Chapter Two: The problems begin…
2D stood outside of the toilet, squirming impatiently. He fiddled with the door and attempted to open it, but it was shut tight. He groaned and crossed his legs, wiggling slightly as he tugged on the handle of the obstruction between him and release of the contents of his bladder.
"Summon 'elp please?" he called, looking up and down the hallway. "Th' door's locked an' I needa pee! 'Ello"
There was no reply; the hallway and all rooms in or near it seemed to be mysteriously deserted. 2D let out a small whine and hoped from foot to foot, clutching at himself. "I gotta GO!" he whimpered, pulling on the toilet doors. Was this Murdoc's doing?
He tugged on the door desperately and did a little dance that the authoress likes to call the pee-pee dance. Suddenly he spied a conveniently placed potted plant outside the toilet door.
2D looked up and down the hallway, it WAS deserted… Well, when you have to go, you have to go. He quietly unzipped his pants and…
"Whatcha doin?" asked a cheerful female voice. 2D froze and his face reddened. Aishi peered at him from behind her black-rimmed glasses.
"Uh... 'Lo… uh, iwaz jus'… "
"Do you have to pee"
"Uh, yeah"
"Well then why don't you go in the toilet"
2D zipped his pants and inched away from the self-inserted-authoress-based-character who had shown up in the story a chapter ago. "I, uh... it's locked"
Aishi tilted her head slightly. "Really"
2D nodded, once again doing the pee-pee dance. "Yeah... c'n I like, uh… be 'lone now so I c'n pee"
Aishi walked over to the door and pushed on it lightly. It swung open, revealing the toilets in all their graffiti-covered glory. "Don't seem locked to me"
2D's jaw gaped. "Waz that them magical authoress powers again"
Aishi shook her head. "No… that was the power of awkward situation, but the door was unlocked the whole time. It's a push door"
2D's already flushed cheeks went even redder. "Oh... I knew that"
Aishi giggled. "Whatever. I'm going now; there are no more opportunities for comedy in here… unless I have someone walk in on you when you're in the toilet…" She paused for a minute, pondering puzzling possibilities (damn my English teacher for teaching me alliterations…) but then shook her head. "No, if I focus too much on the toilet this will turn into a hentai story, and all the major plot developments will happen in there. Anyways, I'm leaving now; I have more sitcom-like awkwardness and hilarious situations to exploit. Seeya"
2D watched the 14-year-old's red hair bounce as she skipped down the corridor and out of sight. A sweat drop rolled down his forehead anime-style. 'That waz weird..." he finally said, before dashing into the toilet to release his pee.
Meanwhile, Pandora was standing in the lobby of Kong studios with a bored expression on her face. "I have been waiting in here for half a page while she talks about toilets and potted plants!" the tall teenager (alliterations again!) snapped, stomping a foot. "I'm going to kill that girl"
Suddenly there was a noise and Panda-Chan (the first sign of fan girl Japanese rears it ugly head!) turned to see Murdoc standing beside her.
She glared at the bassist. "What do you want"
"A million dollars, world domination and Satanic powers, but that's not important," Murdoc grinned and inched up to the blue-eyed original character. "At the moment, I want you"
Pandora felt an anime-style sweat drop from above her. "I am really not sure whether I should be insulted, flattered or just plain scared out of my wits," the teen said, baking away from the bassist and raising an eyebrow. "I don't really go for grandpas"
"Who you callin' grandpa?" Murdoc said, raising an eyebrow. "I'm not that old"
Pandora shook her head. "Aishi, your story is bizarre. Couldn't you make someone else, ANYONE else, like me? Come on"
Aishi instantly appeared in the room, grinning like a Cheshire fox. (The cat is probably copyrighted, and foxes are cooler anyways.) "Well, I could, but I distinctly remember you saying that the Gorillaz member you'd most want to do is Murdoc. Besides, this way I have plenty of comedy material to use when I feel like my plot is going stale"
"What plot?" interrupted Murdoc. "Aside from you and Panda-chick here, not much has actually happened in this story! Sure, we heard a crash, found a box, and 2D got squished by two birds, but in reality this plot is pretty much pointless"
"I know, but I try to make up for it with tongue-in-cheek commentary on the fan fiction world, sarcasm and bizarre comedy. Although a few more chapters of this would quickly grow tedious, so what do you think Pandora, do we need to cut down on the parody and develop a plot"
Pandora stared at the Satan-loving bassist who was staring at her chest. "As long as you don't set me up as a couple with demon-man here, I think its fine; whatever you want"
"You shouldn't have told me not to, now I could do it," Aishi said with a grin.
