Title: Only When You Dream
Author: Xanderschick AKA Sarah
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Joss owns the park; I'm just playing in the sandpit til my hands get dirty.
Rating: M rated action. Children avert your eyes!
Spoilers: BtVS seasons 1-3
Distribution: Take it; just make sure you let me know when you review (hint, hint!).
Plot: After Graduation Angel didn't leave. He's been visiting Buffy every night since then because he can't bear to be away from her. But now she's moved to college and his nightly visits aren't an option anymore, so after a visit to a local demon/warlock he's found a spell that allows him to enter and manipulate his girls dream to his every will. If only I could do that to David Boreanaz. All I can say is: WOW! Anyways, they've been dream 'getting it on' and after a snap decision to get married Angel finally let Buffy in to the little secret that he's still in SunnyD. He proposes that they give up on their miserable lives and dream forever. She agrees and they do the spell. The Scooby gang find out but they can't get her back and Buffy and Angel are left alone in their new world.
A/N: Yes, I got the whole dream walking idea from AtS S2 but I thought to myself, "Self, wouldn't this be much more fun if it was Buffy instead of the ex-vamp ho?" Answer: "Yup!" After borrowing the fab DVD's off my sister (AKA Xanderschicklet), I've just realised that they have kinda the same thing going on with Isabel in "Roswell" but I didn't know that when I started this.
A/N 2: This chapter is a Buffy/Angel POV.
A/N 3: This story is 100 Blondie Bear free so don't even ask. Ever. I mean it.
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Chapter Sixteen - FadingBuffy…
It's been over a week and yet I still can't bring myself to look at any of them. I blame them all and there's nothing they can do to change that.
I'm in mourning.
I'm in mourning for the nursery rhymes sounding from the bottom of the garden. I'm in mourning for the green crayon on the bathroom wall. I'm in mourning for the juice spilt all over the cream carpet. I'm in mourning for those sweet innocent eyes that finally promised us the life that we'd always dreamed about.
Our daughter is gone.
I don't think I'm gonna survive without her.
They dragged him out of our home too. Drugged me until the got him back. I would have killed them all when I woke but he pulled me away. Held me in his arms as I broke down again.
He's so cold. His heart's stopped beating. He's not my husband, my Angel, anymore. He's one of them again. I've lost him to the darkness. He can't even comfort me in the way that I need him to. I just need him to smile at me and tell me that everything's going to be okay. But he can't. He won't. He's going to leave again. I can feel it. Losing Maddy is more than we can cope with.
My family has died. I should have died with them.
This world, this life, is meaningless without them. All the colours have faded to grey. The voices, the noises, in the background have become an incoherent din. All I can do is sit and stare at these damp soaked walls, praying for the day that I can sleep again. Praying for the day that I never have to return to this spiteful world.
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Angel…"Daddy, when's mommy coming back?" Her little voice sounds out around the barely lit room. I look down at her and notice that her eyes keep fluttering. She's exhausted.
"Soon baby. Real soon"
I tuck the warm white blanket around her small fragile body and I lie with her, softly stroking her golden hair until she nods off into a sweet slumber.
We spent the whole day looking for Buffy but we couldn't find her anywhere. There's something seriously wrong going on. One of the benefits of our world was that we always knew where the other one was at all times. We never lost each other.
But I can't sense her anywhere.
I've tried not to panic for my daughters' sake but she's a bright girl and she knows something's not right. I don't know what to say to her if she wakes up in the morning and her mother isn't home yet. For now she's settled on "mommy's hiding".
God I hope that's the truth.
She always said she was gonna take off for a day. "If I ever disappear don't worry. I'll be back soon…" She wanted to paint the waterfall up on the summit of the nearby hills. She could be up there. She could be on her way home now. I don't know why I didn't think of this earlier.
I march outside into the garden, Pedro trotting alongside me. He stops at the gate to raise his nose in the air enquiringly.
"Don't worry big guy, we'll find her. She'll be home soon." That statement was more for me than the dog.
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Angel…Nothing. She was nowhere to be seen. The waterfall was the only place left that I could think of to look.
I think she's gone.
As I walk out of the trees at the side of our meadow I hear a sharp howl coming from the house before me.
I panic for a moment and rush forwards, my daughter on my mind. As I near the house I see Pedro racing in my direction. His eyes flash a deep gold hue as he leaps towards me. The sheer surprise of his weight against me knocks me to the ground. He starts to growl ferociously, his paws pinned to my chest.
"Pedro! What the hell is wrong with you!" I grab him by the scruff of the neck and throw him off me. Leaping to my feet, I glare at him. He takes a few steps towards the house before turning back round to face me. His snarls turn into an incessant whine, his eyes glancing at me sadly for a moment. He lies down on the dirt path and begins to scratch the ground in front of him, his claws breaking up the earth.
