Disclaimer: X-Men Evolution = not mine.
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He ran.
Pushed himself so hard that he was the wind, a tornado contained in one lithe figure that crashed through the streets of Bayville. He was a hurricane, with thunderclap cries of anguish, salty teardrop rain. His shoes ripped up the asphalt, his outstretched fingers raked across the brick walls, causing crowds to panic and scream, but the damage was more internal. Piercing blue eyes questioned the tumultuous torment he suffered, though they would not be answered. Why couldn't she have chosen him? Why couldn't she love him? Why didn't she love him? Why did she hurt him so? What did he do to deserve this? It was a worse torture to have her in body but not in spirit, than to have to stand by and watch her love another man.
Pietro ran until the city around him was almost just as torn and ripped apart as his heart felt. His clothes were missing shreds by the time he tired of the destruction, by the time the X-Men showed up, striding righteously down the ramp of the Blackbird.
"Pietro!" Scott called disapprovingly from the head of the group, but Pietro was already done and heading on his way, completely disregarding the team sent to stop him.
"Too late, slowpokes." He zipped off, leaving them completely behind and not even giving them a chance for Jean to telekinetically hold him in place, let alone speak to him. He was tempted to try to get a rise out of Xavier's X-geeks, but he was already spent, the emotional adrenaline rush completely emptied from his system. All he wanted was to be back home, to fall exhausted onto his bed, succumb to the welcome darkness of slumber that had its own kind of healing capabilities.
Entering the front door of the Brotherhood house, he hesitated only slightly at the foot of the stairs before turning and taking his place upon the couch. He still couldn't face her, let alone sleep next to her. Not after hearing her say that he made her feel dirty. No, no, seeing her would kill him, more than he was being killed now by his own thoughts and self-loathing. He had spent his anguish, yes, but the throbbing pain was still there, and would still be there no matter what he did. God. He loved her. He loved her so much it hurt. And it hurt furthermore that she did not feel the same, she would never feel the same. But he wanted her. He still wanted her to be his; how was he to let go of that? How could he let her go, even if he had her only in body? At least he had a part of her. Still, he was not satisfied. He wanted all of her, damnit. Was he so bad that she couldn't come to love him? Why was it so wrong to love her and wish for her to love him back?
It was there, lying on the couch, his arm thrown over his eyes, that Pietro realized that Gambit had damaged the delicate balance of the pre-Remy days irrevocably. He would no longer be satisfied with loving her from afar, with knowing that she was taken care of and for the most part happy. If he couldn't touch her, couldn't hold her, kiss her, he didn't know how he would feel. How would he get past it?
He wouldn't, would he? Pietro flung his arms from his eyes, letting them splay out away from his body. The world would be such a hopeless, faithless place. Nothing good there, no purpose, no need for life, no point. Why would he care anymore? What reason would there be for caring? Rogue would be lost to him forever. Why would he care about anything else if the most important thing to him was gone?
Fear beat irrationally within his chest, and he had to shut his eyes to drown out the sound from his ears when a timid voice lifted his eyelids once more. "Pietro..?" Rogue stood there, twisting her finger around the chain of her necklace. "Aren' ya comin' ta bed?" He grimaced, turning his head away, and she sighed, dropping her arms to her sides. "Ok, we need to talk..."
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Short. Pietro-thought stuff. Had the X-Men come in because it would be weird that he'd be doing all of that destruction and nobody was coming in to stop him. I almost wrote a confrontation, but by then, Pietro's anguish seemed all spent and it just didn't feel right to me.
As for Rogue crying so much, I can see that. I try to make her try to tough it out and keep herself from crying, but I don't know, I guess I have a different sense of how emotions affect you. Personally, I can be a bit overdramatic, so I might be exaggerating the emotions that she feels here, but then again... Look, she puts up a facade, keeps everyone at a safe distance, to keep them, and herself, safe. But then it's intruded upon, she's knocked back and forth thanks to Pietro and Remy, it's all very confusing and distressing. Imagine, she's thinking that what's going on? Why are they after me? I'm supposed to be safe from this, I'm not supposed to be dealing with this. Most of all, I'm not supposed to be FEELING this! And now, she's outcast from the X-Men, or rather a runaway, or both. She found out that Remy is a sleeze after all. And she's using Pietro and can't help it. And the regrets! Don't let me get started on regret. Awful feeling that is. So, I have her cry a fair amount, I didn't think it was that bad. I mean, Rogue's life is rough, and she's just a teenager. When she's fully grown, as in the cartoon, she still doesn't have a complete complete control and restraint over her emotions so I imagine she's more openly and freely emotional as a teen. I point this out, though this fic is like an A/U in the fact that there is nowhere on the timeline that it belongs except for somewhere vaguely after the Apocalypse thing is finished. (Though I don't know how that ends cause I haven't seen it, I'm assuming things are the same; e. g. Pietro is leader of BOM, Remy is an Acolyte, Rogue is an X-Men.)
Some people suggested that I develop subplotlines to stave my writer's block. I say, no way. I can't. I can't stand subplotlines, unless they're more like coplotlines, and even then... There's a place for them, but not in any of my fics. Writing gets too muddy, too confusing, too full of blah blah crap. Personally, when I read a fic with subplotlines, I just get annoyed and skim through/scroll down to see if there is any more meat in the chapter. I'm here for the main plot, I don't care about the little people. That's just me. Besides, I might get confused with subplotlines and not tie up loose ends either, and quality would drop rather than improve. We don't want that, now do we?
I have to thank Lady Trunks for her comment about how my fic is 'true to life with all the complexity that comes with it.' That's exactly what I'm trying to portray, how I'm trying to weave this story, and you have no idea how it pleases me to hear that I have been successful in expressing this to at least one of my readers. :) Thank you!
Writing is getting better/easier... *knocks on wood.* Seems like I was focusing so much on getting length and action into the story rather than the emotions, which are what I like to think I do best. Once I got back to that, it got a bit easier, it flowed a bit more. In another way of thinking about it, it got easier when I stopped thinking about it. Hmm.. could be a good or bad thing... Heh.
Hmm... this part of the fic is undoubtedly one of the darker/angsty parts... won't be getting too too happy anytime soon.. but then again, I never know...
Alright, next chapter coming soon... I can't tell you when the next romy part will be... possibly the next chapter... maybe the one after that... not sure... don't make me think too hard about it, then it won't come.
:)
Rielyn