A/N: Wow, one of the first really long one-shots that I have actually finished! This was inspired by a mixture of many things, and it took over four hours to complete it all together. This is probably one of my best fanfics written yet, so I really hope people read and review. Most of this is in Clyde's POV, the part near the end is in third-person. With that said, I'll write the disclaimer and shut up so you can all read it!
DISCLAIMER: South Park and all of it's characters belong to Comedy Central, Matt Stone, and Trey Parker. Also, the lyrics to the songs in here belong to their respective owners. I own nothing except this fanfic.
It's not until someone's gone that you really think about them.
And you realize that you loved them.
At least… It was like that for me.
When Angels Deserve To Die
Four months ago, I lost my best friend in the entire world. I didn't realize that I loved him, or that I considered him my best friend, until the day I found out he was gone. And he would be gone forever. The news was tragic, and it was only worse to hear that he didn't die peacefully. In fact, it was far from that.
It started out as a normal day in South Park, school was hella boring as usual, Cartman was ripping on kids whom he thought were inferior to him which was practically everybody, Tweek was still spazzing out everytime someone accidentally brushed against him in the hall, Craig was still walking around like he was superior to Cartman with me, Token, and Jason following behind him. It was almost the end of the day, and Cartman and Craig had gotten into their fifth heated arguement today.
"Shut the hell up, you fucking fat ass," Craig snarled through clenched teeth. "You know that you're not God and you're not a King."
Cartman snorted and chuckled a bit, the fat on his belly jiggling. I shuddered. "And how do you know that? What if I am God? What if I am a King?"
"You're not tubby, look around you, everyone hates you and you can't do shit," Craig shot back. I could tell he really was steamed up and the fact that it was Eric Cartman he was talking to didn't help at all. "You've done things that alot of people remember you for, but it wasn't anything that would make you a King and definitely not a God."
"Craig, in case you didn't know, I am far more superior than you, I am immortal, nobody can harm me, and nobody can match to my wits and skills." I swear if it wasn't for me, Token, and Jason practically holding him back, Craig would've torn apart Cartman's face right then and there.
"You're just a fat, egotistical piece of SHIT! I hope you fucking DIE," Craig was really really pissed off by this time, it was impossible to cool him down it seemed. He tried lunging forward at the fatass, but like I said, me, Token, and Jason were holding him back. He struggled to break free from us for a moment, but then finally sighed heavily and turned around, flipping off Cartman and walking away. I turned around and followed him instantly with the other two, but I could just feel the look on Cartman's face. His smug little grin and the way his eyes glittered with a triumphant look, almost as if saying "I win again."
On the way outside of school, none of us three dared trying to talk to Craig. If any of us did, he'd probably snap at us without meaning to. We went over to a small, dead tree and climbed onto it, each four of us sitting on a different limb. Craig was sitting the lowest, I was a limb above him, Token sat on a limb next to me, and Jason decided to climb to the top, for whatever reason I don't know because he was afraid of heights.
"I can't believe him," Craig finally said after a few minutes, his fist clenched tightly. There was a long, blue vein that was sticking out from his arm and I swear it would've burst through his flesh if it could've. "He thinks he's so great and that everyone worships him and kisses his feet for him. I can't stand him!"
The space between the limbs that me and Craig were sitting on wasn't very big, so I reached down cautiously and patted his shoulder. "It's okay man," I said. "Someday you'll get him back. And the guys and I will help." I wasn't exactly sure how that would happen, but I said we'd help anyway. The other two agreed and I could sense Craig lightening up a little.