Russel and Noodle walked by and stood by Murdoc, so that they got some exposure in the chapter as well. After all, the authoress hates how poor Russ seems to get next to no attention.
"What is going on?" Noodle asked, tilting her head.
"Yeah, you and Pandora steal all the lines so Noods and I, hell, the whole band, gets pushed into the background and forgotten about"
" I don't mean to do it, just as I don't mean to use so much parody and forget about actual story, but look at me, I'm still doing it as I say this very line!" Aishi said sheepishly.
"Well, I'm going to have a shower and then play bass for awhile, leaving my Winnebago unlocked and unguarded for anyone and everyone to break into. Bye, losers"
"Hmmm!" Aishi pondered aloud, putting a finger to her lips in thinking position.
"What is it?" Noodle asked, as the redheaded multinational anime addict giggled like a madwoman.
"Nothing, Noodle, come with me Pandora!" sang Aishi, pulling her friend just out of the Gorillaz (or at least three of them)'s hearing range.
"I think I found our plot!" Aishi declared, shaking Panda violently.
"Where?" asked the teen, slightly dizzy.
"In the 'Bago!" sang the shorter girl, doing an impromptu dance.
"Didn't you already write that story"
"Yeah, but this one is better! Let's GO!"
Russel stared at the ceiling in boredom. "Man, I wonder how many dots are on the ceiling?" he asked Noodle, pointing directly over their heads.
Noodle marveled at the ceiling. "Ooh… I do not know"
"Let's count 'em!" suggested Russ, pointing at the farthest dot near the wall and counting outwards from it. "1,2,3,4,5,6"
"STOP!" demanded a voice and 2D rushed into the room. "Don't ya know that counting tha dots on tha ceiling makes yer house blow up"
Noodle raised an eyebrow and stared at the vocalist. "What are you talking about and why do you say this 2d"
"Cause! I've seen it happen!" cried the blue-haired boy. "Don't do it"
"I am sure it does," said Noodle, rolling her eyes. "Where were we counted"
"Seven," Russel said matter-of-factly.
"Hachi, kyuu, juu..." counted Noodle.
"11,12,13"
2D paused for a minute, and then shrugged. "14…, uh, what comes after fourteen Russ"
"Fifteen, 2d" Noodle answered for him.
"Okay. 15.. Uh, what comes after that"
" Just stick to the numbers you know, 'D"
".. .. .. What number comes after purple"
Russel slapped his forehead. "Never mind."
While Russel, 2D and Noodle were distracted counting dots and Murdoc was in the shower, Pandora and Aishi snuck off into the car park. "Tell me again why we're doing this Aishi?" Panda whispered, glancing behind her to make sure they weren't being followed.
"Because I think the plot we need is hiding in the Bago somewhere, " Aishi countered, sticking a hairpin into the lock on the door and jiggling it around. There was a loud click and the door swung open.
"Does that actually work?" marveled the older of the two friends. " I thought that was only on TV!"
"Probably, though I've never tried it before," Aishi said cheerfully. "Well, in we go"
The two girls' jaws dropped as they entered the confined space where Murdoc spent most of his time. Dirty underwear and dirtier magazines littered the ground beside empty booze bottles and crumpled clothes, only some of which belonged to Murdoc. Drawers hung half-open containing suspicious-looking packages, Trojan wrappers and the occasional sacrificial chicken part. Over all of it was a smell of alcohol and old sandwiches.
"It's even worse than I imagined," groaned Pandora.
"What were you doing imagining Murdoc's room , huh?" Aishi sang mockingly.
Pandora growled at the girl before kicking aside a pair of leather, thigh-high platform boots which may or may not have been the bassist's. " Shut up Aishi. Now let's hurry up and find a plot so we can get out of here"
Aishi plopped down beside a pile of magazines and began digging through one of the drawers. Gleefully she pulled out a purple cape with red lining.
