A/N – Welcome one and all to my twisted abode. This is Rosemary's Granddaughter ( has otherwise been known as Blade Griffin, Danika Griffin, Peanut Gallery – Alaska's own, and Aryan Griffin… Yes, my real name IS Griffin.) and I give you a glimpse into the mind that inspires your authoress to post in an almost timely manner. I hope you enjoy the next chapter, and yes, I do realize the letters are two VERY different pieces of work, but then, don't you think someone would be immediately suspicious if the two mystery love letters sounded almost exactly alike?

So, Fullmetal Alchemist is not mine… but the barbie shoe, the letters, blah, blah, blahs, your authoress actually posting, the world going round, your mother not drowning at birth (and yes, I really am regreting that one), la, la, la, all thanks to me… Ok, so the middle three….

Murphy's Law

Chapter 11 of the Lost Shoe

This wouldn't do.

Winry had been called up around four in the afternoon by an irate Riza, her normal calm demeanor in shambles by the near blunder with her eloquently jotted love note from the cocky colonel. Edward nearly threw it away? What sort of boy would simply toss out a lovely lady's love note?

Oh right, a gay one.

She gave an inner smirk as she wrapped her arms tighter around herself, cursing her choice of mini-skirt and the damn leather jacket who just now decided that a zipper was more a luxury then necessity for the shivering blond. The one mechanical mechanism she couldn't fix without Pinako's help – the damn sewing machine was hell bent on devouring her fingers, honest! Besides, after she broke the third one and chucked the useless remains out the window, her grandmother had declared she had better find a damn handy man to marry, or at least a dirty rich sucker who wouldn't mind replacing every womanly craft accessory in the house at least three times a week.

She quickened her pace, glowering at her breathe's declaration that it was too fucking cold out. Stupid white puffs, who wants your input anyway? Finally she reached the place that she'd been slowly making her way towards the entire day. On the cheerful cardboard cut out lawn with that little picket fence stood the 'Hughes' mailbox, that deceivingly adorable 9880 painted on in Elysia's charming scrawl at two years old. Of course the sentimental fool would keep the brats 'artwork' on permanent display.

With a quick rap on the door, she bounced impatiently to keep herself warm, nearly choking when she saw the thermometer in the window. 50 degrees. It was a whole fifty degrees and she felt like her very pert derrière was going to fall off? How -

Her thoughts were abruptly cut off when the front door opened to show… a nice blank space on the Hughes's wall where an adult's head should be. Instead, a few feet lower was a beaming little girl, squealing happily as she announced the visitor. "Mama, It's Winny! It's Winny!"

"Oh, hello Winry!" Gracia said with her ever open smile, wiping her hands clean as she came from the kitchen. "How are you doing? Oh! Come in!"

Winry gratefully followed the leading hand, taking a seat on the living room sofa. "I'm actually here to harass that no-good husband of yours." She joked. "He owes me money."

"Oh goodness." Gracia answered in good humor. "What has he done this time?"

Suddenly there was a crashing clamor from the hall as the man of the moment uttered a few childproof curses such as 'oh snickerdoodles and their mother's poodle!' while dodging an angry pile of books that saw this as the convenient time to fly off the shelf in his direction. "Someone's talking about me!" he hollered. "Just don't ruin Daddy's pristine image in his angel's eyes. Wait, on second thought – Elysia, my darling, Ignore anything your lovely Aunt Winry says, she was dropped on her head far to many times as a very ugly baby."

"HEY!"

"Well, I know things are going to be interesting, but while I hate to leave all this action, we still need chicken for the pasta since someone forgot it on his way home." Gracia gave an over exaggerated eye roll while shamelessly smiling over her husbands frantic – 'Oh SHI-ps ahoy! I'm sorry! I'll never forget ever again!' She whispered, "That's what he said last week with the eggs, except it was 'FU-rootloops in rotten milk!'."

Winry gave an amused chuckle and waved goodbye to the lady of the house as she waited for the resident half-wit to show his face. There was always that random rumor that there was more to Hughes then it seemed… and for humanities sake, she hoped so.

"So, what to wonderful curse do I specify in the restraining order for the reason of your visit?" Hughes joked as he walked into the room, 'oooing' in his overly fatherish way on Elysia's latest elephant… or horse…. Giraffe, maybe?

"The certain events following the 'Case of Selective Shoe Placement'." Winry said in a spy ambiance, making it quite clear that while the little girl was adorable, small children have big ears. Like Dumbo!

"Ah." Hughes was immediately serious, giving Winry a small amount of hope for human kind, nodding in approval as he shooed his 'little angel' off to her room to make a 'secret pretty for Mommy'. With a heavy sigh he collapsed next to her on the sofa, closing his eyes. "Am I correct in guessing you've been properly informed of the situation?"

"By a rather distraught Riza. I do believe the timing of this endeavor was badly planned." Winry said.

"How so? I doubt Ed would have been anymore accepting during any other time." Hughes reasoned.

"But Riza wouldn't have her dear friend Tom visiting for the week."She reasoned back.

"Tom?"

"He's red and skips out at the first sign of a baby."

"What an As-Oooooh…"

After that declaration the conversation hit an awkward lull, neither of the pair quite knowing what to say next. They weren't so much 'friends' as they were 'friendly aquaintances' or 'a friend's friend' and because of that had never been stuck alone for such a long period of time. Eventually, Maes – being the big responsible hunk of a man he is – broke the silence.

