Title: Only When You Dream

Author: Xanderschick AKA Sarah

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Joss owns the park; I'm just playing in the sandpit til my hands get dirty.

Rating: M rated action. Children avert your eyes!

Spoilers: BtVS seasons 1-3

Distribution: Take it; just make sure you let me know when you review (hint, hint!).

Plot: After Graduation Angel didn't leave. He's been visiting Buffy every night since then because he can't bear to be away from her. But now she's moved to college and his nightly visits aren't an option anymore, so after a visit to a local demon/warlock he's found a spell that allows him to enter and manipulate his girls dream to his every will. If only I could do that to David Boreanaz. All I can say is: WOW! Anyways, they've been dream 'getting it on' and after a snap decision to get married Angel finally let Buffy in to the little secret that he's still in SunnyD. He proposes that they give up on their miserable lives and dream forever. She agrees and they do the spell. The Scooby gang find out but they can't get her back and Buffy and Angel are left alone in their new world. Then along came someone new…

A/N: Yes, I got the whole dream walking idea from AtS S2 but I thought to myself, "Self, wouldn't this be much more fun if it was Buffy instead of the ex-vamp ho?" Answer: "Yup!" After borrowing the fab DVD's off my sister (AKA Xanderschicklet), I've just realised that they have kinda the same thing going on with Isabel in "Roswell" but I didn't know that when I started this.

A/N 2: This chapter is a Buffy/Angel/Willow POV.

A/N 3: This story is 100 Blondie Bear free so don't even ask. Ever. I mean it.

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Chapter Thirteen - Outburst

Buffy...

"What…?"

They're all staring at me. So many familiar faces but they all look so different. They all look older.

Willow, Giles, my mom, Xander, Anya and…some blonde girl.

"What happened? Where the hell am I?"

"Buffy, we got you back!" Willow hurries over to me. She tries to hug me but I jump back, shunning her embrace.

What? What does she mean? I glance around the room. Angel's old room. In Angel's old apartment. I look over to the bed and I gasp at the sight of him lying there peacefully. He looks just the way he did when we left all those years ago.

I stand rooted to the spot as they all watch me.

"Buff, you've been God knows where for four and a half years. I promise, we've never stopped trying to get you out. Welcome home!" Xander smiles at me enthusiastically and I strongly resist the extreme urge for my fist to connect with his face.

I look to Giles. He's holding a book. It's the Native spellbook from when Angel and I first…

The realisation of what they've done hits me like a ton of bricks.

Oh God. Maddy!

I race over to Giles and grab the journal from him, tearing through the pages. I feel a hand, my mom's hand, graze my shoulder and Giles quickly pulls the book away from me.

"I have to go back! I have to go back in!" I scream at them as I back away, my eyes starting to burn.

The hot tears fall down my face as I climb back onto the bed, grabbing Angel, shaking him to see if they woke him too. They didn't! Thank god! He has to stay with her! He has to stay with our little girl!

"Buffy?" Giles voice sounds in my ears and I feel heat, an uncontrollable rage, taking over. This is all his fault!

"What the hell have you done!" I fly towards him and, before I can think, my hands are tightening around his neck. He tries to fight me off but I'm too strong and I have no intention of loosening my grip.

I'll kill anyone that hurts my family.

His face starts to go a deep shade of red when suddenly I lose my footing and my back slams against a wall. I look up from my new place on the floor to find Willow standing over me, her hand raised.

"Buffy, calm down! What the hell is wrong with you!" I look back over to Giles. Xander and the girl I don't know are helping him onto a chair while he regains his breath.

"I…" I try to speak but the words don't come.

My mom walks over to me uncertainly, kneeling down so that she's sitting beside me. I see the fear in her eyes as she watches me. I curl myself up as tight as I can, pulling my knees up to my chest, trying to keep them all out. I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to hold back the tears but I can taste them on my lips. I bury my head into my arms, hiding myself from everyone around me.

I can't be here.

I don't belong here anymore.

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Willow…

"She's freaking out! She just tried to kill Giles! Are you sure that's really her?" Xander paces across the cold stone floor outside the apartment.

Giles is sitting on the stairs, his eyes a little bloodshot. I can see her hand marks around his neck. He removes his glasses, wiping them with a handkerchief as Tara comes out and hands him a glass of water. He tries to swallow some but the pain is visible on his face.

"Of course it's her. She's just a little…upset. I know I'm cranky when I get woken up." Tara glances at me but quickly focuses her attention back to Giles.

"Will, I don't think this is the right time for jokes." Xander sits down beside Giles, giving him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. "Why'd she go for him?"

I shrug at him, unsure of why he was her target.

"Because I was holding this." His voice comes out raspy and, if possible, it makes him sound even more English. He holds up the book "She recognised the journal."

"Makes sense." I walk over to the wall, leaning back on it for support. That's when I notice Anya looking around at all of us uncomfortably. "Is there something wrong?" I look at her worryingly. We've become friends in Buffy's absence. We all came to learn that if we didn't respect the people our friends choose to be with, we might lose them. Maybe Buffy would have stayed if these guys had been more understanding.

I can't complain though. They accepted Tara.

"Is Joyce safe in there? It's just…Buffy seems to have become some sort of crazed lunatic." Anya's enquiries get me thinking for a moment. She's right. What was up with Buffy? She just flew completely off the handle.

"We took her away from Angel. Wouldn't you get angry if we dragged you away from Xander?" Tara speaks for the first time since we did the retrieval spell to get Buffy back. I explained the whole Angel thing to her. She seems to think it's all very romantic. I don't agree. I think it's absolutely devastating. But Buffy made her choice and as her friend I tried to respect that. I left her to dream, lying to the others that I was looking for a way to 'help' her out.

