THE LEGACY – CHAPTER 25
This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end
Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end
I'll never look into your eyes; again
THE DOORS
Ruthie didn't remember much about the next couple of days, she survived them, but that was about it. And although she could remember few specifics, she had at least felt cared for, thanks to Marissa and Teressa. On Sunday morning, she woke up with the sun shining in the window, she was sleeping in Marissa's guest room, but she wasn't alone. She turned her head slightly and looked at the blond head next to hers "so how are you this morning" she asked.
The only reply she got was an enthusiastic thumping, as Riley's tail whacked the bed, the dog being ecstatic at the fact that his presence had been acknowledged (a common reaction in Golden Retrievers and single men). Ruthie sat up, feeling really awake for the first time since her conversation with Meredith. Some delicious smells were coming from the kitchen, and her stomach was reminding her that she hadn't eaten much of anything the last couple of days. Stretching out all the kinks, Ruthie got out of bed and went in search of breakfast; once more a functioning member of the human race.
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"Marissa, what are we gonna do if Camden keeps up like this?"
"I don't know Teressa, if she's like this for more than a week we ought to get her to a professional; personally I'm going to pray she comes out of it and we don't have to worry about it."
"So what are you singing today?"
"Rock of Ages, the new choir director really likes the classics."
"So is Leon picking you up, or are you meeting him there?"
Marissa got a bit flustered at the mention of her current beau, something Teressa thought was adorable. "Actually, he's coming by for breakfast."
"You're cooking for him, you've got it bad."
"I'm simply being hospitable young lady, keep up that attitude and you'll be washing dishes for a month." Both Marissa and her adopted daughter laughed at this since Teressa did the dishes every day anyway.
"Now that smells good" said a voice from the kitchen door.
Teressa turned to see her friend looking like she was on the way back to normal. She bolted up and gave Ruthie a fierce hug. Marissa just settled for beaming her great smile at Ruthie. "Good to have you back Camden" Teressa said. She had been deeply worried about her friend, and seeing her like this was a huge relief.
"Thanks Walters, its good to be back" Ruthie replied. "And I wanted to thank the both of you for helping me out the last couple of days. I know it couldn't have been easy, but one of the few things I do remember is that neither of you would leave my side. I can't tell you how much it helped having that physical assurance that someone cared; it meant everything to me. So thank you, both of you, for that. And now that I've said my little piece, what's on the menu?"
"Omelets and boyfriend inspection" Teressa answered.
"Leon's coming here, for breakfast" Ruthie said "boy do you have it bad Marissa."
Breakfast went well, and Leon was a great guy. The four of them went to church together, which was a bit surprising. Ruthie hadn't been that actively religious during her time in Chicago, but the girl needed to feel normal, and there was nothing so normal as church on Sunday for a Camden. Ruthie kind of tuned out the minister, but she loved the choir, and wished they would sing more often. After church, Leon and Marissa went out for Lunch with several other choir members while Teressa and Ruthie headed back to Marissa's apartment, popped some popcorn and indulged in a 'mindless teen comedy' video fest. Ruthie's eyes were on the screen, but her mind was a million miles away. She had an epiphany during the worship service. She knew what she needed to do to recover herself. Before she called anyone else, before she cried on anymore shoulders, before she started severing connections, she had one more painting to do, and on Monday, that's exactly what she would do. She was planning it in her head as the videos flickered by in front of her eyes, one more painting to sum it all up.
