A/N: You have no idea how excited I got when I checked my emails and Mooncheese and TheOneAndOnlySkippy had already reviewed. I did the happy dance. Twice. Scared the shit out of my siblings rodent pets. Good times. Those are very choppy sentences.

I updated twice today! Wow! That's WAY more than what I willingly did with Lost Unity.

Yet another example of the power of reviewing. Or else I just write the wrong type of stories for my personality. Who knows? Not I.

Yet again, another chapter that has nothing to do with it's title. It's fun this way.

Disclaimer: I also don't own McDonalds. If I did I would burn down every single one - or else tone down the grease a bit, it makes me sick.

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Behold the Turtle

Chapter Two - I played Chicken With a Train

"Harry, what the hell are you doing?" demanded Ron. The dumb git had been sitting in the chair beside him for a good fifteen minutes, giggling madly to himself.

"Wouldn't you like to know," Harry grinned at him, winking.

"Oh Merlin, what are you planning now? Naked midnight romp with Filch?" Hermione asked sarcastically.

"Hermione, what kind of pervert do you think I am?" Harry asked indignantly. "I'm looking at morally compromising photos of McGonagall, Pomfrey, and Sprout. Who I might add is looking paaaarticularily nice with her pants off."

"What!" Hermione and Ron cried at once.

"HOT!" Neville exclaimed from behind Harry's chair.

As Hermione and Ron disbelievingly snatched the pictures from Harry's grasp he whipped around and demanded, "What the hell are you doing back there!"

Neville stared at him. "… Dusting," he said, an ominous 'zip' coming from a place thankfully not visible from Harry's point of view.

Before Harry could comment, Hermione threw the pictures at him exclaiming, "These are disgusting, Harry! Why the bloody hell do you have these?"

"Yea," said Ron, sneaking one into his pocket.

"Why not?" Harry smiled insanely.

"It's an invasion of privacy, none of your business, not to mention a little creepy!" Hermione exclaimed.

"Hit him!" Neville's voice said from behind the chair. "He likes a little abuse!"

"Wouldn't you like to know," Harry called to him. The only reply was a grunt and a giggle.

"Merlin, you're all disgusting!" Hermione yelled, standing and stalking out of the common room.

Harry pocketed the pictures and followed her, Ron tailing behind him much like a tailer. By the time she had got to their next class, the guys had caught up to her and were trying to convince her to talk to them. They took their seats around the middle of the class, whispering and pulling out their books.

"Good afternoon, class," McGonagall's brisk voice called out briskly. "Today we will be having a pop quiz on-"

"That's what you think!" Harry yelled, standing. "I know what you did last Thursday!"

"Harry, get down!" Hermione said as he tried to climb onto his desk.

"Excuse me, Mr Potter?" McGonagall snapped, crossing her arms over her chest and looking pissed.

"I saw everything!" Harry shrieked, struggling against Ron and Hermione's hands pulling at him. "I know what you do with Sprout! And Pomfrey! Don't deny it, be a man and say it proud!"

"Get out of my classroom! NOW!" McGonagall yelled, her face red, hands balled.

"Admit it! Be a man!" Harry continued as Ron and Seamus carried him out of the room. "Don't be ashamed of being a carpet muncher! HERE! PASS THE WORD!" He tossed the pile of pictures to a Ravenclaw girl and grabbed onto the doorframe, fighting against his captors. "Own it! Have pride! DON'T MAKE ME DEMANANISE YOU!"

The class heard him yelling and raging all down the hall, fighting Ron and Seamus tooth and nail. The pictures were never seen again. The Ravenclaw girl claimed she destroyed them, but as the narrator I can exclusively inform you that she keeps them between her mattresses. She likes the kinky shit.