Title: Only When You Dream
Author: Xanderschick AKA Sarah
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Joss owns the park; I'm just playing in the sandpit til my hands get dirty.
Rating: M rated action. Children avert your eyes!
Spoilers: BtVS seasons 1-3
Distribution: Take it; just make sure you let me know when you review (hint, hint!).
Plot: After Graduation Angel didn't leave. He's been visiting Buffy every night since then because he can't bear to be away from her. But now she's moved to college and his nightly visits aren't an option anymore, so after a visit to a local demon/warlock he's found a spell that allows him to enter and manipulate his girls dream to his every will. If only I could do that to David Boreanaz. All I can say is: WOW! Anyways, they've been dream 'getting it on' and after a snap decision to get married Angel finally let Buffy in to the little secret that he's still in SunnyD. He proposes that they give up on their miserable lives and dream forever. What is she going to do?
A/N: Yes, I got the whole dream walking idea from AtS S2 but I thought to myself, "Self, wouldn't this be much more fun if it was Buffy instead of the ex-vamp ho?" Answer: "Yup!" I just realised that they have the same thing going on with Isabel in "Roswell" but I didn't know that when I started this.
A/N 2: This chapter is Buffy POV. Lil' bit background that I haven't mentioned: Willow and Oz didn't split, captain peroxide never came back and Dawn never exists. Love her, but she has no legit place in this fic.
A/N 3: This story is 100 Blondie Bear free so don't even ask. Ever. I mean it.
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Chapter Eight - Sacrifice
As I make my way back to the dorm a million thoughts swim through my tired mind. What about my family? My friends? My 'job'? Can I just throw that all aside to run away with Angel? To live in some perfect world that holds everything I've ever dreamed of and more? Can this really happen?
Willow's fast asleep. She's lying on her bed, her head resting on a biochemistry book. I lift the comforter from my chair and tuck her in, aware of the slight draught from under our door. I quietly get myself ready for bed, climbing in and switching of the lamp on my nightstand. I have so much to think about, so much to consider.
There's no way I'm gonna sleep tonight.
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Nine minutes later…A warm breeze gently plays with my hair as I sit cross-legged in the meadow. This was the place that we shared our first dream. Well, our first dream since that night in the library.
I look down at myself. I'm wearing a light pink dress and strappy sandals. Cute. Now, where is he? As I scan the length of the open space I'm stunned as I see a young girl, around seven, making her way towards me.
I know her.
She has long blonde hair and a smile that makes my insides warm. I see her eyes. Angel's eyes. She's wearing faded jeans with rips in the knees and… a hockey shirt? Why's she wearing a hockey shirt? I hate hockey! Her features look familiar. Really familiar. She's fiddling with something in her right hand, glancing up every now and then to smile at me. Suddenly she shoots towards me. A moment later she leaps into my arms, knocking me back onto the grass. I hold her tightly, a sudden rush of emotion overcoming me. I love her. I breathe in her scent. Strawberries.
Oh my god. She's mine. With ever fibre of my existence I feel it.
The girl breaks away from me and smiles an adorable lopsided half-smile. Her blue eyes twinkle in the sunlight. Wow, she looks like him. She leans down a little, slipping the item in her hand, a small pink flower, behind my ear. She pecks me on the cheek and then takes off laughing into the forest nearby.
I get up to follow her, worried about the dangers that the woods may hold, but a strong set of arms wrap around my waist.
"She'll be fine. The bad guys don't live here."
I sink back into Angels embrace and sigh. "Was she…?"
He laughs slightly "I don't know. You tell me. Is that who you want her to be?"
"She looks just like you. She has your eyes. And my smile. I think." I turn to face him and he grins at me.
"I'll give you anything. Whatever you want."
I turn back around and pull his arms around me again, taking in the magnificent scenery that lies before us. It already feels like home.
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Giles' Apartment…I watch the five of them talking away. Making plans. Xander makes some dumb joke and I find myself giggling along with Anya. Willow and Giles gawp at me like I'm crazy and Oz remains oblivious, continuing to flick through Giles' record collection in the far corner of the sitting room.
Here they are. All my friends.
A witch, a watcher, a werewolf, a former vengeance demon and a construction worker. They move back to their conversation about the newly discovered 'Initiative'. That dork Riley and his psycho friend Forrest work there. I found out about a week ago when the whole town lost their voices and farm boy took the opportunity to shove his slimy tongue in my mouth because I couldn't protest. He wasn't very pleased when I punched him. That bruise is gonna last a while. Oops. Anyway, they fight demons. Big whoop, been doin' it for years. Giles is going crazy over it though.
