Things Have Changed

Chapter Three
Rituals
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They stayed in bed for hours, like they always did, unwilling to leave each other's arms. He lay on his back, one arm tucked behind his head. She was on her stomach, her head on his shoulder and her hand resting on his chest. She turned her head up to kiss him lightly as his hand caressed her back. Her smile was playful and he smiled back, shaking his head and she laughed softly.

They finally decided to get up and take a walk. Another ritual.

They moved quickly through the small lobby, trying to avoid any attention. They got outside and walked the short distance to the beach. It was still early and pretty chilly but they walked fast and soon they were warm. He told her how he usually started every morning with a jog on the beach and she wanted to ask him where he lived now, but he would never tell her. Just like she wouldn't tell him where she was hiding.

It was safer that way.

They came back to the hotel and he asked for the key from the nice girl in the reception. Nina recognised her now. Last year her hair had been blond but this year it was bright red. She saw how Jack flirted with her a little and smiled. What would he answer if the girl asked him the same question she had asked her yesterday?

They threw off their clothes as soon as they got back inside their room and headed for the bathroom. He filled the jacuzzi and smiling they got into the warm water and he closed his eyes. This felt so good.

He sometimes wanted to tell her to come with him. Why should they only meet once a year? But of course it couldn't work – and like she had said last night: They didn't really deserve to be happy.

How many years had it been going on now? He had lost count. His life had changed so dramatically after Mexico and time went by now without the need for him to keep a watch, no need for him to be anywhere, no job, no schedule. He was free to do whatever he wanted. But what he wanted the most was impossible.

To be with his daughter and his grandson.

To serve his country again.

To be with Nina.

He sighed. He hadn't changed as much as he had thought.

Nina heard his sigh and moved closer, rubbing a soapy hand over his arm.

"Kim?" she asked even though she already knew. Only the thought of his daughter made him look so unhappy.

He nodded.

"How is she doing? Not seeing her must be horrible, Jack…"

How could he tell her he had risked everything and approached Kim just a few months ago?

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Kim had been walking down the street, holding her son's hand tightly as they had been about to cross the street. They had been waiting for the sign to change when he had said her name. She had turned around and her eyes had been wide and she had opened her mouth to say something but she hadn't been able to speak. He had smiled and told her he didn't mean to scare her, that he had missed her so much he thought he was going to die and that he just wanted to know the name of his grandson. Kim's shock had seemed to let go and she had run her hand through the boy's hair.

"His name is Jack…" That was all she managed to say before she started crying and he almost lost it too. He bent down and looked at the boy. His eyes were big and he was not sure what made his mom cry like this… Was this a bad man?

Jack didn't want to scare him so he just smiled even though he wanted to hold him. He looked at Kim again and told her he had to leave. She couldn't tell anyone about seeing him - but maybe he could see her again soon? Kim had nodded and he had walked away quickly, afraid that he would start crying and not be able to leave her.
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"She is doing fine… I got pictures of her and her son from San Diego a couple of months ago" he lied. He had let the detective he had hired to look after her go almost a year ago and instead he had occasionally followed her himself, never to make contact – until on that street in late October.

Nina leaned forward and kissed him. Whatever she had given up it was nothing compared to what he had sacrificed to stay alive.

He deepened the kiss, again revealing his need for her and she pressed herself against him knowing that this would make him forget.

But how could he ever really forget anything as long as he kept meeting her every year?

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