"Thanks," he said quietly. For a reason that was unknown to me at the time, I just loved whenever Craig talked softly. His voice was almost as if it was carressing my ears whenever he spoke in that tone. I sometimes liked to stare at him whenever he sat in front of me in some of our classes, too. I studied him alot actually. I paid attention to alot of small things about him; like the way some of his silky black hair stuck out from underneath his hat, even though he hated people seeing his hair. The way he would flip everyone off, whether it was without thinking or if he really hated the person. The way he rolled his eyes whenever Bebe tried hitting on him- or me. And sometimes when I was alone, I think I even had homosexual thoughts about me and him… Kind of embarrassing to say, I know, but it was true. I never really knew that I loved him though, I never really told myself "Hey, I'm in love with this kid, maybe we can get together." I just thought it was what every guy went through at some point of time in their life so I ignored it and still called myself straight.
"Well let's go," Craig said, jumping from the tree branch he was sitting on and turned around to look at us. He looked at me straight in the eye at first and I looked back at him, then he glanced over at Token and Jason.
"Ugh, already?" Jason whined. "But, like, I just got all settled up here." The way that Jason spoke made me cringe. It wasn't the kind of voice you'd usually hear from a guy, it usually originates from a girl's mouth. Especially a girl who cares alot about her looks, a girl who loves pink, and who's totally snobby. In other words, we labeled these kinds of girls in our school preps.
Craig rolled his eyes, "well you should've known that we weren't going to stay here until sunset. We have some things to do."
"Things like what?" Token spoke up for the first time since the last round of Craig Vs. Cartman.
All too sudden, a mischievous glint in Craig's eyes appeared and I totally knew it wasn't something good. My thoughts were confirmed when Craig replied with, "things like plans to destory Eric Theodore Cartman."
"Whoa, dude," I stepped up. "I think you should cool down for a bit. I mean, yeah he's a big asshole, but you don't really want to kill him, do you?" I honestly hated Cartman as much as the next guy, but I didn't have any intentions of executing him. That was just being a bit too extreme. Craig stepped closer to me so that our noses were only inches apart.
"Clyde, my dearest friend," he whispered hoarsely, "you have no idea."
It was silent for a moment, but then Craig backed away and started walking away. Token and Jason shortly followed after him, but I stayed back by the tree. "You guys can do it yourselves, I'm going to stay out of this one," I called out to them. I wasn't mad at them or anything, I was actually pretty calm. Besides, there was this feeling deep down inside of me that told me sometime in the middle of Craig's scheming, he would eventually realize that what he's doing is stupid and wouldn't make matters any better for any of us.
After the school bell rang indicating that classes were over for the day, I started walking back to my home, not taking the usual bus. It was a mile-long walk, but it was okay. I needed some time to myself to think about things anyway. Hopefully nobody would catch up with me and bother my contemplation.
When I finally reached the brown house with the number 2120 that I called Home, I stepped inside and judging by the silence, noted that my parents weren't home. Quietly sighing to myself, I flopped onto the couch and just layed there, thinking about a bunch of random things.
It wasn't until about twenty minutes later that I finally decided to get up and do something other than vegitize, if that was even a word, on my couch. I walked into the kitchen and, although I wasn't hungry or thirsty, looked into the refridgerator. I grabbed a can of soda anyway and letting the fridge door slowly close, I opened the can of soda. It made a hissing sound when I pressed down on the tab.
"Heh," I lightly laughed to myself and took a sip of the fresh carbonated cola. "I wonder if Craig will actually figure out some way to kill off Cartman." Usually I talk to myself because my parents are gone most times and I have no pets. I used to have a dog named Rex, but then he got ran over by a snowplow sometime when I was in fifth grade.
Walking back into the living room and flopping myself back onto the couch, setting my Coca-Cola can onto the coffee table in front of me, I tilted my head backward, resting it on the top of the couch and staring at the ceiling. "He wouldn't do that," I continued saying things aloud to no one in particular. "Craig hardly ever loses his cool, so he should be able to know that what he's doing is wrong. I think this is actually the first time that he's gotten this mad since sixth grade when our old Shop Class teacher Mr. Adler accidentally threw out his four page essay on how to build an average sized rocking chair." Again, I laughed to myself at the memory of how Craig's face looked when Mr. Adler told him that. Craig claimed that it took him two hours to write that, the pages were front and back, too. I remember it all.
