Chapter Three: Ships and sails and hangovers from hell
2D tapped lightly on the door of Noodle's room and cracked it open a bit. "'Ey Noods... Russ said to ask you if ya want some breakfast." Loud streams of graphic Japanese swear words greeted him, followed by a BANG as a Hello Kitty hit him upside the head. 2D quickly shut the door and retreated from it, yelling "I'll tell 'im ya aren't hungry!" Rubbing the bump on his head caused by the plastic cat, 2D knocked on the door of the guest room where Pandora was staying. Cautiously stepping towards the door, he tapped on it and braced himself.
"WHAT THE (Paula) DO YOU WANT?" demanded a feminine voice. The authoress looked up at her confused fans for a minute, pausing the story. "Yes, I am interrupting my own hard-earned plot to make a note. As I am a member of the Paula haters, I am just letting you know that from this point on Paula's name represents a very foul word, and shall be used in place of language that would disapprove of. So, it is a profanity, you hear me? A PROFANITY!" The readers stirred listlessly in their seats in front of the computer and scrolled down." When does this thing end, anyways"
Suddenly the plot got back on track. "I DON'T WANT ANY (Paula) –ING BREAKFAST YOU DUMBO! NOW GO AWAY OR I'LL (Paula) –ING KILL YOU"
2D shuddered and backed away from the door. "She's like a girl Murdoc," he mumbled, retreating down the hall in fear of injury, just as the authoress will do when Pandora reads that sentence. He approached the living room, where Aishi was passed out on the couch.
2D poked the redhead and shook her shoulder. "Yo, wake up. Russ wants ta know if you want breakfast"
The OC bolted up, looking around furiously, then hissed at 2D and slunk away from him into a shadowy corner. "It's the elfses... They wants to take it from us, my dear, we are not going to let them have it!" She bared her teeth at the vocalist and he raised an eyebrow, backing away slowly for the third time that morning. "Um… like, I'm not an elf or nuffink… I'm just gonna go before ya sic a giant spider on me." He ran from the room as fast as he could.
A few hours later, the three girls' stomachs had overpowered their hangovers and they sat in the kitchen with breakfast in front of them.
"Itai… itai… itai…" repeated Noodle over and over, slumped headfirst in a bowl of cereal.
"Ah, what's your (Paula)-in problem Spaghetti-girl?" snapped Pandora, flicking a bit of scrambled egg towards Noods. "GET OVER IT! MY HEAD HURTS"
"We have a spoon… a spoon to protect us, and keep away those evil elephants..." muttered Aishi to herself, stroking her silverware. "Milford loves us. He won't let the people from copyright infringement get us or our long, food hands. Or our blatant reference to bizarre cartoons"
Russel stood in the kitchen, tapping his foot and glaring at the teens. "You're luck this is a fanfic and we're the Gorillaz, or someone could be in serious trouble right now. If we weren't a cartoon band, we could get in trouble with the law AND the tabloids, and that's the last thing we want. So, have you three learnt a lesson about alcohol"
Noodle muttered something in Japanese without looking up from her cereal, Aishi thrust the spoon towards Russ and Pandora snapped, "DON'T YOU PREACH TO ME YOU BIG (Paula)-ING (Paula)-ER"
"I never found out who threw the undies anyways," Interrupted 2D, picking up the milk carton and drinking directly from it. "And what happened to Muds"
"Uhhh... he's probably out sulking in the Bago," Russel said, then sighed. "I think there's some kind of moral hidden in this screwed-up story… but I don't think I care enough to find it. I am going to go practice." The big drummer shuffled out of the kitchen in exasperation.
Aishi watched his retreating back and then turned to her fellow OC and Noodle. "Okay, that plotline has worn out... We need to think of something else to exploit to make this thing entertaining"
Noodle raised an eyebrow. "What happened to our hangovers"
"My attention span wore out. I'm on to bigger and better things." The redhead jumped up on the table and pointed at nothing in particular. "I'M GOING TO MAKE THIS A ROMANCE FIC"
Pandora and Noodle looked at each other, then at the short Ameristralian. "What"
"You heard me. I'm going to set up a couple and then write about their love"
"Oh, no..." muttered Noodle, shaking her head. "I have read these before. I do not want to be a part of this at all"
"Your grammar got fixed!" noted Pandora, flipping back to the first chapter. "In Chapter one you spoke in bad grammar with fan girl Japanese thrown in at intervals, but now you talk normally"
Noodle shrugged. "Ask Aishi. She fixed it for me. She must be quite bored of all those little green lines"
"ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?" demanded the fourteen-year-old Gorillaz fan, waving her arms angrily. "So, the question is... What ship am I going to explore today"
"We get ta go on a boat ride?" asked a puzzled, dreamy voice and the girls spun to see 2D standing behind them.
"When did you get here?" Noodle asked, tilting her head.
"I was 'ere tha whole time… I never left since line 11 where I drank tha milk"
"Oh yeah... I wrote you in didn't I?" mumbled Aishi. "Crap. I have to keep track of who is in the room and when"
"So, when are we getting on the boat?" 2D asked, scratching his head.
" Um, a ship means a couple that had been set up for a fan fiction 2D. It's short for 'relationship.' And if you want to RIDE a couple... this fanfic's rating better change." Aishi held her index finger in the air as she explained the word to 2D, pointing at nothing in particular. " Anyways, what do you guys think? I need to decide"
"Let's do 2D and Noodle!" suggested Pandora, grabbing the two by the shoulders and cramming them together. " They're so cute together"
"Awww, everyone does that!" sighed Aishi, tapping a pen impatiently. "And anyways, I can't really make any lewd jokes or suggestive scenes with those two because of the age gap"
"You pervert, you're not turning this into hentai are you?" Pandora remarked sarcastically.
