Gifts and Curses
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer: "You stole my moment... and you will pay".
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You what I forgot to put in my footnotes last chapter, that Hrimhari is, indeed, a cannon character. Part of the New Mutants history (winks and runs off, giggling in an evil fashion)
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Chapter 7 – Hair of the alien
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"Leave Self hxwtph alone to Vitchkwq diiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeee"
Rahne rolled her eyes, giving the lump of goo on the bed another poke. When ether sick, injured or hung-over, Warlock would revert back into broken English, with random bits of Technarcian thrown in. It was the morning after the party, and quite frankly, Rahne was in no mood to be put on 'Warlock duty'.
"Warlock, you're not gunnae die", she said, "and can ye please speak English before Doug comes back and hears you?"
"Does not compute. Qzzphhz. Error. ERROR!"
Rahne pinched the bridge of her nose.
"'Lock I really, really can't miss this lecture on Post Colonialism", she sighed, "it's that difficult, not even the experts know how tae spell it, so I'd appreciate it is ye put yeself together so I can go" (1)
"Zzrpth"
"Okay, I apologize for this in advance", she said.
With that, she grabbed a mass of the goo and walked over to the nearest electrical plug, plugging it in. There was a zzzzzzzzzzzap noise, and the blob formed back into a Warlock-shape. The blue lines that had zipped around Warlock's black body turned back into their usual yellow. The alien groaned, then sat up, rubbing his head. (2)
"Thank you, I needed that", he winced, putting a hand to his head, "I am going kill Tabby"
"Take a number", said Rahne, "she dinnae sleep in her bed last night, so that meant she slept in someone else's"
Warlock blinked numbly at her, before deciding there was no way for his information systems to work that out in the state they were in. He sighed, looking at his hands.
"Awww, man, my image inducer turned off"
"It's okay, Doug didnae see you, he left for class before your body tried to eat the thing", she said, "of course, you did keep Doug awake half the night singing 'Calling Occupants of Interplanetary Craft'" (3)
Warlock groaned, burying his head in his pillow.
"I do not remember anything past eating the pieces that are Reeses", he whimpered, "what a double-edged sword of sugary goodness"
"You okay now?", asked Rahne, "I gotta go, I'm late for class"
"I feel like I have consumed five Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters" (4)
"Yeah…whatever", said Rahne, heading for the door, "I'm late for class, I'll check on you later, byyyye"
"Sleeep", said Warlock, resting his head on his pillow before the door opened again, "no, not fair"
Tabby grinned as she entered, patting Warlock on the back.
"Still got a fat head, buddy?"
Warlock shifted shape, becoming a yellow and black version of the 'alien' monster, giving a metallic snarl. Tabby squeaked, backing away. (5)
"Okay, you have…sorry", she said, "wow, alien hangovers are brutal"
"Do you realize what a strange feeling it is to wish to 'throw up' when you have no internal organs?", asked Warlock, assuming his normal form, "Rahne is on the path of war, by the way. She is angered you did not tell her you were, ahem, elsewhere"
"Oh…that", Tabby cleared her throat, "his name is John Lopez, he has terrible pick up lines, but maaan, was he fun" (6)
"Please do not go into detail", said Warlock, "it is too early in the morning"
"You should try dating sometimes, Warlock, you'd enjoy it", said Tabby, "I still don't know why you haven't had a date yet"
Warlock looked at her pointedly.
"Besides the fact I am an alien from another planet, and as such not actually human?"
"Didn't stop Mork", grinned Tabby.
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Over in the Brotherhood house, the morning wasn't going so well either. Pyro yawned, waking up with one heck of a crick in his neck. He blinked, sitting up. He'd fallen asleep at his desk again/
"St.John, did you fall asleep at your desk again?", Wanda's voice floated through the adjoining bathroom along with the sound of the shower. (7)
Pyro blinked, giving a nervous laugh.
"Errr… no?", he tried, as he continually pressed shut down on his computer, trying to turn the thing off.
There was silence for a moment. Pyro winced, waiting for her reply.
"…I walked in on you drooling on your keyboard, you know"
"Oh… poo".
Wanda chuckled, walking in, a towel wrapped around her.
"You honestly think I wouldn't notice?", she said.
"It was a long shot?", tried Pyro weakly, then yawned, "my publisher told me if I didn't get this chapter done by next week, he'd kill me and eat my liver"
Wanda grimaced.
"Friendly guy", she said dryly, then smirked, "well, he better cut you some slack, or I'll shove a hex bolt where the sun don't shine, then let him threaten you"
"Most men would be degraded by having a fiancée who is much more adept at beating people up than he is, and could easily kill him if she so wished", he smirked, "me, on the other hand, find it quite refreshing"
"That's because you're as crazy as I am", smirked Wanda.
"That I….", Pyro paused, "the cat's doing it again"
Ebony was glaring at him from behind Wanda's back, his claws dangerously close to a neatly stacked pile of scribbled notes…scribbled notes which were Pyro's only copies so far. Wanda sighed, turning around, Ebony quickly beginning to groom himself, as if nothing had happened. Wanda looked back at Pyro.