"So I'm guessing you have more to discuss on the topic then its, uh- inconvenient arrival."

"Oh! Yes!" Winry turned around and suddenly out of the ever legendary 'spandex space' pulled a gigantic mound of paper and several dozen pens. With a cheerful chirp she declared. "We have work to do!"

"What!"

The intelligence officer was obvious stuck between oblivious and hoping she didn't want what he thought she wanted because what she wanted was not what he want by any measure of wanting's wanting…. Oh, no… she did.

"We have a love letter to write!"

"Whhhhhhy!" Maes gave the most unmanly whine in history without a shred of shame. "Surely Riza told you what happened the LAST time I helped."

"Yes, well, while 'Oh Eddie – Beddie, you are my shmoopsie poodle' is not what we need, you know what Roy would respond to and I know what Edward would write. Believe me, I even brought the notes he wrote to his first grade girlfriend Melinda." At his confused expression she explained. "She was his imaginary garden gnome."

… Maes didn't ask for further embellishment.

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"WE'VE GOT IT!" Winry announced proudly, standing with the finished document practically glowing in its inspirational light.

"Are… Are you sure?" Hughes asked with a hopeful gleam to his eyes. It had been the longest hour of his life, this damn letter, but it was done.

"Yes! Here, let me read it out loud, it's easier to catch mistakes that way." With a professional cough she cleared her throat and began.

"'Roy,

I guess the easiest way to deal with this would be to start spouting off lines from my favorite sonnet, but I hate poetry and well, I hate you too.

Or, more I did.

Hell, sometimes I still do, but I – well I can't bring myself to mean it anymore because while you're undeniably obnoxious to the point of giving even myself an aneurysm, I love you.

Damn, Al's gonna kill me for this,

Edward Elric'"

Winry paused a moment in critical thought, hmming this way and that. "Hm, I don't know... Maybe we sho-"

"Hey, Gracia! I made it!"

Murphy's Law was life's biggest bitch, because at that moment Edward Elric had chosen to walk through the doors of the Hughes home without the slightest knock to warn the plotters within, and that left them in a very tight spot. As the bobbing head turned the corner, Maes did the only thing he swore he'd never, ever, ever do, and promptly began making out with another woman on his wife's favorite sofa.

"Hey- WHOA!" Ed gave an embarrassed cough as the pair jumped apart, Winry having slid the letter to safety in Hughes's shirt during some rather 'friendly' petting. "Sorry, I didn't me- WINRY!"

"Uhhhhhuhuhh… Um, heh, Hi, Ed?" She offered nervously, just now realizing the ramifications of the officer's actions. Her best friend was probably categorizing her under 'Home wrecker' and 'Like Butter'.

"M-Maes, Winry… How could you.. What about Gracia!" Ed was thankfully stuck at the processing stage, but quickly moving towards the righteous anger and justified removal of limbs.

Thinking quickly once again, Hughes wrapped his arm around Winry's shoulders, pulling her close as he made his dramatic explanation "I'm sorry that you had to find out like this, Edward, but Winry and I- We've been having a passionate affair for weeks now!"

"YEAH! I'M KINDA NOTICING!" Fullmetal exploded before calming himself again by glaring daggers at the floor. Suddenly the glare turned inquisitive as he picked up a crumpled piece of paper. "What the – "'Dearest Stud Muffin Roy, I'm sorry but we have to end this charade of lies and-'"

Hughes snatched the failed letter from the alchemist and made yet another excuse. "It's my note to Roy explaining how I have to end our affair so I can have Winry. It's a very touchy subject, so please, don't ask."

"And that's why the floor's covered in them?" The teen asked suspiciously.

"I, uh, also have a, uh, paper fetish." He rolled the ball along Winry's skin and mutter. "Oh yeah, baby, oh, yes Winry, like that…"

"That's the first I've ever heard of this." Came the calm female voice from the kitchen door.

Winry immediately found herself hurled over the sofa and Maes on his knees before his wife, clasping her hands as he vainly begged for forgiveness. "Its not what it looks like! I – Oh crap – well um," he fought fruitlessly to find a path of 'non-divorce' with his lovely and cherished wife without blowing the entire cover he had with Ed.

"Its ok, Maes. You don't have to hid it from Ed, I think the truth will surprise him less then your so called 'affair'." She said evenly with a small smile and a frantic look came to her husband's already panicked expression as she continued. "You see, Ed, the truth is that... well…" There was a pregnant pause. "Well, after so many years of marriage your sex life gets a little dull and you want to start experimenting. Amongst your choices is a threesome. Roy offered, but both Maes and I felt it would be a bit more comfortable with another woman the first few times. You understand dear, don't you?"

All was silent as the legendary Fullmetal Alchemist could do nothing more then gawk like the fish out of water he was and stutter helplessly until he fought out the words.,"I-I forgot th-that A-Al wanted to see me t-tonight…"

And with that he was gone.

Maes still sat cringing at his wife's feet, knowing there would be hell in only moments. Instead she said, "Maes, did you really think it would take me an hour to find chicken?"

"Um…"

"Oh, and by the way, I think the note's just lovely the way it is, and dinner's ready."

No one noticed the wide and impressionable eyes watching the entire scene from her bedroom.

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A/N – So there you have it! I hope you enjoyed the chapter (Over two thousand words, bitches . ) , leave your souls on the buffet table and add a review if you feel special.

Actual authress note………xD I am now afraid of my muse………..yeah have fun.