I watch him intently pounding at the ground. As he speeds up his movements his black paws begin to dissolve, vanishing before my eyes. His legs go next and his actions cease. His whole body begins to glow intensely with a strange red luminescence and he gazes up at me as the rest of him gradually disappears. The last thing I see of him are his golden eyes reverting back to their original blue as he fades away into nothingness.
"What the hell?"
My head suddenly begins to throb but I ignore it, sprinting in the direction of the house. As I enter the garden I close my eyes tightly for a second to try and force the escalating pain out of me. I keep running blind but I open my eyes before I reach the door.
There's nothing there.
I'm startled by the empty space where my home once stood. I spin around, looking frantically in every direction but there's nothing there. Nothing but the grass and the flowers. The moonlight shines down through the trees casting an eerie blue glow on the land.
"Maddy?" I call out for her at the top of my voice but there's no response.
"Madeline!" My throat burns as I force out the ear-piercing scream.
"Daddy?" I see a small shadowed figure lying on the grass, the blanket still wrapped around her snugly.
I hurry over to her, bending down to pick her up.
"Baby, are you ok?" I feel the tension in my head grow as she stares into my eyes.
"Daddy, I can't feel my hands." Her voice is barely recognisable to me. I walk further into the clearing until I reach an area where we're completely exposed to direct moonlight. I gently lift the cover from around her and I almost faint at what I see.
She can't feel her hands because they're not there. Her arms are fading too.
"Daddy, I'm cold." Her petite body shivers in my arms.
I gaze down at her, hoping that the warm tear gliding down my face is hidden by the shadows.
"Sorry Princess. I just wanted to check you were okay." I speak as calmly as I can, trying to steady my trembling body as I drape the cover back over her.
She openly yawns, closing her eyes for a minute before fixing them back on me. The moonlight makes her look like a ghost.
"Am I okay?"
"You're beautiful. I love you." I mean it.
"Love you too, Daddy." She yawns again, her eyes drooping shut.
I sink to my knees, holding her tightly. As I gently rock back and forward as she drifts away into an easy sleep. I feel her body wane beneath the blanket and I grasp her closer to me. The nearer I pull her to me the less of her there is to hold. It's like she's just evaporating. I close my eyes tightly.
I can't watch this.
A bright red light filters through my eyelids. I hold still for a moment, praying that it was just my imagination. A fathers panic for his little girl. I open my eyes and stare down at the bundle in front of me.
The hot wet tears slowly begin to fall down my cheeks and I pull the blanket away. It drifts to the ground, caught in an invisible breeze that carries it out of my reach. My arms feel so empty without her.
I bury my head in my hands as the pain becomes overwhelming. I feel my body shake with misery, my heart heavy with sorrow. The wind picks up around me and I grow cold but I block out all of my senses, trying to ignore the world. I fall back, lying on the grass as the ache in my head becomes too much to take.
Am I dying? I hope so.
After a moment the pain subsides and I feel like I'm floating. Like I'm not quite corporeal anymore. But...
I know that smell.
Blood.
I sit up and open my eyes. I'm stunned by what I see.
Willow stands a few feet away from the bed I'm sitting on. The thick crimson liquid trails down from a large gash on her forehead. She stares at me for a second before her eyes roll around in their sockets and she falls unconscious to the ground.
I lean forward slightly and catch sight of a dazed Xander propped up against the opposite wall. Like Willow, he's bleeding extensively. Even so, the obvious stab wound in his shoulder doesn't make him let go of the object he's gripping.
A gun.
He aims it at me and pulls the trigger. I feel a sharp pain in my chest and I try to get up. That's when I see her.
Lying face down at the foot of the bed, she has a tranquilliser dart in her right shoulder.
Buffy.
I feel a rush of anger as I stand up but I quickly fall to the floor, my mind drifting away into a forced sleep…
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A/N: Hey guys! This chapter's one of the shortest ones I've done coz I had about another thousand words for it but I decided to turn that into the next chapter. This chapter may change as well. I'm not sure if I like it. I think it needs a little bit of…something. I'm just not sure what yet.
deadbeatsoul, I'm kinda worried about you…poor baby! At least I have the satisfaction of knowing that my parents haven't…did stuff…in, like, 19 years. Divorce rocks! And blue 'candy'? Noted!
Thanks to all the amazing peeps who reviewed the last chapter! I was stunned! I've been really ill for the past few days and they totally cheered me up to know that people are reading and liking my fic. Whoopee! I guess it really does help to ask for reviews! So here it comes again…
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review this chapter! There are only two chapters left after this so I wanna get as many reviews as possible for this fic before it finishes!
Thanks for reading! X