Title: Only When You Dream
Author: Xanderschick AKA Sarah
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Joss owns the park; I'm just playing in the sandpit til my hands get dirty.
Rating: M rated action. Children avert your eyes!
Spoilers: BtVS seasons 1-3
Distribution: Take it; just make sure you let me know when you review (hint, hint!).
Plot: After Graduation Angel didn't leave. He's been visiting Buffy every night since then because he can't bear to be away from her. But now she's moved to college and his nightly visits aren't an option anymore, so after a visit to a local demon/warlock he's found a spell that allows him to enter and manipulate his girls dream to his every will. If only I could do that to David Boreanaz. All I can say is: WOW! Anyways, they've been dream 'getting it on' and after a snap decision to get married Angel finally let Buffy in to the little secret that he's still in SunnyD. He proposes that they give up on their miserable lives and dream forever. She agrees and they do the spell. The Scooby gang find out but they can't get her back and Buffy and Angel are left alone in their new world.
A/N: Yes, I got the whole dream walking idea from AtS S2 but I thought to myself, "Self, wouldn't this be much more fun if it was Buffy instead of the ex-vamp ho?" Answer: "Yup!" After borrowing the fab DVD's off my sister (AKA Xanderschicklet), I've just realised that they have kinda the same thing going on with Isabel in "Roswell" but I didn't know that when I started this.
A/N 2: This chapter is an Angel POV.
A/N 3: This story is 100 Blondie Bear free so don't even ask. Ever. I mean it.
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Chapter Eighteen – Take It Back"Why the hell should I trust you? You're not even human!" I march speedily along the stone corridor leading back to the sewer, my power somewhat revived by the activities of the last few minutes.
"As it happens I'm very much human!" Doyle gasps a little as he runs straight into a cobweb. When I turn to look at him his face is a strange shade of greenish brown and there are sharp blue thorns protruding from his skin.
I raise my eyebrows questioningly.
"On my mothers side."
I turn back around and almost run away from him.
"I don't know if I believe them."
"What's not to believe! They're the bloody Oracles! They're not called 'the knowing ones' for nothin' ya know!"
I keep walking, intent to stay away from him. If it's true…I don't know. I can't think about this right now.
"Come on, what'd they tell ya? Don't keep an idiot in suspense! It's cruel!" I still don't know who this guy is but I like him. I won't be telling him that though.
"How're we gonna stop this First thing? Come on! You gotta help me here! The world can't end! Think of the puppies, man! Would you really let that happen to the puppies!"
For the first time in three days I smile. This guy's right. He is an idiot.
"Please, man. What did they tell ya?"
Now he's just getting on my nerves.
I stop abruptly and this time he crashes into me, almost falling over again.
"Okay, for that I think you owe me an explanation. Let's start off with the basics. Was the female one a hottie? D'ya think she'd like a charming Irishman such as myself…"
This time I cut him off.
"They told me…" I stop for a moment, unsure of how to explain this. I scratch my head and sigh, trying to think.
"What! I didn't bring ya all this way to find out nothing!" He's practically bursting and I wonder why he's so frantic to know what went on in there.
"I just don't wanna die." He must catch my suspicious stare, as he's quick to explain his curiosity. I sigh again, leaning against the nearby wall.
"They told me…they told me that it's all on me. I'm the only one who can stop it."
He blinks at me, shaking his head.
"No. I know this. This one's about the slayer. Sorry pal, but the First doesn't care about you. It wants her."
"Exactly. And I'm the only one who can save her."
He takes a step closer to me, eager to here the resolution to all his fears.
"How?"
"Three little words." I state simply.
He grins happily, his face lighting up. The smile quickly falls and he starts to shake his head.
"Huh?"
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A few minutes earlier…"What have you brought for us?"
A gift? He never mentioned anything about a gift!
"I, uh…I brought you this." I reach into my pocket and pull out the only thing I have. A folded picture of Buffy.
The female reaches out her hand and the photo flies towards her, landing gracefully in her palm.
"An effigy of the one you love. How…romantic." She smiles affectionately at her brother for a moment and he returns the gesture.
"What matter have you come to discuss with us?" The male Oracle starts to pace across the raised floor before me.
"I…I lost my daughter. She's in another dimension. I want to know how to bring her here." I meet the gaze of the female but her eyes are now void of any emotion.
