Disclaimer: I own nothing but my imagination.

CHAPTER 9: WHAT DID WE DO, AND HOW MANY TIMES DID WE DO IT?

Lorelai collapsed in false exhaustion on the front porch steps of the Twickham house. "Oy, my arms, they are lifeless, they will never work again they're so tired," she complained in her best Barbra.

"What are you talking about? I carried the boxes," Luke said, pointing to himself. He sat down next to her. "You, all you did was point to the rooms they went in," he said, nudging her shoulder, a hint of a smile in his voice.

Lorelai sighed dramatically. "But I had to concentrate," she whined. "I mean, what if I sent my DVD box to the master bathroom? The tampons to the - "

"Ok, new topic," Luke interrupted gruffly.

Lorelai laughed. She then surveyed the landscape. "You know, this will be the perfect opportunity to do more gardening."

Luke raised one eyebrow. "You do realize that in order to do more gardening you have to do some gardening in the first place."

"I garden!" Lorelai protested.

"Planting cans of vegetables to resurrect during the spring does not count," Luke said, annoyed.

Lorelai just sniffed. "I wonder if you can plant silk flowers," she mused. "That way the neighbors will say, 'oh look how does she do it, azaleas in the dead of winter,' and they'll ask my secret but I'll never tell."

Luke wisely kept all remarks to himself.

Just then, Kirk walked up. "Hello Luke, Lorelai."

"Hi, Kirk," Lorelai said.

"Whaddya want, Kirk," barked Luke.

Unfazed, Kirk continued. "Would you like to take advantage of my landscaping service?"

"Aw geez," Luke said. "I can cut my own damn grass, thankyouverymuch."

"Oh it's much more than that," Kirk said, tilting his head and getting into his spiel. "How do you feel about topiaries?"

"Goodbye, Kirk," Luke said pointedly.

"Well," Kirk said, hesitating, "call me if you want a giraffe made of leaves."

Lorelai interrupted Luke before he had a chance to respond. "We will, Kirk, thank you for the offer."

"You know," Kirk said, "giraffes can lick their own eyes."

Luke threw his hands in the air. "Well there you go."

"Hey," Lorelai said excitedly, "did you know dolphins can jump up to twenty feet in the air?"

"Why, yes, I did. I drink a lot of Snapple." Kirk said matter-of-factly. "Did you know lizards communicate by doing push-ups?"

"No!" exclaimed Lorelai. She smacked her forehead. "How did I miss that one?"

Kirk sniffed in a very Barney Fife fashion. "Real fact number…"

"Goodbye, Kirk," Luke said.

Kirk acted miffed, and only addressed Lorelai. "Call me about the giraffes." He walked away.

Luke gave Lorelai a warning look. She returned it with a sugary sweet smile.

Rory woke up with a hangover. "Ohhhhh. I need tacos," she moaned. She started to sit up, then gasped in surprise. She opened her eyes all the way to see Jess sleeping next to her. He stirred. "Oh my God," she said, clapping a hand over her mouth. "What did we do, and how many times did we do it?" She surveyed the room for her clothes and realized they were all in the living room. All of a sudden last night came rushing back to her. She clutched the sheets to her chest and looked over at Jess, who was slowly waking up.

"Hey," he said, squinting as the morning sun was streaming through the window. He started to get up.

"Oh-" Rory stuttered, covering her eyes.

Jess stopped moving once he realized that he too was naked. They sat in silence for a moment. "So…" he said, not really sure what to say.

Rory was still clutching the sheet. "I have a boyfriend," she said, the words automatically rushing from her mouth. "Oh God, I can't believe I cheated," she said, sliding down.

Jess sat up all the way, tucking the sheet around his waist carefully, making a big show of it so he wouldn't offend Rory. "Let's be honest here," he said sardonically. "This whole cheating thing? Not so new. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you were with Dean the first time you kissed me, right?"

Rory gave him a withering stare. "That was different. This is worse! That was so not as bad as this."

"What, was it that bad?" Jess said, irked.

"No!" Rory exclaimed immediately. Her face turned red. "I mean, yes…no…" She sighed. "It wasn't bad, it was just bad that we did…that." She stopped suddenly and attempted to get up, wrapping a blanket around herself. Jess just smirked. When the task proved impossible, she stilled. "Turn around!" she snapped.

"What?"

"Turn around!" Rory exclaimed. She made a circular motion with her finger. Jess sighed and faced the window. Rory stood up, blanket and all and ran to the living room to get dressed.

"Are you looking?" she called over her shoulder as she hopped into her jeans.

"No," Jess yelled back. He then proceeded to sneak a peek, then turned back around, grinning.

Rory came back into her bedroom, hands on hips, fully dressed. "So it doesn't bother you at all that we had to get roaring drunk for this to happen?"

Jess just looked at her and gestured toward the door.

"Oh," she said, closing her eyes and putting her hands over her face.

He got up and went into the living room to get dressed. "Well, you would think so, but no." He finished, pulling on his shirt and walking back into the room. He tapped Rory on the shoulder. She opened her eyes. "Look, yeah we were drunk, but we were not so far gone that we didn't know what we were doing. Personally I think that maybe your inhibitions were gone, yes, but you know that people are incapable of lying when drunk. Your brain can't work fast enough. So maybe your brain is trying to tell you that you really wanna be with me," he reasoned. He stood there, waiting for her response.

Rory looked at him. "Wow," she said, nodding, a sarcastic look on her face. "That was something. That was the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard."

Jess persisted. "Look, we need to get out of this pattern."