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Despite her very eclectic music collection, there was one type of music that had never done much for Ruthie and that was classical. Sure, she appreciated the intricacies and admired the expertise it took, but classical as a genre never did much for her, with one exception. When she was in her freshman year, her class had gone to the planetarium across from the natural history museum. There they had seen a presentation and the background music had been 'The Planets' by Holst. Ruthie was captivated by the range of emotions captured in that one piece, and how each was separated and delineated yet at the same time was part of a greater whole. She loved it; and it was currently the only piece of classical music she owned. And it would be what she listened to for her last painting as a student. In all of her previous work, her serious work; she had isolated and refined the single emotion she was trying to embed in her work. Now she was going to try and capture them all, undiluted and yet all part of a blended whole. She was going to paint the person she was, her joys and sorrows, highs and lows and everything else that made her Ruth Camden. It would be her 'Magnum Opus' as a student; her rite of passage into the real world. Leaving the door open for a change, and putting the CD in, she faced the largest canvas that she had ever attempted, and went to work.
Ruthie didn't mark the passage of time, she didn't know or care what day or time of day it was, she just worked, striving to get this right. She never made a sound, she simply worked, her technique had never been cleaner, her movements more assured. She didn't care that she had an almost constant audience of her fellow students. She didn't care that one of the first year painting classes had come up en-mass to watch her, every fiber in her being was focused on the canvas, and getting this one right. Finally she stepped back, that was it, her best effort, everything she was distilled and spread out on canvas. Slowly she began to take note of herself, she was hungry, and her knees were screaming in protest for having been used past endurance. As she signed her name in the corner she idly wondered what day it was, and what time. When she started she always removed her watch, just so she would loose herself in the passage of time and not mark it. She stepped back from signing and looked again; it would have to do.
Slowly, methodically, she cleaned up her studio; cleaning everything because she would never use it again; as a student, she was finished. Finally everything was cleaned and stored and she turned to leave. Teressa was in her doorway, an odd look on her face; it was a mixture of sorrow and anger and joy, Ruthie had never seen such a look on anyone's face before. "What's up Walters" she asked.
Her friend tried to answer a couple of times, Ruthie could see the effort she was making; finally Teressa said "every time I think I'm getting close to your level, you raise the bar. I won the Guggenheim this year, but then I look at what you do and realize that I'm not even in the same league as you. I hate you a bit for that Camden, did you know that. I'm like Salieri to your Mozart; in my heart I know I'll always be second to you. I've been working hard this year, I've gotten help from you and from the professors; I've busted my ass, and in the process convinced myself that I'm getting close to where you are. Then I see something like this" she gestured at the just completed canvas "and I realize that you are on a totally different planet than the rest of us. God Camden, that is the most incredible work I've ever seen in my life, and I wouldn't believe any person could possibly have done it if I hadn't stood here and watched you work."
Ruthie was powerfully moved by what her friend had said, and even more by the tone in which she said it. Slowly she walked up to her best friend and said "a lot of what is up there is there because of you. You rescued me, believed in me, and helped me; even when I didn't deserve it. I would never be the artist I am, the person I am without you. And in this whole crazy 'I've got to leave' tragedy that is my life; you are the one thing I'll miss most. You are a part of me Walters, and you always will be." Ruthie hugged her friend and whispered in her ear "I'm glad you like it, because it's yours. Just a little something to remember me by and a thank you for all you've done for me."
Teressa couldn't handle it any longer, the realization that her friend would be leaving, the magnificence of the gift she was being given, the friendship that they had shared; it all came pouring out in a flood of tears. Ruthie held her friend, and cried herself, both for what she had and for what she would have to leave behind. Eventually, both girls got themselves under control; Ruthie looked at her friend and said "what do you say Walters, let's go get some ice cream and watch old movies".
"Sounds like a plan Camden" Teressa said; and together they wandered off.
