This was inspired by a burst of anger caused by the muting of my character in RuneScape. Sitting here, actually writing my thoughts, I don't feel as angry anymore, but I can write as though I were.
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Through Your Eyes
I stumbled down the empty alleyway. The rain was pouring relentlessly, but I refused to feel comfort. Not at a time like this.
A single strand of silver hair shone from somewhere in the darkness. I reached for it and walked toward it, but it seemed to be evading me.
It seemed to mock me, and I had a feeling it belonged to an individual who understood me once.
Smirking slightly, I followed it, but this time without the desire to take it.
Finally it turned around.
I was only slightly surprised to find Inuyasha staring at me blankly.
His look told me everything I had done to upset him.
Before I could say a word, he walked away. I called for him and ran toward him, but the only response I got was an angry, "Is there some way you haven't already tortured me, Kikyou?"
"Stop!" I screamed. I had to make him understand, lest he believe I intended to do him harm.
"Why?" shouted Inuyasha, his voice full of hate and sarcasm. He had stopped moving and was staring at me in a curious way. "Didn't cause me enough pain, did you?"
"No," I said, "you don't understand! You don't know the whole story!" Inuyasha laughed. "What is there to know? I saw what happened. I don't need any more."
I didn't want to have to plead with him. Even though I feared my pride would explode, I cried in desperation.
"Inuyasha!" I yelled. "Listen to me! I love you! I love you and nothing can change that!"
This time his laugh wasn't real. I heard hesitation in it, a quick thought given to my honesty.
"Of course you do," he said. "Yes, you say 'I love you, I love you,' but never do you show it!"
I had no choice. Inuyasha wasn't going to hear me out unless I offered him something important.
"Kagome isn't dead!" I screamed.
I was right. That was all it took for him to pay attention to me, although it wasn't quite the attention I was hoping for.
"So," Inuyasha said, "you kept Kagome alive so you could torture her in front of me? Or did you think that it would be humorous to destroy her and keep her alive so that you have a living trophy of your work?"
The last thing I felt before I blacked out was a hand at my throat.
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My screams never really stopped. I did eventually shut up, but the sound of my pain refused to stop echoing in the dark alley. The reverberating screams gave me a headache, but they seemed to egg Inuyasha on.
"Inuyasha…" I said weakly. It was a wonder I could still talk. For a glorious second, I believed he had spared me because he wanted to hear me out.
I was wrong. He only had eyes for Kagome.
"Show her to me," he snarled.
I whispered a spell, and Kagome appeared at Inuyasha's side with an umbrella, as whole as I once was.
This was real proof I wasn't lying. Inuyasha knew it too, and he let go of my throat.
The look in his eyes told me what he wanted. Briefly, I wanted to keep Kagome there, so she could see what love was really like, but I decided against it. Inuyasha would surely consider it torture, and besides, I had no reason to burden Kagome with such thoughts. I whispered another spell, and Kagome was gone.
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"Kikyou… my Kikyou…" said Inuyasha, "what have I done to you?"
I tried to smile. I had hoped for this to happen, but it didn't make me any more prepared for it.
I didn't have time to say "I've had worse" when Inuyasha kissed me.
This I really wasn't prepared for. The most I thought would happen was that we would make up, maybe become friends again. But this? This I didn't know was possible.
It was a passionate kiss, and I knew he meant what I felt.
The moment was right. If not for the rain, which had by now completely soaked us both, we might have done it in that alley.
Truthfully, I don't think either of us would have minded the rain. It was something else that prevented us from going any further.
"Inuyasha!"
I cringed as soon as I heard that voice. It belonged to Kagome, and she wasn't about to let us kiss in peace.
I wanted Inuyasha and wished Kagome hadn't interrupted, but I didn't hate her. I had every reason in the world to despise her, but I felt somehow that she didn't deserve it.
Kagome had wanted nothing more than I had, and I shouldn't hate her just because she got it. Even now I smile thinking about the bitch I would have been thought to be if I hated a woman for sharing my dreams.
They said Kagome was my reincarnation, and I then understood why. She was so highly reminiscent of me, with her eyes burning as though they could shoot flame at us, and her hand curled around her bow. I could have laughed, if not for the fact that she was mouthing what looked like death threats to me.
As Inuyasha and I stared at her, I realized just how far she would go to get Inuyasha.
"You bitch," she said. "You goddamn whore! You fucking slut! Find someone else to fuck you fucking whore!"
Admittedly, it was rather amusing watching her storm down the alley to where we were, pushing aside trash cans and allowing them to spill their rotting contents.
And, admittedly, Inuyasha and I still would have done it if Kagome wasn't there, even with the stench of garbage in the air.
Inuyasha ran in front of me. He shouted to Kagome, warning her that if she tried to hurt me, he would have to defend me.
It was that moment when I cared not about my relationship with Inuyasha. If either Kagome or I was to die, I would have rather it be me.
After all, what is one going to do with a dead woman? Even if she is in the arms of her beloved, she is dead, and doesn't belong with the living.
Kagome was alive. She had only one chance at life, and I didn't intend to ruin that.
"No, Inuyasha," I said. "Don't waste your time protecting me. I am dead, and no amount of protection can change that."
"But Kikyou," he said, "I love you. I want to be with you, and I don't care if you're dead!"
Kagome was watching, dumbstruck. Her expression told me that she couldn't believe I was giving Inuyasha up.
I looked deep into his eyes. "You deserve someone alive, someone who can stay with you. I am neither here nor there, a piece of a departed soul brought back to Earth so that I may wander."
I hesitated to say the last part, yet still I had to. "When I was resurrected, I had my complete soul. Kagome and I cannot share one soul, so she took back only the part of the soul that was pure. I was, and still am, left with the tiny bit of my soul that hated you. If I love you enough to completely get rid of all the hate in me, I will fade away. The hatred is all that is keeping me alive, and it will do nothing but hinder our relationship."
Inuyasha looked back and forth between me and Kagome.
I thought Kagome might lower her bow, but she did no such thing. The girl smirked, and said, "Then you shouldn't stick around, since you don't have a thing to do!"
I still remember the odd feeling of being hit with one of my own arrows. It was shot by Kagome, but it was the same purifying arrow I had used countless times in my life.
I remember seeing the sparkling purple light before it hit my chest. It didn't hurt, just burned a little.
And I felt it purifying what was my hatred for Inuyasha, the only thing keeping me alive.
I smiled happily as my clay body began to vanish.
"Inuyasha," I said, "I'll wait for you in the afterlife. I'll never forget about you, no matter how long I have to wait."
And without another word, I was gone.
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ONE WEEK LATER
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I sat under the magnificent sakura tree that marked my new field. I had only been here waiting for a week, but I had already chosen my home.
Why I was so impatient, I didn't know. I didn't know what Inuyasha was doing, if he had married Kagome or if he had chosen to separate himself from society.
I needn't have worried.
Looking up into the tree, I spied a peacefully sleeping Inuyasha. In his hand, he held a note, explaining why he had committed suicide.
My stifled screams of excitement nearly woke him when I read it.
I climbed out of the tree and waited for him to wake.
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"Inuyasha, you could have stayed with Kagome if you wanted."
Inuyasha smiled. "I could have, but I chose you instead."
He lifted my chin with his finger and caught me in a passionate kiss.
This time, with no Kagome around, we were free to go on.
When I was writing this, I honestly didn't have a clue where it was going. What I wanted was more of a dying-in-lovers-arms thing, but I suppose this is ok. I might write something else like this, I don't know.
Anyways, please review; I do not discourage flames, or anything for that matter.