Dark Lord Tea Party
You have been warned.
Rated PG
Disclaimer: I don't own Star War or Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings.
Dark Lord Tea Party
"So, you have an arch nemesis?" Malak asked good-naturedly, sipping his drink absently.
"Yes, actually," Vader replied. "My son."
Malak gasped. "Dude! That's so hardcore!"
"What about you?"
"My ex-girlfriend."
"Wow. What'd she do?"
"She called me bald and stole my car."
"That whore!"
"I know, right?"
They looked at Voldemort, who bowed his head and looked away.
"Hmm?"
"My… er… uh… this kid… you see… he uh… he kind of like… beat me at a card game…"
"How old was he?" Malak asked, leaning over to peer at him.
Voldemort muttered.
"What?"
"One and a half."
Silence.
Vader and Malak burst out laughing, spitting tea into the air.
"One and a half, you guys!" Voldemort cried. "He was almost two!"
Vader beat the table, giggling hysterically.
Their laughter was interrupted by a faint 'ding' in the background. They exchanged glances.
"That'd be Sauron with the scones," Malak said at last.
Sauron walked in, his shiny armor offset by his new pink apron. He looked at them all and smiled. "I love my new pink apron!" he said happily.
"We love it, too, Sauron," Malak said warmly. "Why don't you sit with us?"
"I would love to!" Sauron squealed, and found a seat. "By the way, Master Malak, when do you want your afternoon blo –"
Malak flushed. "Shut up!"
"Oh." Sauron bowed his head.
"Are we praying?" Voldemort asked.
"No…" Sauron began, but Malak nodded.
"Lets!"
They bowed their heads and clasped their hands.
"To the Great Lords we pray. Yay us."
"Wait a minute. Did we just pray to ourselves?" Sauron sputtered.
Silence.
They looked at one another and nodded. "Yeah, I think we did. Yes, yes, I'm sure of it. Yeah."
"What's your point?" Voldemort asked, leaning forward to look Sauron in the eye. His sunhat fell in his eyes and he quickly pushed it back up.
"Voldemort, my dearest, the flowers on your hat are stunning," Vader offered.
"Thank you," Voldemort replied, and sat up straight, beaming.
They sipped tea in silence.
"You know, I should really get home," Voldemort said at last. "Poor little Skippy will need a walk soon, or he'll piddle all over the floor like he did last time."
"See you tomorrow at eleven!" Malak said, waving.
"Well, I should go as well," Vader sighed. "Lifetime has a new feature presentation."
Malak gasped. "And I didn't know?"
Vader gawked. "You're a monster!"
Malak nodded, tears welling up in his eyes. "I know it. What time is it?"
"Seven."
"I'll tune in."
"See you later, then!"
"Goodbye!"
Sauron studied Malak once Vader was gone. "Master…"
Malak got up. "Clean off the table and then turn the TV to lifetime," he said briskly. "I have to practice the piano."
Sauron nodded. "As you wish, Master."
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Author's Notes: I don't know what the hell anymore. DX