Obdurate Heart – XXIV

Thanks for the reviews, sorry I didn't have time to look over this chapter, so please excuse errors.

"The greatest risk is the risk of riskless living."

-Stephen Covey

Obi Wan awoke late in the day. A myriad of aching muscles and stiff joints had been waiting to greet him upon his return, having settled into his body as if to scold him for his stay so late in bed. He welcomed them as a distraction as he slowly drew up, holding onto the worst of them as long as they would stay. Unfortunately, far more piercing things were on his mind than a few sore spots and having overslept. He was suddenly overcome with the urge to return to the holding chamber, and he cleaned and dressed in a dire hurry. What did Maul think of all this? And what was he prepared to say? If anyone was going to be forthright about this mishap, he did not want the first of them to be Maul.

Yes but who would believe him? Questioned a worrying voice that kept him in a distant state from the physical tasks he was performing. A treacherous Sith over an esteemed Jedi? This was true. At first impression, no sane man would think twice about the ludicrous accusations of a prisoner in this nature. However, dishonesty would haunt him. It was lowly and despicable, more so than having committed the act in the first place. No self-respecting Jedi would dare to lie about something so grave. Nor would he sleep with a Sith Lord.Obi Wan grit his teeth and bit back a groan, quickly leaving his room in search of the makeshift prisoner cell once more.

With every step, his urgency grew, and his breath seemed to shorten. He was being a bit unreasonable, but he did not argue with a justified paranoia. When he made it to the guards, he stopped this time, addressing the head of them with a voice that held the utmost calm. "…Good morning." He greeted.

"Sir." The guard nodded in return.

"Has he been fed?" Obi Wan asked casually, keeping his hands folded at his waist to prevent them from fidgeting.

"Yes of course, Sir." The guard nodded again swiftly. "As you've asked."

"Very good. And he hasn't spoken? Hasn't said anything to you?"

"To me personally, Sir?"

"To any of you."

"I'm sorry Sir, but he rather thinks it beneath him to speak to us, it appears." The guard offered this apologetically, as though this answer could possibly upset him.

Obi Wan swallowed and mustered a soft smile, bowing a little in thanks. With quaking legs, he stepped back into the room and closed the door quickly, turning to face the inhabitant.

Maul was looking at Obi Wan, saying nothing and wearing an uncertain expression.

Obi Wan felt many things. Anger and fret circled him in an unattainable whirl, met every now and then with a stiff numbness to the whole thing. "…Do you think you have what you want, then?" he asked quietly, voice trembling in the same twist of frustration and fear.

Maul offered him nothing but a wary look of confusion.

"I said, do you have what you want?" Obi Wan kept himself rather quiet, striding to the bed.

Lowering his head, Maul glared up at Obi Wan with a slow sneer. "…Don't start games on me. …What am I supposed to want now?"

"An advantage. That's what this is about. Now you've got this to lord over me. Do you think that I'll negotiate? Is that it?"

"That's what you think." Maul relaxed out of his guarded pose, resting his elbows over his knees and calming his tone.

"Whatever you're thinking, you are to be disappointed." Obi Wan stated firmly. "I will not allow you anything simply because you have this. Blackmail does not persuade a Jedi."

"That is so very noble." Maul said in disgust, shaking his head and shrugging. "You can put your outrages to rest…I'll lie."

Obi Wan blinked, brow furrowing in utter mystification. "…What?"

"I'll lie." Maul repeated. There was something so simple about the way he spoke. "If that is what you want. I will say that it did not happen."

Obi Wan stared in a slowly forming horror, unable for the life of him to put a thought in order. Lie. He did not understand. Lie? … "…Lie?"

"If that is what you wish." Maul nodded again.

"But…" Obi Wan shook his head. "But why?"

Maul snorted, a hand grazing over his wound. "I have accepted my fate, Jedi, as I've said before. There is no reason to damn my master by giving his name. There is no reason to damn you by giving yours."

Obi Wan was sinking into the chair before he realized it. He felt truly ill. Somehow, this made the situation worse than he'd thought.

"Unless you wish for me to admit it." Maul added.

He had never felt so threatened by insanity. "…Must you do what I say?"

"Yes. I am a pawn."

"Can't you think for yourself?" Obi Wan muttered pitifully. "Don't you have a concept of whether this is right or wrong?"