Sighing, I lifted my head back up and stared at my Cola can that I suddenly found interesting. This went on for several more long minutes as I was thinking about more random things. Finally, I decided to go up to my room and play some video games in the playing room. Yeah, we still had one of those rooms. Usually when the kid is in fourth grade, the parents decide to change the room into something else, but my parents just left it there. Anyway, so I went into the playing room and sat down on one of those cool little beanie chair… things. I'm still not exactly sure on what they're called. I turned on my Playstation console and decided to play whatever game was already in there. A few short seconds later, I discovered it was Cool Boarders 3.
"Damn, I wish I had a PlayStation 2," I mumbled to myself as I waited for the game to load. Every year for Christmas or for my birthday, I'd ask my parents if I could have a PlayStation 2 or at least a Nintendo GameCube. But no, the most expensive thing they've gotten me so far was a new TV for the playroom. When the game loaded, I picked the character I wanted to play as and I picked the board and outfit and all this other crap. Even though, game-wise, I was an amateur, I picked an all-pro track that I was sure I was going to virtually die in.
Not even thirty seconds into the track I chose, my character was already beat up and then seven big red letters appeared on the screen saying F A I L U R E. I frowned; you think the game would at least be polite and say "You lost, sorry" instead of shoving big red letters in your face. It only made you feel more like a loser. Oh well, it wasn't that big of a deal anyway. Already, I got bored with the game and decided to turn off my PlayStation and lay back in my beanie chair, staring at the ceiling again with my hands resting on my stomach and my legs folded up. I guess I like to do that alot, just stare at the ceiling and think. Eventually, I started to close my eyes slowly and sleep claimed me.
"Clyde? Clyde? CLYDE!"
I was awaken probably only an hour or two later from the voice of my mother. She was hovering over me, smiling. In all honesty, I loved my mom. I know, most boys don't usually admit that, but I did. My mom was really nice practically all the time and she had brown hair, with some gray strands here and there. Her hair was just above her shoulders, and her eyes were always a sparkling brown. She didn't have any glasses, and she usually wore old-fashioned-looking dresses. Which I thought was kind of weird, but I went along with it anyway.
"Clyde, honey," she said in a sweet voice, "your father and I are home. We had to stay at work longer than we expected." I nodded. My parents both worked at the same place. It's amazing how they rarely ever argue and they work together, live together, do everything together. I guess it's just a gift. My mom continued, "what are you doing sleeping in the playroom?"
Breathing in deeply through my nose, I stretched out my arms and legs, feeling alot of energy suddenly run through them. Shortly after, I yawned. "I was playing a video game and then I fell asleep."
"Aww, did school tire you out?"
"Not really, it was just really boring all day today." She laughed lightly.
"Well come downstairs, I'm about to cook dinner," she said and walked out of the playroom and headed downstairs to the kitchen. I stared out the doorway for a while, then stood up and walked to my room. If my mom was just about to prepare dinner, then I guess I didn't have to go downstairs right away. I went to my small radio/CD/tape player and put in a mixed CD that I burned while using Token's new computer. Man, Token was so lucky. He always got the newest models of computers, DVD players, everything. His parents are filthy stinkin' rich, and sometimes I wished that my parents were that rich. I don't even have a computer.
The first song on the CD was a song by Fall Out Boy called 'Dance, Dance.' This was one of my favorite songs, I loved the beat to it and the vocals. Well, actually all my favorite songs were on this CD. I sat down on my bed and listened to the lyrics.