"Why don't you go to her?" The male stops suddenly, his hands clasped in front of him as he awaits my response.
"Brother, that would be foolish. He is aware that he is needed here. Until his work is done all means of leaving this world are closed to him." The female snaps at him and I'm troubled by her rapid change in demeanour.
"I…I know. That's why I need to bring her here. Please help me." I'm pleading with them now, desperate for a solution.
"There is no way to bring her here. She's not flesh, she never was. She was not life, and it's not our place to grant life." The male speaks again, his voice firm yet emotionless.
"What! Please! There has to be some way!"
I can feel a lump form in the back of my throat. I would never admit it but I had already given up hope of getting my daughter back. Feeling her fade in my arms had made it seem so…final. She was gone. Then that guy showed up in the park and I saw a chance. It's the only reason I followed him here. I just…believed him.
"At this time there is no way." He addresses me slowly and I catch the slight hint in his voice. At this time…
"What do you mean 'at this time'? If not now…when? What way?" I feel a slight spark of hope ignite in the depths of my cold chest.
"All it takes is three little words and the time will be right."
What the hell is that supposed to mean! Are people going out of their way to confuse me today?
"I don't understand. Three words? What words?"
The male turns to his sister, nodding his head slightly. She looks down at me, meeting my stare.
"A warrior knows that the battle he fights will never be won. But in the midst of all the heartbreak, the panic, the death…there is always a way."
She steps down from her platform, moving towards me. I think she's floating.
"His heart needs a reason to carry on. All he desires is the knowledge that one day…"
She places her hands on either side of my head and closes her eyes. Her fingers shoot bolts of pure electricity through me and I drop to my knees, unable to compose myself.
Oh, god. What is this?
Images flash before me. Demons, goddesses, heroes and saviours. My future explodes before my eyes. All the misery, the suffering, channels into me and for the second time tonight I feel like my unlife is about to end. I let out a piercing scream as the agony becomes more intense than I've ever experienced.
A dragon flies at me, his wings spread wide and his teeth bared. Fire shoots towards me, taking over everything around me. Completely consuming me. But somehow I don't burn. Somehow the pain stops.
I sense her drop down to my level but I can't bear to open my eyes. I feel a soothing warmth emanate from her fingers, sinking deep into my mind. I can't help but smile at the revelation before me, feeling a peace that I've only known once before.
This is perfect happiness.
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I walk unhurriedly down the alley next to my building. The scythe I'm clutching is burning my skin like acid but I don't want to let it go. I have to talk to Buffy about this. About everything.
The Oracles showed me the way to our daughter. I want it so badly but it isn't fair on Buffy if I take it without asking her first. This is her choice too.
As I tug open the steel door to get to my apartment, the overwhelming stench of blood almost knocks me out.
"Willow?"
She's lying motionless at the foot of the stairs. I quickly drop the scythe and leap down to her, grabbing her and shaking her furiously.
"Willow!" Her eyes fall open but her gaze stares right through me.
No pulse.
Her neck's broken.
She's dead.
"Oh God!" I take an unnecessary breath as I let her go. She makes a small thump as she lands back on the ground.
She's not bleeding. That smell…
I look over to the apartment, just noticing that the door is off its hinges.
As I race in I trip over something.
Giles.
His glasses lie on the floor beside him, a single lens smashed. A small trail of blood has dried on the corner of his mouth.
The marks on his neck.
I reach up to rub my own neck, flinching as my ring catches on the torn skin.
Turok-han.
Buffy.
I push myself up off the floor and into the small bedroom.
She's sitting in the same place as I left her.
"Buffy! What happened!"
"I…I…I dunno. There was this…this thing" She's shaking like crazy, her arms wrapped tight around herself.
"A vampire? Are you hurt!" I quickly drop down on the floor beside her, reaching out to touch her shoulder.
"I…I think it bit me. I don't know. I passed out."
"Let me see." I gently turn her head to the side. There are two deep puncture wounds embedded into her neck. Just above the scar that I gave her.
Suddenly it dawns on me…
"Angel, I'm cold. Why am I so cold?" A single tear runs down her cheek as she begins to rock backwards and forwards.
Oh no. Not her. Anyone but her.
"You…you're fine. Come here."
