After a few days bedrest, Ron awoke once again to the sight of Jack leaning over him with a stupid grin on his face.
"Hey there Ron, I take it you're feeling better? Good, good, we're really under the wire here, I've got to print that interview on Saturday." Said Jack excitedly. He had a bubbly air about him that told Ron now would be a bad time to talk to him about his wife. He wasn't even sure he should, but he knew that one more afternoon alone with Penelope would land him in serious trouble. By the time Jack had finished explaining each of the questions he intended to ask, Ron's eyes were glazed over, and his mind was wandering far and wide, spending quite a bit of time thinking about Hermione and Penelope.
"So that should do it, sound good, good buddy?" Asked Jack tentatively. Ron knew Jack had noticed his vacant staring, so he quickly fixed a look of concern on his face and replied the best he could.
"Wait, so, could we go over that last one again?" Ron said. Jack set down his notebook and quill and gazed back at Ron with a patronizingly concerned look.
"Ron, I've noticed since you were attacked you haven't been the same person I met on the Knight Bus. Did something happen you haven't mentioned, is something... bothering you?" Asked Jack. Ron's eyes widened as Jack finished his question. Ron wondered to himself how Jack could possibly know what he had been planning to tell him about Penelope. Clearly, thought Ron, Jack was more perceptive than he had suspected, which evidently made Jack an excellent judge of character and a better journalist. Ron's only instinct was to change the subject, so he bravely cleared his throat and spoke out in a loud and unnaturally casual voice.
"Jack, let's get started with this interview now, I'm afraid my shoulder's starting to hurt me." Jack hesitated for the slightest moment, and then resignedly gathered up his materials and asked Ron his first question. Meanwhile, just inside the kitchen, Penelope craned her neck so she could listen in on their conversation.
"Do you find it a strain to play quidditch full time and live with a girlfriend in London?" Asked Jack. Ron was quite surprised by this question, as the first three had concerned Ron's level of satisfaction with his quidditch robes, armor, and broomstick.
Ron stuttered for a moment, but carefully phrased his answer. "I find both those aspects of my life extremely satisfying, and of course I'd like to spend more time with my girlfriend, but she understands what quidditch means to me and to England." Rather pleased with his answer, Ron stole a glance at Jack while he scribbled away on his notebook, but Jack wore a look of annoyance. Ron was surprised, but not upset that his answer had failed to satisfy a reporter.
"Ok, does the fact that you lost a family member during the last war make you feel hatred toward the families of those who murdered your brother?" Asked Jack very quickly. Ron utterly gaped at Jack, quite sure he had misheard him. But once it sank in to Ron's mind that he had indeed understood the question, he felt rather annoyed with Jack.
"Look here Jack, that has nothing to do with my quidditch playing, so if you don't mind we'll leave my family out of it." Ron shot at him.
"Oh, I didn't know... that would bother... well, let's... were you aware that your family has had a history of dangerous run-ins with Lord Voldemort and his supporters, including near-fatal attacks on your sister and father, and the attempted poisining of you yourself?" Recited Jack even more quickly than before. Ron jumped up out of his seat, and began to yell.
"Look! I am not answering that question, that is my past, you have no business asking me about it like that!" Ron was furious now, and Jack obviously knew he had pushed the envelope, so he tried to calm Ron's temper.
"I'm sorry Ron, that was really inappropriate, I just, I thought my readers should really get to know you, get to know everything." He said silkily. At this Ron once again found himself speechless. Ron could remember very little of the past few days, having spent most of his time under the influence of several potions, but he had a clear memory of his first long conversation with Penelope. She had used those words, but how could Jack possibly know about them, Ron wondered.
"How did, have you been, uh, spying on me and your wife?" Ron asked, making sure to keep his voice level. Jack jumped to his feet, and glowered at Ron.
"I have not been spying on anyone. I simply recorded the conversations you had with my wife in case you revealed anything to her about your past. It's not my fault that she thinks you're really something special now, she's been practically fawning over you since you arrived!" Jack looked rather alarming, as he was much taller and thicker than Ron, and his were fixedly pointing at Ron's.
"She has not, as a matter of fact, your wife took a liking to me because I treat her like a real person! She isn't an appliance, mate, I hate to break that to you." Shouted Ron, though he backed away slightly from Jack's towering figure.
Penelope, who had still been listening took the opportunity to run to her room to grab what belongings she could. When she returned to the kitchen, she did not hear any voices, but she peered through the door to find Ron standing with his back to the door, his wand drawn, and Jack laying unconscious on the floor.
"What have you done?" She asked Ron in horror. "Is he... ?"
"No, he's not dead, I just had to stun him. Went mental on me... he started accusing me of trying to ruin his marriage. I know you and I had a few moments we probably shouldn't have, but I don't think I came close to breaking up your marriage, did I?"
"Don't be so sure..." Said Penelope, and she had a sharp feeling of disappointment at Ron's words. "But, maybe... but, Jack will be so furious when he wakes up. He can't be angry at me if I'm not here... Ron, I'm afraid."
"Why, do you think he'd hurt you or something?" Said Ron.
"I don't know, he's gotten angry before, and he never actually attacks me, but sometimes things happen... you know, magical stuff, and sometimes it gets a bit out of hand." Penelope was now looking distinctly terrified of what would happen when Jack woke up. Her eyes darted around the room in a panic, but Ron grabbed her shoulders and gently shook her once.
