The walls began to crumble, the room began to shake, everything just began to collapse on itself. Luigi and Waluigi looked at each over and knew instantly what to do, hide under there beds and whimper about how they were going to die. From upstairs the screams of Toads being torn apart and doors being blown open were heard. The sound of countless feet stamping down the stairs echoed above the screaming and death. One of the creatures behind this chaos jumped into the room and tore apart one of the guards. The others screamed and ran, while another fell on her knees and began crying about the death of her one love who had shown her class shouldn't get in the way of love and had helped her leave behind her aristocrat life for that of a guards.
"I don't believe it!" Muttered Luigi. "It's the Yoshis!" Sure enough, Daisy's castle had been attacked by the savage Yoshis, who were currently over running the castle killing anything that moved, and allot of stuff which didn't. Luigi and Waluigi watched as the Yoshi kill that Toad I mentioned earlier in such a gruesome way, it is not possible to write it down in words, but lets just say a knife, cheese grater, egg and root beer were involved.
"Don't make a sound." Luigi ordered. However, Yoshi heard Luigi passing his useless advice and began trying to claw his way into the cell. This frightened Waluigi so much that he jumped up, hitting his head on the bed and knocking himself unconscious. Luigi wasn't scared as he had become preoccupied by a speck of dust. The Yoshi quickly realised the cell was unlocked and barged in. The Yoshi, blood dripping from his mouth, charged straight at Luigi. He raised his circular fingers, bared his rather flat teeth and pounced on Luigi. The Yoshi landed on top of the bed, the pounce missing because you can't really pounce on something under a bed. "I can't believe this speck of dust! It is so amazing!" Luigi claimed, still unaware of the danger he was in. The Yoshi clawed at the bed, feverishly trying to get to the mostly fresh meat underneath. "Hay, I don't remember bringing a shotgun!" Luigi took a sawn off shotgun out of his dungaree pocket and started looking it over. The Yoshi tore the bed in two and roared at Luigi, who accidentally threw the shotgun at the Yoshi. It hit it's nose and enraged it even more. "Shit!" Luigi swore as he finally noticed the Yoshi and desperately tried to shot the thing. However he hadn't put the safety off and was as good as dead. He would have died as well, but if he did the rest of this story would be even more illogical, so Waluigi gained his consensus thanks to my plot device powers.
"Where am I?" Waluigi grumbled, briefly distracting the Yoshi, giving Luigi the time to club it to death with his shotgun.
"We've got to get out of here!" Exclaimed Luigi.
"Thank you Luigi! I would never have guessed that. Bastard." Waluigi sarcastically replied. Luigi took it literally.
"Well be glad I'm here. Come on!" Luigi ran off up the stairs, followed closely by Waluigi. The two got to the top of the stairs when they saw that the main corridor, which they were now in, was filled with so many Yoshis that God himself would have looked on opened mouthed, wondering how he had managed to create so many Yoshis.
"SHIT!" The two plumbers shouted, which was a very bad idea as it alerted all the Yoshis to there presence.
"Quick, pretend your a baby, Yoshis seem to love babies!" Luigi told Waluigi.
"How do we do that with these moustaches!" Waluigi asked.
"I don't suppose you have a shaver?" Luigi glance back at the Yoshis. They were coming closer.
"Why would I have a shaver?" Waluigi replied.
"Well, maybe we could just be babies with moustaches, there not that uncommon"
"Forget the bloody baby plan!" Waluigi shouted, becoming more tense with the oddly slow moving death getting closer.
"Do you have a better plan?" Luigi asked, sounding hurt by what Waluigi had said.
"Well, no." Waluigi admitted.
"Then shut up!" Luigi shouted.
"Oh, come on Luigi, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings"
"Well you did. I put allot of thought into that plan and all you do is diss it." Luigi turned his back to Waluigi.
"It was nothing personal, I just think we could come up with something better." Waluigi claimed.
"Oh, nothing is good enough for you!" Luigi turned around and shouted at his evil version. Just then a Yoshi which had miscalculated a pounce flew over there heads. "Oh yeah, the killer Yoshis." Luigi and Waluigi looked over at them, to find them still slowly advancing.
"Why are they suddenly so slow?" Waluigi questioned.
"All horror movie monsters, and apparently Yoshis, slow down when the protagonist needs to think." Luigi claimed.
"No they don't" Replied Waluigi.
"Well maybe they just want to keep there distance from that turret over there." Luigi suggested, pointing at the turret right next to them. Waluigi looked at the turret and smiled.
"I have a plan!" Waluigi shouted excitedly.
"Bet my baby plan was better." Luigi claimed. Waluigi ignored the sulking Luigi and jumped into the turret. Luigi understood the plan and followed Waluigi into the giant gun. "Good thinking Waluigi! They'll never get us in here! Now if only we had some way to get rid of them..." Luigi pondered, leaning on the turret's firing mechanism.
"Yes, if we only had, say, a large gun which you happen to be leaning on." Waluigi sarcastically replied.
"Yeah, that would sweet." Luigi sighed. "Wait a minute..." Luigi began pondering.
