Luigi found himself without a body floating in a large white void. Below his decapitated head was 'touch me' written in large, orange writing. Above his head there was a grey star floating with the words 'Kick the royal crap out of King Boo' under them. Beside that were some random counters, one of which claimed Luigi had minus two lives. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a large stylus flew towards Luigi's face. Luigi found himself unable to move out of the way of the pen like object. Luigi scrunched up his face and awaited the inevitable assault. The stylus hit him with its full force directly in the eye. As soon as this happened Luigi's mouth opened by itself.
"Lets go!" Luigi blurted out against his own will. His head then started spinning for no plausible reason and flew into the distance before it disappeared completely.
Luigi then found himself falling from the sky and landing in front of some random, clichéd ghost castle.
"God, I hate jumping into paintings." Luigi complained. "Not only is there that stupid white screen, but falling from great heights really hurts!" Luigi rubbed his hurt legs, and then had a look around. Beside the castle, there was also a graveyard, however it was obvious the tombstones were all made of cardboard, and a few had even been blown over by the wind. On the other side of the castle there was a collection of badly drawn paper Zombies next to a sign with the word 'BOO' written on it in pink felt tip. Next to this display of crap was the tackiest attempt at fear of them all. A fairground haunted house, ran by a uncaring and uneducated idiot only working there so he can steal from the till and laugh at the disappointed faces of children. "Well, at least the castle looks real." Luigi stated, just as the one and only wall of the castle fell over, revealing King Boo, who was just floating above a carpet (which made up the entire castle) looking bored. "I guess I asked for that." Luigi muttered. King Boo seemed to hear Luigi and looked up at the green clothes wearing plumber.
"Ah! Luigi! I see you have found your way to my spooky lair!" King Boo announced. Luigi rolled his eyes.
"Yeah, real spooky." Luigi cynically remarked. King Boo looked angry with this.
"Well you see what you can make with no fingers or resources at hand." King Boo replied.
"Well, if you had no resources, then where did you get the cardboard from?" Luigi questioned. King Boo opened his mouth to answer, but then realised he didn't know the answer and had to think some more before actually answering.
"Fine. Maybe I had some resources, but not much! Only a few trees and that industrial factory over there." King Boo pointed off into the distance. Luigi nodded thoughtfully (not that he was thinking or anything.
"Fair enough. So, what has happened to you?" Luigi asked.
"Pardon?" King Boo replied.
"You know, how has your personality changed?" Luigi explained. King Boo thought a bit.
"Well, I'm angrier than normal." King Boo answered. Luigi raised his eyebrows.
"Really? That's it? Just a bit angrier? Doesn't seem that big a personality change, I mean, it could just be your time of the month." Luigi sounded slightly disappointed. He was then taken by surprise when King Boo seemed to grow to three times his original size.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT? ARE YOU TRYING TO INSULT ME, YOU INSIGNIFICANT SPECK OF A WORM?" King Boo shouted at the top of his voice, causing allot of spit to hit Luigi's face. King Boo then shrank back to normal.
"I see what you mean." Luigi claimed. "Still think it's just your time of the month." Luigi muttered under his breath.
"You know, you still haven't told me why you're here." King Boo pointed out.
"No I haven't." Luigi replied. What followed was a long silence. King Boo gritted his teeth, then lost his temper once again.
"WELL TELL ME WHY YOUR HERE YOU IMPUTANT SHIT PILE!" King Boo bellowed.
"Oh. You could have just asked you know." Luigi replied. "Anyway, I'm here in search of the knowledge of how to enter Wart's dream castle, so I may exact vengeance on my cheese sandwich." King Boo raised a nonexistent eyebrow.
"Cheese sandwich?" He questioned.
"I get that allot." Luigi answered. King Boo shrugged it off.
"Why do you think I will tell you, my arch enemy, how to get to Wart?" King Boo narrowed his eyes evilly, although it did look allot like he had lost his contacts or something.
"Arch enemy? Really?" Luigi sounded pleasantly surprised. "I mean, I always knew you loathed me, but never so strongly! I don't know what to say!" Luigi whipped a tear away.
