A/N
Loralee1: thanks for your whole list of reviews LOL Came back from biblestudy tonight to find a whole list of review alerts. Nice to come home to, I'll tell you. Glad you like this one, it's a bit of a gamble for me, this idea. I just liked the Harry in Azkaban stories and thought I'd give it a try.
Websurffer: LOLOL yes I DO know what I'm talking about, surprisingly. I'm not talking about one of the three Musketeers, I'm talking about Greek mythology here. But if you want to call him Porthos, feel free to do so.
Coldfiredragon: I wrote three chapters in one day! What more can anyone ask of me! LOL I'm glad you like it though
Draco returned to the chessboard, trying to figure out what move to make next. Harry emptied his pockets of the shrunken books and enlarged them to their original size. Severus picked one up.
"I've ordered some books for you as well," Harry said casually, "They should be in later today or else tomorrow morning. I thought you might like to read up on your potions again."
Severus nodded, pleased.
"Thank you, I've missed brewing. It'll be nice to have access to potions again, if only in books. I hope they're here soon. You did take the money out of my vault, didn't you?"
Harry ignored the question. "I have all those books too, if you want to read them. I also have a potions lab, but I'm not going to let you in there until you are much stronger. If you are a good boy and listen to Dobby, I might give you free reign in the lab next week," he teased.
He was rewarded with a much missed scowl.
"Harry should be nice to Professor Snape," Dobby scolded, having entered the room quietly to set up the dinner table, "professor Snape is recovering!"
"There!" the Potions Master said, a slight triumphant sneer on his face, "You hear that? Be nice to me and let me into your potions lab."
Dobby turned around so quickly that he nearly broke a plate.
"Professor Snape is not going to the Potions Lab! Harry is right in not letting him!" the elf nearly growled.
Harry and Draco burst out laughing. "I promised him that if he eats and rests well, he can use the lab next week, Dobby. Make sure he doesn't sneak in there before then," Harry said, before taking pity on the poor Potions Master.
He gently patted his arm. "It's not that I don't want you to have fun, Severus, but it could be dangerous, you know that."
His ex professor sighed tiredly. "Yes, you are right. It's just that…I want my life back."
Harry led him to a chair. "Your life will never be the same again, Severus. You will have to accept that. But we will help you to build up a new life for yourself, and we'd love to be part of it. Not as enemies this time, but as friends. And as your friends, we don't want to let you do anything that might endanger you. Besides, after three years, you can surely wait one more week?"
"Nearly two," the potions master sulked decidedly, "and I've waited three years for it. You don't really soften the blow either, do you?"
Harry smiled. "Would you want me to, Severus? Do you want me to tell you everything will be alright, and you will go on like nothing ever happened? That is a lie, and we both know it. I would be insulting your intelligence by even suggesting it."
Severus stared at his plate angrily before running his hand over his face.
"You're right, Harry. I'll be good and wait, ok?" he sneered slightly, but there was no malice behind it.
"Good," Dobby appeared at his knee, "now eat!"
He had brought up grilled chicken, vegetables and mashed potatoes for Harry and Draco, and a thin gruel with some crackers for Severus, who shuddered.
"I've had enough gruel to last me a lifetime," he complained, eyeing the boy's dinner enviously. "Can I have some chicken?"
Harry shrugged. "If you feel you are up for it." He selected some of the tender bits and put them on Severus' plate, who discarded the gruel and put the chicken on the crackers. He munched happily.
"Oh, I've missed the taste of proper food nearly as much as brewing," he said.
Dobby appeared, and looked sternly at the gruel. Before he could say anything, Harry motioned him over.
"Gruel is all they serve in Azkaban, Dobby. He's allergic to it by now. How about some steamed rice and vegetables, with some more chicken? Just a little bowl, he shouldn't overeat."
Two weeks later Severus looked much better, both boys agreed. Even Dobby was satisfied with his progress. Draco came over most days to play chess or just hang out with Severus when Harry was out. Now that he had his own robes again, and wasn't ghastly pale anymore, Severus looked more like the man they knew from school. The subdued escapee disappeared as well, more of his darker personality showing every day. Still, his experiences had mellowed him, and although his moods could get really dark, the boys were unimpressed by his sneers.
Harry kept an eye on Snape Manor, as he had done for nearly three years, and Dumbledore had indeed visited on several occasions, no doubt hoping to find Severus there.
"You do know what day it is today, right, Harry?"
"Its Monday, Severus."
"That's not what I meant. You promised…"
Harry laughed at the man. "Merlin, Sev, you're behaving like a five year old. Yes, I promised, and yes, I intent to keep that promise. Sit down and eat breakfast, and then we'll go to the lab."
Had it been up to Severus, he would have grabbed a piece of toast and headed off to the lab immediately, but he had learned to fear the Wrath Of Dobby if he didn't eat properly. So he sat down, took two pieces of toast and some scrambled eggs and began to eat.
