D & C Sam's POV
By Wanderer (Wandering Smith)
April 2001
Rating: PG-13 (baby swearing) inside-joke
Archive: ask
Summary: Very very short. Sam's thoughts during the retest.
Disclaimer: As it is thought, so let it be as said… You make the toys, I play with them.
Spoilers: Upgrades, D & C
Status: complete, I think
Author's Notes:
ROUGH COPY! just my thoughts as I watched it for the 'nt time.
Would love some feedback, just remember its a rough. Flames will be shoved where the sun don't shine and remembered...
Use of indicate unspoken thoughts.
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I realized as I watched him attack the control box that there was no way I could get out. We didn't know how those controls worked and had no time to find out. I told him to go but he ignored me, started hammering at the shield. Dammit Jack, this isn't the time to be stubborn!
When he went back to beating at the controls, I yelled at him again to get out. Goddammit, I don't want you to die! He reared up yelling "NO", then stood there panting and staring at me.
I saw his eyes widen suddenly and I almost laughed. For crying out loud Jack, of all the times to understand something.. I wish you'd go. I don't want you to die because of me. I didn't say it; I'm not supposed to feel this, but God! I don't want to watch you die!
I saw his lips move, his eyes still fixed on mine. love? I love you too, Jack. But I want you to live. Please. The fear and sadness in his eyes held me captive, I felt the tingle in my fingers as I unconsciously tried to reach out to him..
As I heard the guards turn the corner, I could see acceptance and panic vie for supremacy in him. His earlier helpless fury no longer there to protect him.
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As much as I love Dad, right now I hate the Tok'Ra. I watch him go through those last moments again. I think he hates thinking about it more then he hates the current situation. And this damn machine still thinks he's lying. "Sir."
I look at him, trying to let him know its ok, we'll deal with that later; we gotta get through this right now, no mater what.
As I keep watching, his eyes lock onto mine, tired, sad, lonely. Too much death and loss, not enough happiness in our lives.
When he says he cares for me, I can't help the jolt of happiness I feel; even with everything, I still feel a soft smile tugging at my lips. Even with our audience, with the reasons, with the regulations; looking every inch my battered, world-weary warrior, Jack O'Neil is mine. Mine to love and care for. And lean on if I chose, even if it can't be physically.
The euphoria vanishes far too quickly as Anise pronounces him clear. It can't go any further than this. Feelings shared because of a Tok'Ra truth machine; that was all they could have. For now. And friendship, the chance to work together every day; watch over each other. As long as we didn't let this ruin us anyway.
END?
Comments? Recommendations? Compliments? g Canadian Wanderer