Things Have Changed

Chapter Two
Early bird
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She woke up just as it was getting light outside. She never slept more than five hours nowadays. She sat up, careful not to wake him, and watched him. He needed the rest – he had looked so exhausted last night and she was worried about him. This life wasn't for him… It was only a matter of time until he would give himself up – and then she would lose him forever.

She touched his cheek and then got up. She was a little cold and found the robe by the bed and put it on. She went to sit by the window waiting for him to wake up.

It occurred to her, like so many times before, how strange it was that he could be with her like this… In her darkest hours she still had doubts and she would think that he still wanted her dead even though he had spent a good deal of time that night so long ago telling her that his hatred was gone.

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In Jakarta she had tried to run, convinced that he would kill her now that he was an outlaw just like her. No more restrictions, protocol or laws to follow - she had been so sure he would act on his lust for revenge. But instead he asked for her advice and then offered her, what he said was her share of the money. After all, it was all thanks to her…

He said he knew she had saved his life. He couldn't kill her after that, now could he? Only later would he tell her the real reason why he couldn't hate her anymore. He had been forced to do what she had done…

Stunned she felt herself relaxing and eventually believing him. She let her guard down, finally and completely. It wasn't like her and he had been taken aback too. She told him everything he wanted to know and she realized how much she wanted him to understand her.

Too many raw emotions left them both exhausted and they stared at each other.

"What now" she asked. "Is it over?"

He looked at her for a long time and finally he nodded. "Yes, it's over now…" Then he kissed her and she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck.

Somehow they ended up in bed together – again. After all this time, and all this hate and fear, it should have been unthinkable but she had never stopped wanting him, and apparently a part of him had wanted her too.

So the games were over - no more lies, masks or deceit. They were just Jack and Nina again. Lovers.

The morning after she had asked him what he wanted. He had told her Kim was going to get most of the money and he wanted to make sure she was always safe. She had lost everything and even though he knew money could never replace anything it was the only thing he could do for her now.

Nina had then asked him what he wanted with her. He looked a bit amused and he let his eyes wander over her naked body before he answered, truthfully:

"I don't know…"

She tilted her head and smiled melancholy, shaking her head slightly. She wanted him to know, she wanted to be honest - If he wanted to try she would go with him.

"You can have me if you want… But we shouldn't kid ourselves. We cannot turn back time… It's not going to be like before. Too much have happened and we are not the same people anymore."

He nodded. Of course he knew it was impossible.

They could never really be together again. That would only bring back everything and the game would inevitably start all over again, no matter how hard they would try and keep it away. But were they ready to let go?

She had known she wasn't ready to let him go…

Still she had told him. Perhaps it was better if they said goodbye, right here and now, and never saw each other again... What could she have to offer him now?

He had told her that he wanted to try to get his soul back and that he needed someone to remind him of who he used to be, who he thought he had been once, but he wasn't sure anymore… He had looked up at her with desperation in his eyes.

"Was I a horrible man, Nina? Was I always like this?"

She shook her head.

"Then why did it happen to me?"

She touched his cheek softly. He just kept looking at her for an answer. An answer she didn't have…

"I can't change the past, Jack. I wish there was something I could do but…" She looked at him knowing that of course there wasn't.

But then he whispered:

"Help me be the man I used to be… Before everything went wrong…"

"What can I do, Jack? How can I help you?" Her own responsibility in his transformation made her sorrowful in a way she never felt before. How can I bring you anything but unhappiness?

But for some reason he thought of the happier times they had shared and he had smiled when he asked her:

"Remember that hotel in Santa Barbara?"

She smiled back. "Of course I do, Jack..."

"Meet me there in January..."

"Jack..."

"Meet me there, the second weekend in January... I'll make the arrangements..."

She shook her head. "No, Jack…"

"There are so many things I need to work out - but I want to see you again... We need to talk more, Nina. There are so many things I want to know, to understand about myself and about you..."

She shook her head again and looked at him hesitantly. "I'm not sure I'm willing to take that risk, Jack..."

He kissed her and told her that Santa Barbara or anyplace close to LA would be the last place they would look for either of them.

She didn't tell him that the risk she was thinking of was him again resorting to hating her or wanting to kill her, because his kisses were more demanding now and his hand had found its way under the sheet covering her and she didn't feel any hate in his touch – only need.

So she agreed, but she was still battling whether to go or not when Christmas came around. She had never really regretted her decision to show up here though.
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He stirred and she saw how he reached his arms out for her, finding no one next to him in the large bed.

He opened his eyes and saw her by the window.

"Good morning" she said and he sat up asking what time it was.

She didn't know.

"What are you doing over there? Come here" he mumbled as he fell back against the pillows again.

"I didn't want to disturb you… you needed to sleep" she said and didn't move – until he spoke again. This time his voice had the edge she never was able to resist.

"Nina, you come over here right now!"

She laughed and moved over to the bed. She crawled back in and kissed him.

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