Harry smiled. "I'm impressed with how well you are doing, Severus. This week we'll take you off the nutrient potions and start you on protein shakes instead."
Severus raised an eyebrow. "Protein shakes?"
"A muggle invention. Bit like milkshake. Thick milk with a flavor. Also full of protein and carbs. Now that your stomach is used to food again, we can try those. You know all too well that you shouldn't stay on nutrient potions for too long."
Severus nodded. "Harry? You haven't mentioned Voldemort. Is the headmaster looking for me to spy again?"
Harry shook his head. "No, Severus. Voldemort is still out there, though we're at a bit of a standstill at the moment; he doesn't have the resources to attack much anymore, with the loss of many of his inner circle. And no, you won't spy anymore even if we'd let you; the reason they set you up is that they discovered you were a spy."
Severus lowered his head. "I should have guessed when you told me Lucius had impersonated me. It seems my brain isn't working as it should yet."
Harry patted his arm. "It will, Sev, it will."
"And you look well-trained! And you have a mansion. How come…"
"SEVERUS! Calm down, honestly. Ok, you just eat and I'll tell you stuff, ok? Well, after you were arrested and I had my daily fights with Dumbledore I decided I didn't trust him anymore. So I also refused to go back to the Dursleys. Apart from no longer trusting the blood protection, I also was getting tired of being beaten up and starved every summer."
Severus' eyes widened. "So that's how you knew…"
"Knew what to do to feed you up? Yes, it's something I did every summer once I was free of them. Anyway, Dumbledore begged, threatened, reasoned, but I wouldn't return. I went to Gringotts one day and asked for the lists of my estate. It was a lot more then I had thought. So the day I graduated, I bought this manor and decided to train here instead of joining the Auror program Dumbledore had arranged for me – without my consent or knowledge, I might add. There's a whole training room downstairs, complete with everything I needed. When you've put on some more weight, you can use the room to build up your strength again, and then I'd love to do some duelling practice with you if you don't mind. I bet I could learn loads from you."
Severus smirked as he scooped up some more eggs. "You always could learn loads from me, Potter, you just never noticed before."
Harry glared. "You never made it very easy to learn from you."
Severus snorted. "Come on, it started with your very first lesson in your very first year, when you wrote notes to your classmates instead of paying attention!"
"Don't be ridiculous, I wasn't writing notes! I was writing down what you said, every word! Want to see my old notebooks?"
Severus stopped chewing and stared. Then he sighed and studied his nails. "I never was very fair to you, was I?"
"Not really, no."
"I'm sorry. I never understood, really, why you believed in my innocence, and why you bothered to visit me…and fight for me so hard. You had no reason to like me."
Harry dropped his fork. "I didn't have to like you to trust you. Besides, I knew that you would never be stupid enough to lower your mask and let yourself be recognised. It was too stupid to be you. I may not have liked you, but I sure didn't want you Kissed for something you didn't even do!"
Severus bit his lip. "So…the one boy that had more reason then any student to hate me, trusted me, and the man who claimed to love me like a son…"
He threw his chair back and ran from the room. Harry wiped at a tear of his own and went after him.
He was lying face down on his bed, head in his arms. He tried not to make any noise, but his shoulders jerked slightly with the sobs he held back.
Harry just sat next to him and rubbed his shoulders.
"It's ok, Severus, you don't have to hold back."
He continued to run a hand over the shaking shoulders and whisper soothingly while the man cried out three years worth of pain.
Finally the sobs stopped and the shaking decreased. Harry went into the bathroom and came back with a damp cloth. He turned the man over and wiped the wet face.
"Sorry," the Potions Master whispered.
"You have nothing to be sorry about, Severus. Do you want to sleep for a while?"
He shook his head. "No, I'm ok. Can…can you stay with me in the lab though?"
"Of course. I have some potions of my own to brew, anyway. I'd be happy for your advice."
They worked quietly in the lab together for a few hours. Severus tried some simple potions first, and found he had not lost his touch.
"I did recite lots of recipes in Azkaban to keep myself busy," he said, "but of course I had no way of verifying if I remembered them correctly. It seems I do, though."
"Well, you are a master, after all. And you did do a lot of reading these past weeks. How about something more difficult?"
"Hmm. Yes. I'll brew some useful potions for you and Draco to use on missions. Healing potions, for example."
"Oh, great idea. We don't often have the time to brew them ourselves for every single mission. Thank you."
Severus smiled "Least I can do, Harry. Say, you're not half bad at brewing yourself. Did I miss something in class?"
Harry snorted. "Yes, loads. Draco messing up my potions, for example, or tampering with my ingredients. But to answer your question: Hermione helped me at first, and later I bought my own supply of potions books."
Dobby entered, holding something in his hand.
