CHARMED

"When Two Hearts Beat as One"

by shel

© november 2005

disclaimer: the charmed ones, cole, and leo, and the rest of the cast of characters we've come to know and love, belong to spelling television, inc. and possible other copyright holders. i intended no true infringement on their copyrights; i only wanted to borrow these marvelous characters for a short time in my own scenarios and hopefully return them no worse for wear; the only things i've gained from this story are the satisfaction and pleasure of having written it and in knowing that others may have enjoyed it too…

rating: pg-13

summary: phoebe's spell to find answers within herself finally heals her heart…

timeline: begins three days after the end of season 8's 'hulkus pocus'…

archive: please don't without expressed permission…

notes: there is reference to s4's 'charmed again', s7's 'seven year witch' and s6's 'legend of sleepy halliwell'…please let me know if you enjoyed my tale and why and, if not, why not…and, please, don't bother wasting your time or mine by sending any flames…

Part One

Phoebe stirred on the attic floor and slowly pushed herself up with a groan. The spell'd had more of a punch to it than she'd ever expected. A little dizzy from her movements she rested a moment, arms still straight, palms pressed to the floor, head hung down, eyes closed.

"What the hell kind of backfire was that?"

Phoebe's head snapped back in the direction of the voice she'd heard and she gasped in shock when she came face-to-face with…herself. "Uh oh…"

"The spell wasn't supposed to split me," Phoebe II complained as she stared back at her other self. "And I hope I still have the receipt 'cuz I've got to get rid of this top, the color's all wrong for me. I mean what was I thinking?"

Phoebe automatically looked down at her beige baby-doll blouse. "Billie loved it and since the shopping trip was supposed to cheer her up after her near-death experience the other day, I didn't have the heart to -- Wait a minute, I never told anyone I hated it."

"I'm not anyone," Phoebe II grinned, "I'm you, so my secret's still safe."

Phoebe scrambled to her feet, "I've gotta send you back."

"Back where?" Phoebe II exclaimed.

"Where ever you came from," Phoebe retorted. "Look," she rubbed her temples, "you've gotta be from the future and I'm really not in the mood for another --"

"I'm not from the future," Phoebe II snapped. "I'm you. From right now, well, from at least a few minutes ago. The spell obviously split me and we're not gonna be put back together again until it plays out."

Phoebe placed her hands on her hips with annoyance, "I cast the spell to find within me the answer to my questions about love and moving on. I didn't intend to split myself in two."

"And yet here I am," Phoebe II sighed, "so we may as well get started."

"On what?" Phoebe exclaimed.

"You have questions, I have answers…as simple as that." Phoebe II glared at her confused other self, "C'mon I can't really be that dumb. Don't you get it? I'm your subconscious. The only way you'll learn anything about yourself is by asking me. I won't hide the truth."

"Don't be ridiculous," Phoebe waved the notion away, "if you are me, then you know I don't hide the truth."

"Please," Phoebe II rolled her eyes, "like you didn't hide the truth that you were the one who borrowed Prue's jacket that got peed on?"

"That was a lifetime ago…" And she'd give anything to hear Prue scream at her for her thoughtless deception.

"Fine, how about," Phoebe II challenged, "completely burying the truth that you knew Cole had been taken over by the Source."

"Don't go there," Phoebe softly warned herself.

"What, still ancient history?" Phoebe II glared at her counterpart, "Then what about Dex? Is he recent enough for you? How about the truth that you knew you didn't love him and yet still tried to force a relationship with him simply to get yourself pregnant because you'd seen it in a vision?" Her other self's eyes were glistening and she felt her own heart being squeezed by the painful memories and she admitted, "I know the pain. I've felt it every time. And I know that some wounds are harder to heal than others. My point is that everyone hides things when it comes to protecting themselves. You, I, loved Cole and couldn't handle that he'd gone evil again so it was easier to pretend ignorance and then outrage."

"Enough…" Phoebe squeezed her eyes shut, "Enough…"

But Phoebe II was finally venting all she'd kept inside for so long that she didn't even hear her own request to stop. "And with Dex, God, all I saw was time slipping away and the opportunity for conceiving my daughter becoming less real. It had to be right and I did care about him but --" she abruptly looked up at her counterpart, "Don't you see that we used magic as an excuse to protect our heart and hide from reality?"

"Don't be ridiculous…"

Phoebe II understood her own denial but it was important to make herself see the denial. The spell would only be successful if she could convince herself of some painful truths. "If you would've looked deep within yourself and listened to me, to the warning bells I was sending you, I would've saved you both a lot of pain."

"Are you talking about Dex or about Cole?"

Phoebe II stared at herself for a moment and smiled, "Does it matter?"

"Dex couldn't handle me being a witch," Phoebe meekly commented. "There was no getting around that. I'm sure it would've ended the same no matter when he'd learned the truth, whether I was pregnant or not."

"Maybe," Phoebe II conceded, "but you might've been better prepared for the fall-out."

They were silent for a few moments and Phoebe began to fear that Cole was about to be brought up again into the conversation so she glanced at her watch, "It's late and I've got a staff meeting tomorrow."

"Okay, a good night's sleep's just what I need." Maybe then her other half would be ready to listen.

"Where're you going?"

"To bed," Phoebe II shrugged. "You don't expect me to sleep up here when I've got my own room, do you?"

"You'd think I'd learn not to mess with magic," Phoebe muttered as she threw her hands up in surrender and stomped from the attic.

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"What are you wearing?" Phoebe sputtered when she returned to her room from the bathroom. "I haven't worn that since…Where'd you find it?"

Phoebe II smoothed the burgundy silk nightgown and shrugged, "You know where it's been…in the box on the floor in the closet that you see every time you open the door but no longer see."

Phoebe shook her head and pulled the bedcovers aside, "I am way too tired to deal with riddles."

Phoebe II slid into bed and smiled knowingly as she fluffed her pillow, "Not a riddle, just the truth. The box is there and you see it but you don't acknowledge it so therefore you don't see it. But don't worry," she rolled onto her side, back to her other self, "I'm here to make sure you see it again."

Phoebe stared at the back of her other half and had no clue what to say. If she argued about why it was too painful to open that box from her past, a box she wasn't sure why she even still kept in her room, she'd probably end up strangling herself and that wouldn't be a good idea. "Maybe this's why I drive my sisters nuts," she muttered even as she tried to ignore the chuckle coming from the other side of the bed. Maybe the spell would play out during the night and she'd wake up to find herself whole again. She lay down and pulled the covers up to her chin but it was a long time before she fell asleep.

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