Disclaimer: Things I don't own: Final Fantasy Advent Children, The book/movie The Princess Bride, and anything w/ a copyright.

Luna: Sorry for the extremely late update! Sadly, this is the last chapter…Let's observe a moment of silence…:gets yelled at for trying to stall!! Anyway, here's the last chapter! I never excepted it to get this big, thanks so much for all your support! And I should've stated this earlier, but I have nothing against Emo people; its all for the sake of the comedy! SO DON'T KILL ME!

Chapter 8: Of Sephrioth's return, and Cloud's lazy friends.

Kadaj was still reeling from his Mother revelation, as Cloud screamed, " You've gone too far! My name is Cloud Strife! You killed my father, prepare to die!"
Kadaj was stunned, but not stunned enough to let that odd comment just slip by him.

" No, I didn't…"

" Well, you killed Aeris!"

" No…I didn't."
" Well, you came to my town, strutting around all metro like it was okay! And then your brother's almost screwed up my hair! And…you tried to resurrect Jenova and stuff." declared Cloud, expressing an amazing amount of emotion.

The silver haired metro began to laugh maniacally, and jumped down from the balcony.

That was when a burst of water shot up and propelled Kadaj up in the air.

Cloud figured this must have been the work of Aeris. Then again, when the toilet paper roll held out after only a little was left; he considered it Aeris' doing as well.

A spray of water hit him, and the Geostigma washed away; like dirt. He began wondering if maybe he practiced better hygiene that the Geostigma wouldn't of been there in the first place.

Shaking off such deep thoughts, he jumped into the air and stalked Kadaj. Swinging the huge ass sword that made him a house hold name, Kadaj did a poor job of blocking his attacks; for he still clung to Mommy-In-A-Box. Loser.

As they fenced, Kadaj got dangerously close to the edge. And tripped. Cloud watched him, like a moron; much like he did when Aeris was impaled by Sephrioth.

Kadaj giggled like a school girl as he shoved the box into his chest, how a box went seamlessly through his buff chest; the world may never know.

" That was…easy." said Cloud.

But he decided to jump down and investigate because 1. He was dumb. 2. He was blonde. 3. The plot needed to advance.

Meanwhile…

On the ship Sierra, our ex-useful members of Cloud's party watched him. From a safe distance.

" Aw! I wanted a piece of Kadaj's ass!" cried Barret.

Everyone gave him an odd look.

" I meant in the fighting sense, dawgs!" he barked.

" Oh…I'm still worried about Cloudo…" announced Tifa, " But I shall cheer him on!"

" Kadaj is a cocoon, in a sense, for Sephrioth," mused Vincent, ignoring Tifa, " Cloudo can handle it. Besides, Cid's too damn lazy to land this thing, anyway."

" Wait…" said Yuffie, eyes like saucers, " HE'S A BUG!"
" Miss, you're a dumbass," said Cat Sith.

" Shut the hell up, you damned stuffed animal!"

Tifa was too busy on the deck of the ship, chanting, " Cloudo, Cloudo, he's our man! If he can't do it, no one can! Because we like sitting on our asses! Go…CLOUDO!"
Cid had left the controls unattended to get some popcorn and a beer, as Yuffie grabbed Cat Sith and bit it's head off.

" Why don't you ever come! Why do you send some dumb stuffed animal here instead of you? COWARD!" hollered Yuffie.

" Give me a C-"
Vincent began to wonder why in the blue hell he ever hung out with these people.

Meanwhile…

Cloud had landed down where Kadaj fell, expecting to see entrails and guts everywhere. He was let down, severely.

That's when a sword crashed down on him, and Cloud's super fast Emo reflexes kicked in; blocking it.

" It's been a long time…" said a silky, masculine voice, who paused for effect.

Cloud's eyes widened into what basically said 'OhshitwhatthehellYOUAGAIN!'

"…Cloudo." continued Sephrioth.

Yup. Sephrioth. The most Metrosexual of them all.

" YOU!" cried Cloud, " You killed Aeris!"

"…That was 2 years ago." stated Sephrioth, " Get over it."
Cloud's eyes burned into his as a fight ensued. Sephrioth broke the hold and dashed along the corridor; Cloud close behind. Sephrioth twisted around and was about to slice and dice our favorite hero; but he blocked it.

" You've gotten stronger…" commented Sephrioth, " What drives you so?"
" My eventual death to end my boring, useless, empty life."
Sephrioth stared at him.

" Then you should let me kill you."
" Naw…that would be too easy…" said Cloud, and the impact of steel on steel threw them both back.