She leans over into my embrace and I hold her tightly, searching for a heartbeat that I know isn't there.
"Oh god, Angel! Why do I feel like this? I can't feel like this! This can't be happening to me! Not now! She sobs hysterically in my arms, her icy tears soaking through my thin black shirt.
I catch a movement at the corner of my eye.
Doyle.
He nods at me once, his face solemn, before walking back out of the apartment.
I grasp her as tight as close as my arms will let me before lightly pushing her away.
"Don't worry. I can fix this."
Blinking back the tears, she wipes her damp eyes with the back of her hands.
"I can fix this." I say it more firmly this time, trying to reassure her. Trying to comfort her.
She shakes her head, the tears beginning to fall again.
"I don't understand."
"Neither did I. Just…just remember that I love you. More than anything in this world. Promise me you'll remember."
"I'll remember."
"Promise?"
She lifts her right hand, her cool skin gently stroking my cheek.
"I promise."
We take a moment in silence, the tension building between us.
"Angel, what are you going to do? I don't understand!"
"Three little words they said. All it takes is three little words."
"What words?" She takes my hands, holding them gently.
I lean over to her and place a soft kiss on her lips.
"Take it back."
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She stands facing me. We're about 50ft apart but I can feel the distance growing with every beat that her heart misses. The smoke threatens to cloud my vision and I feel the tears form in the back of my eyes. But I stay brave. I owe her that. Her face hides a great sadness and I can hear her wordlessly begging me to bridge the gap between us. I can't.
I wonder if she knows? Can she sense that we've been here before?
The flames erupting from the charred ruins of Sunnydale High make me feel like I'm standing in the sun again.
It's been so long.
I turn slowly, trying to take in as much of her as I can. The second I can't see her anymore I walk.
I never turn back.
I'll keep moving this time until I'm too far away to hurt her again. Til I'm too far away to do any of the things I did to her.
Til I'm too far away for her to fall in love with me again.
Better to break her heart this way.
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I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard
But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Weep not for the memories
Sitting in the shadows at the edge of the sunlit LA park, I take in the sight of the little girl spinning round in circles. Her father, a few metres away, watches her with a huge smile. The love in his eyes is enough to make me think that this world has the potential to be an okay place.
I haul my eyes away from them, wanting to give them some privacy. Gazing down at the sketchbook in my hand I drag my pencil across the page, adding a little more definition to the face staring up at me.
My Maddy.
I could be hurt. I could be angry. I could be consumed by grief for the family I lost.
But then I remember.
I remember the way her eyes danced when we finished the sandcastle. The way she smiled when the dolphin leaped high out of the waves. The way she laughed when I carried her objecting mother into the cool ocean.
Her picture is almost as gorgeous as her. I just can't catch the stars in her eyes quite right. I'll have to wait til the next time I see her.
As I get up and close my book, I look over to the family playing in the park again. The mother has joined them now. She laughs uncontrollably as her little girl chases her daddy around the grass, brandishing a small yellow flower as her weapon. I chuckle a little, happy for them.
They remind me of us. The way we used to be. The way we will be again.
I was wary at first. But the Oracles don't lie.
The vision I had was beautiful. It was all I'd ever wanted.
My daughter, my wife and I playing in the sand. So simple and yet so effective. Enough to keep me fighting.
If we get through this, that's my reward. I just have to keep on wishing til my time has come.
You see, with Buffy and me it's never over. That's what the Oracles showed me that night. I get what I want if I'm patient enough to wait for it. All I have to do is kill time until she finds her way back to me. It won't be tomorrow and it won't be next year but it'll happen.
I'll have my wife and my daughter back. This time it'll be for real.
But for now though, I'll just have to settle for living with them only when I dream.
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A/N: That's it!
Hope you guys liked it! What did you guys think of the ending? I know it was kind of sad but I decided to stay away from that whole 'Angel becomes permanently human/soul binding' stuff. I love it but it's been done loads. The song's "I Will Remember You" from Sarah McLachlans Mirrorball album.
Thanks to all the peeps who reviewed any of the chapters in the fic – you guys were the ones that kept me going!
There's sequel potential for this story but only if I get enough reviews for this last chapter. Let me know you liked it (if you did)!
Big bites and snuggles til next time!
Xanderschick XXX