Title: Only When You Dream
Author: Xanderschick AKA Sarah
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Joss owns the park; I'm just playing in the sandpit til my hands get dirty.
Rating: M rated action. Children avert your eyes!
Spoilers: BtVS seasons 1-3
Distribution: Take it; just make sure you let me know when you review (hint, hint!).
Plot: After Graduation Angel just can't stay away from his girl…
A/N: Yep, this is my first fic! Figured I should write my own fics instead of just reviewing other peeps. As with anyone, reviews would be fab and constructive criticism is more than welcome. Tell me if u like and it'll keep going, tell me if it's crappy so I don't waste my time. Enjoy!
A/N 2: This story is 100 Blondie Bear free so don't even ask. Ever. I mean it.
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PrologueI don't need you.
I've lived centuries without you.
Why can't I stay away?
It's been 3 months since I walked away from you that night but I keep coming back. Do you know? Through those midnight tears and those restless dreams do you sense me sitting at your bedside?
I never got far. I'm not an emotional man…monster…but that night I cried. Selfishly. I cried for everything I lost when I gave up my life. When I gave up you. I know I did the right thing because now you get to walk in the sunshine. I'm not the centre of your world anymore. But you're still the centre of mine. By night I'm by your side, taking in your every breath. Cursing that moment before sunrise when I have to leave you until the next time the stars shine brightly in that merciless night sky.
Every waking moment you belong to the world. You're my girl only when you dream.
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Chapter One - Can't Stay AwayI watch you cry. You've just gotten back from another meaningless patrol. Willow had been talking through college class choices with you. I'm so proud of you. But you missed that fledgling vampire. Sometimes your lack of sense makes me smile. Especially when it came to me – it's like you couldn't focus when we were together. I couldn't either. All I could see was you; all I could feel was the warm that you feel for me. I hope you know that I love you more.
You undo the new style in your hair, preparing yourself for the day to come. Your big move to the UC Sunnydale campus. I wonder if tonight will be our last night together. If I'll still be able to see you in your new home. The simple thought that I won't starts to break my heart all over again. No, I tell myself – tomorrow doesn't matter because we have tonight. I'd give up my whole existence just for one more night in your arms, even if it's just to watch you sleep, to have your warm breath caressing my skin, giving me life that I never had even before I became a monster. Why do you love me as much as you do? I'm not worthy.
The tears continue to flow as you undress. I watch, enamoured. You have a beautiful body, a work of art. Your newly freed golden hair lies on your shoulders and you turn to face the window, showing me the form that I have dreamt about since our one night. Even Angelus wanted you. His perverse thoughts plague my brain and I feel him pushing through (Fuck her senseless. She wants it more than you do) and I try to block him out but I can't help but want what he does. Tears fall from your face, onto your chest and you slowly massage your hands across your breasts, wiping away the signs of your sorrow. I've never been so aroused in all my years. It's as if you know I'm watching. I will you not to stop, yearn for you to keep touching yourself. I want to see that look on your face again – the one you wore when I gave you your moment of true happiness. It wasn't just me that night, was it? As your hands slowly move down your toned stomach and towards the one place that I wish I could be, my excitement grows at the thought of what's about to happen. We both need this release. Our silence is interrupted.
"Buffy, honey, would you like some cocoa". Your mother calls from downstairs. I can hear a slight tremor in her voice. It's her last night with you too.
"I'll be down in a minute" Your trance is broken and you pull on a spaghetti strap top and a small pair of shorts. You check yourself in the mirror, making sure all the tears are gone, and you put on a brave face (that's my girl) ready for another encounter with the woman who gave me the sense to let you go. I admire her because if you ever found out what she did she'd lose you too.
I stay in the tree opposite your window, ever waiting for your return. A half hour later you slowly walk back into your room. I hide myself as you walk over to the windows and close the curtains. I'm sense you heading straight for bed, dodging a few fully packed cases along the way. You climb in and reach over to set your alarm (7am as always) and switch off the bedside lamp. You pull the covers over you and cling on to Mr Gordo (I wish I was that pig) and the tears come again, sending you slowly off to sleep.
I wait until I know you sleeping, your breathing slow and deep, before I make my way to your window. As I climb through you stir slightly, but I continue - you have this reaction every night when I enter your bedroom. I remove my jacket, shirt and shoes and lift the covers beside you. As I lay down you turn towards me and lay your head on my chest, still sound asleep. I wrap my arms around you and breathe in the strawberry scent from your hair. This is our relationship now. We spend every night this close and I don't think you even know it. But being with me calms you, helps you rest, and you have slept well every night since I started to rest beside you. At least I can still do that one thing for you. I kiss your forehead and close my eyes, letting the peace that being with you brings overcome me, and I too fall into a land where I'm with you always. Only when I dream.