"You're cracking up", she paused, "no…wait.. you already did that. You're slipping further into insanity, yeah, that sounds about right"
"I'm telling you, that cat is out to get me", said Pyro, crossing his arms.
Wanda smirked, wrapping her arms around his shoulders.
"He's a cat", she said, nuzzling his jaw line, "he isn't out to get anyone"
Ebony hissed.
"He just said 'St.John!", squeaked Pyro, "you heard that!" (8)
"You need help", sighed Wanda, walking away.
Downstairs, things were even worse.
"I'm gonna ask her tonight", said Todd, then glared at Pietro, "my phone will be switched off"
"Geez, I'm never going to live this down, am I?", he said moodily, "you came all this way to tell me?"
"No, to threaten you", said Todd, "you contact me, and I'll tell Wanda about you 'accidentally' setting that dog on Pyro during their engagement party"
Pietro looked at him wide-eyed.
"You wouldn't!"
"Try me", smirked Todd.
Pietro frowned, scooting away.
"I like you less and less, you know", he said, then shot a glare at Rosemary, "not as much as I don't like her though"
Rosemary smiled sweetly.
"Pietro", she said, "shut up"
"She's always telling me to shut up", said Pietro, "I don't know what Freddy sees in her"
"Well, he obviously sees somethin'", pointed out Todd, "and I don't know what your problem is, she's a decent person"
"Thank you, Todd", smiled Rosemary, "good luck tonight"
"Suck up", hissed Pietro.
Rosemary blinked at him.
"Freddy! He's doing it again!"
"Meep", said Pietro, dashing out of the house.
"Yeah, you better run!", shouted Fred, leaning out of a window, "stop picking on Rosey!"
"And you people have the gall to ask me why I don't live here no more", muttered Todd, shaking his head.
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Over at the Institute, Rogue and Piotr had returned home from Russia, having not found hide nor hair of Illyana. Rogue, being Rogue, was still angered over their meeting with Bobby.
"A'h can't believe that. .that… jerkoff was there!", she ranted, "and then he thinks he's doing us a favour! He's got some gall, I want to…"
She growled frustratedly.
"Deep breaths, Rogue", said Piotr, then sighed, "you should not be so hard on Bobby, he is trying to redeem himself, at least"
"He doesn't deserve redemption", hissed Rogue, "not after all he did to us"
Piotr smiled.
"My father once told me, 'Life is like a river, It is useless to blame the water for running with the current'" (9)
He paused.
"He also said 'Never eat chicken with pickled eggs'", he mused, "…but I do not think that one applies"
Rogue chuckled slightly, then sighed, giving him a hug, or as best as she could, anyway.
"Sorry, Peety", she said, "here a'h am, ranting about Iceman, when you still haven't found your sister"
Piotr sighed.
"Da… I am really beginning to worry about her", he said, "Snowflake is a strong one, but still…she is only a little girl"
"We'll find her, Piotr", said Rouge with a firm nod, "we will"
"Find vho?"
Rogue blinked, looking around to see her brother leaning on the doorframe, she grinned, running over to give him a hug.
"Kurt!", she grinned, "are you a sight for sore eyes".
Kurt smiled, hugging his sister back, arching a brow.
"Someone is less moody than she used to be", he teased, "Piotr must be softening you up"
"I doubt that is possible", chuckled Piotr, "it is good to see you again, Kurt"
"Good to be home again", said Kurt, "Priests just can't take a joke like you guys"
He glanced at Rogue.
"Vho's gone missing?"
"Piotr's sister", sighed Rogue, "she just vanished from the collective a few days ago, we've combed the area for her..but there's no sign"
"Oh…I'm sorry to hear that", said Kurt, his tail drooping, "I hope you find her"
"So do I", said Piotr, "we did run into Bobby, though"
Kurt blinked.
"Bobby? Iceman Bobby?"
"Yeah, the big fat jerk", growled Rogue, "thinking everyone is going to forgive him just like that"
"Ve can't stay mad at him forever, you know", said Kurt, "it's not like he vas in the right state of mind vhen…"
"He was sane enough to come right here after us all, wasn't he?", growled Rogue, "oh you're worse than Piotr! We don't owe Iceman anything!"
With that, she stormed off. Kurt winced.
"I take back that 'softening up' comment", he said.
"She is just.. moody", said Piotr, "she is frustrated because we could not find Illyana. You know how she is"
"Ja", said Kurt, "you'd better go after her.. before she breaks something"
Piotr smiled, putting a hand on Kurt's shoulder.
"It is good to see you home again, my friend", he said, "you should stay awhile, you have been missed"
With that, he headed off after Rogue. Kurt chuckled, shaking his head in amusement.
"UNKIE KURT!"
Kurt didn't even get chance to register surprise before Imara bowled into him, hugging him tightly. Imara had always been fond of the favourite 'Uncle', and even if he didn't admit it, Kurt thought the world of her.