"In your own time." Waluigi pulled out a magazine, 'Whaaaaaaa monthly', and waited for Luigi to figure out the obvious way they could attack the ferocious Yoshis.
"We will use the turret to attack them!" Luigi suddenly shouted. He then looked around and realised it was three days later and Waluigi and the Yoshis had all gone off. "Or not." Luigi added. "Who the hell am I talking to?" Luigi got out of the turret and explored the nearly demolished castle. The entire castle was deserted apart from the body parts that littered the corridors. The loneliness gave Luigi time to think. Where had Waluigi gone? Where was he going? Why was there a turret in the middle of a corridor? What type of articles would be in 'Whaaaaaaa monthly'? Why didn't he just make another cheese sandwich? These thoughts dwindled in Luigi's mind for about two seconds each, leaving after they felt lonely.
Luigi opened a huge pair of doors into the throne room. The room had suffered greatly from the Yoshi attack. You could barley see the walls as they were covered in yolk. In the middle of the room, breathing heavily, was Daisy. Luigi walked up to her, to realise half of her had been eaten.
"Ew, nasty." Luigi remarked. The top half of Daisy grabbed Luigi by the dungaree pocket.
"Luigi! I am dying!" Daisy announced.
"Even I could tell that." Luigi remarked.
"But I have yet to name a heir to the throne of the 'yet to be named' kingdom, and seeing as your here..." Daisy took the crown off her head.
"Wait a minute, your just a princess, I don't they need heirs"
"I'm a queen as of two days ago when a Yoshi ate my mum." Daisy explained.
"Oh. Hay, congratulations, you lasted shorter than that Lady Jane Grey woman." Luigi took the crown from Daisy.
"Now, we really need Toadington to make this official." Daisy explained.
"He got eaten by a Yoshi." Luigi lied.
"Whatever, I pronounce you King Luigi." Daisy crowned Luigi. Luigi tried to balance the crown on top of his green hat, but in the end put it underneath.
"This is all nice and well, but I still have to avenge my cheese sandwich!" Luigi got out a small list. "And were running out of interesting characters to use"
"Maybe it was Peach? If you are going to blame her would you take some of these bombs with you?" Daisy asked hopefully.
"Already done her. Besides, I think Toadsworth has properly killed her by now"
However Luigi was wrong as Peach had still kept out of Toadworth's grasp. Toadworth had got bored of trying to find her and was burning the castle down in hopes of smoking her out.
"I really should have burned the castle from the outside." Toadsworth told himself as he stood in the burning lobby. "Ah well, what are you going to do"
"You could always use a fire extinguisher." A near by Toad suggested, trying to put out his friend. Toadsworth promptly shot the Toad for judging the way he did things. He then shot the other Toad for burning without a permit.
"It must have been Donkey Kong?" Luigi claimed.
"Why him?" Daisy asked.
"First name to come to my head." Luigi admitted.
"Fine whatever, just let me die in peace!" Daisy shouted. Luigi obeyed, but not before raiding her fridge (He hadn't eaten since he began this quest.
Luigi was on the road again, but this time he was confronted by a rather large problem, namely nobody knew where Donkey Kong was. He and Diddy had muttered something about Bongos and left. They had obviously gone to the jungle, but there was roughly a dozen jungles in the Mushroom Kingdom, all with similar, Donkey Kong related names. Finding Donkey Kong would be like finding a oddly small needle in a haystack twice the size of earth, or something like that. Luigi decided he had already wasted enough time in the turret and wouldn't waste any more exploring each jungle in turn. There had to be an easy way to find him. Luigi pulled out his map and studied it.
"Lets see..." Luigi muttered. "There's the Kongo Jungle, DK Jungle, DK island, DK mass cooperate office, the Konga, Bongo Jungle, Jungley Jungle... wait a minute! Donkey Kong muttered something about Bongo's when he left, and there's the Bongo Jungle, meaning he must be in the Kongo Jungle!" Luigi put away his map and hopped in his car. he pushed down on the accelerator as hard as possible, and drove into a tree. "Crap! Why will nothing go my way!" Luigi complained, despite the fact he had just become a king. He climb out of the Car/tree and looked around. He was in the middle of a large, lonely road, there was no one around for miles. Luigi sighed and began walking. After three steps he became exhausted and collapsed onto the floor. "I think I'll take a quick nap first." Luigi muttered sleepily.
Luigi woke up a day later with many tire tracks over him. He was also not in the middle of the road anymore, he was in the back of some truck.
"Hmmm, either I have been kidnapped, or I have been mistaken as garbage and been shoved on the back of a garbage truck." Luckily for Luigi, he had been mistaken as a piece of garbage and was on a garbage truck. He easily over powered the driver and took over the truck. He then headed for the Kongo Jungle, albeit rather slowly considering garbage truck's aren't known for there speed. Luigi began pondering on his journey what has happened to Donkey Kong. Had he become evil? A posh stereotype? A banana? However, Luigi could never have guessed or prepared for what had become of Donkey Kong.