Disclaimer: Not owning anything with a copyright.

Luna: Sadly, this is the next to last chapter…: starts sobbing.: I'll try to update sometime next week. THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS!

Chapter 6: Of Cloud chasing Kadaj and Yuffie's kleptomania.

Kadaj smirked at his handy work.

" Who should I call out next?" asked Kadaj, trying to make Rufus sweat, " The Scantily Clad Ice Queen? The Knights Of The Round that'll take so long to kick ass that you can finish a 5 course meal with dessert in the time that they're summoned and when they leave? Or Choco Mog, that'll sit it's fat ass on everyone? Or-"
Rufus cut him off.

" Remember the box that your mom wasn't in that wasn't on my lap?" he asked.

" Yeah…?"
" I lied."

Rufus threw the sheet off, stood up and threw Mommy-In-A-Box off the side of the building.

" Mother!" screeched Kadaj.

Rufus shot the box as it fell, then tripped over his own 2 feet. What did you except? Rufus was in a wheel chair for a while and suddenly jumps up and you expect him to have perfect balance?

" MOTHERRRR!" wailed Kadaj.

He took a nose dive off the building, risking his life for a stupid ass box. Rufus ripped off the Matrix as time slowed down when he pumped more lead into the Mommy-In-A-Box.

" MOTHERRR! MOTHERRRR!"

Kadaj managed to grab the box, defying gravity. Rufus fell head first, into a conviently placed net.

Kadaj landed on his feet, cat like; Mommy-In-A-Box safely in his hot, muscular arms; I mean, arms. Cloud noticed this, for he was in the middle of another brooding session and ignoring his friends and Kadaj caught his eye.

Kadaj ran for the motorcycle, mom in tow and sped off. Cloud followed. Stalker.

" Wait! Kadaj, where's mommy!" asked Log.

He and Yazoo took off on their own bikes, intent on meeting "mother" and kicking Cloud's ass.

But not before Tifa screamed after him, chipper as usual, " Kick Kadaj's ass! I have 100, total and complete confidence in you!"
Cloud had to swallow down vomit.

" Hehe…I have his wallet…" said Yuffie, proud of herself.

" So what do we do now?" asked Tifa.

Yuffie's earnings from her sticky fingers weren't what she excepted. There was no gil in his wallet.

Flashback

Cloud was on his bike, right before the LSD-induced Aeris trance.

He was still bruting over the fact that Reno called him a 'fat, useless, lazy, slob'. Okay, so maybe he only called him fat. Okay, so maybe he only implied fat.

Cloud decided that the perfect way to lose weight was to go on hunger strike. Completely forgetting he had a muscular physic and a 6-pack.

Deciding he had no more use for money, he threw all his gil in a nearby lake.

Back to the Present…

" NOOOOO!" cried Yuffie.

" I know, I'm worried too…" said Tifa, missing the point.

" We could cruise around in my ship!" offered Cid, " And…uh…back up Cloudo!"
Yuffie was screaming profanities, as Red began to scratch himself in a not so nice area.

" Sounds good, " said Vincent, " It's not like I have a life or anything."
" That sounds mad cool, yo!" announced Barret.

Tifa was already making 'Go Cloudo!' banners to show her undying devotion to him.

Meanwhile…

Cloud was racing after Kadaj, who was wayy ahead. Yazoo was going so fast that you'd of thought it was a clearance sale on Herbal Essence. Log was also catching up.

Log tried to hit Cloud, whom swerved away.

And they were doing the motorcycle thing, until Log got bored and threw his motorcycle at him; which only managed to flatten one of Cloud's gravity defying spikes. He had to suppress tears cause he thought it was cut off. And Cloud was suddenly in possession of different emotions.

Cloud Emotion Stages

Aeris is dead.

Aeris is dead. Cloud is sad.

Aeris is dead. Cloud is suicidal.

Aeris is dead. Cloud is useless.

Aeris is dead. Cloud is mildly frustrated.

Aeris is dead. Cloud angry.

Aeris is dead. Cloud SMASH.

Cloud's Hair is messed up, Cloud SMASH times 20.

So Cloud swung his sword, his emo-ness aiding his violence. Yazoo attempted to shoot him, but failed; because Cloud was still angry about the temporary loss of his cool-ass hair. Screaming like a mentally challenged cave man, the ex-SOLIDER swung at him.

Meanwhile…the Reno and Rude-ness

"…" commented Rude, wisely.

" Yeah, the economy does suck." Reno agreed.

"…" Reno nodded.

" Boom? Sure."

Just then, Cloud sped out of the tunnel, intent on whupping a certain silver haired Momma's Boy.

"…!" proclaimed Rude.

Reno didn't hesitate, he just pushed the button. And the tunnel exploded. Don't have a cow, Reno fans and that one closet Rude fan. They live. Don't ask me how, since they were in full range of the blast and their bodies should be charred beyond recognition…Square likes plotholes. FF-X2 was a wide, gaping, plot hole. What! Anyway…

Kadaj had managed to get far away enough into Aeris' church.

" Mother!" he said, joyously.

He opened his box, and suddenly his face fell. The truth crushed him like a weight. It was a neck. Just a neck.

His fantasies of baking cookies, going to the zoo and getting boo-boo's kissed by an actual mother, his mother; slowly faded.

Before he could get all emo, The King Of Emo aka Cloud showed up. Pissed.

Luna: Done! Thanks a bundle and a half for all of your support!