I stare at the ceiling and fiddle with my claddagh ring. I've been wearing it ever since we got married. Dream married. I have it on a plain silver chain around my neck. It hangs down beside my heart, right where it belongs.
"Earth to Buffy! Come in Buffy!" I glimpse up and catch Xanders hand as he waves it about in front of my face. "Are you ok? You've been a little spaced out today." The rest of the Scooby gang stare at me and for some reason I feel a strong sense of guilt.
"I'm fine. I'm getting a headache, that's all." I get up off my spot on the sofa and reach for my jacket hanging on the nearby stair-rail. I slip it on and perch myself onto the arm of Willows chair.
"Oh. Ok." He knows I'm lying. "We were just wondering if you wanted to Bronze it with us tonight? Take a night off since we've got those military goofballs covering our backs?" I look from Xander to Giles and I raise my eyebrows questioningly. He would never let me take time off with these new guys hanging around.
"Though it pains me to say it, Xander's right. You could use some time off. You've been working hard lately and from what I understand these Initiative fellows have the demon populace under control." Giles smiles at me - a rare sight - and walks to the door, an unsubtle gesture for us all to leave. The rest of the group saunter casually outside and I hang back for a second, waiting until they're out of earshot before addressing Giles.
"Look, thanks for…everything." I smile at him and open my arms out. He looks at me curiously for a moment before walking into my hug. "I love you." He pushes me back in surprise, holding on to my shoulders.
"Is everything alright? You really have been distant. Not just tonight but for a few days now. And you've been sleeping a lot lately." He stares at me concerned and I blurt out the first thing that comes into my head.
"Giles, the council contacted me. They want me to go deal with some apocalypse in…somewhere. I have to leave. And I don't know if I'll be back."
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Half a dozen cups of disgusting English tea later I'm almost crying with guilt. Giles, the only father in my life, has spent the past two hours questioning me about my mystery end of the world. I can't believe I told him that. It's too late to take it back now.
"So I have to go. I can't bear for you guys to come with me. It's too dangerous." Giles continues to walk speedily around the room, constantly cleaning his glasses. My shame grows. "Please don't tell them. Tell them that I freaked out and left for a few weeks. I don't want them to follow me. If I don't come back tell them the truth. Tell them I'm dead." His head snaps up and I see the devastation on his face.
"Oh god, Buffy. I can't believe…any of this. Stay here!" He snatches the
telephone off his desk and punches the redial button.
"I wish to speak with Quentin Travers right away. Tell him it's urgent. Rupert Giles." He continues to pace as he waits for a response. "What do you mean there's no Travers! Pizza Hut! Last time I called you were a bloody book shop!" He throws the phone at the wall and it shatters into a dozen pieces. "Bugger!" He drops down into a chair and runs his hands through his hair.
"Giles, I can't just let the world end! I have to go. It's…it's my destiny." I stand up and stare down at him waiting for a response. He just hugs me.
"I'm so sorry. Always remember, I'm so proud of you. But you are going nowhere until I know what these arrogant prats are trying to do to you. Stay here." As he makes his way up the stairs to his bedroom, probably to get the other phone, I take my opportunity and dash out the door.
He'll understand. He has to.
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June 1999 - Sunnydale High Prom…We dance wildly, outrageously to the pounding music. Cordy twirls me under her arm and I feel my hair falling out of place. I don't care. The night's almost over anyway. Xander and Willow are doing the 'Monkey' next to me and I grab Anya and spin her around. As she and Cordelia join in with Will and Xand I take a moment to place Angel. He and Oz are standing at the side of the dance floor, punch glasses in hand. They're both watching us make complete fools of ourselves. I grin at Angel and he shows me that gorgeous half-smile. Suddenly I'm seized from behind and hoisted into the air by Xander. I laugh uncontrollably and pound on his shoulders until he finally puts me down. We keep on dancing, arms thrashing and hair flying around, for what feels hours until the song ends.
As the slow notes to the last song begin I feel a hand tighten around mine. My Angel. My friends and I look at each other, a little disappointed to be separated, as we fall into the arms of our dates. Hold on…Cordy and Wesley! How didn't I notice that! As Angel and I begin to sway Willow and I exchange glances. This is the best night we've all ever spent together.
As the music overcomes me, the thoughts of my friends fade away. All that's left is him. Tonight, I'll let myself get lost in the arms of my soulmate for the final time.