"Look, now you're just scaring me." King Boo then realised what he had said. "BUT YOU'RE STILL NOT AS SCARY AS ME!" Luigi cleaned out one of his ears.
"Do you honestly have to shout?" He complained.
"YES, BECAUSE YOU CAN'T GET IT THROUGHT YOUR THICK HEAD I WANT YOU TO EITHER LEAVE OR GO ROLL UP INTO A BALL AND DIE!" King Boo continued to shout. King Boo suddenly grew again and pointed one of his hands like things at Luigi.
"BOOS, ATTACK!" The ghost King bellowed. There was a long silence until a rather sad looking Boo appeared. He slowly drifted up to King Boo and then fell onto the floor.
"Where are the other Boos?" King Boo questioned.
"They told me to tell you that we are all in a state of deep depression after realising our role in life seems to be nothing more than hiding and attacking from behind, which is a very pathetic and depressing way to fight. It's all very sad when you think about it." King Boo slapped his own face.
"Look, tell the troops if they do this I'll take them all out for ice cream. That'll cheer them up." The Boo shook his head.
"I'm afraid not. Ice cream is very saddening. People can't stop eating it due to the flavour, but are punished with what has been dubbed the depressing name 'brain freezes'. I would rather you didn't force such torture on us." the Boo replied.
"How about KFG (Kentucky fried Goomba)"
"The pictures of a dead Cornel everywhere are saddening, bringing back the memories of dead loved ones"
"Burger Emperor"
"Reminds us of all the poor people still under dictatorial rules"
"McClouds"
"We all just finished watching 'Supershroom me"
"WELL WHAT DO YOU STUPID WASTEFUL PILES OF ECTOPLASMIC SHIT WANT?" King Boo bellowed. The Boo thought for a moment.
"To waste away in our depressing afterlives." He claimed.
"OH JUST GO YOU STUPID MARVIN WANNABE!" King Boo attempted to kick the Boo out, but because he had no feet ended up looking like he was dancing. He then turned back to Luigi. "FINE THEN! I'LL JUST FIGHT YOU MYSELF"
"I'm not sure why were suddenly fighting, but can you at least stop talking in capitals every other sentence?" Luigi asked.
"Fine." King Boo grudgingly replied.
"In that case, I challenge you to a Xiaolin showdown!" Luigi shouted. King Boo looked confused.
"What"
"I mean lets fight." Luigi took up fighting stance. King Boo flew directly at Luigi. Luigi jumped upwards and towards King Boo. The Two collided, beginning the fight.
It's time for a notice from the author: I'm sorry, but the following paragraph had to be cut, due to excessive violence, drug references and nudity. However, I don't want you to miss a thing, otherwise the only review I would get will be 'how come Luigi's hat got married in the space between two paragraphs', so I am going to provide a breakdown of all the points deemed acceptable by the American censoring agency, also known as some old woman who lives in a basement and is convinced the world is nothing but flowers, bunnies and sunshine. I would use the English one, but sadly we just took your censored versions of shows and blew our English censoring agency up. Oddly they swore allot as they died. Anyway, onto the revised paragraph.
Luigi won. Then his hat got married.
"Well, I can't believe how intense and nail biting that fight was." Luigi claimed. King Boo, who now had a black eye, large cut down his left side and a bra on his head for some reason, lay before Luigi, breathing heavily.
"How could you defeat me? It isn't possible!" King Boo exclaimed.
"According to Vegas, there was a 2-1 chance of me winning. It also claims the chances are good that Peach will escape Toadsworth"
While we're on the subject, Toadsworth had discarded the cameras and was now firing wildly into the burned castle with a rocket launcher.
"I will kill her! You'll see! She will be dead, and I will become ruler!" Toadsworth shouted. Then he stopped and thought. "Wait, by snow couldn't she have escape through some secret exit all these castle seem to inexplicably have?" He questioned no one in particular.