"Well, if I make it a 2d-Muds fic…" she mused aloud.
"NO!" 2D begged, shaking his head rapidly. "I always get abused in those stories! And besides, your sister might read this"
"You're right… damn." " Well… what about one of us with Murdoc or 2D? You know, some fluff, maybe some PG-13 scenes, and then heartbreak"
"Mmm…" Aishi grinned. "Oh, Pandora. You told me sometime you think Murdoc's bad-boy image was sexy. How would you like to follow up on that bit of setup I put in the last chapter"
"So THAT'S why you did that!" snapped Pandora. "Well, yes, I think Muds is hot, but the way you did it in the last chapter made it seem like I didn't like him"
"Playing hard to get. Besides, if you flirt with HIM, he'll get scared off and won't go anywhere with ya"
"But if I continue playing hard to get, it'll just go on like that and won't go anywhere either!" "Wait.. I've got it. You start going out with 2D, but secretly want Murdoc, and are only with 'D to make him jealous, so that you two finally get together but you end up breaking 2D's heart"
Pandora growled. "What do you think I am, (Paula)-ing PAULA"
Aishi clapped a hand over Pandora's mouth. "Don't use that kind of language in front of Noodle and me"
" Sorry," "Well, I guess you and Murdoc are no good… what about Russel? No-one ever writes a story with Russ as the main love interest"
"That's cause he'd squish a girl," 2d butted in to the discussion. "He'd make pancakes out of 'er"
"I HEARD THAT!" snapped a voice and 2D gave a little squeak, taking off as the drummer thundered in and attempted to turn 2d into a pancake. "I'll kill you"
" Well, who would we set Russ up with?" Pandora asked as soon as the two were out of the room. " What about … you?" Aishi asked, grinning. "I mean, it's be so CUUTE"
" NO!" snapped the teen, hitting her friend with a rolled-up newspaper. " I don't think so"
"Why not?" whined the redhead, giggling. "I'd do it myself, Russ is a sweetie, but I want to be Cupid and hook up the lucky couple"
" Because!" "Oh! I know!" the fanfic-writer who was running out of things to call herself said, giggling madly. " RUSSEL AND 2D"
"AHHHHHHHHHH!" squeaked Pandora. " Russel and 2D? You're kidding, right"
"Everyone does Muds with 'D so why not Russ with him? Or," the girl's wicked grin widened, "Muds and Russ!" "AHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Panda, waving her arms. "NO WAY! POOR RUSSEL"
"Okay, that's a no.. well, I'm stumped, how about you?" "Yeah, me too, and this discussion lost its humor about sixteen lines ago and became tedious"
"Well then, time to go back to a plot." Aishi snapped her fingers and then the girls were mysteriously standing in the corridor.
Russel approached them with Noodle trailing behind him. " Hey girls. Noods and I were just about to go and get the other two for a jam session. Wanna follow"
"Sure," Aishi sang, dancing behind them gleefully.
Russel approached 2d's door and tapped on it lightly. "Hey 'D! Time to practice, mate, let's go"
"I'm not in the bloody mood," a scratchy voice said from behind the door. Russ raised an eyebrow. What was Murdoc doing in there?
"Uh, yeah, me neither," 2D said, and the drummer picked up hints of intoxication in his voice. "Hum, I'm busy!" "Okay then.. guess I'll do it alone!" Russ said loudly, and stomped his feet to make it seem like he was leaving, then crouched and pressed his ear to the door.
"Do you ever get déjà vu?" whispered Pandora, but Aishi held up a finger to shush her.
"He's gone I fink," 2D's voice could be heard saying through the door.
"Good… come here," Murdoc's rough voice insisted, and there was a rustling sound from inside the room. "Gimme this"
The rustling grew louder and 2D made a small noise. "Uh-uh Muds, don't do that.. what if…" began 2D but then he made another small noise and a loud bang could be heard on the wall.
"I know what I'm doing," Murdoc insisted and there was a grunt that Russ could only assume came from the bassist. The drummer quickly clapped a hand over Noodle's ears and she looked up at him in confusion.
"Ow, ow, Murdoc, don't push that so hard!" 2D's voice filtered through the wood of the door.
" Shaddap and quit movin, it's almost through!" There was a lot of rustling now, and creaking noises, like bedsprings or a chair frame being strained.
"Ahh, that hurts, it's pokin' somethin' that hurts!" 2D whined, and made another noise that sounded like an animal whimpering.
Russel flung open the door, angry and shocked. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO HIM MURDOC?" 2D blinked and looked up at his band mate. "Oh, hi there"
Russ froze. 2D was sitting in the chair holding a rubber pencil grip that the bassist was violently trying to shove a colored pencil through. The tip of the pencil was poking 2D's hand hard enough to pierce the skin, but that was the only penetration happening. (I can't believe I just typed that.) Both member were fully clothed, although there were colored pencils and coloring books scattered across the floor.
"You're… uh… coloring"
""Course," 2Dsaid cheerfully, then winced as the tip of the pencil poked him again. He moved his hand and Murdoc snatched the grip form him, shoving it on the pencil with a determined grunt. "What'd ya think we were doing?"
Hello again, to the .. three readers i have. -- I always speak as though i'm adressing a big audience, but i have a grand total of maybe 3 readers and one reveiwer.. anyways, i am too bored to write author's notes so, the next chappie will be up when i get off me bum and write it, with more humor and new characters (provided i get thier permission) and... um... go back to sleep now! Sayonara!