Title: Only When You Dream
Author: Xanderschick AKA Sarah
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Joss owns the park; I'm just playing in the sandpit til my hands get dirty.
Rating: M rated action. Children avert your eyes!
Spoilers: BtVS seasons 1-3
Distribution: Take it; just make sure you let me know when you review (hint, hint!).
Plot: After Graduation Angel didn't leave. He's been visiting Buffy every night since then because he can't bear to be away from her. But now she's moved to college and his nightly visits aren't an option anymore, so after a visit to a local demon/warlock he's found a spell that allows him to enter and manipulate his girls dream to his every will. If only I could do that to David Boreanaz. All I can say is: WOW! Anyways, they've been dream 'getting it on' and after a snap decision to get married Angel finally let Buffy in to the little secret that he's still in SunnyD. He proposes that they give up on their miserable lives and dream forever. She agrees and they do the spell. What happens next?
A/N: Yes, I got the whole dream walking idea from AtS S2 but I thought to myself, "Self, wouldn't this be much more fun if it was Buffy instead of the ex-vamp ho?" Answer: "Yup!" After borrowing the fab DVD's off my sister (AKA Xanderschicklet), I've just realised that they have kinda the same thing going on with Isabel in "Roswell" but I didn't know that when I started this.
A/N 2: This chapter is a Buffy and Angel POV. Mmm…fluffy!
A/N 3: This story is 100 Blondie Bear free so don't even ask. Ever. I mean it.
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Chapter Eleven - Lifeline
Buffy…
Everything.
My world.
That's what you are to me.
When I was thirteen I had my mind made up. No babies for Buffy. Well, unless Christian Slater wanted me to have his babies. He was the one exception.
By the time I was fourteen the subject never even crossed my mind. I was pre-occupied with more complicated thoughts. I could feel something awakening in me, something deep inside. Something primal. I didn't know what it was, just that it wasn't normal. In the back of my mind I knew my destiny wasn't the same as the other girls in the class. The girls who (before they had finished puberty) had already decided that their lives would consist of marrying a rich guy and having his spoilt kids. I already understood that my life was to be different. I didn't know how or why.
When I was fifteen I found out. I was the Slayer. The one girl in all the world who yada, yada, yada. I'm sure I'll tell you the story one day. Anyway, that settled it for me. No career, no relationships, no family. I would never be a wife, never be a mother. Merrick told me. He said that it wasn't possible. Slayers didn't have kids. End of.
But here you are.
Lying in my arms you look just like your daddy when he sleeps. That little half-smile lighting up the shadows in the room. And you're all mine.
My baby girl.
My daughter.
I can't believe that you're real, but all my instincts tell me that you are. I felt the pain necessary to bring you into this world. The blood rushing through my body. The heat threatening to burn me from the inside. I thought I was dying again. Then I heard you scream for me and all the pain went away. Suddenly I was more alive then I've ever been before.
All I could see is you. My other dream come true.
I snuggle you tighter to me and your only response is to blink your beautiful big eyes at me. What do I expect? You're only an hour old!
Your daddy opens the door slowly and cautiously walks over to us. He's a little careful around you. He's never had to deal with a baby before. But don't worry, I can see his emotions in his eyes. The love he feels for you rivals my own.
Daddy's girl or Mommy's girl? I wonder.
He sits down gently on the bed, his hand moving up to tenderly stroke the tiny tuft of blonde hair that decorates your head. You move your little fist up to your mouth and begin to suck on it, your eyes drifting shut. I glance up at the man in our life and he's smiling down at you in wonder, his eyes sparkling with unshed tears of happiness.
Our girl. Whoever thought this day would come.
I know I didn't.
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Angel…Two hundred and forty-three years have led up to this single moment.
My wife and my daughter sitting before me.
I never thought I could feel like this. Three years ago Buffy awoke something new and exhilarating in me. She made me fall in love for the first time. I had feelings so intense that sometimes just looking at her made me so dizzy that I literally couldn't focus on anything in the room but her. I thought she'd be the only person I could ever feel so strongly about.
Then along you came.
Those long hours that I had to watch my wife in pain were almost unbearable. She was so brave. She was incredible. I've never been as proud of her as I am now. And it was all worth it for that look in her eyes when you, our baby, took full howling advantage of your first breath.
The second you realised that you were in the safety of your mommy's arms the crying stopped and you haven't made a noise since. You've just looked around you, trying to take in all the blurry sights and muffled sounds.
You're an absolute dream.
I can't believe how hard I've fallen for this girl.
Every inch of you - your fingers, your toes, your deep brown eyes that have already worked their magic on me.
