Kiba and Shino Are Going to Die
I do not own Naruto.
This isn't meant to bash Sakura or anything, I actually love Sakura. And of course the people here are OOC, doi!
"Hey guys I'm hom-" Sakura stopped, dumbfounded, as she dropped her shopping bags onto her kitchen floor, staring at the damage done to her house.
Panties and bras both hers and her mothers were strewn across the kitchen, some in the cat dish, some in the fridge, even a few stuffed in the egg salad her mother had made last night. With her eyes wide and her eyebrows drawn down in a look of obvious confusion, Sakura followed the trail of undergarments into the living room, where even more bras floated in the fish tank and a thong strapped over her dog's head.
"Wha?" Sakura breathed, still surveying the damage with growing disdain and confusion. "What the hell happened in here?" She murmured to herself, picking through the strewn about undergarments when suddenly her sharp eyes picked up the trail of feminine ointments and toiletries going up the stairs steadily.
Sakura cautiously began to climb up the stairs, straining her brow at each creak and squeak.
Wtf? Did a frickin' tornado take place in her house the twenty minutes she was gone?
Stopping just outside her bedroom door, Sakura suddenly heard two sets of very masculine giggles. Slowly, an angry anime face began to form, red stress marks appearing over her head and pulsating at her fists.
"Whoever they are…they will die." Kicking open her door with a wild scream, Sakura stopped mid-scream. And stared. And stared. And then suddenly screamed again, but this one filled with terror.
For what she saw was enough to burn even Orochimaru's eyes and send him running to his ever lovin' mommy.
Shino and Kiba had lacy bras strapped around their chests and thongs over their pants, underwear on their heads; they were playing rockets with her tampons and Kiba had one pad covering his right eye as an eye-patch, and Shino was wearing a very sexy see through red teddie.
"Tehehehe! Schwoom, zoom bang bang pssht bow pow!"
"… … ……. ….. … .. .!"
"Arr, matey! Ye holden my treasure, ar!"
"….!"
Both boys suddenly stopped as they turned slowly to see a shocked Sakura just… standing there. Her eyebrows disappeared up over her so-called massive forehead into her hairline, a feat amazing by itself.
Slowly, her scream of terror gave way to a wide open mouth.
"Uh…Hi, Sakura!" Kiba said brightly, quickly stuffing his pockets with as many tampons and pads he could reach. Shino did the same, but shoving some into Kiba's hood at the same time.
"How's it going?" Kiba ventured to ask, standing up and quickly tidying up her room in scared haste. "Uh, yeah. We'll just be leaving now…Oh, and by the way…that teddie Shino's wearing is pree-ty sexy…hah…"
He and Shino began to giggle nervously as they backed away out through her door, bolting down her stairs and through her house, not stopping until they were safely within the streets of Konoha. Grinning at each other, they hi fived and man-hugged.
"Oh yeah, baby! Rockets and pirates all day long here we come! This was such a simple solution to our problem. Even though that checkout lady wouldn't sell us these tampons and pads, we got them anyways. And some new underwear and a few bras for those man boobs Chouji's beginning to develop!" Kiba whooped, tearing a little. "That Chouji, he's strong, man. What a tough time, getting his first set of boobies! I'm so proud, man!"
"…!" Shino nodded his head in agreement, reaching under his sunglasses to wipe away a few tears.
People began to just stop and stare at their attire, the elderly shaking their heads and tsking; both boys still had on the bras and thongs and undies, and Kiba still wore his pad eye-patch and Shino his teddie.
"KIBA AND SHINO ARE GOING TO DIE!"
"…" Both boys blanched, letting a seemingly anime wind wisp their chibi bodies to the side.
"We're going to die, aren't we?" Kiba finally admonished; his voice eerily small and calm.
Shino only nodded his reply, silently taking out a pad and pencil to write out his will.
"Think you can add me on there, buddy?" Kiba asked quietly, walking over to stand over Shino's shoulder. "That's 'Kiba' spelled with an 'I'," and then finally,
"RUN!" Kiba screeched, tearing through the Konoha market, banging into Naruto, Sasuke and Kakashi on the way. Both Shino and Kiba were crying.
"Shino? Kiba? What's going on?" Kakashi asked, his one visible eyebrow drawn down in confusion.
"Yeah, why're you guys crying like little girls?" Naruto half taunted, half worried.
Sasuke just stood to the side and watched; an eerily amused smile plastered to his face.
"Sa-Sa-Sakura caught us playing with her undies and her bras and tampons but we were only playing rockets and pirates with them 'cause the checkout lady wouldn't sell us any saying we were guys an' all but Sakura caught us an' got really mad and now she's chasing us and she's going to kill us 'cause we got into her undergarments and her 'feminine products' and she's not happy and we're going to die!" Kiba started to scream really fast, Shino nodding his head wildly to Kiba's speed of speech.
Kakashi and Naruto blanched. "You're going to die…" Kakashi whispered, suddenly making the sign of evil across his chest. "OMG YOU'RE GOING TO DIE GET AWAY FROM ME YOU'RE MARKED!" And dragging Naruto behind him by the hair, Kakashi ran screaming down the street, "THEY'RE MARKED! THEY'RE MARKED MEN!"
Sasuke just continued to stare at the heaving Shino and Kiba; until he began to laugh wildly. He continued to laugh after dropping to the ground and started to roll in the dust, kicking wildly and clutching his sides. "Haha! Sakura's-ha-going to-ha- kill you! Hahahah!"
And then suddenly, Sasuke stopped. And then, like a piece of crap band, he began to rise from the dust, shadows supporting him as he loomed over Kiba and Shino.
"I told you he was the devil," Kiba whispered into Shino's ear, who began to nod dumbly.
"And now I'm going to kill you." And at the same moment both ninjas started to cry and began to run again because Sakura just happened to have came running up over the hill, waving a steak knife and screaming profanities.
"YOU WILL DIE YOU LILLY LIVERD BASTARDS! I'LL KILL YOU! DON'T YOU WORRY, OH NO! BY THE END OF TONIGHT YOU'LL BOTH MY SIX FEET UNDER AND SNOOZING WITH THE WORMS!"
Dodging into the nearest convenience store, both boys coward in the feminine products corner, quivering with fear and practically gluing their mouths shut. Kiba was pretty sure the wetness in his pants was piss, and Shino could tell that he needn't have gone on that diet. He had probably sweated and pissed out at least ten pounds just being scared.
"Oh look, a tampon!" Kiba shouted in glee, totally forgetting his situation and diving for the rocket shaped item.
"…!"
Later, Sakura and Sasuke sat at the Café sipping tea as they watched Shino and Kiba, both nodding their satisfaction.
"I don't think either of them will be messing around with my stuff ever again," Sakura sighed with content as she laughed with evil glee at the products of her anger.
"Hn," Sasuke agreed; a self satisfied smirk upon his own lips.
Both Kiba and Shino were dressed in tampon and pad suits, handing out flyers on the importance of keeping clean and healthy and on Femi Marts newest line of state of the art feminine products.
"Another score for Sakura."
Sasuke and Sakura hi fived as hordes of women with video cameras came to video tape Kiba and Shino as they began to do the Femi Mart jingle.
'You've got some bleeding, sob
But you've got a meeting, shuddering breath
Come down to Femi Mart,
And grab a nice big cart, Kiba's hyperventilating and Shino's having a mid life crisis
And grab what you need,
We've got everything and anything,
To stop that goddamn bleed, here Shino starts to cry as women begin to surround him, chanting.'
"YOU GO GIRL!"