Disclaimer: Not owning FF…Or Clearasil Or Herbal Essence.
Luna: THANKS SO MUCH! YOU GUYS REALLY LOVE US! YAY! I know I said Kadaj was top on Kat's must molest list, but NOW HE'S MINE:: grins: You'll see later…Anyway, this chapter has a special bonus at the end, called " Chibified Adventures in Final Fantasy Land, Or CAF for short." Its basically what would happen if me and Kat met some of the FF people…And for those people who read my infamous RE4 Infected with Dumbness, did you notice the reference to it in Chapter 2? Here's a hint, Marlene says it…: grins: COOKIES FOR REVIEWERS!
Chapter 3: Of Kadaj and his fetish with the word " Reunion"
Kadaj had gotten to Rufus' hideout.
" Where's my mother?" asked Kadaj, ready to throw a tantrum.
" I don't know. Who is this mother you speak if?" asked Rufus.
Kadaj glared. " Jenova!"
" Why do you need her?"
" For the reunion!" declared Kadaj, " And so I can finally meet mother…"
At this point, he had a far off, starry gaze. Rufus was a bit disturbed.
" Once we have a reunion, I'll be back to normal," said Kadaj, trailing off, " And their will be a huge feast, pudding and reuniting…"
" Okay…"
He threw 2 bloodied cards at Rufus, and said, " Now will you stop lying to me about where mother is?"
" How does 2 cards with strawberry jam smeared on it gonna change my mind?" he asked.
Kadaj bowed at Rufus' feet, foaming at the mouth; mumbling 'Reunion.' And Rufus could've swore he saw another Silver Haired, Metrosexual Male in his place, with a 7 ft long sword.
Meanwhile…
Cloud began to wonder what the purpose of his existence was when he failed to save the 2 people that meant most to him. Completely forgetting that he saved the world. And millions of other people.
He entered 'his' church when he saw a black-haired woman lying in his flower bed. Now what was her name? He thought, Trish? Tiffany?
" Tifa?" asked Cloud.
He ran to her side and shook her.
" Tifa! Tifa! You ruined the flower bed!" he exclaimed.
Tifa glared at him and said, " I'm doing fine, thanks. Some guy came in here, spouting pedophilic lines and asking about his mommy."
" Again!"
Cloud's arm went haywire, and he dropped Tifa. He fell next to her, knocked out.
Suddenly, a drop of water hit's a lake.
" What is this!" I asked, to the air, " A Clearasil commercial?"
Cloud and Tifa were suddenly in a field of flowers, where a voice giggled, " I bet you can't guess who I am!"
That's when Cloud woke up. He saw Tifa. IN his bed. On closer look, he sighed in relief. She was only in a bed next to him. For a second, he thought he was cheating on Aeris. Despite the fact she was dead and they had a completely platonic relationship.
" Your heavy to carry!" announced Reno, walking in, " Would it kill you to lose some weight?"
" Where's Marlene?" asked Cloud, brushing the question aside.
Although, on the inside, Reno's question was eating him alive.
" They said they were gathering kids for the Reunion or something," explained Reno, " The forgotten capital…"
Tifa had woken up, and sensed Cloud's depression.
" You plan on going alone, right?" asked Tifa.
Am I really that fat? thought Cloud, bruting about Reno's comment.
" But you don't have to, we can do it together-" she continued.
His mind wandered as he tried to figure out why hadn't he died yet for being a fat slob and letting the 2 people he loved most die, as Tifa continued her 'Love-Me-I'm-The-Upbeat-Positive-Friend' speech.
" And every cloud has a silver lining-"
Reno snickered at this.
" And then we can fight the good fight-"
" I have to go." he decided.
" Zuzuzuzuz." she said, suddenly.
Cloud stared.
" I think she just wanted to waste more of your time with heart to heart talk." said Reno, with a shrug.
Tifa gave him a death glare, but Cloud was already out the door.
Meanwhile…
The 3 metro sexual males were at a lake, surrounded by little children. Kadaj grinned, his 'Reunion' was becoming a reality. Yazoo twirled his fingers in his hair, distracted. Log held Marlene's hand, for he had a fear of 'strangers' aka the little children. Marlene had too much pity for him, so she couldn't escape.
" You are all in time for our Reunion," said Kadaj, beaming, " You see, Mother gave us the power to battle the Planet!"
Denzel raised his hand.
" What?" asked Kadaj.