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Ruthie sat back in her seat and waited to be dismissed from class. In the past couple of days she had managed to cut most of her ties to Chicago and had actually done it with a minimum of fibbing; sure she had vagued up some of the details, but the main stories had actually been true. That didn't change the fact that she felt like crap for having to say anything less than the truth in the first place. That really applied to the conversation that she had had with her parents. At first it had gone well, but then her mother had started asking specifics and had gotten angry when Ruthie tried to be vague. Ruthie gave a taught little grin at the memory, her mom had been wanting her out of Chicago for five years, and now that she was getting her way, she got upset. That's when the accusations had started flying, Ruthie was pregnant, Ruthie was pining away for someone in Glen Oak (Martin or Vincent or some anonymous guy), Ruthie had somehow gotten some criminals angry at her for her part in the robbery; it had gone on for a bit more, the accusations getting more and more ridiculous. It had finally gotten too much and Ruthie hadn't been able to hold her laughter in any longer; that more than anything had settled her mother down, but she knew she would be getting the third degree when they met next. Now, however; she had another dirty job to do, she had to tell Dr. Pearson that she wouldn't be taking the professorship even if it was offered. She sat patiently waiting for the class to end. As soon as Dr. Pearson dismissed the class, Ruthie was down by the lectern waiting to talk to him, unfortunately so were a lot of other students. She waited patiently as the others complained about eh grades that they had received or begged for more time to finish the final project, or desperately inquired about extra credit. Finally it was just her and Dr. Pearson, he looked up and a smile finally lit his face, "what can I do for you Ruth?"
"It's about that job" Ruthie replied without preamble "I don't think I should take it."
Dr. Pearson looked neither angry nor surprised "why not" he asked, his tone neutral, revealing nothing.
"It boils down to the fact that it would feel weird teaching people I've known and worked with the past four years. I know it would be uncomfortable for me, I can only imagine how they would feel."
"Especially if you had to give a best friend a bad grade?"
"That wouldn't help" she said with a slight grin.
He looked at her for a moment or two and Ruthie felt like her soul was being taken out and put under a microscope "I honestly would have been surprised if you had taken it" he said at last.
"Why" Ruthie wanted to know.
"Because despite the fact that you are extremely mature for your age, I just can't see you in a classroom when you could be painting. And that would create a lot of conflict within the faculty."
"So you're not upset?"
"I must admit I'm a bit disappointed because I won't be seeing more of your work, but no; I'm not upset."
Ruthie thought for a moment "as far as my work goes, at least you'll be able to see nearly everything I've done up to now."
"Really, how will that be possible?"
"Simple, I'm leaving most of it here, I'll take about five paintings, the rest belong to the school."
Dr. Pearson was speechless for a moment or two, something Ruthie had never seen before, finally he found his voice. "Do you have any idea what that body of work is worth in terms of a monetary figure."
"Sure, but this way, part of me will always be here, whether you use them to teach with or just hang in the halls; whatever, I will always be a part of this school. I will be giving back to the place that has given me so much."
"You're sure about this, not that I'm complaining, but I want you to be sure."
"I'm very sure about this, I couldn't think of a better legacy for a life than to be a part of this institution."
"I must say I'm completely undone, I don't have any idea what to do or say, and for me that is a unique situation. Thank you Ruth, I can't begin to say how much that will mean both to me and to the school."
"You're welcome, honestly I just wish I could do more, but this is the best I can muster."
Dr. Pearson just looked a the girl for a minute, finally he said "you are the most remarkable person I have ever had the pleasure of teaching Ruth Camden, in years to come students will be amazed that I actually had the honor to have you in my classroom."
Ruthie looked back at her mentor and friend, her eyes swimming with tears, but an impish grin on her face "normally this would be a hugging situation, but since I don't want to hurt you", then she bowed to the man, in one gesture of respect acknowledging the huge difference he had made in her life.
A wistful smile sprang up on his face and he returned the bow. With nothing left to say, the two slowly made their way to different exits, never to be student and teacher again, but simply friends.
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Since her meeting with Dr. Pearson Ruthie had pretty much stopped going to class. She had finished all of her projects and reports, so there was very little need for her to be there. She had been using this time to get all of her stuff together and to crate up the paintings that she wanted to keep and get them all to a ministorage garage that she had rented. When she wasn't doing that, she was down at McGinty's helping out wherever she was needed, or just sketching. In fact she was sketching Cat when Teressa found her. "Camden, don't you ever check your messages?"
