Title: Only When You Dream
Author: Xanderschick AKA Sarah
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Joss owns the park; I'm just playing in the sandpit til my hands get dirty.
Rating: M rated action. Children avert your eyes!
Spoilers: BtVS seasons 1-3
Distribution: Take it; just make sure you let me know when you review (hint, hint!).
Plot: After Graduation Angel didn't leave. He's been visiting Buffy every night since then because he can't bear to be away from her. But now she's moved to college and his nightly visits aren't an option anymore, so after a visit to a local demon/warlock he's found a spell that allows him to enter and manipulate his girls dream to his every will. And she's lovin it! If only I could do that to David Boreanaz. All I can say is: WOW!
A/N: Yes, I got the whole dream walking idea from AtS S2 but I thought to myself, "Self, wouldn't this be much more fun if it was Buffy instead of the ex-vamp ho?"
A/N 2: This chapter is Angels POV. It's set almost two months after chapter 4.
A/N 3: This story is 100 Blondie Bear free so don't even ask. Ever. I mean it.
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Chapter 6 - A Walk In The ParkI arise to the sound of the garbage truck hissing outside my bedroom (if you could call it that) window. I don't care - nothing could spoil my cheerfulness as I get up to heat a blood bag. Even Angelus is content. He usually spends the mornings screaming random obscenities in my head (take a walk in the sunshine! See how much it fucking burns you pathetic waste of my space!). I haven't heard a bad word from him all morning. In fact, he's purring like a kitten.
Last night we stayed in. Well, when I say stayed in, I mean in a five star Parisian hotel. We ate strawberries and drank Champagne before making love in the hot tub and out on the balcony facing the Eiffel Tower at sunrise. She loves the sunrise.
"I love the sunrise, but only with you. I don't think it could ever mean as much to me with someone else."
That's what she told me last week in Venice as we lay in bed, the sheets tangled around us and our bodies laden with exhaustion. It's been almost two months since I started to initiate our unconscious trysts but it feels like we've been together forever. All the places we've been and all the things we've done. We've walked along the River Nile hand in hand, the sun high above our heads. We've rode horseback across the western USA deserts. We even went swimming at a water park.
It's not just about the physical side of the relationship anymore. We date. It's romantic and loving. We have fun. We connect in so many more ways than we ever have before. More and more I realise what an incredible woman she really is. More and more I grow determined that someday all that we dream about is going to become reality. Right now it feels so real. Every night we're together.
But we're not.
It's that one fact that stops my soul from slipping away into oblivion, stops Angelus returning.
Tonight I'm going to take her to…Vermont. Yeah, Vermont. We can ski. She'll love the snow. She hasn't had much experience with snow, except that one night when the First tried to get me to kill myself so I wouldn't hurt her. I hurt her anyway.
I pause for a moment and contemplate over that. I shake it off. I'm making her happy now, aren't I?
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A few nights later…We're driving along a small dirt track. Trees stand tall and wide around us, the sunlight slipping through the gaps between the leaves. She wanted to go out for a drive today. I know because I've been following her around for ideas. She hasn't seen me yet and she never will. I'll never let her know I'm still shadowing her. She was talking to Willow in the coffee shop, something about some guy asking to take her out for a drive. Good luck beating this one buddy. You'll never give her what I do. You'll never pleasure her like I do. Any guy that goes near her, I'm always gonna be there. She'll be fantasising about me every time. I can guarantee it.
We continue to drive in silence until we reach a small clearing. I bring the car, a black convertible (always wanted one of those), to a halt in the centre of the open space and get out. I stroll round to the passenger side and open the door for her, taking her hand as she steps out. We walk a little, making small talk about the day we just had. She tells me that some guy tried to ask her out, but I already knew that.
"We were walking across the park outside college. He's a TA. We ran into each other on the way home from class. He asked me if I wanted to have a picnic with him." She laughs shyly. "So lame. He's a total grade-A mamas boy loser! But then he said something about going for a drive. That sounded kinda ok. For us, I mean. Not me and him. Ew." She looks up at my straight face. "Does that bother you? Other guys asking me out?"
I wait a minute before I answer. "Of course it does." I pick a white flower from the ferns beside us and gently place it behind her ear, brushing her soft fair hair away from her face in the process. I grip her hand again and lead her back to the car. "It hurts me to know that…they can take you out for real. Wake up in the morning and it wasn't just a really great dream."
We stop as we reach the car and she turns to face me. "It's more than that now. When I wake up I don't feel like I've been dreaming. I feel like…like we're together. All the pain, all the grief I felt when I almost killed myself over losing you. It's gone."
I'm deeply shocked at what she just told me. I didn't know. "You almost…why would you…I…oh my god! Buffy!" I can sense the tears welling up behind my eyes. I hurt her so much that she tried to commit suicide! What the hell…? What did I do? Why wasn't I…? What gives me the right to damage her like that?
