Title: Neutral Sarcasm
Author: OracleVortex

This based on some conversations that my group of friends has had. –shakes head- It's not my fault we're all open people..

Also, I don't usually pair Seamus with Dean, but it was convenient for the story. If you're sensitive to such things, then don't read. But please, it's all in good humor – don't get all riled up or anything. Cheers!

Seamus and Dean were giggling rather annoyingly when Harry flopped down on the couch to start his charms paper. Ron sat on the floor, already cursing under his breath at a half finished potions draft.

"I agree," Dean said with a grin, and Seamus laughed loudly.

Ron took the bait and looked at the two boys. "What?"

"Oh, nothing that would interest you." Seamus said with a wink.

Ron missed the hidden innuendo. "Come on, try me."

"I don't think you'd…" Dean and Seamus shared a glance, and they pushed together in the armchair that they were sharing, "appreciate it."

Ron again missed the warning. "No, really – you can tell me."

Harry sighed and set his inkbottle down on the table. "Ron…"

The redhead waved a hand at him. "No, if they're going to be all loud about it, I really think they should share."

"Well…if you really wanna know…." Seamus said slowly.

"Yes!"

"We were talking about Draco Malfoy," Dean supplied.

Ron glowered at him, but still looked interested. "What? Did he do something stupid? Is he transferring schools?"

"No…"

"Then what?"

"Ron." Harry said, "Let it go."

Ron shook his head. "If there's something that will give me leverage over Malfoy, then I want to know about it!"

"Yeah," Seamus said, trying to keep a straight face, "Because we all want 'leverage' over Draco Malfoy."

Dean snorted into Seamus' shirt, and Ron frowned at them. "What?"

Harry rubbed his eyes and flipped through his charms book. "God, boys, just spit it out and spare us the suffering will you? The faster you make him sputter, the faster you shut up about it."

Ron turned to Harry, "What?"

Seamus smiled, untangling himself from Dean. He leaned forward as if to tell Harry a secret. "There's something that I never expected. The Boy Who Lived has gutter-thoughts." He grinned, "I must say – I'm excited."

"Not too excited," Dean said critically, openly admiring the fit of Seamus' jeans. Ron blinked, and finally began to catch on.

Seamus continued, "But I guess that you have some idea of what exactly we were saying about our resident Blond Pureblood Slytherin?"

Harry shrugged, copying down the spelling of 'pretentious.' "Probably something along the lines of 'nice ass, touchable hair, sexy and brooding, high-minded snob?'"

Ron randomly choked, stabbing through his potions draft with his quill. "Harry!"

Looking pleased, Seamus withdrew back into Dean's hold. "Something like that."

"I thought so."

Ron looked outraged and disgusted and appalled all at once. "Harry! How can – that's so – oh, god…"

Harry turned to look at him, one eyebrow raised. "What? I know the gossip."

"Do you believe it?" The Irishman said suddenly.

"Seamus!"

"Sure." Harry shrugged, "Why not?"

"Harry!" It seemed that Ron lost the ability to say actual words, and had to resort to names.

"Really?" Dean said, interested all of a sudden. "You mean that?"

"What – just because he's my hated enemy, it doesn't mean that I won't admit he's easy on the eyes."

"HARRY!"

"What?" Harry borrowed a pointed look from the Book of Hermione.

"You're…lying…" Ron said faintly.

"No. And I think you have wonderful hair."

Ron stared at him, aghast.

"Brilliant, Harry. I think you've scarred him for life."

"Shut up, Dean."

-FIN-