Author's Note: This story was written by Arakni. I (Rae) am just typing it. But she still writes very good stories without my amazing help. Modest, aren't I? Anyway, enjoy!
Disclaimer: We don't own Harry Potter. Draco does.
And so does J. K. Rowling. But not us.
Follow Through
I always though that, no matter how hard the times became, I would have the chance to tell him. It was subconscious; if I had really thought about it, I would have realized how childish it was. I most likely would have told him.
But now it was too late.
As I stand here, in front of the dark veil that swallowed him, my fingers cling to the chain he gave me that one year for my birthday. It was silver, with a gold orb dangling from the front. I have always worn it, ever since that day so long ago.
Those were the good days, I reflect with a small smile. When we were all together.
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"Hey, mind if we sit with you?"
11-year-old Remus Lupin glanced up, surprised. Standing at the compartment door were two boys his age, both with black hair. One had smoky gray eyes, and the other's eyes were shielded by glasses.
Not even waiting for approval, the smoke-eyed boy plopped down on the seat across from him. "The name's Sirius, Sirius Black. This here is James Potter," he added, pointing to the bespectacled boy, who waved.
"I'm Remus Lupin," Remus replied quietly.
"What house do you expect to be in?" James asked, smiling. Remus shook his head, an obvious sign of confusion.
"I bet I'll be in Slytherin," Sirius said, obviously disgusted at the thought. "My whole family's been in Slytherin."
"If you don't want to be in Slytherin, surely you don't have to?" piped Remus. "I mean, couldn't you ask not to be?"
Both of the boys stared at him blankly. Then Sirius broke out in to a grin. "By god, James, why didn't I think of that? Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant!"
Remus smiled shyly. He liked these boys.
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It's a good thing Harry's not here right now. I don't think it would help him much to see his mentor sobbing, completely broken down.
I miss him. So much. He was everything to me. Everything.
I remember that Christmas day. The one where I gave him dog tags. I can still remember the look on his face when he opened the box.
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"It's okay if you want to run away, really," 12-year-old Remus whispered. He couldn't bring himself to look at his friends' eyes.
Peter was gaping, stuttering, "W-what...? Remus... he's a... it's... how..."
"Shut up, Pete," Sirius barked. He carefully sat down on the side of the bed, clapping a hand on the side of Remus' arm. "Don't worry, mate, Pete's the only stupid one. James and me, we've had suspicions for a while."
Shocked, Remus stared up at him. The smoky eyes that all the girls loved were gentle and warm, without a trace of the disgust he had expected.
"We're going to find a way to help," James added, moving closer.
Remus couldn't help it. He started to cry.
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I take a step closer to the veil. I wish I could just lift it up, and he would be there, smiling, and say, "Fooled you, didn't I?"
But he won't be. No matter how much I hope, my hope is in vain. I can't lock out my common sense, no matter how much I want to.
There are still tears on my face. He wouldn't have liked that. He never liked to see me cry.
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"How could you!" 13-year-old Remus stood there, face a mask of rage and despair. "Didn't you know what would happen!"
Sirius cowered against the wall. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry," he chocked out. "I didn't know..."
"Do you know what would have happened if I had bitten him?" Remus asked, voice deadly calm, "Do you?"
"No," whimpered Sirius.
"I would have been executed," Remus told him.
Sirius' eyes widened. "Moony... Moony... I didn't know... I'm so sorry!" Tears slid down his face. "It'll never happen again. I promise, Moony. I'm sorry... I' so sorry!"
"No, I'm sorry, Padfoot. I'm not sure I can forgive you!"
At that, Sirius broke down, sobbing. Remus left him there in the dorm. As he left the room, he felt as though he was leaving a piece of himself behind.
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I was so dumb when I was young. Sure, I got the best grades, but I failed to realize the human embodiment of my dreams was right in front of me the whole time.
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"Hey, Moony, I have a question."
14-year-old Remus glanced away from his book, at the smoky-eyed boy next to him. "Sirius, this had better not be about that potions homework that was assigned weeks ago."
Sirius shook his head. "Nah, though I wouldn't mind a little help in that area. Anyway, what would you do if you suddenly realized that you weren't interested in girls?"
"Depends on how suddenly," Remus replied. "If it just came to me while I was eating dinner or something, I would probably die of shock. If it was a slow realization, I could figure out why and accept it." Then he peered at his friend. "Why?"
"No reason, really. Just wondering."
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Subconsciously, I think I knew he loved me. My conscious brain was too thick to let it in.
I'm so close to the veil now, it's almost brushing against my nose. I want to see him again. So badly. If I could only see his face once more, hear his barking laugh. Then I would tell him. I promised myself I would.
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"Moony, you want to come to Hogsmeade with me?"
15-year-old Remus smiled at his friend. "Did you procrastinate on Christmas shopping again, Padfoot?"
Sirius grinned back. "Of course Moony. When do I ever shop early?"
Laughing, Remus pulled out his cloak. "We'd better hurry down to the entrance hall. We don't want to miss out."
On the way down, Sirius coughed nervously. "Um... Moony?"
"What is it?" Remus asked curiously.
"Er... nevermind. It's nothing."
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He loved me for such a long time. I should have noticed. It was in the way he walked, the way he talked, the way he lived his very life. It was so obvious.
But I was so blind.
It was right under my nose, and I missed it.
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"Peter seems more distant lately," 16-year-old Remus murmured, watching said boy from across the room. Peter was smiling, but the smile didn't reach his eyes.
"I know," Sirius replied with a shrug. "Everyone changes, you know that."
"Yes, but..." Remus trailed off, staring bleakly down at the book in his hands. "It will be different when we graduate, won't it? Everyone of the Marauders will change."
"Maybe. Maybe not." Sirius shrugged again. "Nothing'll break us apart, though. We Marauders stick together."
"You're probably right." Inside, however, Remus seriously doubted it.
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His eyes. I remember his eyes so vividly. They were always laughing.
He was my sanctuary. Around him, I never had to worry about the thing hidden inside. He didn't care what I was, as long as I was his friend. I was safe with him. Protected.
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"I'll miss you, Moony."
17-year-old Remus stared at his friend, his eyes watery. "I'll miss you to, Padfoot."
Sirius enveloped him in a hug. "I'll come and visit you, okay?"
"Come over anytime," whispered Remus, returning the hug. "I'll be waiting for you." Tears were rolling down his face.
Pulling away reluctantly, Sirius stared him right in the eyes. "You won't have to wait long, Moony."
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But he had to wait for such a long time.
I wipe my eyes and unclasp the necklace. Laying it on the floor, I take one more look around the room. I hate this room. I love it just as much.
Dumbledore must have known what I was going to do. That must be why he had stopped Harry from coming.
I turn my gaze back to the veil. I promised myself I would tell him.
I never go back on my promises.
Smiling for the first time in months, I step into the folds of the veil.
"I'm coming... Sirius."
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"Professor Dumbledore, sir!" The Ministry official held out a necklace in his palm. "We found this in the Mystery Department."
The Headmaster smiled sadly as he saw the golden gem dangling from the chain. "Rest in peace, Remus Lupin."
Fin