"What pattern?"

Jess sighed impatiently. "Every time we seem to be getting somewhere, you pull away and hide behind some stupid reason and I'm sick of it, Rory."

"Well then if you're so sick of it, why do you keep starting shit?" Rory said, exasperated.

"You really don't know?" Jess said, part sarcasm, part wonderment.

"No! Why?"

"Because I love you, Rory, and I can't help it, though, God, I've tried," Jess said in frustration.

"Well I don't know why," Rory shot back.

They stood there, at a stalemate.

"So where does that leave us right now?" asked Jess.

"I don't know," mumbled Rory. She fidgeted. "Logan - "

Jess cut her off. "Look, no offense, but I don't really want to hear about him right now."

There was a long pause. "Look," Jess continued, "I know you're in a relationship right now, and I respect that. I have to, at this point."

Rory looked at him doubtfully.

"Maybe," he said grudgingly, "I've been going about this the wrong way," he said. "Damn book," he said to himself.

Rory overheard. "What book?"

Jess waved it away. "Nothing."

Rory gave him a look.

"It was just some stupid self-help book that Luke bought, but when he and Lorelai started dating, he gave it to me."

"What, the book told you to maul me on multiple occasions?" she asked sarcastically.

"No," Jess said slowly, "it basically said let your actions speak for you."

"Well it should have been more specific," Rory said derisively.

Jess raked his fingers through his now-unruly hair. "Look, this- well, this whatever we've got here obviously isn't working."

Rory folded her arms over her chest. He tried again. "Ok, from here on out, I won't be making any more moves on you, alright?" Rory looked at him dubiously. "Hear me out," he said. "What if we try… being friends?"

Rory looked uncomfortable. "I don't know if I can do that," she said honestly.

"Look," Jess offered, "if you don't feel anything for me, which by the way I think you are totally lying to yourself, but what do I know," he said, holding up a hand to stop Rory from the tirade she was about to embark on; "if you don't feel anything for me, then you've got nothing to worry about."

"But Logan - "

"Doesn't have anything to worry about, right? I mean, if I'm not making any moves on you, then the only thing he'd have to worry about is you putting the moves on me."

Rory snorted derisively but considered what he was saying. "So… no funny business?" she asked cautiously.

"No funny business," he said.

Rory looked at him and narrowed her eyes.

"What, do you want it written in blood? Do you want me to shake on it? Pinky swear? What?" Jess said incredulously.

Rory gave a short burst of laughter at the idea of Jess pinky swearing anything. "Tell you what," she offered. "You promise to never tell anyone what happened last night, and we can… hang out on occasion, as friends, starting in public places only."

Jess looked at her. "What, don't you trust yourself, Rory?" Rory looked like she was about to rescind the offer. Jess quickly stuck out his hand. "Deal," he said.

Rory shook it firmly, trying to quell her jumpy nerves.

"Did you know they opened two new stores? Imagine! Fresh New Haven retailers who have yet to ban me from their establishment. While you were in the Book Trader, I snagged so many clothes. You realize, of course, that you'll be returning them all next week," Lorelai said over lunch.

"Roger that," Rory said, less than enthusiastically.

"You ok, kid?" Lorelai asked, concerned.

"Yup," Rory said.

"Cuz, you know, this is Cool Mom. The Cool Mom who is also Best Friend. You can tell me if something's up," she assured Rory.

"No, no, I'm fine," she replied, distractedly looking out the window.

"Ok," Lorelai looked dubious, "Well, if something were wrong you would tell me, right?"

"Of course I would!" Rory exclaimed.

Lorelai searched her face for a sign of what was wrong. "Cuz if it's those darn Huntzbergers messing with you head again, I'll go beat 'em up for you – well, Luke and a hired hand will, preferably someone with muscles, cuz I don't think Kirk even makes a good sidekick."

Rory looked up with a guilty face. "No, no, nothing's happened; Logan's been great…" She spaced out for a minute.

"So… is this just you missing him or what?"

"Yes!" Rory latched onto the excuse. "Yes, that's it, I miss him, I mean, this business thing is indefinite, it could be a week or six months, who knows," she rambled.

"Well, honey, I'm sure he'll make time for you, you know, visit and stuff," Lorelai said.

"Yeah," Rory replied, chin in hand.

Lorelai sensed that it was time for a subject change. "So, what's the deal with this weekend in the country Mom and Dad have cooked up for you?" she asked.

"I don't know, Grandma said something about looking for a summer house…"

"Isn't this lovely?" exclaimed Emily, clasping her hands as they toured the home.

"Ideal," stated Richard.

"What do you think, Rory?" Emily asked.

"It's…big."

"Well, I suppose so," Emily said, slightly confused.

"It's great, Grandma," Rory said, absentmindedly pacing the room.

"Oh, Richard, won't it look lovely in the spring with all the flowers," Emily said. "I'm completely taken with it."

"Alright, then," Richard said decisively. "We'll take it," he said to the real estate agent. "Draw up the paperwork for our next meeting."

"Oh, excellent," Emily chimed in.

"Well, what are you ladies up to this afternoon?" Richard asked after the realtor left.

"Actually, I spoke with Shira yesterday and she said she would be in Cape Cod for the weekend, so we're going to have a girls luncheon," Emily said.

Rory quickly looked up in alarm. She then relaxed. "Well, Grandpa, it looks like you and I are on our own."

"On the contrary," said Emily. "Shira invited both of us to lunch; you don't mind, do you Richard?"

"Why not at all," he said amiably.

Rory gave a weak smile. "Sounds great…"