"Jeez, you're getting too heavy for that Kido", said Kurt, running his sides as he tried to pry the five year old off him, looking up as Forge entered, "help"
"Hey Blue-Boy", said Forge, plucking his daughter form around Kurt's leg, "no one said you were visiting"
"Yeah, vell, I vanted to visit Amanda", said Kurt, then sighed, twitching his tail, "I also vanted to speak to you"
Forge arched a brow, as Imara giggled and ran off to tell Toby 'Uncle Kurt had come home'.
"Uh oh…what about?"
"About Mystique", said Kurt with a sigh.
"Your mother and my ex", said Forge, then added dryly, "this won't be awkward at all"
"Look, I know that you really, really don't like her", said Kurt, "but..vell, it's her birthday soon…I think"
"It is", said Forge, "so?"
"She's my mother", said Kurt, "I vant to give her a gift"
"Why bother, Kurt?", asked Forge, "it's not like she's ever shown you any motherly affections"
"That doesn't matter", said Kurt, then sighed, "please, all I vant from you is an idea of vhat to get.. I'd have asked Destiny or Sabertooth, but I can't find either of them…Actually, I vouldn't have asked Sabertooth, I don't have a death vish, but…"
"Kurt you're babbling", said Forge, "besides, what makes you think I'd know what she'd want? She hid her identity from me, remember?"
"Please?", asked Kurt, "besides, you do owe me, big time"
"Haven't you already used the 'Middleverse Card'?", asked Forge, then sighed as Kurt pulled a puppy face, "aww, man, not the face!"
Kurt gave a small whine.
"Oh, okay!", said Forge defeated, "get her something to do with Oscar Wilde. She loves that guy" (10)
Kurt gave a grin.
"Danke, Forge", he said, "I appreciate it"
BAMF
"Yeah..right", Forge shook his head, going back in search of his daughter. He didn't get very far before a pair of hands covered his eyes from behind.
"If that's you, Kurt, you need to get out more"
"Oh, very funny", came Storm's voice, "now, Honey, I'm going to take my hands away, but you have to promise not to get freaked out, okay?"
Forge frowned, this didn't sound good.
"I'm a little bit frightened now, 'Ro", he said, "you're not pregnant again, are you? I couldn't take that again. I really, really couldn't. With the mood swings, and the broken bones…."
"I'm not pregnant", sighed Storm, "nice to know where we stand on that matter, though. So, will you promise"
"..Do I have any choice?"
Silence.
"….No"
"I thought so", said Forge, "okay, fine, I promise, I promise"
Storm let go of his eyes and held her hands up.
"Ta-daaaaa!"
Forge turned around and blinked. He blinked again. Once the rest of his body had caught up with his brain, he made circle motions above his head, making an odd squeaking noise.
"The hair, hair!", he got out.
Storm smiled, patting her new Mohawk.
"Cool, isn't it?", she smiled, "do you like it? I wanted a new look and I just thought 'why not'".
"Neeeh?", said Forge, blinking numbly.
Storm crossed her arms, thunder beginning to rumble ominously.
"You better say something or I'll be forced to hurt you 'Dear'", she growled, "so. What. Do. You. Think?"
Forge blinked, think fast, think fast.
"It's…err……"
"Mamma, why does your hair look like a hedgehog?"
Both turned to see Imara, blinking up at them.
"It's Mommy's new look, Sweetie", smiled Storm, and Daddy was just about to comment on it, weren't you Daddy?"
Imara turned to blinked at Forge. Damn, they were all against him.
"I never noticed the shape of your skull before", he blinked, where the hell had that come from? Did he want to die? Oh God, she was glaring at him, this was it, Imara would be fatherless. He was a dead man. He whimpered, closing his eyes.
"Humph!", said Storm, stalking out of the door.
Forge opened a single eye. That was it? He hadn't been zapped? He looked down at Imara, who scrunched up her nose.
"Humph!", she said, imitating her mother perfectly as she followed her out.
Forge blinked, then sighed.
"Yeah, I'm a dead man"
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(1) – This is true. One of my friends has a degree in English Literature, Post Colonialism drove her mad.
(2) – According to the Techno-organic website I found, the colour of the lines across the Technarc's body signifies their health and lifeglow levels. Blue is when they're pretty sick, yellow is when they're averagely healthy (which the cannon Warlock always seemed to have) and when they're really healthy, the lines become white. When they begin to die, they become completely grey. Isn't learning fun?
(3) – By the Carpenters. Apparently, it's the recognized anthem of World Contact Day. We are your friends.
(4) – From Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. The best drink in existence, it has the effect of 'having your brains smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick'
(5) – Warlock can and has pulled this trick off. He last did it in the Warlock comics. He does it surprisingly well.
(6) – John Lopez AKA Washout is, indeed, a cannon character. Not mine, I'm afraid.
(7) – Wanda took Mystique's old room, to refresh your memories.
(8) – From friends. 'TOW The Ball'. Rachel has a evil cat, who she believes hisses her name.
(9) – He really did, yey, cannonness! The second one I made up…clearly.
(10) – Yes, Mystique does indeed love Oscar Wilde.
And another chapter is done, next chapter, Todd finally pops the big question. It's about bloody time. Do review. Until next time…