Title: If I Could Rewind
Summary: If I could rewind, I'd take back the lies and all those times I hurt you
Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize. I don't own Star Wars or Rewind.
Pairings: Han and Leia
AN: In the midst of my other Han/Leia story, I have come up with this one-shot song fic. I hope you all enjoy!
If I Could Rewind
Han Solo, Captain of the Millennium Falcon, General for the Rebellion, and former lover of Princess Leia Organa.
He lived for that title. He enjoyed the adoration it brought to him. The medals on his new uniform, the gratitude of the other members of the Rebellion, the respect he always felt he deserved.
And the love he couldn't live without.
He sat in the giant chair of the conference room, Leia sitting across from him. Mon Mothma, one of the other leaders for the Rebellion, was speaking about their new location they would be evacuating to in a matter of days. It wasn't the first time he had been distracted during a meeting, and he was certain it wouldn't be the last.
With Leia sitting across from him every time, and with the way she was, it was tremendously hard not to.
Her hair was slicked back, curving down her body. A few strands lay over her shoulders, flung neatly over her chest. Her eyes were focused on Mon Mothma as the woman spoke, her ears filling with each breath of information. Leia was never one to be distracted easily.
Han sighed, turning his attention back to the matters at hand. Now was not the time to get lost in thought again. He had spent too many hours thinking of her, and the conversation they had had last night. It was hard to forget, yet he knew he had to. The woman was sinking into the very depths of his skin, flowing with the streams of his blood, turning his thoughts to obey every word she spoke.
It seems just like yesterday
Was the first time that I heard you call my name
And since then so much has changed
But I'm still the same man that I was before
"Until then," Mon Mothma said, and Han sat up in his seat. About time the meeting ended. "We will keep our eyes open for any Imperial actions within the next few months. This meeting is adjourned."
Han sat up, watching as Leia gathered her things and left through the back door. She had been avoiding him all day, yet he couldn't blame her entirely. It was mostly his fault, no matter how much he hated to admit it. Her eyes, when he saw them, held small tears in the corners, as if she had been trying her best to keep them locked away until she was in the safety of her quarters.
Sighing, he left through the front doors, quickening his steps to avoid social chatter with the other generals. Luke Skywalker was leaning against one of the pillars outside of the room, his arms crossed neatly across his chest. He looked calm, yet his face was troubled. Once Han caught his eyes, he stood and began to walk towards his friend.
"Hey kid," Han said, patting his old friend on the shoulder. "How's it going?"
"Not good," Luke answered. "Listen, Han, we need to talk."
Han smiled, and shook his head, "Wish I could, kid. But I've got to help Chewie get the Falcon prepped. We're leaving this place as soon as she's ready." He began to walk off, but the young Jedi Knight grabbed his arm and pulled him back.
"No, Han, you're not leaving until we talk."
Han let out a deep breath, turning to look at the young boy in front of him. They had known each other for years, ever since their giant battle with the first Death Star. Ever since, the kid had always known when something wasn't right in Han's mind, and he knew exactly what it was and how well to push the buttons.
"What about?" Han asked, deciding it was best to give up before Luke pulled out his lightsaber on him.
"Leia, you two seem to be growing distant." Luke said, more of a statement than a question. "And, what happened yesterday? She won't tell me a thing, but I know something's happened."
"You're too worried," Han answered. "We got into an argument, so what?"
"Han, this is serious. She told me she never wanted to see you again. She's never said that."
"At least to you, I hear it all the time."
"Han," Luke said, sighing lightly. "I don't want this to happen. You brought her the most joy I've ever seen in her, and you know it. If something were to happen between you two, I don't know what I'd do."
Han laughed, "Kid, you're too worried. Just let your sister and I work this out, okay? You'll get grey hairs if you stress too much."
Knowing that I could be without anything
Scares me away from being alone
Now that I know what's going on
I could look back and see you
He patted his friend's shoulder again, and smiled. "Thanks, Luke. Thanks for being a great friend these past few years. I'm going to miss you, but I'm not passing up this chance to get out of here without Her Highness finding out."
"Han, I know you don't want to go," Luke said.
"Now don't you start using those Jedi mind tricks on me!" Han warned.
Luke smiled, "Fine. Just… take care of yourself."
"You, too," Han said as he began to walk away. He didn't want to look back, knowing Luke was watching him walk down the corridors to the docking bay where the Falcon was. Chewbacca was probably already working on it, making sure everything was working perfectly and ready for take-off.
There was nothing that would keep him from leaving now.
And I made you wait
As I turned away
He looked up, seeing the Wookie working on the top of the ship, the sparks flying in the air. Smiling, he walked inside, feeling at home, in his sanctuary. It was the one place he knew nothing would go wrong with him. The one place where he could clear his thoughts and busy himself with what he loved.
He entered the cock-pit, taking a seat in his chair as he looked over the controls. The coordinates were set: Tatooine. It was the perfect place to escape to. Leia wouldn't find him there, she didn't know the meaning behind it. It was the place where he first met Luke and that crazy old man, Ben Kenobi. That's where his life had just begun.
Maybe if he went back, he could start all over again.
Looking over the controls, he spotted a small frame of white walking across the docking bay. Biting his lip, he mentally cursed the planet when he saw that it was Leia, walking right towards the Falcon. She seemed frustrated, and he could tell her eyes were blazing with fire from where he sat.
