Chapter one: WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?
Kong studio was, as it always was, creepy and full of shadows one October morning. Halloween was approaching and you could feel it in the air , a bat that tangled itself in your locks, and the cold mist hanging over the landfill was an ominous cape hiding a deadly vampire.
My goodness, I love using metaphors.
Anyways, you get the point, it was creepy. The four members of the band Gorillaz were each in their respective rooms, Noodle reading a manga novel and giggling away, Russel listening to a record and eating KFC, Murdoc passed out in a drunken stupor in his Winnebago, and 2D incoherently playing his Helly Drop game. Suddenly a loud crash brought all of them running out into the lobby to find out what was happening.
"'Eyre comin' ta get us!" yelled 2d, looking around furiously.
"Man, who's up in here this early?" demanded Russel, raising a large fist.
"They should not come into house without permission!" insisted Noodle, getting into a judo position, ready to attack.
"Whaddaya bloody want?" growled Murdoc, scratching his behind.
There was another crash and then a high, girlish squeal rang through the hallways. "Oh no, 's a nother fan gonna come and glomp me!" cried 2D, hiding behind Russel "Or one o' those psycho bloody groupies!" snapped the bands bassist, also rushing to hide behind the large drummer.
Noodle stared blankly at the boys. "You are scared"
"They tries ta put me inna penguin suit!" whined the blue-haired vocalist.
"Stuff it, I'm freakin' sick a them wantin ta have my kids!" growled Murdoc. "Ya think, okay I'll just have some fun with 'er and be through in the mornin, but then they wanna stick around and make ya breakfast, then getting all these bloody ideas about marriage and… no way am I goin' through that again"
" And they keep askin' me if 'D and Mud's are really a couple or some other bull like that!" Russel interjected.
He paused for a minute. "Wait a minute, D… how come you and Mud's have all these women throwin' themselves at your feet and I ain't got one damn groupie"
2D shrugged." Maybe ya ate em all"
"I'll tell ya why Russ… " Murdoc, rasped, moving out from behind the drummer to face him. " Me, and even Pretty-boy here, but mostly me, have got a thing called sex appeal! You? You sniff daisies and eat Macca's. Nobody likes that"
Russel's lower lip quivered. "You mean I don't have that 'big teddy bear' appeal"
Noodle patted Russ on the arm. " Stu-san and Mud-ni-san will have many girls come and go, but you, Russel-ni-san, have one special person who will be with you for long times. "
The Asian teenager's Confucius-like wisdom made Russel smile. "Aright, then. Wait, ain't we getting off track? We've spent half a page talkin' bout groupies and someone's STILL in the house"
"Oh yeah!" mused 2D, putting, a hand on his head. "What we s'posed to do now"
Noodle flipped ahead a couple of pages and read the plot . "I believe we are intended to go and investigate what noise is"
"Right then!" 2D said, cheerfully walking out from behind Russel and pointing down a random hallway. "Off we goes"
He paused and saw his group still standing where they were. " Why's ya still stand-in' there"
"Noise has come from other direction, D-ni-san." Noodle finally said, hiding a giggle.
"Right.. Knew that', " mumbled 2D sheepishly, shuffling back to the crew. "Uh… lead tha' way"
(The authoress would just like to interrupt for a minute to say what a pain it is to type D and Mud's dialogue the way it sounds on Microsoft Word with spell check screaming its little red underlines everywhere. But it is worth it for the sake of you, my friends)
As the gang walked into the darkest, scariest hallway in all of Kong Studios, they clustered a little closer together. Noodle snatched Russel's hand when she heard a noise and glanced around. "You are hearing that Russ-ni-san"
"You can smell the stench of evil and death in here…" whispered Russ, squeezing Noodle's hand gently.
"Nah, I think that's me, " interjected Murdoc, sniffing under his arms. "Phew! Time for a shower"
There was a third crash and 2D squeaked and latched onto Murdoc tightly.
