Part Five

"Do I have to explain it again?" Phoebe II asked him as they continued to stand three feet away from one another.

"Not everyone is as slow as you and your sisters, I caught on the first time," he assured her with a smirk.

She rolled her eyes, "Still doesn't explain why I'm here. I'm not the part of me that's lost and confused and if this is limbo and not some dream th--"

"Trust me, babe," Cole Turner muttered, "it's not some dream."

"Like I said," she glared at him, "I'm not the part that's lost and confused so I shouldn't be here."

"Maybe you needed a safe place," he grinned, "until the rest of you figured it all out."

"Stop smiling like an idiot," she snapped. "I'm not here because it's safe in your arms."

"You're not in my arms so how would you know," he reminded her as he stepped closer, "but that could change…"

"Will you?" she retorted.

He froze in place and turned serious, "Maybe I already have. Maybe that's why I'm here."

She shook her head and apologized, "This took me by surprise. One minute I'm attacked at P3 by some smoke demon and the next I'm here in this mausoleum with you." Without thinking she completed the distance between them and caressed his cheek, "I am sorry, Cole. I'm sorry for so many things but most of all I'm sorry for letting you down."

Surprised by her actions, he gently pulled her hand away and dropped it, "You didn't."

Phoebe II smiled sadly and watched him turn away from her. "Of course I did or you wouldn't've been so desperate to get me back. You thought I'd abandoned you and in a way I guess I did. But I loved you, Cole, I hope you can believe that. I loved you so much but I was hurt by the evil and I wanted it to go all away."

"You wanted me to go away," he quietly accused with his back to her.

"I was so scared," she admitted with a nod he couldn't see, "scared of you, of myself. I didn't know any other way to heal the wounds." She walked up behind him and placed her hands on his back. His muscles tensed beneath her fingers and she removed them, "I'm sorry, Cole, I told you love wasn't enough but I should've tried harder."

"You tried harder than I had any right to expect," he acknowledged as he slowly turned around. This time, he brought his fingers to her cheek and barely let them trace the contour, "I know you loved me but you were also right. I'd been evil for more than a hundred years, Phoebe, and neither one of us should've expected me to overcome it in a few months with a simple 'I love you.'"

"Sometimes a simple 'I love you' should be all you need," she shrugged as she tried not to lean into his palm.

"Is it?" he hoarsely asked.

Gazing directly into his eyes, she replied without hesitation in a clear voice, "I love you, Cole." And then she chuckled to herself, "If you only knew how good it feels to say that out loud…and to say it directly to you…"

Cole closed his eyes and replayed her words in his head. "If you only knew how good it feels to hear you say it." He smiled as he opened his eyes but it faded quickly, "I love you, Phoebe, but you can't stay here."

She quickly stepped into his arms and wrapped her arms around his waist, "It's out of my hands."

He reluctantly disengaged himself, "You need to live and be happy. You don't belong here."

"I'm not sure you do either," she whispered.

He didn't want to hear where that comment was leading and stated, "I do belong here. Listen to me. For me, for my soul, this is a safe place. There's no evil here, Phoebe, nothing to tempt me or turn me. I can be who I am and I can even help those who find their way here."

"Maybe," she considered, "but maybe after having spent time here, you could do the same if you came back. Maybe with the right support…"

"Stop!" He angrily grabbed her shoulders, "Just stop. I don't need to be saved, not here, not any more. There's no place for me in the world but there is for me here. You have to accept it and move on."

Phoebe II slid her arms up around his neck and pulled him closer as she murmured, "Only with you…"

888888888888888888888888888

"What the hell is going on?" Phoebe angrily hissed when the spell brought her before the frantically making out couple. Anger that he was kissing her other half, anger that her other half was kissing him, and anger at herself for feeling jealous that she wasn't the one in his arms.

Surprised to hear her own voice, Phoebe II jumped in Cole's arms and discovered her other self standing there seething. She glanced back at Cole and realized that he was enjoying the scene but she still didn't quite step free.

"You want her to end the denial," he huskily suggested as his lips trailed kisses along her neck, "let's give her something to really be jealous about."

She couldn't help but laugh even as she pushed him back. She reached up and lightly rubbed his lips with her thumb and smiled when he nipped at it. "My timing wasn't always so great," she sighed before turning away. "You're here which means you've given up on getting a Whitelighter to save me."

Amused no longer, Cole seriously told both, "You need to get the spell to play out and you need to do it fast."

"You think I haven't been trying?" Phoebe shouted at him. "What the hell are you doing here? You're supposed to be dead! You're not supposed to be interfering in my life anymore!"