"Sure, I just haven't been around that much lately, why, what's the urgent?"
"The Dean has been trying to find you for the past two days."
Ruthie got a cold feeling, she couldn't think of what was wrong, but she was afraid that something was. "Well, just tell him to call down here, anyway what's so important?"
"It's about the speaker at graduation."
"Uh huh, what they need me to do an intro or tour guide her around the city or something like that."
"So not necessary" Teressa replied "after all, you and her are on a same name basis."
"What" Ruthie asked, not sure that she had understood her friend.
"It's you, you're the graduation speaker you big dummy" Teressa told her with a huge grin. "At least you will be when you call the Dean and tell him yes."
"You're serious; they want me to speak at graduation."
"Actually they want you to be the keynote speaker" Teressa said with a grin.
Ruthie was sure that her eyes were bugging out so much that they would fall from her head, but somehow they stayed in place. She tried to speak twice but all that came out was "kepbthalme"
Brent sidled up to a laughing Teressa and with a solemn look said "I think you broke her". That just made Teressa laugh all the harder.
So that was how she ended up standing in front of her graduating class, and their parents and the faculty, speaking about the nature of art.
"Art is not about many things, it is very simple. Art is simply showing truth, whatever that truth may be, and wherever you find it. It is not the job of the artist to interpret what he or she sees, or to alter the truth that you find, or to see it through the lens of your prejudices. You simply show the truth, and let the viewer interpret the piece for themselves. That is what we artists are, we show the world itself, in all its glory and horror, we do not judge; we simply illustrate. And when you are out in the world, do not make the mistake of thinking that only you can show the truth. In every situation on earth, the truth wears many faces, show the ones that you see, and let others show what else is there. Finally, I must admonish you all to take time to laugh, especially at yourselves. If we take ourselves too seriously, then our perspective will be lost, and the truth we show will be tainted. For an artist, there is no greater sin. So go out into the world and show the world itself, every aspect that you see in every place that you are; and if you can do that, you truly deserve to be called an artist."
She sat down, thanking God above that her knees had not been visible so no one could have seen them shaking. She mentally drifted through the rest of the ceremony, that little speech had really taken it out of her, and she just sagged in relief. She didn't mentally rejoin the proceedings until she heard Dr. Pearson speaking at the podium. "Every year we have awards for outstanding students in each of the chosen medias; however there is another award that is not always presented. This award is only bestowed when the faculty feels that a student is truly worthy. That is the 'Outstanding Student' Award. It is not given based on grades or technical proficiency or ability, the criteria is heart. It goes to the student who not only worries about him or herself, but worries and cares about all in the class. It goes to the student who will give up some glory so that others can succeed. It goes to the student who exemplifies all that we as people can hope to be. It is my honor to present this award to Miss Ruth Camden" he turned to look at her with a twinkle in his eyes "and Ruth, this is a hugging situation".
She could barely see through the tears in her eyes, she glanced in the direction of her parents, and the McGinty's crew that had made it there, but mostly her attention was focused on her friend and mentor. She slowly approached and soon found herself on the receiving end of a bear hug that a grizzly would have been proud of. He handed her a plaque and certificate, but they were secondary to the pride that she could see in his eyes "thank you, for everything" she said, but it was enough.
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The graduation party was in full swing, but it was bittersweet. Everyone was happy for Ruthie, for what she had achieved and the person that she was. But most everyone knew that this was the last time that they would see her, because she would be leaving Chicago and maybe never returning. She had limited herself to one farewell Oberon Ale (although from the looks she got from her parents, one was one too many), and tried her best to say goodbye to everyone. It was tough to do, especially when she was trying to let them know how much they had all meant to her. She had said her goodbyes to everyone except Teressa, mostly because she was getting up the courage that she needed to leave her best friend. Steeling herself, she walked over to the quite corner that Teressa had been in most of the party.
