Obdurate Heart - XIV

I'm so tired. Ahahaha! Sorry that this chapter was delayed…things seem to be getting more so lately. Thank you so much! I'm glad you don't think it's rushed. What I'm starting to wonder about is if it's too long and drawn out. :D Anyway, see you next chapter. Hopefully.

"The sorrow which has no vent in tears may make other organs weep."

-Henry Maudsley

Obi Wan was most dismayed when meditation provided him only short term relief from his infernal pondering. His mood was even more perturbed than it had been after their initial little spat, and this time he hadn't even been fighting with Maul. Perhaps he should not have left in such a hurry again. He was continuously giving Maul an edge over him in this way. And yet, that was not what bothered him.

He sat in the solitude of his quarters with quiet anxiety, and he wished that Qui Gon were here. Qui Gon was optimistic and sage, often able to dismiss his apprentice's qualms with such simple reassurances. It was something that Obi Wan currently craved. If only these sudden disquieting sensations could be carried away by a mere handful of kind words. His master was not here, however, and he was left to sort out these new problems on his own. Such as the reality that his responsibilities of prisoner detail was no longer just a task. It had become something much more complicated. Somewhere along the line, though Obi Wan could make no true effort to pinpoint where, some facetious little ideal of Maul's rambling had…made sense. And suddenly, his captive at least did not look like a complete lunatic. This worried him more than he felt it should.

It was so much simpler to think of Maul as a raving invalid as opposed to someone who was thought-out. That may have been a tad pious, but Obi Wan could certainly deal with some simplicity in such difficult situations. This all left him very unsure as to how exactly he would deal with Maul now, or how to behave. Why was he so unstrung by this foolish occurrence? Obi Wan began to fidget with his braid, suddenly unsatisfied with it and pulling away the ties so that he could reconfigure it into a proper fashion.

Why indeed? He now had the answer to that oh-so-mysterious question his mind had been chewing over for the past few days. There was no enigma to ponder now—he knew what Maul had meant because Maul himself had explained. It was just more anti-Jedi blather was all, he knew that. Shouldn't he be able to go on about his day unbothered? After all, Maul couldn't have been right about that…

Obi Wan stood up in frustration, his braid forgotten. Yes, so he had acted upon anger in that battle. For one, brief moment, he had allowed his senses to take over. But did that one, weak moment permanently discredit him as a Jedi? Surely not. Even if those irrational actions had brought him success, it was only by blind luck that he had not rushed unabashedly into that fight and gotten sliced down the instant he lashed out. There was not a lesson to be learned there, only a mistake to be learned from. No long-term good ever came from such brazen and uncalculated risks. Save for the preservation of your master. A voice seemed to mock him from somewhere in the dredges of his confliction. Confliction? Since when had this become a confliction? He was not conflicted. Maul's accusation was irritating, nothing more.

He attempted to laugh at himself then. Was he really letting Maul's silly mind games affect him so much? No matter how genuine he seemed, he was a depraved Sith Lord. He was certainly just toying with Obi Wan. What else could his plan of attack be? Obi Wan stopped his pacing and stepped outside of his quarters, closing his eyes for a moment to revel in the cool air and calm his mind. There was no rush to check up on his prisoner this day. Part of him wanted to put it off indefinitely, but procrastination was irresponsible. He began a rather unhurried walk towards the holding room, telling himself it would only be a very short visit this time around. There was no sense in staying long enough to fall into another argument—it was evident that Maul was not about to disclose anything useful, composed or no.

"You wouldn't dream of betraying your order to aid yourself, and yet you arrogantly assume that I shall do just that!" Maul had said…Obi Wan let a dismissive sigh rush through his nose, shaking his head. It wasn't arrogant to assume that. It was proven that the Sith were prone to giving up information when perceiving themselves in peril. At the very least, far more so than the Jedi. Insulting Maul's integrity was the smallest of his concerns all the same. Capricious squabbling, that's all it really was, and Obi Wan was not about to actually start pondering over any part of it. …Although…well…come to think of it, where was there proof that the Sith were more divulging upon secrets than the Jedi…? Obi Wan naturally supposed this because the Sith were likewise naturally treacherous. Would that treachery not apply to their brethren as well? He crossed briefly over the subject of Darth Maul and his master. Maul did indeed serve, but he couldn't help wondering, what, exactly, was in it for Maul? In his experience, a person does not join the Dark Side without seeking a benefit they are falsely promised. Or had he simply been raised this way—to be this sinister?

He grimaced as he thought about that. How could anyone let a child be taken by the Sith? A child, something so naïve and trusting that it practically begs the corrupt to persuade it over to the Dark Side. It was beyond him how someone could not protect a child from such things, and a strange, fraternal part of him prowled protectively over the thought of Anakin. But then evil consumed children all the time. As sad as it was, it was not widely preventable. Little younglings would be shoveled off into the broiling pit of darkness until the Sith were abolished, crafting their innocent minds into feral, murderous soldiers for a selfish cause. It was heartbreaking, but Obi Wan would not dwell on it. When he looked up again, he found himself at the front entrance of Maul's chamber.

"Good day, Sir." Offered a guard, and Obi Wan nodded, approaching leisurely.

"Any problems to report?" he asked casually.

"Not a one. The prisoner has yet to awaken." The guard informed.

Obi Wan furrowed his brow. "Yet to awaken? Well it's almost noon."

"Without meaning disrespect, Sir, I don't believe he's got anything better to do." Was the reply.

"I suppose you're right." Obi Wan shrugged. "…I'm only stopping to look in. I'll be on my way shortly; I've other business to attend to."

The guard agreed and Obi Wan passed without question, walking into the dimly lit room. In truth, he only really wished that he had other matters sparing this, but he partially felt as though he should give himself an excuse not to stay long. The moment he stepped in, something about the room felt different.

As surely as the guard had told, Maul was still asleep on the bed, lying on his chest in an awkward position with his arms strewn out and still. It was a wonder that he didn't bolt upright, as he was usually able to sense Obi Wan's presence instantly. It worried him to think what Maul was up to so late into the night that he was this tired over, but as he came closer, it just seemed plain odd. "Lord Maul?" Obi Wan called out, clearing his throat. When he didn't answer, Obi Wan raised an eyebrow. He came closer until his knees nearly touched the bed.

It was there that he was able to absorb the scene in its fullest. He was still motionless…and he didn't appear to be breathing. "Maul? Lord Maul," Obi Wan immediately reached out a hand, and he half expected the skin he touched to be stiff and cold. He was shocked when it was hot—nearly burning under his hand. Maul made not a twitch as Obi Wan moved over the bed, gripping a shoulder and shoving him onto his back as he patted a cheek gruffly. Maul remained slack and unresponsive. With panic welling up in his throat, Obi Wan leaned his head down to the prisoner's chest, his own breath stilling as he listened. He placed a hand flat over Maul's heart and froze, trying to catch some sign of life there. He heard and felt nothing. "Guard!" Obi Wan shot up, hand traveling up Maul's throat and searching for a pulse. "Guard! Send in a medic! Quickly!"