Then last night, when we were on patrol in Restfield cemetery, a strange little guy walked up to us and handed me an envelope. He walked away without saying a word. I read what he had given me but Xander snatched it away before I had time to change what it said. "To retrieve a disorientated soul…" I saw him smile at the first new spell he'd seen in two years.

"Well, yes. I'd be angry if you tried to take me away from him. But I wouldn't try to kill the weakest person I could get my hands on."

Giles replaces his glasses and starts to protest before deciding to wave it off. We've all gotten used to Anya's tactless comments over the past few years.

"We don't know what's happened to her while she's been gone. We know the spell was directed towards a dream dimension but she jumped in blind. She could have been anywhere." Tara tries to explain what we've all heard a million times before. It's the only reason I even agreed to do the spell fifteen minutes ago.

"I'm gonna go check on them." feeling guilty, I walk back into the apartment, heading towards the kitchen before I go back into the bedroom.

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Buffy…

When I finally open my eyes again the only person in the room is my mom. I look around for a moment, taking in the scenery around me for the first time since I got back. It hasn't changed except for the extra few books scattered about.

Willow leans her head around the door slowly. I look at her and she holds up a glass of water, silently offering it to me. I nod once and push my hair behind my ears, glancing at the floor as the redhead hesitantly walks towards me.

She sits down nearby and hands me the glass. I take a large mouthful, swallowing most of it in one go. The liquid's soothing as it runs down my dry throat. My mom takes the glass out of my hands and passes it back to Willow.

"That was some outburst you had back there. Are you ready to talk yet?"

Will's voice sounds strange to me after such a long time. I've missed her.

I shake my head and stretch my legs out, reaching up to grab a pillow of the bed. I hug it to me tightly. It smells of Angel.

"Why couldn't you just leave me alone?" I speak quietly, the tears threatening to return.

"We didn't know where you were. We wanted to make sure you were ok."

Willow keeps her eyes focused on me as I stare at her.

"I was fine until about twenty minutes ago. Now send me back."

"I'm sorry. We can't. We don't know how." Ibegin to tremble and I feel an ache form in the pit of my stomach.

"Find out how." I demand softly.

"Honey, why do you want to go back?"

My mom speaks for the first time, her voice sounding strained. Her eyes have faded since the last time I saw her. She looks much older than she should be. That's probably my fault.

"I have a life there. A life that I love." All of a sudden I'm taken over by the random memory of the time Angel and Maddy fell asleep on the porch swing. I have to fight back the urge to cry.

"With Angel?" She glances up coldly at the lifeless figure on the bed and I feel myself getting angry again. I stand up and walk to the other side of the room, taking a moment to calm down. I can't deal with this again. I can't deal with them looking down on him after everything he's done for me. He's my little girls' daddy. I'm nothing but proud of being with him and its time they finally got that.

"Yes, I've been with Angel. Have you got a problem with that?" I turn round to face them, standing as tall as my short frame will let me.

My mom must see the pain in my eyes because she looks away, trying to think of something tactful to say.

"I don't. I told them to leave you alone." Willow mutters under her breathe but I hear her.

"Then why didn't they!" I can feel the frustration boiling inside me, and I clench my fists, trying to regain control of my overflowing emotions.

She shrugs at me, looking at her shoes.

My mom pushes herself up from the floor and takes a few steps towards me. "Sweetie, we didn't know if you were ok. The spell you did was very dangerous and we couldn't take the risk. I'm sorry." She tries to sound understanding but I know she doesn't mean it. She hates him. My mother hates my husband.

"Buffy, it's fine. We can do the spell on Angel. We can bring him back out too." Willow stands up eagerly, already reaching for a piece of paper laying on the nightstand.

"No!" I grab the spell from her hand, holding it out of her reach. "He has to stay where he is! He has to stay with her!" Willow freezes for a moment, unsure of what I mean.

"He has to stay with who?" She looks at me questioningly and I sigh in defeat. I didn't want to tell them. Lowering myself onto the chair, I take

a moment before I answer.

"Maddy." I stare at them both, waiting for one of them to ask the inevitable question.

"Who's Maddy?" My mom enquires as they both stare at me. Here goes.

"My daughter."

The silence in the room is deafening.

Finally my mom talks. "Honey, as crazy as it sounds, you've been asleep for four and a half years. You don't have a daughter." She walks over to me, her hand reaching up to touch my face.

"Yes I do." I step away from her, my eyes resting on Willow.

She's smiling, but her eyes are calm. I know that look.

She already knew.

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Angel…

"Daddy, where did mommy go?"

I kneel down beside my beautiful daughter, taking the scrunchie out of her hand. She turns round and I tie up her long golden hair into ponytail.

"She's probably getting changed. Why don't you go tell her breakfast is ready and I'll see if I can find you some juice?" I smile fondly at her as she pecks me on the cheek, running in the direction of the stairs.

A couple of minute later she comes bounding back in the door. "Daddy, I can't find her anywhere. Is she hiding?" I get up off my stool and pick my Maddy up, carrying her with me through to the sitting room we all spent the night in.

Her wedding ring is lying on the floor.

"Buffy?"

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A/N: There we go peeps. Chapter 14. Review and Chapter 15 will magically appear (in a few days)…!

P.S. deadbeatsoul - I'm from rainy Scotland, not America. We have some strange names but they still don't confuse me as much as the Irish girls names! It's the spelling!

Thanks for reading! X