" If we battle the Planet, won't we destroy it? And kill ourselves in the process?" asked Denzel.
Kadaj hadn't actually considered this. Mother had told him these things, so they must be true. He looked at Yazoo for support, but the eldest was busy braiding his own hair. He knew better than to look at Log for help, so he just ignored his question.
" We're all Brothers and Sisters here!" announced Kadaj.
" They really don't look anything like us." commented Yazoo.
" I wanna go home!" whined Log.
Kadaj had a good mind to strangle both his brothers, the stupid one and the overly pretty one. Always the optimist, Kadaj grabbed a materia ball.
" Ahh…the Planet's power!" he said.
" But I thought we had to fight the Planet!" exclaimed a confused Denzel.
" You will shutup or I will rip out your intestines and feed them to you!" threatened Kadaj, " As I was saying-"
" Kadaj, look at the shiny balls!" said Log, smiling at his amazing discovery.
Laughter erupted from all the children. The 3 metro sexual males, despite being in their 20's, being evil and all knowing, couldn't understand why this caused such humor. It just basically pissed off Kadaj.
" SHUTUP!" he screamed.
They all listened.
So Kadaj did something kinda creepy and…odd. He inserted the materia ball, right INTO his own arm.
" Ahh…the power…" he said, smiling, " Do like I do."
With that, Kadaj walked into the water; it slowly turning black.
" Oh no! Kadaj, did you wet yourself?" asked Log, panicked.
Kadaj ignored that and drank the blackened water. But some of the kids hesitated, afraid they were indeed drinking Kadaj's piss. He also REALLY wanted to kill Log about then, but refrained.
" No! Denzel!" cried Marlene.
Denzel decided, just to piss off Marlene who had woke him up earlier; that he would drink the odd, Kadaj piss water. And he did. And Marlene screamed. And Yazoo mumbled something about Herbal Essence.
Chibified Adventures In Advent Children Land
Part One: The Metrosexual, Silver-Haired Men
The 3, silver-haired, metro sexual men sat patiently around the fire; bored and having nothing to do when they weren't kicking Cloud's ass.
" Yazoo…There's something in your hair," said Kadaj, dumbfounded.
Sure enough, upon the eldest head was a sickeningly cute creature. Whatever it was, it was female; with big hazel eyes and dark brown ringlet curls.
" Hello…" the creature cooed, amusing twirling Yazoo's hair in her fingers.
" What are you?" asked Yazoo, trying to hide his enjoyment that his hair was being played with.
" ITS SCARY!" hollered Log.
Kadaj stared at the chibi thing and asked, hopefully, " Mother?"
" Lover." she purred.
" Brother!" cried Kadaj, alarmed.
" Idiots…" I said, with a sigh.
The little thing giggled and sprawled out on Yazoo's head.
" My name's Kat Valentine and I am at your service." she purred even more, lowering her voice.
And their expressions could only be described as OMGWTFBQQ!
" Why on earth are you on me?" blushed Yazoo.
" Because Kat loves her Zooy," the creature smirked.
Yazoo blushed even more, for he never truly had physical contact with a female before.
A chibi, red-haired, green eyed girl popped into existence, aka Luna Starr; and said " Poor Yazoo…so deprived."
" Mother?" asked Kadaj, wide eyed.
" If there's incest involved, sure." I stated.
The sound of Kadaj's jaw hitting the floor was enjoyable.
" Zooy, Zooy, zoooy!" sang Kat, and toyed with his hair.
" Please stop…"
" Zooy, Zooy, zoooy!"
" It scares me!" cried Log.
" Butterfiles scare you." I stated.
" HOLD ME YAZOO! STOP CRYING!" screamed Log.
I sighed.
" Why do you have a mommy obession?" I asked Kadaj.
" Because my mommy's in a box" he responded, immediately.
When Yazoo leaned forward to pat Log on the head, Kat grabbed a strand of hair and tugged.
" No. Mine." she purred, glaring at Log.
" WHY CAN'T I HAVE A CHIBI, SCARY THING?" asked Log, tears streaming.
" Because you suck." I said.
Luna: Okay, you the viewers get to vote whether you want me to keep the Chibi portion of the fic. And if you really think it sucked, please don't flame too badly!
Foggy Brains: Pwned basically means 'Owned' in net speak. Appreciate your review!
To All: THANKSSSS! I know, I say that too much. : sweat drop: hehe, laters!