The two friends looked at each other, neither knowing how to start. Finally after a moment or two of stammering Ruthie said the most painful and obvious thing she could "I will never have another friend like you Teressa. I know I'll be friends with other people, but never like I am with you. No one could ever take the place of what you mean to me." As soon as she got it out, the tears started flowing from both girls. They just stood there, holding each other and commiserating each other on what they were about to loose.
Finally Teressa got herself under control enough to say "you just stole my lines Camden you thief".
Ruthie just looked at her friend for a second, a stunned expression on her face, then just as hard as she had been crying, she was laughing. This was what she loved about Teressa, the ability to make her smile, even when she didn't want to.
"This isn't goodbye Camden; this is 'see ya later', because I hear that parts of California are actually nice."
"Are you serious" Ruthie asked, realizing what her friend was saying.
"Hell yes, you think I'm gonna let something like this keep us apart, get ready for a roommate as soon as I graduate, capishe."
"Well thanks for letting me decide there Walters."
"Well, you could always change the locks before I get there."
"Nah, where else could I find someone capable of putting up with my crap."
"No where else kid, I'm unique."
"Well, that's one way of putting it."
"True, so 'see ya later Camden'"
"See ya later Walters" Ruthie answered. She then walked over to Gary and whispered something in his ear. Gary shot her a look, then nodded and stood up on the little stage area. "Excuse me everyone, but our honoree has something she's like to say to us all."
Ruthie got up and looked into the eyes of her friends and family "I was looking for a way to thank you all for what you have given me this last year. But all I could think of were these. She started passing out framed sketches of each of the McGinty's staff; all of them caught in moments of humor and humanity. "And finally, so that we never forget each other" and she held up a sketch with everyone standing around the bar, Gary hugging Toni, Tony and George arguing while Abby laughed at them both. Crumb and Brent mixing drinks and Cat, in all his glory, lying in the center of the bar while Teressa stroked his back. Ruthie handed this to Gary and said "this is the best thank you I could come up with."
"And it's the best 'thank you' I've ever gotten" then he looked at his wife and said "well maybe not the best, but it's certainly in the top five. Then he sat the sketch down and stood so everyone could see him "since we're giving out presents, it is customary to give the graduate a little something, RC, over here please."
Ruthie came up to him, looking a little perplexed, what was Gary up to. "We all got together and thought you could use this" he pulled his hand out of his pocket and handed her a set of car keys.
Ruthie looked at her hand, then at Gary, then back at her hand again "what" she finally managed.
"Come on kid" Toni said "your chariot awaits.
They led her outside where she saw a Chevy Suburban parked right by the door. "This is mine" she asked, totally blown away.
"Yeah, it's yours kid" Crumb answered "we thought you should go home in style."
"Besides, it has all your stuff in it" Gary said with a smile.
"Plus a couple of extras" added Marissa.
"Now go make a difference" Teressa finished.
Ruthie turned to look at them all "I'll never forget you guys" she said, then it was group hug time in front of McGinty's. Slowly, painfully, she finally disengaged herself from her friends, people who were as close to her as her family. She got into her new car, started it up and leaned out the window "I love you all" she said. Then with tears in her eyes, she left Chicago, the place she thought of as her home and headed west, into the unknown future.
Goodbye to you, goodbye to everything that I knewyou were the one thing that I loved, the one thing that I tried to hold on to.
Michelle Branch
A/N Just one more chapter to go. I'd like to take this time to thank everyone that has read my little story. I would especially like to thank those people that have taken the time to respond to this story, I appreciate your feedback and comentary. It has made writing this a much easier task than it could have been. There is one more story to go in this series, but I'm not sure if I'll write it immediately or take a side trip into the Buffyverse again. But do not despair, I shall return, maybe sooner, maybe later, but I'm not going anywhere. Thanks again to everyone for letting a bit of me into your lives, if only for a little bit.
POE1911