"Hey Penelope, get a grip, it's not a big deal, we can get out of here for a while, maybe you can come stay with me in England for a while." Ron hardly knew what he was saying, but offering to let Penelope go with him to London was certainly not what he had meant to say. He gasped suddenly, as though trying to suck his words out of the air and back into the safety of his mind.
"I, well, to tell you the truth I'm already packed." Giggled Penelope, who was now beaming broadly and brandishing a suitcase and an umbrella.
Ron lost track of the several hours following the scene at Jack's apartment, but before he knew it, he was on an airplane once more, from the looks of it near the end of the flight. The plane skidded to a halt and Ron and Penelope disembarked. Ron nearly cursed a janitor at the airport because he strongly resembled the large angry wizard who would undoubtedly be rather keen to have a word with him. As they made their way through London in a taxi, Penelope periodically leaned over Ron's lap to look at something out his side of the car, and Ron was having a difficult time keeping his composure. Finally, thought Ron, the taxi reached the remote pub and apothecary, over which stood his flat. Penelope paid the driver, and Ron ushered her up the stairs and into his foyer. Upon finding his living room deserted, Ron carried Penelope's bags to his pantry, where he hid them behind a barrel of pickled fish heads that Hermione fed to Crookshanks.
"I like your place." said Penelope, who had followed Ron to the pantry. "I bet I know who decorated it."
"Yeah, well, now you're here, do you mind letting me know what happened back there?" Asked Ron.
"What do you mean, I..." Said Penelope.
"I mean your husband nearly taking my head off and you packing your bags when you heard us arguing." Said Ron acidly.
"I'm aorry, I was scared. I didn't know what Jack was going to do. I didn't you what you were going to do either, I was going to leave no matter what." Whispered Penelope, and she lowered her face as though ashamed of herself.
"Look, you can stay here I suppose, but I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea. I can just imagine what my girlfriend would say: I want you to stay here and I'm want you to marry me." Said Ron, laughingly.
"So that's what I get, is it?" Asked an angry voice Ron could not immediately identify. He turned around to see Hermione staring at him from the kitchen. "I wait for you to come home, and you disappear for a week, and now I see you've replaced me. Tell me Ron, did you get a new best friend too, because I bet Harry hasn't had anyone rip his heart out lately!" She screamed, and she stormed out of the kitchen, and out of the flat before Ron could stop her. Ron flung himself miserably down onto his couch, and he buried his face in his hands.
"I... I'm really sorry." Came a small voice from the corner. Ron had quite forgotten Penelope was still there, and he was so stunned he merely sat motionless and did not respond. "Look, I'll go. I should never have come here." And she rushed back down the hallway. Before Ron came to his senses, Penelope was sobbing freely and opening the front door. She opened her mouth to speak, but said nothing and exited the flat.
Not long after Penelope's departure, Ron's door burst open and he found himself face to face with Harry. Harry was wearing a strange expression: he looked neither angry nor confused, but rather stern and knowing.
"Oh, it's you." Said Ron, turning his back on the doorway. He was not entirely happy to see Harry, although he knew he had a better chance of explaining himself to Harry than he did Hermione.
"What's up with you, I don't see you for a week and all of a sudden we're not friends?" Asked Harry in surprised.
"You've got a lot of nerve, I heard what you and Hermione were talking about. Why do you think I left?" Asked Ron, getting annoyed again.
"What? You mean you overheard us the day you were supposed to come back?" Said Harry. "You idiot, you must not have heard it right. In case any of this escaped you, I was trying to convince Hermione to propose to you."
"What?" Said Ron, and it was his turn to be surprised. "You're not serious. I heard you say... but... damn."
"I am serious," said Harry, "and she was going to do it too, but you had to run off like a scared little Death Eater."
"I'm no coward," said Ron. "I just... I thought I wasn't welcome here anymore." With that, he extended his hand to Harry, and after they shook hands, Ron gestured for Harry to sit down.
"So, mind telling me what Hermione's on about?" Asked Harry casually.
"She's got it all wrong. I think she overheard me talking to that muggle woman and she thought... I mean, she actually thought I was asking her to marry me. Mental!" Finished Ron weakly. Harry rolled his eyes and moved to sit down facing Ron.
"You know, she was really upset when you up and disappeared. Maybe she's got a point, even if you didn't mean what you said. She's about to ask you if you want to get married, and the next time she sees you, you're with some mysterious woman in the pantry!" Harry said.
"Well she didn't hear everything I said either, so bully for her if she wants to go misinterpret everything." Said Ron bitterly. Harry didn't say a word, but gave Ron the kind of look he used to get from Professor Flitwick when he and Harry were often caught talking in Charms.
"Look, do you really think that kind of attitude is going to get Hermione back?" Shouted Harry patronizingly. "If we're going to salvage your life here, we may need to get clever. Tell me about how that woman came to be here anyway." And Ron told Harry the long story about Penelope's odd behavior and Jack's increasingly bizarre and hostile questions.
"Right. Well, I think I know just how we're going to get Hermione to listen to reason. We'll make you irresistable, she'll have to forgive you. But first, we need to go stop that Penelope from leaving."
Ron and Harry carried out preparations for their plan, but the most difficult part was still getting Hermione to play along. For his part Ron lounged around his flat the next few days while Penelope stayed in Harry's spare bedroom. Ron was still having slight reservations about Hermione, and he also feared finding Jack standing over him again as he had done so often in New York. Only now, Ron thought, Jack was unlikely to be smiling if he showed up in Ron's bedroom.