The Very Secret Diaries of Hyrule
A/N: Modeled after the hilarious Very Secret Diaries written by Cassie Claire, and can be found at http/homepages. Be warned, this is the product of being very bored. Very, very bored. Enjoy!
The Very Secret Diary of Zelda, Princess of Hyrle, Sage of Time, Bearer of the Triforce of Wisdom, and other Rather Useless Titles.
Day 1: Have brushed beautiful, long, golden blond hair 58,000 times so far. Must continue brushing, as think I get by on looks alone.
Day 3: Had v. terrible prophetic dream! Horribly ugly man stole hairbrush and pretty dresses! No! My kingdom is ruined!
Day 7: Met Useless Pretty Boy today. Sent him off on quest to destroy Ganondorf, as do not want to compete in looks department and really miss favorite hairbrush.
Day 10: Found Ganondorf trying on dresses in my closet. Bit disturbing, as was wearing long blond wig and fondling himself. Fled in terror with Impa. Always wondered if Impa v. manly man, or just woman with testosterone overabundance? Would ask, but think it teeny bit rude.
Day 11: Gave in and asked. Manly woman.
Day 26: Had Link (AKA Useless Pretty Boy) sealed up in Temple of Time for seven years. Hope more agemore ugliness. Also, miss favorite hairbrush! Hair getting disturbingly tangled.
Day 2,453: Am so, so, very bored. Decided to try cross-dressing, as Ganondorf took all dresses and hair tangled anyway. Is v. nice!
Day 2,354: Useless Pretty Boyvery, very ,very, hot Hylian.. Suddenly sorry for the cross-dressing. Must begin wearing tight dress again. Or maybe prance about naked? Hmm.
Later:
Linkstill v. hot!
Day 2,354 and 1/2: Ganondorf defeated, hairbrush returned, dresses burned, Very, Very, Very hot Hylian sent back in time. Damn. Must wait seven more years! Better start brushing hair now.