Chapter Nineteen
Another two days went by, and everything seemed to be getting better and better. The loud and obnoxious general population of the lab had settled down. People stopped whispering whenever a member of the graveyard shift walked by. They weren't getting strange looks, and the rumors had all either dissipated or been stomped on. Grissom was really good at the latter. He just had that air of authority that shut people up. Even Hodges.
The caseloads seemed to lighten considerably, although that may have been because their minds weren't so heavily weighted with worry and guilt. They were still feeling it, but it had subsided back to the moderate levels they'd been keeping since the summer.
Even the one telltale sign of the week's events, the bruise that Nick was sporting, had almost faded away. All that remained was a dark yellowish smudge that you could really only see in the right lighting or if you knew where to look.
Warrick knew where to look, and it panged him hard every time that he did. They still hadn't talked about it. If the reason was that it was something Nick needed to avoid to keep getting better, Warrick would have gladly accepted that. But that wasn't the reason, and he knew it.
"Just say it, 'Rick," Nick croaked out, as though he hadn't spoken in weeks. His voice did not sound at all like his own.
"Say what?"
"That I had it coming."
Warrick couldn't let Nick continue to think that. He had a gut feeling the reason Nick hadn't yelled at him about it or tried to hit him back was because somewhere in his emotionally beaten-down psyche…Nick felt that he'd deserved it. He didn't understand what kind of reasoning his friend could be using to make him think he deserved to be hit, but it wasn't right.
Warrick glanced at his watch. It was officially the end of shift, and he was actually getting out of the lab on time. Not without talking to Nick first, he was resolved to that, and nothing was going to shake it. He didn't have to look long. He could hear the laughter of his two friends coming from the break room.
Laughter was definitely a good sign in Warrick's eyes.
"You're kidding me, right? Pittsburgh doesn't have a chance."
"We'll see," Greg answered defiantly, but had to smile. It was great to have things seeming so perfectly mundane. So dull. He loved it. It meant that he could command everyone's attention, the way things were meant to be.
Nick laughed. "Dream on, man. It ain't gonna happen."
Greg shrugged. "I like to root for the underdog."
Nick rolled his eyes. "Yeah, see how far that gets you."
Greg glanced through the window and spotted Warrick coming down the hall. He seemed hesitant to enter the room, and Greg felt a sudden responsibility to halt the inevitable awkwardness that was already seeping into the room. Feeling pretty brave, he jerked his head in Warrick's direction, drawing Nick's attention to him. "What about you and Warrick?"
There was a brief pause which was just long enough for Greg to regret his very existence and the urge he'd once again felt to open his mouth and make a possible bad situation even worse…when Nick grinned. "I could take him."
Warrick looked taken aback, and a little worried at Nick's statement, but then he saw his friend's smirk and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, to lunch maybe." He came into the room and stood with his arms crossed.
Nick stood. "You want a piece of me?" he asked with a smile.
Warrick snorted. "All five feet of you?"
"Oh, that's cold, bro."
Greg grinned as his two friends had a mock stand-off. They traded insults for a few moments, several causing Greg to laugh out loud. Then, just as suddenly, it stopped, and Greg's smile faded as he realized that he had really done nothing more than to delay the serious conversation the guys obviously needed to have.
He tried to stand and stretch as casually as he could, but it came off kind of dumb. Especially when his foot caught on the rug and he nearly fell.
"I'll just…catch you guys later," Greg said, feeling his face flush.
Nick and Warrick both merely nodded, and Greg hurried out of the room. A part of him wanted to stay just outside the door and listen, but he forced it aside and walked towards the door, stuffing his hands in his pockets.
It felt to Warrick that they were sizing each other up, and that was not the way to start this conversation. He was a couple of inches taller than Nick, and didn't want to talk to him as though he was looking down on him, which he literally would be. He took a couple of steps back and rested against the edge of the table. "How are you doin'?"
Nick shrugged and looked away, and Warrick knew right away he was going on the defensive. "Okay. Same as when you asked me two hours ago."
Warrick sighed. "Okay. How are doing with the whole…" He still couldn't form the words. He swallowed. "I mean, how do you feel about…" He sighed again and stared at his hands. "I really am sorry, man."
Nick shook his head, his face serious. "Don't be. I needed it."
Warrick shook his own head fiercely. "No, that's crazy. I had no right to do anything like that."
Nick still did nothing more than shrug it off. "Call it a wake-up call."
Warrick gaped at him. "You're serious?"
"Yeah."
"You're not pissed."
"Nah." Nick smiled. "I've had worse."
Warrick shifted his legs and braced his hands on the table. "Nick, you can say whatever you want to try and make me feel better about this, but it's not gonna happen. I shouldn't have done that, I just overreacted."
Nick looked thoughtful. "I know. But I think it was really good that you did. Kinda started a cause-effect chain. I got a lot off of my mind."
It looked to Warrick that there was still a lot on his mind, but he was definitely not going to be pushy anymore. He knew in his gut that things were going to get better, and for now, he was just going to have to trust it. He didn't want to antagonize his friend ever again.
The moment was stretching into another long, uncomfortable pause, and Warrick, feeling a lot like Greg, had the sudden need to lead the conversation back to a lighter place. "There's no way you could take me."
Nick laughed. Warrick smiled, it was really good to hear him laugh.
It was late morning. Shift ended as smoothly as a spring breeze, and everyone breezed out at a decent time. Unfortunately for Sara, that meant no overtime, or so Greg had teased.
Seemingly immune to the warm sunshine streaming in through the open windows of his living room, Nick wandered aimlessly around his small house. He didn't know exactly what he was looking for, but he was sure that he would know when he found it.
He moved about the house on autopilot, though he wasn't sure where his feet were taking him. Too engrossed in his thoughts to focus on anything, his eyes scanned book and movie titles; the contents of his cabinets and refrigerator; the clothing hanging in his closet; the random items carelessly thrown into the hall closet, his one lapse into untidiness.
Nick felt guilty. Not about the conversation with Warrick, because he was finding it was actually pretty easy to be open and honest with him. It was something else. He hadn't exactly been telling the truth when he talked to Catherine. Not all of it, anyways. He had thought about seeing that therapist. That was something. He never told her that he was definitely going to see him, just that he'd been thinking about it. So he hadn't really lied…
He was letting himself off the hook on a technicality, and he knew it. He'd taken advantage of the fact that he knew Catherine's concern would outweigh her common sense and she fully believed what he was telling her. They'd gone full circle. At least some things had gotten out in the open, and they weren't really back where they had started.
Not really.
Not technically.
Not if it was going to help him sleep at night.
People knew things now. Some would forget. Actually, it wasn't so much forgetting as it was that…it just got pushed to the backs of their minds when other new things required the space. This relocation didn't make the knowledge or concern any less important or strong, but it tended to get in the way of properly functioning. Especially with their jobs. Nick wouldn't hold it against them.
It wasn't the rest of them that had Nick thinking, anyway.
Grissom knew. And Grissom would always know. There was just no getting anything past that man. The others trusted that about him. They trusted that he would know and do what was best. They trusted what he told them. They trusted what he didn't. Silence could be just as much of an answer as words could.
So, Grissom knew that he wasn't doing as well as he maybe should be. But, Grissom would know when he was. And when that happened, everyone would see it in him, and they would trust it, and everything would be okay again.
Everything would be okay again.
For now, Nick wandered around his house. He didn't know what he was looking for, but he was sure that he would know when he found it.
The End