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The Bronze…I stand on the balcony and watch the four of them. Laughing, dancing, having fun. And I'm not there. They don't need me, not really. Maybe they want me - I want them - but they don't need me. They have each other. All of them are strong people.
I admire them. They all mean the world to me.
Anyway, Willow and Xander were best friends long before I showed up. And now both of them have someone to love. Willow and Oz would be my aspiration if their relationship had more passion. They're so happy. And Xander and Anya? They like to let us think that it's just sex but I've seen the way they look at each other. They'll go the distance. I have faith in them.
Faith. That reminds me. With me gone the world's gonna need another slayer.
The security guard approaches Willow, tapping her on the shoulder. She follows him and he hands her the telephone from behind the bar. I can almost hear her cheery "Hello?" Her smile falters momentarily and she looks toward the others. She leans over the bar to replace the handset and makes her way quickly back to the group. I watch as she whispers to them and almost immediately Oz looks directly up at me. He can smell me. Our stares meet through the hazy lighting and the rest of them follow his eyes in my direction.
I gaze down at my four friends and smile gladly. As I make my way out of the Bronze I only have one thought.
Thanks for the memories. Thank you all so much.
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Sunnydale Memorial Hospital…She looks so peaceful.
The bruises are gone. Her long dark hair sits flatly against her head. She's a shell of the girl I used to know. It's her own fault. She had so many chances but she chose her path and this is how it ends.
The only sound in the sideward of the hospital is the steady beat of the heart monitor and the hum of the life support machine.
I reach over and switch them both off.
I lightly kiss her forehead as her forced breathing ends. "I hope the next one has more sense than you."
I'll always swear she opened her eyes.
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Rovello Drive…She races downstairs to grab the telephone before it finishes ringing. I watch as she speaks to the nameless person on the other end of the line. She hangs up after a quiet goodbye and sits down on one of the benches at the island in the middle of the kitchen. Her hands glide slowly across the counter and a single tear falls, breaking on the cool surface of the worktop. She gets up and fills the kettle, placing it on the stove to heat up. As the steam rises from the spout she leans over the sink, her body shaking. I can't see her face but I know she's crying. I turn round and make my way back into the trees at the side of my old home. I glance over my shoulder but she's gone from the window already.
As I stroll across the neighbours garden I hear the words pierce the air, a deafening cry into the dark lonely night.
"Buffy!…BUFFY!"
Bye Mom.
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Outside Angels' Apartment…I made one last stop before my final journey through Sunnydale. I had something to pick up. The campus was cold and surprisingly quiet for a Friday night. Nothing seems right. That's the story of my life up until now. I've spent all of today doubting my decision. Do I go with him or not? Do we stay here, unable to fully be together, to walk in the daylight, to make love? To have that beautiful little girl I dreamed of? Or do we leave here and have the life together that we've always wanted since the moment we met? No competition. I know what I want to do. I've made up my mind. No turning back, no regrets. I'm doing this for me. I've paid more than I owe to this world. It's time that I get what I've earned. And I've earned so much.
I can hear him cluttering about in his apartment. The microwave pings and a window slams shut.
I sit on the stairs near his door and think about the night I've just had. It was easier than I thought to say goodbye. To see them all and know it would be the last time. I'm not even that upset. Ok, I avoided actually talking to any of them but I think that it was the right approach in this situation. I mean, what was I supposed to say?
"Sorry but I'm leaving to live forever in some sort of dream dimension with my dream husband who happens to be my ensouled vampire ex boyfriend. I'll send a postcard."
Goodbyes only make people - make me - angry and upset. Let them deal with that after I'm gone. They can ride that roller coaster on their own. Me, I'll be fine. I've got all I need. I've got Angel and an eternity of perfect happiness to look forward to. I don't need them to make me smile. Oh, and I have the one material possession that I had to take with me enveloped in my arms. They're all I need. They're definitely all I need. I don't need my mom or Giles or my friends or anyone except Angel.
As I curl up on the cold stone stairs I feel the storm brewing behind my eyes. I breathe in sharply trying to calm my rapidly trembling body but the tears flow freely, sinking into Mr Gordo as I grasp him tightly against my chest.
"Goodbye"
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There we have it. Chapter eight! Wahey! I've completely rewritten this chapter like four times since Saturday and I think I finally hit the nail on the head! And guess what? Chapter Nine's up too. Go on! Push the button! Find out what happens next! You know you wanna…
Thanks for reading! X