"Don't you?"

"Of course I do." Obi Wan leaned his elbows onto the bed and buried his face in his hands. "It is wrong."

Maul blinked slowly, his demeanor unchanged. "Then I will not deny it. Since that will please you."

"…Say nothing." Obi Wan heard himself say as he rubbed his pounding temples. "…Tell no lie but speak no truth…Silence is better than hearing either."

"Is that wise?"

"It was not wise to fall into your bed." Obi Wan scowled just slightly. "Wisdom is no longer a factor. Nor is logic—this is…"

"You're losing your head." Maul pointed out, tapping a finger mockingly at the top of Obi Wan's head.

He slowly looked up, eyes narrowed. "That is easy for you to say. This makes no difference to you."

"And why should it?"

"Enemies are not supposed to fornicate." Obi Wan insisted.

"How can we be enemies if we have nothing to gain from doing harm to one another?"

"And I am supposed to believe that you have nothing to gain from discrediting me?"

"What have I to gain?"

"…Satisfaction."

"You've given me that."

"Oh don't say it in that way." Obi Wan grimaced and covered his face again.

"Is sex so abnormal?" Maul started, and Obi Wan felt a panicking urge to shush him.

"Yes." He hissed back in a whisper. "For a Jedi alone, yes. And for a Jedi and a Sith—yes."

"You obsess on titles so much. You're a Jedi, but you're a man as well, aren't you? As am I. You're much too averse to simplicity for your own good."

"Just because being a Sith means nothing to you does not mean that being a Jedi means nothing to me." Obi Wan protested with a dismissive hand gesture. "If you want such a simple fact, then let's just leave this at it's wrong."

"Did it feel wrong?"

"I…" Obi Wan paused. "Yes. It does."

"I didn't ask if it feels wrong now, I asked if it felt wrong then."

"Well yes."

"Did it?"

"I said yes, didn't I?"

"Really. I'm every bit certain that you were erect during the process—"

"That—!" Obi Wan's eyes widened. "—is a bodily function, it has no measure of right and wrong!"

"Mm." Maul smirked and rested a cheek against his fist.

Obi Wan stared at him for a moment before sighing. "Physically, it was…it was…" he swallowed and winced inwardly. "…pleasing. Is that what you want to hear?"

"Did you sleep?" Maul casually followed the crease of the sheets beneath him with two fingers.

"What?" Obi Wan raised an eyebrow.

"Did you sleep?" Maul repeated. "After you left. Or were you up the whole night worrying over your precious morals and washing skin that never seemed to clean?"

Obi Wan stilled and opened his mouth, stammering briefly. "…I-I was exhausted." He defended. "…I didn't have the energy to…be…I hadn't even slept the night before."

"Mm." Maul repeated.

The more Maul spoke, the less Obi Wan felt he liked him. He made a move to speak, but was stopped as a hand rested upon his face, stunning him temporarily into silence.

"Make excuses if you must. But not to me. They are useless here." Maul stroked a thumb over Obi Wan's cheekbone with an unwelcome tenderness. "I'm rather fond of you. I'm also tempted to think that you have at least some interest with me."

Obi Wan's throat felt dry. The touch of that hand already felt familiar, and he rebuked his own body for its damnable nature. "That is not what is important."

"Whether or not you like the idea, you allowed it to happen. And what is more is that you came back. Tell me something; am I the first you have sought solace in over this incident? Did you speak to your master or sit for some foolish meditation, or did you come straight to me? …Hm?"

"…Well I…" he was growing supremely tired of not having enough words. "I came here."

"Then don't pretend to be fighting yourself. The part of you that thinks it wrong has lost, and the part that feels it right has won."

"I'm going mad." Obi Wan stated, blinking as he stared blankly ahead of him and drew a hand up to grasp Maul's wrist loosely. "It must be that simple. I've suffered some sort of trauma. I have completely and thoroughly lost my mind—is it as clear to you as it is to me?"

"Don't be dramatic." Maul chortled and brought his other hand to touch Obi Wan's neck.

"Dramatic? I'm…" he tried to speak clearly, but he couldn't bring himself to focus. "I'm not being dramatic. I have lost…my…mind." Reaching up, Obi Wan ran his fingertips along Maul's jaw line and kissed him with a quiet, miserable sigh.