"Oh, you mean like that elevator I saw her escaping in earlier?" A Toad asked. Toadsworth turned to look at him, anger boiling in his eyes (Literally, and I bet it was bloody painful). "Ah... em... damn. You're going to kill me now, aren't you?" Toadsworth nodded .The Toad sighed. "Ah bugger. Oh well, at the rate you've been killing Toads, at least I won't be lonely." The Toad then awaited his untimely death.
"Your way too okay about dieing." Complained Toadsworth. He then aimed for a Toad next to the one who had just talked and blew him up instead.
"Ah, what I do?" The Toad asked with its dieing words.
"Anyway, I still need to know how to get into Wart's imaginary castle." Luigi claimed.
"I'll never tell!" King Boo spat.
"Oh come on, the sooner you tell me how to get in there, the sooner I can go back to accusing random characters of killing my cheese sandwich." Luigi pleaded.
"I said never!" King Boo replied.
"But you have no idea what I've been through to get my vengeance! I've travelled through jungle, kingdoms and cities"
"That's not all that hard to do." King Boo interrupted.
"Shut up. I've also exhausted two cars completely, I even hired a bunch of detectives which looked oddly like a crocodile, a bee and a chameleon." Luigi continued to ramble. "Granted I may have been high from that stuff I found in DK's car when I thought I did the last one, but nether the less I deserve to know how to exact this so long sought after revenge!" King Boo continued to look unimpressed. Luigi decided to try a new tactic. "Do this and I'll tell you how to get the haunted, cancer destroying piece of string." King Boo's face suddenly showed interest.
"Really? Such an item exists?" King Boo's face was filled with interest.
"Yes, and I know who owns it. You tell me how to get to Wart, and I'll tell you who to kill to gain the string." King Boo considered the proposition.
"Hmmm... Fine." King Boo momentarily disappeared, then reappeared with a hammer.
"You need to use this to get there." King Boo tossed Luigi the hammer.
"Gadd has the string. Go kill him." Luigi claimed. King Boo began to flow away, then realised he couldn't escape his painting prison and shouted a naughty word very loudly. Ignoring this, Luigi looked at the hammer. "Well, even I can tell what to do with this." Luigi claimed. He then proceeded to run back and forth, flailing the hammer around like a headless chicken. This achieved nothing. However, while doing this, the hammer slipped out of Luigi's hands, causing it to spin around in the air before hitting Luigi on the head, instantly knocking him out.
Meanwhile, in the practically destroyed castle of Daisy, a group of social misfits were hunting down Luigi.
"Well Spitz, where do you think he is?" Dribble asked. Spitz hopped up and down as if trying to communicate. "Why the hell do I keep you around"
"Forget about that intellectually challenged feline, I have deduced that if we are to sues out the green capped ones presence, we need to ask." Dr Crygor claimed. Mona nodded.
"Sure why not." She then walked up to a near by Toad, who was there nicking gold. "Hay, Toad, have you seen a green capped loser"
"Yeah, why?" The Toad asked.
"We plan on killing him." Mona replied nonchalantly. Suddenly the room was filled with Toads holding spiky sticks.
"They are here to assassinate King Luigi! Kill them!" One of them shouted, leading to a surprised looking Mona, Dribble and Crygor. Spitz continued looking stupid and Ashley sighed.
"Looks like I'll have to save the day." Ashley claimed. She then pulled out two Uzi out of nowhere in particular and proceeded to kill all the guards in a very bloody matter. Afterwards everyone looked even more shocked. "What?" She asked, kicking a Toad's head away.
"Anyway..." Mona tried to change the subject from the sudden and fairly random on slaughter that they had just witnessed. "Where is 'Luigi' then?" She asked. Dribble walked forward holding a book.
"Well according to this book I just found, This Toad, well, pile of organs splattered on floor, saw Luigi heading towards the Kongo jungle. Also he has been cheating on his wife, with his sister in law... and mother in law... and father in law..." Dribble then threw the blood soaked diary across the room, as if that would protect him from it.
"In that case, to the jungle!" Mona shouted, running back to the Taxi. Everyone else just stood around.
"Want a pizza?" Ashley asked.
"Sure." Everyone replied, leaving for pizza and leaving Mona sitting in the taxi looking lonely.