"I am Dracula!" she said in a mocking deep voice, sweeping the satiny material over her shoulders and pretending to bare fangs." I will drink your BLOOOOD"
Pandora picked up a cross-shaped pendant and discreetly pocketed it. "Nice necklace." She noticed the bass guitar propped against a wall and a malicious expression spread over her face. "Bet that will be worth BIG bucks on EBay, huh Aishi"
Aishi opened a drawer and grinned. "I just found the jackpot"
"What is it"
Aishi produced a clear bottle with a red label from the drawer. "The secret alcohol stash"
Pandora paused. "Do you have a feeling of déjà vu or is that just me"
Aishi shrugged. "I guess so. We haven't raided the Bago before, have we? "
"I don't know… Anyways, give me a drink of that vodka"
" You alcoholic… only if I get a drink!"
A few hours later the girls were through their first bottle and singing happily with flushed cheeks.
"Ninety-nahne boodles a beer on that waallll, ninety-nahne boodles a beer!" Aishi sang off-key. "Hey, I sound like a hobbit! Shire, shire, shi-err"
"Take one down, pass it around.." sang Noodle.
Pandora looked at the Asian girl, raising an eyebrow. "When did Noodle get here? And since when would she drink vodka? That's so OOC"
"Rah, it's a fanfic! Who CARES?" called Aishi, thrusting a bottle towards Noods. "Have A NOTHER DRINK"
Noodle giggled, her cheeks flushed pink, and the girls went back to their song.
Much later they were even drunker than before and the room was starting to spin.
"Sen'ty.. Seveny… what were we on agaim?", asked the oldest girl.
"Elevem I think," Aishi said triumphantly.
Noodle and Aishi looked at each other and began yelling, "ELEVEN,ELEVEN!", at the tops of their lungs.
Pandora picked up a pair of underwear and waved them around. "What is disso, what is disso!"
Aishi grabbed the underwear and stuck them on her head. "Dare a hat!" she said cheerfully.
Still wearing the undies atop her head like a helmet, she leaned forward and grabbed a handful of Polaroid photos. "And whadd're these"
Pandora glanced at the photos and screamed, throwing them under the bed, then began laughing loudly. " Oh no, oh no, uh, hey!" She glared at her drinking companions. "You two're too young ta be drinkin'! You shoon't be here ya here"
Aishi hiccupped. "But you're nawt mush olda"
"Yeah I am! Whenya reverse my age, I'm fifty-one"
"Oahu! I seeeeeeeeeeee!" Aishi laughed, nodding so hard the underwear flew from her head.
Noodle gave a little squeal and ducked the airborne undergarments. They flew out the window of the Winnebago .
Just at that moment, 2D was walking past and humming a song, minding his own business. Suddenly a pair of underwear came from nowhere and smacked him in the face, knocking him backwards onto his bum. He pulled the once-white briefs from his face and stared at them.
Inside the Winnebago Aishi was laughing so hard she choked. Noodle slapped her on the back, which only caused everyone to laugh harder. Suddenly they heard a knock at the door and 2D's voice called, "Murdoc! Didja want somethin'? Ya threw your underwear at me.."
Pandora and Noodle immediately began hitting Aishi.
"Say somethin'! Say somethin'!" Pandora whispered.
"Hai, haiyaku!" Noodle insisted. The more intoxicated Noodle became, the less English the Asian girl remembered.
"Ohm…." Aishi put on her best imitation of Murdoc's deep, gravelly voice. "Yeah, honey, come back later and I'll be waiting for you! I'm just getting ready for you baby"
"Hum.. 'Kay… I fink…," mumbled 2D, wandering off towards his room.
The three teens laughed hysterically and pounded on the ground with their fists.
2D wandered inside and past Russel, who was still standing in the lobby counting dots on the ceiling. "Hi Russ!" he called.
" 476…478…479…450… Oh, hi 2D! 451… 452…453"
Suddenly 2D smacked into Murdoc, fresh out of the shower and with only a towel around his waist. " Wow, 'at waz fast…" he muttered incoherently.
"What are you talking about brainless?" snapped Murdoc.
"You were just in tha Winnebago sayin' ya were gettin' ready and now you're here and stuff," 2D said matter-of-factly.
Murdoc raised an eyebrow. "I've been in the bloody shower for the last hour or so dumbo"
"But then how was you in two places at tha same time?" 2D scratched his head and then shrugged. "I'm firsty. I'm gonna get some juice"
Murdoc pondered what the spacey singer had told him. Then it hit him like an anvil falling from the sky in a Looney Tunes cartoon.