The fight was taken down the side of a building, Sephrioth threw down some incredibly large boulders at Cloud, who managed to slice through them. But the poor boy fell, landing with the grace of a wheelchair bound cactus.

Sephrioth had gotten the advantage as Cloud laid pinned to a wall.

" Tell me Cloud…what is most important to you?" he asked, pausing for effect.

3 seconds passed by, the Masumase wedged in Cloud's shoulder, Sephrioth smirking at him; and finally deciding to finish his little speech.

" So I can have the joy of taking it away!" he finished.

Images flashed through Cloud's head. It went a little something like this: Aeris, his spikey hair, Aeris, his huge sword, Aeris, bread pudding, Aeris-

Suddenly, Cloud had a revelation. A huge revelation. He was never alone.

He had his deceased girlfriend who he never even really dated, his deceased best friend who's girlfriend was also deceased and used Cloud, the odd dog creature, the stuffed animal, the kleptomaniac girl, the ghetto thug, the drunkard drug addict, the 'cheapo bastardo' and…that clingy girl. What was her name? Trish? Tina?
" There's nothing I don't care about!" declared Cloud.

This sparked something inside him, and he used the sickest of the sick Limit Breaks; Ominoslash.

Sephrioth hovered in the air, getting repeatedly owned by our no-longer Emo blonde friend.

" Why won't you just frickin DIE already?" asked Cloud, frustrated.

" Because I have Materia…" said Sephrioth, once again, pausing for dramatic effect.

Crickets chirped.

Somewhere, Tifa continued her Cloud cheer.

"…And cheese." finished Sephrioth.

With that food for thought, Sephrioth changed back into Kadaj. Sadly, my favorite of the Metrosexuals was dying.

Cloud kept on the defensive as Kadaj charged at him, charged and fell into Cloud's arms.

Aww…how touching.

" Brother…" said Kadaj, meekly, " I'm sorry…"
Cloud just gave him a meaningful look. He was through with words, as rabid fan girls around the world expected hot, incestal, yaoi.

Except me and the male fans of the series. What? It's disturbing…

It began to rain, and Cloud knew it just must be Aeris. Then again, he credited Aeris whenever he made it to the bathroom on time.

" Kadaj…" said a sweet, forlorn, voice.

" Mother?" asked Kadaj.

" Would you just give UP on your damn mother!" exclaimed Cloud.

Kadaj was too delirious to hear him.

" Uh…Sure. Come to the LifeStream. We have cookies."

"…Sure." said Kadaj.

With those words, he dissipated into what looked like smoky pyrofiles. Cloud stood up, outraged.

" Aeris! Take me! Come on! I love you!" he hollered.

So distracted was he on the prospect of dying, and rejecting his epiphany; he failed to notice Yazoo and Log.

A shot was fired into him, and then he was electrocuted.

" Want…to play?" asked Log, " Why not? Your…so MEAN!"

Cloud fell backwards in slow motion, blacking out.

Then he woke up and asked " Mother?"
Surprised at his own idioticness, he figured Kadaj's stupidity must be contagious.

" I'm not your Mother, dammnit!" cried Aeris, " Geez, if I had a dollar for everyone who called me that…"
" Is it really that bad?" asked Zack, " To be loved like that?"
" Well…It'll be like incest-" she began.

" AERIS!" exclaimed Zack, " Anyway Cloudo, only special, dead people can with us. So long!"

" No! I wanna be dead!" whined Cloud.

Too late. He was back to where he was. The Sierra pulled up to him.

Later…

Cloud and his entourage had entered Aeris' church where a pool of water was.

Cloud jumped in, as Tifa ogled at his wetness. Marlene had dragged an hesitate Denzel to the water.

" Go on, Denzel!" said Marlene.

" No! No, you can't make me!" cried Denzel, clinging to her like mold on 6 day old bread.

She pushed him in, and he yelped. When Denzel resurfaced, Cloud suddenly became Father Cloud.

" The Power Of Christ compels YOU!" cried Cloud, and splashed him.

Denzel let out a hi-pitched, girly scream, and quickly realized the Geostigma was gone.

" It's okay!" cried Denzel.

With that, all the random orphans jumped in, thrashing and splashing about. Cloud turned and saw Aeris some feet away; sticking out like a sore thumb with her dumb, pink dress.

He didn't call her name. He didn't race after her. He just stared, muchlike how he stared when Aeris was impaled and Kadaj fell off the ledge.

And he smiled and said, " Now I know I'm not alone…but…I STILL WANNA DIEEE!"

Luna: THE END! 106 reviews…Whoa! Thank you all!