"So much for my leave," he whispered to himself, preparing for the lashing words she would throw at him in a matter of seconds.
"Han!" She shouted, her voice echoing throughout the ship. "Where are you!"
Han smiled, "In here, Sweetheart!"
She entered the cock-pit, her hands curled into tight fists. "You're leaving?" She snapped, her hair smacking into his face as she took the seat next to him.
"That's the plan, Sister," he said, turning to look away from her.
"Why?" Her voice was so loud. He began to wonder how such a small woman could be so noisy.
"I thought the time was right," he said, turning to face her. "You don't have a problem with it, do you?"
She hesitated, but not for too long. "Of course I do! We need you here, Han! We've been through this."
"Ah, yes, I remember. How 'the Rebellion needs a good leader like me', or, my personal favorite, how 'I'm just a good part of what the Rebellion's all about'."
She shook her head, "I'm not joking, Han."
"I'm not either!" He said, finally turning to face her. "Listen, Princess, I told you before. I'm not in this for your revolution, I'm not in this for you. I expect to be well-paid. I'm in this for the money."
"That was so long ago, Han," she said, her voice lowering to next than a whisper. "I thought you had changed your mind."
If I could rewind and watch all my life
Just pass me by I could see you
If I could rewind I'd take back the lies
And all those times I hurt you
"Yeah? Well, too bad," he said, turning away from her again. He could see, from the corner of his eye, the tears begin to form in hers. Her cheeks were red, he finally noticed, as if she had already been through enough sorrow for one day. The look on her face pained his heart, but what could he do? After last night, there was nothing left here for him. There was no longer a reason to stay.
"Why are you doing this?" She asked.
"I thought you'd figure that part out already."
"Is it because of what I said?"
He bit his lip again, feeling the torn skin against his tongue. "Maybe, who knows?"
"Han, is it?"
"Sure, Princess. It is."
"Han, you have to understand my side of this. I didn't mean to make you upset, and my intention was not for you to leave."
"Well, it must have been." He couldn't stop his anger from rising. There was no point in denying it now, they were already so close. He held his breath, feeling the tears finally begin to form. The thought of living without her was like a horrible nightmare come true. It was like death to him. But, it was all he could think to do.
"Han, believe me, that's not what I meant," her tears were falling, and he forced himself not to look. When she had cried in front of him before, he had been the one to wipe them away with his thumb and kiss her cheeks until they had dried. But now… now it was so new to him. He didn't know what to do.
"Sure, I'll believe you," he whispered, standing up. "Listen, I'm not going to leave until early morning tomorrow. I have to make an excuse for my leave to Mon Mothma tonight. Maybe we can talk later."
She didn't say anything. She didn't look at him. He shook his head and walked out. While he walked down the corridors, he could hear her sob and he let the tears fall down his cheeks as he made it into his room.
I don't know if I'll ever know
Exactly how much that I hurt you
Knowing that hurts me every day
If I could rewind I would take it away
"Han?"
Her voice was soft, just like the small knock on his door. He sat up on his bed, rubbing his face with the palms of his hands. "Come in," he called, rolling over to place his legs over the bed.
She came in, her eyes dry, but her cheeks still flushed. He knew she wouldn't be blushing from seeing his room; it wasn't the first time she had seen it. "Can I talk to you?" She asked.
"Sure," he said, moving over on the bed as she sat next to him.
"Han, listen," she let out a deep breath, placing her hands together. "About last night. What I really meant to say to you is that I can't keep playing games with you. I told you I love you, and I mean that. I've never been so happy with anyone in my life before you."
He sighed, looking away from her.
"So when I said I needed a break, what I meant was that I needed a break from the games. I want a moment of seriousness, I want to walk into a room with you and not have to be ashamed."
"You've felt ashamed of me?" He asked.
She shook her head quickly, "That's not what I meant! I meant I don't want to be ashamed that I'm sneaking behind people's backs to be with you. That I'm not being truly honest with everyone."
"Why didn't you just tell me that?"
"Because I was afraid you'd act this way," she said. "I was afraid you'd leave. I was afraid that I'd never see you again. Because, my life without you, is death in my eyes. There's no greater punishment in this universe."
And not make you wait
And I won't walk away
She began to cry, her shoulders dropping slightly as she lowered her head into her hands.
"Leia," he whispered, taking her face out of her hands and cupping his palms on her cheeks. "I love you, and I don't want you to suffer."
With his thumb, he wiped away a falling tear, kissing her red cheek. "I won't leave if you don't want me to." He kissed her other cheek. "Tell me you want me to stay."
"I want you to stay," she whispered, closing her eyes.
"Then I'll stay," he said, kissing her soft lips. "I'm sorry I hurt you," he whispered. "I never meant to."
If I could rewind and watch all my life
Just pass me by I could see you
If I could rewind I'd take back the lies
And all those times I hurt you
She nodded, "I know. I'm sorry about what I said. I never meant for it to come out the way it did."
He laughed, "Are we that pathetic? We're apologizing like crazy."
She smiled, opening her brown eyes to look at him. "But I mean it, Han."
Nodding, he kissed her one last time. "So do I."