"GET OFFA ME YA FRUIT LOOP!" snapped Mud's, throwing 2D away from him as if he had some kind of disease. "Are ya tryin' to turn me inta a fruit loop like you"
"Oh, no, this isn't one of THOSE fanfics is it?" groaned Russ. "That's the only reason I'm glad I don't have fan girls"
Murdoc glared at Russ, Noodle and 2D. "If I turn out to be a fruit loop in this story, someone is going to PAY"
"This whole thing smell of suspiciously convenient circumstances, "Noodle added. "We should be prepare and not let them sneak up on us"
(The authoress would like to add that it is also quite inconvenient to type Noodle's dialog when green underlines are yelling at you about your grammar. She wishes you all happy reading because she had to go through hell to get Word to shut up.) "What's a fanfic Russel?" 2D asked, tugging on the drummer's sleeve.
"It's a scary, scary thing 'D. Everyone goes all psycho and people who never even look at each other twice fall in love and have scary NC-17 love scenes, and the grammar is so bad ya'd think a monkey typed it"
"They are not all this way?" Noodle asked hopefully.
"No, luv, there are some good ones, but we're stereotyping them all into bad ones because it's funnier that way"
"'Dis a good un 'r a bad un?" 2D asked, titling his head to an angle.
"The bloody authoress prob'ly thinks it's the best thing since Satan, but stuff what she thinks I think it's CRAP!" snapped Murdoc. " I had to bloody wake up for this?" Noodle giggled. "You say 'bloody' quite often Murdoc-ni-san. Each word seems to be followed by 'bloody"
Murdoc's cheeks flushed slightly. "I do not bloody say bloody after every bloody word! "
"What is this?" interrupted 2D, causing everyone to pause in conversation and look at him. He was pointing to a large wooden crate with the words "FRAGILE :THIS END UP" on it upside down.
"It may contain original character that 2d san falls in love with…" Noodle said, poking it with a large stick. "We should burn it immediately"
"I'm gon' open it," the blue-haired lead singer said cheerfully. He grabbed a conveniently placed crowbar and began prying away at the planks of the container.
Everyone leaned forward slightly, holding their breath in anticipation. The lid came open and…
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" 2D gave another scream and literally tackled Murdoc. Noodle leaned over the box and peeked in to see what all the fuss was about. She reached inside and brought out a pink, sparkly pixie doll with purple butterfly wings.
"'GET OFFA ME GOD DAMN IT!" snapped the bassist, flinging 2D onto Russel and scrambling to his feet. "You're terrified of a damn fairy doll"
" Though it is quite… distasteful, I do not see why 2D-ni-san is afraid of doll," Noodle said, holding the doll out towards 2D. " NOO, GET IT 'WAAAY!" insisted 2D, running away from the doll. Noodle got an evil smile on her face and began chasing the singer in circles with the pixie doll in her hand. "What is the bloody point a' this story anyways?" Murdoc demanded. "The plot isn't going ANYWHERE"
Suddenly a short girl with shoulder-length red hair, glasses and too much eyeliner fell from the sky directly on top of 2D. She sprang to her feet and looked around.
Russel blinked. "What just happened"
The girl bowed from the waist Japanese-style and held out a hand to the drummer. "Hello! My name is Aishi. I come from America but I moved to Australia. I'm a self-inserted character based on the authoress who is supposed to come in and cause trouble for you and your band mates, possibly make 2D or Murdoc fall in love with me, and then create drama because of some issue that I have brought up. I am hyperactive and quite often speak in gigantic run-on sentences like this one which will often branch off into other topics such as the time when I was watching my mom try to teach the dog how to speak and she told my sister and I to speak and for the remainder of the day we were barking at her command . I also like to speak very bad fan girl Japanese though I have absolutely no Japanese blood or background aside from my love of manga. I am the same age as Noodle"
Russel blinked his white, blank eyes. "Did you stop to take a breath in that whole paragraph"
Aishi though for a second. ".. No"
2D stood up. "Ow, I fink she knocked me back out"
"What bloody good are ya then?" snapped Murdoc, kicking 2D.
There was a loud crack and 2D gleefully said, "Ya fixed it Muds"
"Did you come alone?" Noodle asked Aishi inquisitively.
"Nope. I also wrote my friend Pandora into the story, and she should be showing up right about…. NOW"
A tall girl with curves and blue eyes fell from the sky and landed on top of 2D just as Aishi had done. There was another loud crack.