I feel like the whole worlds fallen away and all that's left is this remarkable little person in front of me. Completely helpless. Mine to protect until the day I finally die. If I ever do, that is.
Eight months ago we found out that we weren't going to be alone in our little world anymore. We'd only been here for ten months. To say it was a surprise would be understatement of the year. In the context of the situation, we thought that we would get to choose when we brought another person into our lives. Apparently not.
I'm so happy you're here. Our little miracle.
I never thought that I would ever get the chance to be a husband, let alone a daddy. I never deserved it. I still don't. Because of that I'm gonna be so great at this. I'm gonna take this chance, this little person that I'll never be worthy of, and I'm gonna help you to shine. I'm gonna teach you everything you need to know to be the kind of person I wish I was. The kind of person that your mother is. Smart and brave and beautiful (inside and out).
My whole world is in this room right now. I never thought I'd ever be blessed like this. I have two incredible people that I love so powerfully. Two people that I depend on just to stay alive. My girls.
My lifeline.
So now I'm gonna make a promise to both of you.
I'll never let anyone, anything, hurt either of you. I'll be with you whenever you need me and whenever you don't. Every second of every day I'll be madly in love with both of you. Til the end of time I'm yours.
I promise.
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Buffy…"At least there'll be no more chocolaty mustard." I watch as you cringe a little at the reminder of my pregnancy craving - chocolate dipped in a disgusting English mustard. Ew. "And no more ice-cream taking up the entire freezer." You stare at me in protest, silently objecting to the last statement. "Well, maybe we can keep some of the ice-cream." You nod your head enthusiastically and I pull on one of your clean shirts. That shower was just what I needed. My mom was right - labour's hard work!
I drop down onto the bed and gaze at you as you cradle her, her tiny frame somehow fitting perfectly in your big strong arms. Nestled against your chest she looks even smaller than she is.
"She's gonna need a name." I take a sip of my water and sit back gently, still a bit sore from the birth. We've talked extensively about names but we've never been able to settle on one.
"I think she looks like a…uh…" you falter for a moment before closing your mouth and staring intently at our daughter. I follow your eyes and study her miniature features, trying to think of the perfect name for the newest member of our unconventional little family. The final piece of the Buffy and Angel puzzle.
"Something nice I think. None of these weird names that the celebrities seem to think their kids will thank them for when they grow up. I mean, who the hell would name their children after a piece of fruit? Apple? Come on! And definitely no Irish names." He smirks a little, never taking his eyes off our sleeping baby. We've already had the Irish name debate. All the girls' names sound a little strange to me. Anyway, she's gonna have an Irish surname. And her middle name's gonna be Kathryn after Angel's sister. He asked me a few weeks ago if it would be ok "…if we had a girl, of course. Somehow, I don't think a boy would appreciate it as much". I told him I would be honoured to name our baby after his sister.
"How about Madeline?" he looks up at me and raises his eyebrows. During the seventh month I'd begged him for this name. He'd said no - something about his father and the French.
"Thought you didn't like it?" I glare at him suspiciously. He smirks guiltily and looks up at me. "I always liked it. I just wanted to know if she'd look like a Madeline. And I think she does."
I smile, moving closer to the two of them. I lean my head on his shoulder and watch our baby as she dreams. Her hands are tucked under her chin and she jumps a little, her eyelids fluttering open for a second before closing tightly.
"Madeline Kathryn O'Connell. What do you think?" she opens her eyes and I her stare burns into me. She's going to be a wild one. I can feel it. I guess that's kinda like me. And, from what I've heard, her daddy. She blinks at us and I take that as an acceptance of her new name.
"I like it. I think it suits her." Angel states simply, beaming down at her as she grasps onto his little finger, her whole hand not even big enough to cover half of it. "Good grip." He chuckles a little as our daughter squeezes on his hand.
I stand up slowly and make my way to the small bassinette at the side of the bed. I lift out the card that's tucked into the edge of the blankets and take it over to the nightstand. Using a black ballpoint pen I write in the name that's going to be with my girl for the rest of her life.
Madeline Kathryn O'Connell.
Welcome to our world.
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Sorry I took so long to update. I've been loaded down with uni work and some mysterious 'virus'. Why do all docs tell you that you have a virus if they can't work out what's really wrong with you? I should complain to the NHS…
Anyways, this chapter was a little bit later but I hope I made up for that with the fluff. And sorry to all you Irish chicks out there but your names confuse me!
As always, your reviews are very much appreciated and any ideas are taken well on board.
Next chapter is a Buffy POV and it should be up by the end of the week.
Thanks for reading! X