"He's not!" Phoebe II argued. "And the only reason you're here is because you're lost and confused. And the only one holding you back from finding true love is you! Because you can't admit what you really feel!"

"And what is it I really feel," Phoebe ranted, "that I love him? What if I do? What good will ever come of it?"

"You'll be free," Cole quietly told her. "We'll be free."

"You'll be healed," Phoebe II added as she touched her counterpart's arms. "You'll be whole."

"No!" But her refusal didn't seem quite as vehement as Phoebe had intended it to be. "I can't," she shook her head.

"There's nothing to be ashamed of," Phoebe II patiently continued as she gently squeezed her other half's arms. "You didn't do anything wrong. Loving Cole wasn't, isn't wrong."

"He was evil," Phoebe declared, unable to look at him. "He was evil and I let him into my heart, my family, and we very nearly destroyed everything good in my life."

"You're right," Cole agreed. "And over the course of a century I committed many crimes for which I'm still atoning. But I can't change the past, Phoebe, and I won't be sorry that I loved you not even for you."

"I'm not sorry," Phoebe whispered as tears stung her eyes. "Don't you get it? That's why it hurts! Because I'm not sorry. Because despite all the evil I did love you…And because I still do."

Phoebe II sighed with relief and waited in the silence to be merged once again with her other half. But when nothing happened she looked to Cole, "I don't understand. That should've been enough."

Cole looked from one to the other, "Maybe you need to find more answers. Didn't this all stem from your relationship with Dex?"

"What do you know about him?" Phoebe practically shrieked. "Have you been spying on me? Did you do something to Dex?"

"No," Phoebe II exclaimed and stared at herself in surprise. "No, you knew it was all wrong with Dex. That wasn't Cole at work." Suddenly it all seemed to click into place for her and she said, "Think about it, think about all the confusion and pain. When did it really all start?" She watched her other self slowly glare at Cole and she shook her head in frustration, "Not that pain. C'mon, think about it. Didn't this all start back in the cave? Back two years ago with the first premonition."

"Maybe I was hurt by the split with Jason," Phoebe disagreed, "but I wasn't confused about love."

"No," Phoebe II conceded, "but you did become obsessed with making that premonition a reality. Speed-dating and thinking only of that little girl. Isn't that why it was so important to make it work with Dex?"

"And now Magic School is gone, there is no Utopia, and magic's ruined another relationship," Phoebe quietly concluded. "How can that little girl still be part of my future?"

"You need to take it slow," Cole advised. "Don't force it or you'll only continue changing the premonition. Let love happen and be happy. The rest, your little girl, will come on its own."

Phoebe II agreed, "No more obsessing."

Cole hesitantly reached out to sweep some hair behind Phoebe's ear, "Take it from me, obsessions only lead to more pain."

She gazed into his eyes and apologized, "I think I understand now how desperate you were. To know I loved you but didn't want you in my life…no wonder you…"

He nodded in shame as the memories flooded back, "But the more I tried to make you see you were wrong, the more I only proved you were right."

"So many mistakes," she murmured, "so much pain."

"I'm so --"

"No," she interrupted by placing her fingers to his lips, "no more apologies. I know you were a victim of the Source and I know you did your best, especially when I was pregnant. I know you were torn between the evil and your love for me and I know you would've found some other way if you could."

"I can't believe you finally said that," Phoebe II gasped.

Phoebe didn't take her eyes off Cole when she commented, "Maybe this's the first time I've ever felt safe enough to say so. Maybe it's the first time I can tell you that I…I miss you…" She suddenly sagged against him and she immediately felt his strong arms wrapping around her and supporting her. "And maybe I really did wish at first that Drake had somehow been you come back to life." But before Cole could say anything, she quickly clarified, "I mean I know he wasn't and I accepted him for the demon he was and I cared for him, maybe even loved him, but that had nothing to do with what I felt, what I feel for you."

Cole smiled and caressed her cheek and, from the corner of his eye, realized the other Phoebe was gone. "I guess you have your answers now," he told her as his smile faded and he stepped back.

Phoebe looked around and then down at herself, "I guess so…" Tears stung her eyes as she realized it was time for her to return to P3. "It doesn't feel right leaving you here."

Cole took another two steps back, "It's where I'm meant to be."

She reached out her hand but didn't move closer, "I wish…"

"I know…" He gazed longingly at her but refused to give into his impulse to tell her about her subconscious desire to set him free. She needed to move on with her life and it was enough to know that she still loved him. "Be happy, Phoebe. Live your life and be happy."

888888888888888888888888888