She says she's no good with words but I'm worse
Barely stuttered out, "A joke of a romantic," stuck to my tongue
Weighted down with words too over-dramatic
Tonight it's "It can't get much worse" vs. "No one should ever feel like…"
I'm two quarters and a head down
And I don't want to forget how your voice sounds
These words are all I have so I'll write them
So you need them just to get by
We're going into D-Minor
Dance, dance
We're falling apart to half time
Dance, dance
And these are the lives you'd love to lead
Dance
This is the way they'd love if they
Knew how misery loved me
You always fold just before you're found out…
If I was a good dancer, I'd probably be dancing to this song. And if it wasn't considered "wrong" for a guy to do it. Sometimes I hate how people categorize things. Like how if two girls can hold hands and not be considered lesbians, why can't two guys hold hands and not be considered fags? It was one thing, among with many others, that I'll never understand.
Getting bored with the song for some reason already, I forwarded to the next song and discovered it was 'Chop Suey!' by System of a Down. I loved System, they were such a great band. Though, I don't think anybody knows that I love them as much as I do.
Even though their lyrics were weird, I knew almost every meaning that each of their songs had. Unforunately, the lyrics to this song stumped me, and I still had to figure out what they meant. They were probably really easy to figure out, too, but I just couldn't get past them.
Wake up
Grab a brush and put a little makeup
Hide the scars to fade away the shakeup
Why'd you leave the keys upon the table?
Here you go, create another fable
You wanted to
Grab a brush and put a little makeup
You wanted to
Hide the scars to fade away the shakeup
You wanted to
Why'd you leave the keys upon the table?
You wanted to
I don't think you trust
In my self-righteous suicide
I cry when angels deserve to die
Wake up
Grab a brush and put a little makeup
Hide the scars to fade away the shakeup
Why'd you leave the keys upon the table?
Here you go, create another fable
You wanted to
Grab a brush and put a little makeup
You wanted to
Hide the scars to fade away the shakeup
You wanted to
Why'd you leave the keys upon the table?
You wanted to
I don't think you trust
In my self-righteous suicide
I cry when angels deserve to die
In my self-righteous suicide
I cry when angels deserve to die
Father, father, father, father
Father into your hands, I commend my spirit
Father, into your hands
Why have you forsaken me
In your eyes, forsaken me
In your thoughts, forsaken me
In your heart, forsaken me, oh
Trust in my self-righteous suicide
Icry when angels deserve to die
In my self-righteous suicide
Why cry when angels deserve to die?
Then for no reason at all, I thought of Craig. I wondered where he was at that time, wondered what he was doing. Wondered if Token and Jason were still with him, still going along with his plan. I bet not, the looks in their eyes before they walked off with him looked skeptical, almost as if they didn't want to follow what he was doing, but did so anyway because if they refused, he'd probably get more mad. As stated earlier, Craig rarely ever loses his cool, but when he does, don't do things that will make him even more pissed off.
I was interrupted by my thoughts when my mother called me again. "Clyde, you have someone on the phone for you!"
"Alright, I'm coming down," I yelled. Turning off my CD player, I sighed and hurried downstairs. When I arrived in the living room, I went to the table sitting besides the couch and noticed the phone was off the hook. I picked it up, only to hear intense sobbing.
"Hello?" I asked, wondering who the hell would be calling me.
"C-Clyde?" The other voice on the phone choked.
"Yeah?"
"This is Bebe…" Oh, so that's who it was. It was weird, I never heard Bebe cry before, so she sounded entirely different from her regular voice. "Clyde, I… I have s-something to tell you…"
"Okay then, what is it?" I was starting to feel concerned, but still a little aware in case this was some kind of sick joke. You never know, South Park kids tend to do stuff like that alot.
"I-it's about Craig…" Oh no. "T-token just called m-me… Saying that… that he's dead."
I was shocked. More than shocked, I have no idea how many feelings were thrown onto me at that moment. I couldn't describe how I felt and I guess all my feelings mushed together and I just stood there blank for a second. With no feeling at all, as if I had no real emotions.
"Wha…what?"
"He… He called me right b-before I called you… And… he told me to call y-y-you and tell you to me-meet him in front of Jimbo's Warehouse…"
It took a while for me to answer; I was still taking all of this news in. "Okay… Thanks, Bebe…"
"I'm so sorry, Clyde…" And with that, she hung up the phone slowly. I heard the click and I stood there for a moment or two longer after she hung up, listening to nothing. Moving at the rate of a snail, I put the phone back on the receiver and turned towards the kitchen.
