn said not wanting to interrupt the moment she was witnessing. It was interesting how Tara seemed to bring Buffy's emotions to the forefront and all Dawn could do was wonder why. "Willow is sorta well, sorta sad and wants to talk to you."

"Go," Buffy said and gave Tara's shoulder a pat and a reassuring smile. "I'll be right here if you need me." She broke herself away from Tara who hesitantly went into the house followed by Dawn.

Buffy slowly trudged her way towards the house deciding on not patrolling tonight. She wondered what it was about Tara that was stirring things inside her, feelings of warmth and caring, feelings she, just yesterday morning, yearned for and feared she'd never find. Whatever was the cause of the feelings, they felt good and she was glad though she knew it would be awhile yet before she was complete again if ever. It would be awhile before she wanted to live again, if ever. At least she had some fleeting moments of emotion rather than just going through the motions and was glad Tara was there to help her have these moments.