Dedicated to my friend, The Queen of Snape, who loves the Roger/Joanne pairing to pieces. She wanted a Roger/Joanne songfic with cuddling, so here it is!
Disclaimer: Jonathan Larson owns everything RENT. The song is Maroon 5's "She Will Be Loved". Lyrics are in italtics, so credit them, not me.
Mark and Mimi were out getting a birthday cake for Roger's birthday. They had been out all morning; the afternoon had come and gone and Roger suspected they would come in the next morning, greeting him by waking him up and saying in unison, "Happy Birthday, Roger!" He would smile, and would tell them they didn't have to do anything for his birthday...and they would protest and drag him out of his room to party with everyone. But tonight, they would be planning and Roger would be alone.
So it was Roger who opened the door when Joanne came in.
"Maureen again?"
"Maureen again." He moved aside, and she walked inside, taking a seat on the couch. "I was looking for Mark, actually." Although it was Roger who often was there to hear her problems.
Roger shrugged. "He and Mimi are out planning a birthday party for me."
"Tomorrow?" Joanne said, momentarily losing her sadness, curiosity about Roger's birthday taking over.
A small grin played on his face. "Yeah. Birthday tomorrow, and they have a thing about having parties right on the birthday." He shrugged. "So, yeah, he's not here."
Joanne looked down, and then up to Roger's face. "Mind if I stay here anyway?" Roger nodded, and she gave him a smile. "Thanks. The loft makes me feel comfortable." She ran her hand over the couch. "Feels like home."
Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else
Roger sat beside her. "What happened this time?" He lounged back, his arms on the back of the couch. She sat back, a sigh escaping her lips.
"She cheated on me." As usual. "With a guy." No surprise. "For three months."
Roger looked at her, surprised. "Three months? You've got to be fucking kidding me."
"Nope," Joanne said, a sad smile on her face. "It's not that unusual, if you think about it. I mean, she must have been cheating on Mark with me for about a month or so. Maybe more. Hard to tell with Maureen." Roger frowned.
"Does she know you know?"
Joanne let out a bark of a laugh, sarcastic and hurt. "No. God, no. She doesn't know I know. But I saw them walking together one day." Joanne glanced at Roger. "Right in our apartment. She took him right to our apartment." Roger filled in the rest. It was Maureen. They probably had sex. "So...I came here." Eyes to the couch again. "I couldn't go back there. Couldn't."
I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your doorI've had you so many times, but somehow
I want more
Roger was used to this. Joanne would come here, looking for Mark, wanting to talk about Maureen with him. Sometimes she would catch him. But most of the time, Roger was here to listen. Joanne learned that Roger was a pretty good listener, despite his ability to be a total asshole at times. He was actually pretty decent. He'd make the occasional quip, but otherwise was understanding to her.
He was nice to her.
Roger rubbed her shoulder, giving her a grin. "Well, I'm sure once you dump her, she'll be running back." Joanne chuckled. The rain beat on the windows, a nice beat filled the room instead of a deafening silence.
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved
"You just gotta find the right girl," Roger said, shrugging.
Joanne fumbled with the edge of her shirt a little. "I love her."
"But it's obvious she doesn't think your relationship is worth anything," he replied, and Joanne winced. Roger frowned. He didn't mean to make her feel that bad. "Sorry."
"No, it's just that you're right," she muttered, wrapping her arms around herself. "You're really right, Roger. She wouldn't mess around if she thought what we had was serious." Roger had told her this times before, sometimes joking and sometimes not, but it seemed to sink in now.
Roger awkwardly pulled her into a hug as she started to cry.
Tap on my window, knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore
"I'm sorry," she sobbed. "I don't cry like this."
"It's okay." He had hugged April when she would cry, he would be there for Mimi when she would burst out in tears. Hell, he'd been there for Collins when the professor had come over at three in the morning, crying and holding a wine bottle in his hand. Roger wasn't used to Joanne crying, but he knew everyone cried sometime. "It's okay."
The street lamp shone outside. The window projected rain on their bodies. She calmed down. He still held her. Clumsily, she cuddled a little closer; she needed comfort. "It's been a long time since a guy hugged me while I was crying."
"Why, I don't know whether to smile or cry at that," he said, and they both laughed a little.
"Guys didn't like me," she blurted out suddenly. "That's why I became a lesbian." Actually, this wasn't true; Joanne had always been attracted to both sexes. She prefered girls because they were more sensitive, more loving. But she mostly shunned any man who came up to her, because she felt that, more than anything, all they wanted was sex from her. No commitment, and that's what Joanne wanted the most. From a girl or a guy, she wanted someone that would stay true to her. In retrospect, Maureen may have not been the best choice.
"Guys didn't like you?" Roger said, blinking. Joanne looked up at him.
"No, they didn't."
He snorted. "Please. They probably did, but they were too scared to talk to you or were intimidated or something." A pause. "You can be intimidating sometimes, you know."
A blush crept into her face. "I'm only beautiful in the darkness."
"You're beautiful," Roger said suddenly, stating it as if it were fact. "Why would you say something like that? I mean, you're pretty goddamn attractive."
"Really?" She looked up at him, and he looked away uncomfortably.
"...Sure." A little awkward for the both of them.
It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want
They were like that for a moment, and then Joanne shifted, smiling. "You really think I'm beautiful?"
Roger made a face. "I just said it, didn't I?"
"Well, I mean, Roger Davis, calling me beautiful."
"Yeah, don't let it go to your head," he said, looking away. "It's not every day I go out of my way to compliment someone." She smiled softly.
"I know." He felt lips on his cheek, and his eyes opened a little wider. "Thank you." When he went to look at her, she had already turned her face back to the window, watching the water beat on the window.
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
What the hell. Time to take a chance. "Joanne," he said, and she looked over. Move in a little bit closer—
And she will be loved
Let our lips touch—
And she will be loved
That feels nicer than it should—
And she will be loved
You're not just beautiful in the darkness.
I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
They got caught up in the moment. The hug turned into an embrace. Oh, honey. This shouldn't feel so nice. This shouldn't feel so right. But it does. Why? They had the opportunity so many times before. Why did it happen just now?
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls
"You make me feel beautiful," she says as she touches her forehead to his. Roger flushes a little. It's unlike him, it's cute.
Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
It's nice. So different. How could Maureen leave her like this? Joanne was tough, but people can be tough for only so long. Along the line they'll break.
Joanne hasn't broken just yet. She has Roger to thank for that. He's nicer than he thinks, than most people think.
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
He kisses her again. She smells like cinnamon, tastes like apples. So different—
And she will be loved
So wonderful—
And she will be loved
It's beautiful.
And she will be loved
"I-I should go," she murmurs, and meets his eyes. So much emotion reflected back at her. It hurt to leave, suddenly.
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye
"Maureen's probably worried about me." Probably out on the town with her boy toy. She'd be going to an empty house.
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye
They both know this.
"...Stay for a little while," Roger said. The tone isn't, 'let's have sex'. It's a little pleading, an undertone to his neutral voice. She blushes, muses over this.
Joanne snuggles into his arms a little more. "Okay," she answers. The rain makes wild patterns on them; it's such a sight. If only Mark was there to record it. He would have loved to see that shot, even if it was Roger and Joanne cuddling on the couch like two scared children. They clung to each other, scared of what they had done and what it had meant. But they took it in stride, knew that it could be something more or nothing at all, depending on how they felt about it.
But for right now, they just sat in each other's arms, a warm little center of a cold room.
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
"Happy birthday, Roger."
-fin.