On The Wings Of An Angel
They sat side by side, hand in hand in front of the local doctor. A large desk was positioned between them, separating the patients from the person who had the potential to change their future. He was a gentle man, kind hearted but his bedside manner wasn't exceptional. He was rough around the edges, like any country man who had spent his youth mustering cattle and shearing sheep. His eyes scanned the page in front of him, flipping through the file a couple of times. He started to speak before glancing up, he knew both girls sitting in front of him and making eye contact wasn't something he was comfortable with.
"Tess McLeod, lumpectomy of breast lump. Self referral, family history breast cancer, malignancy detected…" He trailed off, realising what he had just spoken out loud. Claire's eyes were wide as she stared directly at him and Tess, her eyes were focus on the window frame just to the side of his left ear.
"Malignancy?" Claire questioned, tightening her grip on Tess' hand.
Tess nodded slowly, not taking her eyes off the window. "Cancer." She muttered, her voice even as she disseminated into a state of shock. "No chemotherapy, radiation to start and we go from there."
"I'm sorry Tess." He began slowly, "Let me explain what happens from here."
"What happens from here is my choice." She stated strongly.
He glanced to Claire who nodded for him to continue. "The lump in your breast is cancerous, before treatment can begin, we need to do some more exploratory tests. We have already located cancer cells in your lymph nodes, which means your cancer has spread. There's some scans and tests we need to do to find out if it has spread any further. Do you understand what I'm saying Tess?"
"No chemotherapy." She repeated. "Just radiation therapy. You can do surgery if you want, but no chemo. No chemo."
"Tess." Claire began, shifting in her chair so that she faced Tess directly. Reaching up, she cupped Tess' face with her hands. "Look at me." She guided softly, "They need to do some more tests, do you understand?"
"They can be done here." The doctor interrupted, "But the treatment, it's likely you'll need to go to Adelaide, it's not as simple as we had hoped."
Claire shot him a sharp glare, "That's probably enough good news for the moment." She muttered through grinding teeth, "When can the tests be done?"
"The radiographer will be here on Thursday for the CT scan, if you drive to Adelaide, you could maybe get it done tomorrow. But maybe waiting until the next day and spending tomorrow at home might not be a bad idea. Tess' blood counts are all at a safe level, so there's no reason to keep her in hospital."
"We'll be back on Thursday then. 9am?"
"9am will be fine. There's some booklets and information in this pack, you both might like to look them over."
Claire nodded, "Thank you."
He rose out of his chair and exhaled heavily, "Take your time." He was only ten years older than Tess and had a beautiful wife and two children waiting at home for him. He couldn't imagine facing a diagnosis of cancer, not for him or his wife. There were some days when he wished he wasn't in this line of work. Days when he wished he had followed his father and brothers into a life on the land. It wasn't so devastating when a sheep died, people were a different matter.
Claire drew in a deep breath as he closed the door quietly behind him, the brass catch slipping into place. "Tess…" Claire trailed off, reaching for her sister and tucking some loose strands of hair behind her ear.
"I'm alright." She stated, shaking her head from left to right before rising to her feet. "It's not like we didn't expect this, right?"
"You don't have to be all…strong." Claire said, narrowing her eyes at her own lack of articulation. "I mean, this is huge."
"No." Tess shook her head again, "It's cancer, I come back on Thursday have these tests and then a bit of radiation therapy in Adelaide and I come back to Drovers."
Claire rose to her feet and crossed the room to where Tess stood leaning against the wall. "It might not be that simple. The cancer has spread." She reached for Tess' hand, intertwining their fingers. "Let's get you home, hey?"
Tess nodded, "Claire?" She asked as Claire picked up their folder of information.
"Mmmm?"
"This room…" She began, "I don't want to cry in this room. Last time I was in a room like this, Mum didn't come home."
Claire simply nodded, draping an arm around Tess' shoulders and leading her out of the office and through the front doors of the hospital. The winter air hit them strongly, a cold south westly wind cutting through their clothing and send deep shivers through their body. Tess tightened her jacket around her body and blinked away the tears, she just wanted to get home. Home to Oscar, wide open spaces and as far away from this hospital as she possibly could.
The drive home from the hospital was painfully quiet, just the odd comment about jobs to be completed at Drovers and what could wait a few weeks. They passed Alex and Nick on the way, just exchanging a simple wave where usually they would slow down to a stop and briefly catch up. Claire was silently begging for Alex to return to Drovers later that evening, the burning sensation in her throat refusing to go away. She wanted nothing more than to lay her head on Alex's chest and be held tight by him. But that wasn't the reality of the moment, the space where she needed to somehow be with Tess and allow her to feel comfortable to talk, scream or cry. Whatever it was she needed. Although, she knew Tess and she knew that what she wanted to do was punch the ground and then dissolve into tears. The longer she held out, the harder she would fall.
They arrived back at the homestead and Tess was out of the car before the key was turned in the ignition. She was on the back of Oscar and riding into the distance bareback as Meg ran out of the house. "Claire! How did it go? Is Tess alright?"
Claire shook her head slowly, "Not good Meg."
"Where's she gone? What happened?"
Moving towards Brave J, Claire shrugged her shoulders. "She's got cancer. And if she rides fast enough, she might just be able to bare the thought for a moment."
Meg cupped her mouth in shock, "Claire." She gasped.
"I'll go after her." Claire answered, "Make sure Becky and Jodi get those sheep in for drenching. They're gonna have to pull their weight."
Meg nodded, "Go, I'll look after the girls. Bom's asleep too."
"Thanks." In one swift motion, Claire was in the saddle and riding Brave J at full gallop, chasing Tess across the vast landscape that was their life and home.