She catches sight of the tear running slowly down my cheek and I squeeze my eyes shut, desperate not to spoil our night.
"Honey, no! Don't be like that! I'm ok!" She reaches up and holds my face between her hands. "I'm ok and you're ok and we're together. Everything that happened is in the past. You helped me forget. Now we don't have all those barriers between us. Now we can walk and talk and kiss without holding back from how we feel. Now we can make love. No worries. No pain. No torture or agonising over the consequences. It's just you and me. It's perfect. It's all I need."
"For now." I open my eyelids in time to see her frown.
"What do you mean?" she asks me, sweetly naïve to the truth.
"It's just the same as before. One day you'll want it all. The marriage. The kids. Nothings changed." I bend my head to stare at the ground, the tears beginning to fall freely. What am I doing here? Putting off the inevitable? God, I'm so stupid. What we had before was amazing, but what we have now is mind-blowing. We fit so well together. If it almost killed her when I left her then, what's going to happen when I leave her again? When I can't come to her every night. After all we've shared. All the times we've made love, openly, freely, unrestrained and uninhibited. What happens now?
"You're right. I'll want it all. And now you can give me it." She brings my head back up until our eyes meet and stares at me defiantly.
"I don't understand." I stare back at her, my vision blurry from my tears. I've never cried in front of anyone before.
"Here. We can have it all here. Every night when I sleep we can be together. Get married, have a family! I've been thinking about this so much lately! All the possibilities!" Her eyes are full of hope as she gazes at me. She really means this.
I grab her hands and wrench them from my face, stepping back a few steps from her. "It won't mean anything! When you wake up there will be no wedding ring! No children! No future! I can't give you what you want."
She remains calm and moves towards me, again placing her hands on my face. She speaks firmly, eagerly. "What I want is you! This, now, is wonderful! We have everything! I don't care about the outside. As far as that's concerned, I wake up and no harm done. What happens in 'Buffy and Angel Land' doesn't hurt the daytime part of my life. I spend every waking minute wishing I were asleep! Angel, all I care about is us! Let's do this! Lets get married. Now. Right now! What do you think?"
Her eyes sparkle as she voices one of my greatest fantasies. A part of me wants to end this; unsure of whether or not she'll get hurt. But why would she? I have no intention of stopping this unless she asks me to. I won't break us up again. Yes, maybe our relationship will be a strictly nighttime deal but our dreams can last a millennia if I want them to. We won't be apart for half as much time as I'll let us be together. What's stopping us? I sense the excitement building in the pit of my stomach. Now I get why she calls it butterflies.
Her smile widens as she observes the corners of my mouth turning up to form a grin. If we're gonna do this we're gonna do it properly. I grasp her hands and hold them in front of me before dropping to my knees.
"I'm crazy…" She raises her eyebrows but maintains her beautiful smile so I continue… "about you. I have been since the moment I met you. Being with you was never something that I imagined happening to me. But you loved me. No-one's ever loved me like you do. And what makes that so much more fulfilling is that I love you. Completely. With all my heart. You're my everything. I know that this isn't going to be easy because we still have lives apart but when we're together we can be unbreakable. Forever. We can make the most fantastic dreams come true. Together forever. I love you so much that I can't think straight. This is insane! But it feels so right. Buffy Summers, will you marry me?"
She tugs me up so that I'm standing and wraps her arms around my neck. Her lips embrace mine tenderly, and I hold her, lost in this moment. She softly ends the kiss and smiles as I rest my forehead against hers.
"So is that a yes?" I enquire, already sure of the answer.
She gazes up at me and sighs happily. "In your dreams."
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I stand at the edge of the park; my only source of shade is the stone doorway surrounding me. I think it used to be a dorm. It's the only place I found on the UC Sunnydale campus blueprints that can be accessed through the sewers. I had to see her. After last night I need to know if she feels as strong as I do about the vows we made. I have to know if this is what she really wants.
She's sitting at a picnic bench with Willow. She's facing my direction but she hasn't seen me yet. She's too wrapped up in whatever she's writing. Probably that psychology paper she told me about. She's doing really well. I'm so proud of her. I look glance down at my watch, wondering how many hours until sunset. When I bring my eyes back to look at her I jump a little. She's staring at me. Her face remains emotionless but I can see her happiness, her smile, dance across her eyes. I smirk at her, and she keeps on watching me, her eyes never breaking contact. She begins to stroke the necklace she's wearing and I instantly notice the charm on it.
The claddagh ring. She wants this as much as I do.
I notice Willow looking intently at her. She turns her head but I'm gone before she can see me. She catches my girl in a curious conversation and I make my way back into the damp dark building, heading for the basement. Now she knows it's real. It's only a matter of time before she comes to me. Then we can sleep for as long as we want. Be as one forever. The Native American sleeping potion.
Thanks for the book, Doc.
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Oh, he wouldn't…would he? Find out when the next chapter's up on Friday!
Thanks for reading! X