"Me back's out again.." mumbled 2D.
"Where's the freakin' Ruby red slippers?" snapped the newcomer.
"This is Pandora! She's overtly sarcastic, the serious companion to my hyper rambling, and though she's not much older than me she acts like she thinks she's an adult, has a drinking problem and Murdoc is going to want to flirt with her all the time"
"Don't I get some say in this?" the bassist whined.
"It's a fanfic. You have no say in anything. I can make you make out with 2D right now if I want to"
"Can not!" growled the alcoholic Satanist.
Suddenly he found himself looking deep into the black eyes of Stu-pot. There was something beautiful in them. He slunk closer to the skinny younger boy and wrapped an arm around his waist. "Hey brainless… have I ever told you that I secretly want you"
"Want me to make it stop?" asked Aishi, giggling gleefully.
"HELL YEAH! WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME? I wanna bloody jump on dullard here and start…." Murdoc shuddered. "Just make me stop thinkin' like this, I'll get nightmares for the rest of my life! Or at least make it someone other than Stu-pot the brainless wonder"
Aishi thought for a second. 2D suddenly turned into Shaun Ryder. "And that, my friends, explains how the Dare video came to be"
"Can I go back to being 2D now?" Shaun asked. "No prob." Aishi turned the man who would play a giant disembodied head in a music video back into a skinny cartoon stick with a mop of blue hair. Murdoc shoved the singer away immediately. " This never happened, you hear me"
Pandora jumped up and down, waving her arms. "Halloo! Aren't you forgetting about something here? I am a part of this story too"
"Oh, right!" Aishi handed Pandora a cookie. "Take this"
"Why?" asked the taller girl, staring at the confectionary treat in her hand.
"I'm hungry!" interjected Russel.
" Good for you.. you want a freakin cookie?" Pandora snapped.
"That's why," Aishi said with a small grin.
"Actually, yes I do." Russel said eagerly and took the cookie from Pandora.
Pandora glared at Aishi. "Very cute Aishi. Ha, ha"
"I know, " Aishi said with a bigger grin. "I will be doing things like this through the whole story, so beware"
"So what do you wish to do now?" Noodle asked, tilting her head and staring at the American/Australian girl who could be both at the same time.
"Well, the way the story goes, we have nowhere to go so we have to stay at Kong studios with y'all. I will be staying in your room and become friends with you, Noodle, and Pandora will have the spare bedroom near 2D's which also has a door which leads to the car park making it convenient for Murdoc to annoy you. And of course he will think nothing of the fact that though you look grown you're the same age as Noodle and he could be your father, or even your grandpa"
Pandora glared at Aishi. "Why are you putting me through this"
"Because of some kind of conversation between us that no-one comprehends, let alone us ourselves"
"Um, Archie"
"It's Aishi, and yes 2D"
"Aren'tcha forgettin 'bout us completely"
The vocalist was right. The band was standing indifferently around the room, Russel drumming a beat with his fingers on the wooden crate, Noodle absentmindedly playing with the pink pixie doll, and Murdoc trying desperately to clear his mind of thoughts of the earlier incident with 2D.
"Oh yeah!" the redhead said, grinning sheepishly. " Um.. now is the part in the story when we take a chapter break and I write a really long, tedious author's note"
"Good, cuz I needed to pee!" 2D exclaimed, rushing up the stairs and out of sight.
(insert little border-thingy between my words and the story)
(like this one)
What do you think my furry friends? I have a seriously bizarre sense of humor so, this is the story that I came up with when I tried to write a Gorillaz story. Actually, I've written three before this… one "Murdoc2D" (note the quote marks… I won't say anything but they're there for a reason), one in badly written script format with myself and Pandora in it, (probably to be remade into the next chapter of this fic) and one anti-Paula, also in bad script format. And my next idea after this one is a crap story about the Gorillaz ending up on celebrity Survivor. Anyways, I wrote this over the span of one day directly on the computer without first writing it in a notebook/on my hand/in my school books/ on a napkin somewhere first. Maybe that explains how it will be the first to get put on the internet. Anyways, I'll end this and go back to the weirdness of my story, so.. JA NE!