"Mom, I'm going to go… out for a bit. I'll try to be home for supper."
"Okay, hon."
I turned around to face the way towards the door and at almost a fast pace, I walked to the door, turned the knob and opened it. Stepping out quickly (I didn't take my shoes off since I had gotten home from school), I closed the door behind me and started down the sidewalk that led from my house to the road. Seeing my bike lying on the ground, I decided to pick it up and settle for that as my transportation, seeing as if I walked to Jimbo's Warehouse, it'd take almost an hour. With my bike, if I pedaled fast enough, I'd probably get there in about twenty minutes. As I started speeding off, I was deep in thought, but still cautious about the cars and everyone on the streets. I wondered why I wasn't crying yet. Was it because I was starting to be more of a man and from here on out, I wouldn't cry as much anymore? Or was it because I was still too shocked about the news to have felt remorse?
It was a while later that I turned a corner and saw a crowd of people, all of them becoming more clearer as I was approaching them. I slowed down my bicycle, and not caring to stop it, I jumped off, ignoring the fact that it ran into a nearby building and was probably damaged. Quickly, I ran through the crowd and spotted Token and Jason inside the investigation tape borders. I told the police man standing behind the line that I was one of Craig's best friends and that Token gave me permission to step inside and the police man let me go in. As I got closer to them, I saw Token staring down at the sidewalk where apparently Craig had gotten killed. It wasn't a pretty sight, even if the ambulance had already taken his body away. But was I saw wasn't the greatest thing someone would want to see. There was blood splattered everywhere and even a couple of teeth and even a bone or two. Near them was a regular sized cinder block, with blood covering almost a whole side of it. I winced, only imagining what had happened.
Jason was crying his eyeballs out, which was to be expected because he had sensitive emotions like most girls, but right now I didn't care about it. He slowly came towards me, his face in his hands, and I pulled him close to me, my chin resting on his shoulder and his head resting on my shoulder. He was really crying uncontrollably, his shoulders shaking and his breathing irregular. I patted his back, repeating "Shhh," quietly. Token approached us, his eyes meeting with mine. Token's eyes looked different. They weren't the glittering brown eyes I had always seen. They were… darkened, it seemed. Clouded with depression.
"Token… What happened?" I asked. Token sighed in reply, ready to tell the story. And I still remember every single word…
The three boys were walking down the street, Craig with an accomplished grin on his face. His smile was unlike anything that anybody had ever seen. Token and Jason, however, had frowns upon their faces, walking behind Craig and staring at the ground as they walked.
"Craig," Jason spoke up, looking at the back of Craig's head. "Are you sure that you should've done that? Like, what if we get in trouble? And, like, you know, you didn't really have to kill Eric just because he thinks-"
"Shut up, Jason," Craig interrupted. "Killing Cartman is something I've been wanting to do for almost my whole life, and because he thought he was God wasn't the only reason I wanted to kill him," his voice was remarkably calm, and quiet so that nobody nearby would hear. "There have been plenty of other things that he's done to piss me off."
Jason said nothing else after that, and he continued looking down at his moving feet. Token grunted slightly to himself, his eyebrows curved, pointing up with worry. "But… As much as an asshole Cartman was, you didn't really have to kill him. I think Clyde was right. We should've just stayed out of this one…"
Craig was starting to feel guilt now, and the feelings that told him that what he had comitted was wrong started to spring in. But almost as quickly as the feelings came, he shoved them away and grinned again. "You guys, just don't worry about it. That lardass got what he deserved, and I don't think anybody's going to really miss him anyway."
"What exactly did he do to, like, deserve being killed? Nobody really deserves to die, except maybe you," Jason's voice got more quieter as he mumbled the last part.