I awaken to the smell of the coming sunrise and realise that it's time for me to leave you once again. Distress floods through me as I move you away from me and gently exit the bed, aiming to put my clothes and shoes back on. I hear you talk softly; words that I cannot make sense of, and I turn to look at you once more.
I'm taken aback to see you staring straight at me, eyes wide open but no real emotion on your face. I've been caught on the last night. Somehow I'm not surprised. I do the only thing that comes into my head –I lean over and brush my lips against yours. You respond passionately, grateful to have me with you once again. I can't help but kiss you back forcefully, overcome by emotions that I haven't felt since the last time we were together like this. You begin to caress my bare chest and all thoughts of personal control dissolve from my mind. I climb back under the bed sheets and start to stroke your stomach. Over a year of self-control, seeing you everyday, why did this take so long? I lift of your top and begin to kiss your breasts. The longing I had for you last night takes over and I can tell you've already given in to me, too weak to fight this anymore. We both are.
As I slowly pull of your hot pants I hear your breathing begin to increase, your heart pounds and I smile, overjoyed by my ability to make you feel like this. I unhurriedly lick this inside of your slender thighs and I hear you moan gently, eager for more. I move higher and softly kiss you in the one place that I never thought I'd be in contact with again. I look up at you and I see surprise in your eyes. I've never done this to you before for fear of going to far. Oh, how you've missed out. I carefully work my tongue all the way around you and hear you breathe out sharply. I don't have the strength to tease you anymore though. As I lick, nibble and kiss you I hear the most wonderful sounds as you moan, pant and quietly sigh my name, freeing yourself completely, arching your hips into my head, begging for more. You taste so sweet. Better than the blood that I've unwantedly craved for so long. Your voice begins to rise as the climax comes and you lose all words as you delight in that peak, the release that you've craved in for so long. But it's not enough. I'm surprised at your strength as you pull me up and flip me over quickly removing my pants and underwear in one. You stop still for a moment and I look at you questioningly. You smile at me and I can't help but smile back, seeing a light in your eyes that has been missing since your seventeenth birthday. You lower yourself onto me, never breaking eye contact and begin to rock. I move with you, my body a haze of heat and sensation, and it isn't long before you're moaning in ecstasy again, sweat running across both of our bodies. I feel like my hearts about to burst as I look up at you. I close my eyes and take an unneeded breath as I feel the moment about to wash over me, ready, accepting that I will pay a high price for this one moment. As the feeling overcomes me I feel a lump in my back. I unwillingly open my eyes.
I find myself staring at your bedroom ceiling. You're lying snuggled up into my right side, still lost in the serene sleep that I bring you. It was just a dream. I reach behind me and grabbed the thing that woke me. Mr Gordo. Do you think he was jealous? I look over at your clock: 6:57. I get up quickly and hurriedly dress myself before the sounds of the radio welcome you to a new day. I lean over you and kiss you lightly on the lips before moving over to the window. I ease it open gently, using the curtains as a shield. I quickly move them aside and throw myself out the window, heading directly to the shade of the trees by your house.
An hour passes until you finally emerge with your mother, cases in hand; ready to move onto your new life.
The next day I sit alone in my apartment, my head resting against the back of the bed that we made love in. it's the only place I can be tonight. You have a roommate now (is it just me or does she smell like a demon?) and I don't want you to find out about my nightly visits. Last night I could only watch you sleep. A restless, violent slumber. You haven't been like that in months.
I've been hiding in this place since graduation. You came by once. I could sense your presence outside the door. You didn't come in though. You just stood outside for a few minutes and left again. I could smell your tears all the way from my bedroom. That was the only night that I cried for you instead of me. I wept for your loneliness and your broken heart. For your knowledge that you would eventually have to move on. Move further away from me.
I miss you. Even just holding you while you sleep. I need to be near you. I can't give you up again. Never again. There has to be some other way. Any way that I can still be with you. My girl always. I'll be with you again. Soon. Before you really do move on. I can't let you get away from me. You're everything. But now there's only one way to get to you. And I have to know how I can use it. Now, the only way to get to you, the only way to be with you, is only when you dream…
To be continued…So what did y'all think? I have an idea of the rest of the fic but let me know if I should write it. Thanks for reading! X