"Aw, S !" he snapped, and we all know what those little stars stand for, which have only been put there because the authoress's nine-year-old sister may read this story. "Someone's in my Winnebago"
Murdoc rushed out into the car park screaming all manner of rude, shocking, indecent, unacceptable, inappropriate, unseemly, offensive, reprehensible language which shall not be repeated here, and passing by Russel who was still counting dots on the ceiling. (He was on 600)
He flung open the door of his personal space to find Noodle hanging upside down and wearing his cape, flapping her arms like a bat, Aishi shooting underwear at her like slingshots, and Pandora dancing around the room with his bass guitar.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" he demanded, banging his fist against a wall.
Pandora giggled and thrust a half-empty bottle of whisky towards him. "Awes, don' worrie! Halva niche drink"
Murdoc paused for a second, the grabbed the bottle and took a swig.
Much, MUCH later (how much time am I going to skip in this freakin' story?) the four alcohol-soaked … Drinking buddies (for lack of a better term) were swaying slightly as they passed a bottle of rum between them.
" Did I ever tell ya yeah have really nice-" began Murdoc, pointing at Pandora
" BAKA HENTAI NEKO, URUSAI SHIMATTA KISAMA!" yelled Noodle before passing out face first on the ground.
"Ha, ha, summon cant hole 'err alcohols…" slurred Aishi before also passing out.
" WIMPS!" Pandora hollered, turning to Murdoc. "Bed I c'n outdrink ya."
"Bringer on!" laughed the bassist.
He took another swig of the alcohol and stared at the teen. "Im gon' tell yas somethin I ain't ever said no-one before... IIII"
Suddenly a girl named Stefanie appeared from nowhere. "Oh my god you people are weird! What's with all the weird names? Okay, I'm out of the story"
An anime-style sweat drop appeared on Pandora's forehead. "You left that in here"
Aishi bolted up from her drunken stupor mysteriously. "Yeah, of course I did! I was intending to stay relatively close to the original. Besides, when Stef wrote herself a cameo into my story, it was one of the funniest parts in the whole damn thing"
"Oh," Pandora said, nodding. "Okay"
"Good," Aishi said, passing back out.
Pandora watched as Stef disappeared. "OKAAAYYYYY"
Murdoc waved a hand in front of her face. "EY! I was talkie! I was gonna say... I loooooooove you!" The bassist moved to lean on the blue-eyed girl but she moved back, causing him to crash to the floor.
"Zad hurdy?" Pandora asked, leaning over the drunkard.
Murdoc dragged his head over to Pandora and dropped it in her lap. "Uhhhhu"
Just then, Russel burst down the door. "6,753! There are six thousand, seven hundred and fifty three dots on the ceiling!" He froze and looked around. There were two underage girls, one of whom was Noodle, passed out on the floor, underwear and empty bottles of alcohol scattered across the floor, and Murdoc had his head in the lap of another underage girl. (How suspiciously convenient)
"Shih… z'not 'owe it looks!" yelled the bass demon as Russel grabbed him by the collar and held up a threatening fist.
"Oh, sure... They just came in and intoxicated themselves, right"
"Yeah! They did!" insisted Murdoc, flailing his arms and attempting to break Russ's hold on him.
That was all he had to say. A fist smashed into his face with a loud CRUNCH.
Hello again! It's another author's note... did you know these things are actually pointless seeing as I have only had my story read by two people as I type this? Mostly, I like to hear myself talk. I'm full of hot air, and besides, it helps create the illusion that I actually have fans. Anyways, I ended the chapter here for a reason... one, it was getting too long, and two, the next bit seems better as the beginning of a chapter and not the end as it originally was. Hey! Look! I have a cool picture of Gorillaz! (Insert pic here) But I won't paste it on this story, because my memory on my disk seems to be running out... well, I have on it… This story in Microsoft word format, which takes a lot of space because I have done all that fancy stuff to it like change the font and background color and insert pictures, and then I have a big-as document full of song lyrics, and then I have my contention on the death penalty for English! Wait, my author's note is droning on and on… Okay, on to the next chapter! Siesta! And keep a mild groove on!