Craig turned around so that he was now walking backwards, facing the two boys. The distance between them was probably about five feet, due to the lack of guilt that consumed Token and Jason, they ended up slowing down their walk while Craig proudly strolled along. "What did you say?" Craig questioned.
"I said nobody really deserves to die, except maybe Jews," Jason said, trying to cover himself. He wasn't rascist or anything, but he didn't want Craig doing anything to him this time.
Buying what the brown-haired boy said, Craig shrugged and replied with an "oh." He was silent for a minute, until there was a breeze that ran through the atmosphere… Nobody thought anything of it, seeing as it was a simple small gust of air. But at the same spot where Craig was at that time, there happened to be a cinder block losing balance from the top of a building, and that small, unthought-of gust of wind was just enough to make it fall off said building.
"You know, I'm glad-"
And that's when it hit. Suddenly, without anyone giving warning or anyone aware with what was about to happen, the cinder block fell on top of Craig. Landing right on the middle of his head, it shattered his skull to little pieces, and stopped at somewhere around his shoulders. Instantly, Jason shrieked and people from across the street looked over and saw what had happened. They screamed as well and hurriedly ran over to the scene. Craig's body fell over on the sidewalk, flabs of skin above his shoulders, his hair everywhere, his hat flown off, insides of his head scattered around. Almost all of his teeth had been squeezed out, flying all over. Blood squirted everywhere and even reached Token and Jason some. Their shirts were now stained with the blood of a killer, their friend. The cinder block rolled some, as soon as it hit the ground and just lay there, bloody side up. Token and Jason stood there shocked, wide-eyed and staring at the now murdered body. Token looked up to see if there was anybody who could've possibly thrown the cinder block, but there was no signs of any humans on top of the building. He then looked more towards the clouds in the sky, silently asking, "Why God?"
When the African-American boy looked around, more and more people were starting to gather around and someone with a cellphone nearby called 911. It wasn't until a few minutes later that Token decided to call Bebe and tell her the story. Jason was already crying by this point and he tried his hardest not to shout, "why did I have to say that? Why did I have to say he deserved to die after he killed Cartman?" If anything about Cartman was going to be said, Jason and Token would surely be sent to jail. The secrets on what Craig and the other two had done to Cartman will forever be concealed inside their own minds. At least, two of them would hold the memory.
When the police had come by, shortly followed after an ambulance, they had started questioning what had happened to the raven-haired teen who was known as Craig. Token told them everything and Jason tried to squeeze in what little information he could, choking through his sobbing. People from the ambulance started to take Craig's body away, for an unknown reason to the duo. After the higher authorities had finished their questioning, they set up some plastic yellow border that said 'POLICE LINE - DO NOT CROSS' over and over. Token stood there, staring at the marks Craig's blood had made on the sidewalk, along with the small indentation the cinder block created after falling onto the concrete. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a figure running towards them with brown hair and a red jacket…
It was sometime during the gut-wrenching description of Craig's death I had started bawling my eyes out. I was still holding Jason close to me, and I grabbed onto the back of his purple shirt tightly. Biting down hard on my lower lip, I tried my best not to make the biggest scene, even though it would've been alright, since Jason had already started doing that. I wondered why Token wasn't crying, though, and it still bothers me to this very day.
I still remember everything about what had happened four months ago, every single little detail. Jason still cries over it here and there, but Token decided to rather not talk about it to anyone. Cartman was reported missing, and his mother is still looking for him to this day. In school, it's hard for me to concentrate on my work now, because every day, I replay everything that has happened from that day and because of that, my grades have plummeted to the ground. I don't cry about it anymore, I just think about it. Reply every event, and just think the same things about it everyday. It's still astonishing to me, mind my use of dramatic words, and I don't think I could ever get the feeling out of me. Craig was beautiful, I loved everything about him. And I didn't even know I loved him until he was gone. But now, I guess, he was my angel.
Suddenly, I realized what the lyrics to 'Chop Suey!' really meant.
-End.-