"This came, Harry." He held out a small glass orb, the size of a marble.
"What is that?" Severus asked, curious.
"Something Hermione invented. It's a spoken letter. Like a howler, but without the screaming. It's based on the muggle video letters, actually. When I throw it on the floor, it breaks and a miniature of the sender appears, speaking his message to me. I'd show you, but I think this one is from Dumbledore. There are only a few of us capable of creating one, and I don't expect one from Ron and Hermione, they usually just owl, as does Ginny."
"You don't want me to hear?"
"I don't want you to get upset. But if you wish, yes, of course you can hear."
Harry threw the orb to the floor. It broke, and a miniature of Dumbledore hovered in the air, five feet of the ground.
"Harry, please, listen to me. I'm desperate. I've bought back the manor, but Severus never showed up there. I don't know where he is. I know you won't believe me, but I'm worried sick. What if he's hurt, or what if Voldemort captured him? He could be dead! Harry, please, if you know where he is, just let me know if he is ok. If you don't know, please, find him. If you can't find him, no one can. Please Harry. I know I don't deserve anything, I know I don't deserve his forgiveness, or even to ever see him again, I just want to know that he's safe. Harry, I beg you."
Severus raised his eyebrows as the figure disappeared. "An interesting form of communication. I've never heard him use the word 'please' that often. He sounds sincere…"
Harry nodded. "He is quite desperate. When I saw him last week he looked very old and frail. He didn't even offer me one of those blasted lemon drops."
Severus stood still, lost in thought. "Very well then. You can let him know I am here, but tell him I don't want to see him and I don't want any contact with him yet."
"Are you sure? You know what he is like; he'll still try to talk to you."
Severus took up a ladle, hands shaking slightly. "Yes, let him know. We can't afford the leader of the Order of the Phoenix dying from worry, can we?"
Meeting of the Order of the Phoenix, later that week
"Harry! We didn't know if you'd come."
"Well, I'm here. It's been a busy week. The Ministry hasn't had Lucius Kissed yet; I've been questioning him. He had some useful information on the raids that are planned. I've sent you a list. Only small ones, Voldemort is out of resources and recruiting has slowed down. But he is well hidden and rebuilding his inner circle, so it's only a temporary lull. Anyway, the raids. They're not big, three or four Death Eaters on small targets, so we should easily be able to apprehend them. Nevertheless, Voldemort should know by now Lucius has been captured and he might set up a trap."
Dumbledore nodded. "I'll assign teams and make sure they are extra careful, with at least one Senior Auror in every team. Any other news?" he asked, hopeful.
"Nothing relevant to this meeting, though I would like a private word with you later on. And I'd like to be part of the team responding to the planned raid on Surrey. As you know, my cousin is in hiding there and even though I do not like him, I want to make sure he is safe."
"Certainly, Harry. I'll send messages tomorrow to the teams so they can plan. That is all for now, I think."
Order members left the room, chatting, slightly relaxed for the first time in years. The standstill of the past year might not be what they wanted, but the rest sure was nice.
Harry stayed behind. He didn't bother to take a seat.
"Severus insists I let you know that he is safe. He is staying in my house, but he doesn't want you to contact him. He will do so himself when he feels he is ready, which, I should add, might be never."
Dumbledore slumped back in relief. "He is not hurt?"
Harry shook his head. "He was in bad shape of course when he arrived, but he is doing well. I only let you know because he took pity on you after hearing your message. You will not bother him in any way."
With that, he left the office.
Fred and George were waiting for him in the corridor, as they had planned to go for a butterbeer in the Three Broomsticks. They settled in a quiet corner and took a sip, sighing at the same time. Harry laughed.
"I've told Severus about meeting you," he said, and saw two very tense faces.
"He understood. Said he didn't really blame your family because you lost so much. He asked me to say that he is very sorry for what you've been through, and that he has always appreciated your mothers kindness towards him. He never actually said it out right, but I think he misses her too."
"He is sane then?" the twins asked, in surprise.
"Very much so. He's not quite himself yet, though he's becoming more so every day. He's brewing again; I think the routine of it helps him."
The twins looked at each other. "Do you think we can visit him sometime?"
Harry hesitated. "I'll ask him. He knows best what he can or can't handle."
Harry went home quite early, to find Severus still up, reading an Agatha Christie book, one of the muggle writers he had come to enjoy.
When Harry came in, he looked up, tensed.
"Yes, I told him. Also told him to leave you alone. Spoke to Fred and George. Relayed your message. They asked if they could come visit you sometime, when you feel ready."
Severus sat for a while, pondering. "I think I could handle Fred and George soon," he decided.
They sat reading in silence for another half hour, and went to bed early.
Early the next morning they were woken up by the sound of the wards going off. They met, Harry with his wand at the ready, in the hall.
Harry checked his wards and sighed in annoyance. "Dumbledore," he said.